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Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
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Coffee Offline
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Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
So recently I decided to try out different dating apps again. Okcupid seems to be working the best when it comes to getting girls numbers atm.

One thing that bothers me about a lot of girls on these apps though is the fact that they're flaky as hell. For example, if you set up a date later in the week, chances are she's going to cancel. However, if you set up a date for two days down the line, the girl probably won't.

Another thing that bothers me is, compared to talking to girls in real life, a lot of the girls on these apps make talking feel more like an interview. They can't keep a conversation flowing over text. After a couple of jokes, it turns into one question after another with them just talking about themselves. Maybe my texting game just sucks, but are there any effective strategies to hook a girl over app/text?
10-30-2018 10:12 AM
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
Having a 5-10 minute verbal phone conversation can help alleviate the flake factor. As it stands currently, you're nothing but a few pixels on her phone screen. Get these women on the phone and have a real convo.

Good luck...
10-30-2018 10:56 AM
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
Don't text too much and try to get their number as fast as possible. Once they send you their number, don't open the message (many pages have an overview function), especially so during an 'interesting' conversation go on radio silence for a few days. Add her later and just don't comment on why you were not answering and immediately set up a date, by using voice message.

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10-30-2018 11:23 AM
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
Personally I'd say OKC Cupid is a dumpster fire, have you checked out Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, or Coffee Meets Bagel ?

How's your bio? How are your pictures? How are you opening these girls?

Girls being flakey are, well just girls being girls. However, it also depends on your text game.

It sounds like you aren't building up enough interest and comfort to rope these girls into meeting up with you.


Anytime a girls starts standard questions asking I'll always say, "let's not play 21 questions haha, we should definitely meet up in person and talk over a drink you in?"

It definitely sounds like your text game/frame needs work.


What you should be doing is keep things light and funny via text, Majestq is right, get that bitch on the phone, get to know her a bit, even before you call, have her send you a selfie to make sure she isn't a catfish (You know she isn't but it's a good way to interact)

Once that happens, keep the texting to purely logistics and get the meet up asap, striking while the iron is hot is important.

Always double books girls because of the flake factor.


Ive dialed my game in so tight that I rarely get flaked on and the girls are excited in meeting me.

Have them invest in you, you're the prize, you're fun, you're cool, you're hot, you're wanted.


Last week I had a girl drive 30 minutes to meet for a date, then she drove an hour to my house last night for a date at a local bar.

She even paid for the last round of drinks and after some LMR I ended up fucking her.

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(This post was last modified: 10-30-2018 12:14 PM by kaotic.)
10-30-2018 11:47 AM
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
They are always looking for the best deal to come along just like you are and are managing their leads. However, they have infinitely more potential suitors on the apps competing for their attention than we do as men - so you need to be tough to maintain your own dignity. On the apps, I go back and forth a few times asking general questions about life, always responding to a text with a question. If I feel like there is a lack of interest after a couple days of two (max) unanswered texts, I block/remove/delete their profile and move on. If they are still responding, they are still interested --- ask her if she wants to meet somewhere for a drink ---- if she says yes, this is when I give my number "if she feels like texting" to set up the time and place. Sometimes they will respond immediately with their number in order to get you to text them. While not a deal breaker, this is a huge red flag that you are being manipulated and p-whipped even before meeting in person. I will eventually text but not immediately - always maintain your frame. I like the idea of one (1) SHORT phone conversation before meeting in person. Do not overinvest yourself before meeting - you may wind up meeting someone who looks radically different than their profile pictures who is trying to catfish you --- they are hoping your sex drive will still take over even though you have basically been completely lied to. If being catfished bothers you, don't even play nice and walk in upon meeting them --- say "sorry I got to go" and leave quickly...spend as little time and $ on them as possible....block/remove/delete their profile from the app and number from your phone and move on to the next one. Go into each new opportunity with a clean slate, don't allow yourself to become bummed out for too long on the dates that go bad.
(This post was last modified: 10-30-2018 12:10 PM by TexMexBBQ.)
10-30-2018 12:04 PM
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Tiger Man Offline
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
A lot of good advice so far on the thread.

I've spent tons of time on OKC over the past year. There is something I picked up on fairly quickly. As you have noticed, a lot of girls want to talk... a lot. I've come to the conclusion that there is a decent number of girls on the platform who never meet up or want to meet up with the guys they match with.

Sure, if Henry Cavill messages them, they'd be out the door in two seconds. But, outside of their wildly inflated ideas of the "type of guys they deserve", they do not actually meet guys off of OKC. It is an ego affirmation and a way to stave off boredom.

If you have gone back and forth with these page-long interview sessions, I tend to think she isn't actually getting more invested. She is just wasting your time.

You have to dial your OKC operation in tight. I set it up on an almost Pomodoro technique system. Give yourself two minutes to respond per girl and something like 6 or 10 or 12 messages back and forth. If you haven't set up a meeting by then, eject. I will also second the idea of getting her talking on the phone. I have found VOIP (Skype) works even better. If your game is pretty good, you can charm them over Skype/phone in a way that you can't via text. It makes them far less flaky when you do meet.

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10-30-2018 02:25 PM
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Post: #7
RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
Once you get the number, get them talking on the phone asap.
For whatever reason i have a lower flake rate with a girl once i have a phone conversation with her.

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10-30-2018 05:12 PM
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
(10-30-2018 10:56 AM)majestq Wrote:  Having a 5-10 minute verbal phone conversation can help alleviate the flake factor. As it stands currently, you're nothing but a few pixels on her phone screen. Get these women on the phone and have a real convo.

I wish that were true. I've had real convos with girls in a bar for several hours. And they still flake. Only this weekend again, a no show. Claimed she couldn't make it and of course didn't bother to let me know anything beforehand.
10-30-2018 05:19 PM
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
Dating apps and sites are for suckers.

Go approach in real life.

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10-31-2018 04:25 AM
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
(10-31-2018 04:25 AM)BadBoyGamer Wrote:  Dating apps and sites are for suckers.

Go approach in real life.

Dating apps are good, if used correctly -> passively. Let's say you have to wait for a bus and have nothing else to do, there are zero people around you, a dating app doesn't hurt, nor does it take precious time away.
10-31-2018 05:24 AM
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
(10-30-2018 02:25 PM)Tiger Man Wrote:  A lot of good advice so far on the thread.

I've spent tons of time on OKC over the past year. There is something I picked up on fairly quickly. As you have noticed, a lot of girls want to talk... a lot.

This an excellent observation. There's actually lots of empirical data corroborating this fact - women enjoy talking for the sake of it. It's just pure pleasure to them. It's like men watching football.

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(This post was last modified: 10-31-2018 06:52 AM by ksbms.)
10-31-2018 06:52 AM
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
(10-31-2018 05:24 AM)Obermarschall Wrote:  
(10-31-2018 04:25 AM)BadBoyGamer Wrote:  Dating apps and sites are for suckers.

Go approach in real life.

Dating apps are good, if used correctly -> passively. Let's say you have to wait for a bus and have nothing else to do, there are zero people around you, a dating app doesn't hurt, nor does it take precious time away.

Looking at the amount of topics guys write about dating apps. The complains, the difficulties, the flaking, the trouble keeping a conversation going, etc. It shows to not be just "passively" use of dating apps when waiting for a bus or something. Obviously guys spend way too much time on these apps.

Girls get lots of attention on these dating apps. Always a large supply of willing suckers to validate her, give her attention and listen to her bullshit. No need for her to even be somewhat polite, social or even show some basic decency.

Most of these girls have no intention of even meeting up in real life. Just another social media platform to get +1 likes or +1 heart or whatever.

Only three ways to do something: "The right way. The wrong way. Or my way. Obviously my way is best."
10-31-2018 07:09 AM
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The Golden God Offline
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
Don't answer a bunch of questions from her.

Girls that frequent dating sites have short attention spans and they're talking to at least 5 or more guys on there at the time of your conversation, probably asking the same exact questions and making the guys do the work for her.

You're going to have to get her to invest more than she regularly does for her to become interested in you, otherwise she's gonna move on to the next one.

Think in this frame the whole time:

"This is just some girl that I met online. She talks to hundreds of other guys on these sites and I'm not going to go through the vetting process she uses for new dick on here. Either she is interested in meeting up, or I can spend my time talking to another girl who isn't a pain in the ass."

Don't set dates more than 2-3 days away. For making Friday plans I'll send a text Wednesday night after I get out the gym after work.

Don't try too hard. Girls love talking about themselves, let her talk but you are the one who is going to direct the conversation; and you're going to make sure things stay interesting while preventing it from turning into an interview.
10-31-2018 09:20 AM
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
(10-31-2018 09:20 AM)The Golden God Wrote:  Don't set dates more than 2-3 days away.

The challenge is that women are active Sundays and Mondays. This is usually after she either didn't have a date or (more likely) the guy wasn't worth a second helping so they are busy trying to build fresh leads.

There is a natural build-up process in the course of the texting. Go over a certain threshold with the information exchange and flirtation and it should naturally lead to the guy asking to meet. If you reach that point too early in the week and set plans for Friday or Saturday she'll likely flake. If you reach that point and then artificially hold back then her engagement will fade. So you need to sort of pace those matches carefully.

The other phenomenon related to the above is that a lot of women approach dating as a mandatory weekly stress-relief ritual. The activity is what's important, not the "romance". That means when the weekend rolls around they will be willing to lower their standards if for some reason they don't have good prospects lined up. So that's why timing close to the weekend is better odds. Early in the week they are gathering leads. Later in the week they stop gathering leads and make an assessment.
10-31-2018 09:37 AM
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
Most girls appear to use dating sites and apps to get attention. This is understandable considering that these apps and sites are basically readily available, legal, and entirely socially acceptable psychological drug dispensers that they can use at any time to get that attention high whenever they feel a little down on life and need a quick pick me up. Why would many women not use them this way?

Though I've had success with getting girls from apps and sites, I have found that it is generally better to meet them in real life. The amount of time and effort I spend scouring through the app/site, managing chats with 20 women at a time because I know that 50-80% of them will probably flake and/or stop responding as they are only wanting attention but never had any intention to meet in person, etc. is equal to or greater than the amount of time and effort I put into daygame but daygame improves my confidence and social skills whereas online game generally will not. Daygame is also not a handheld distraction machine that I keep in my pocket so that I can never truly focus or be in the moment at any point throughout the day nor is it a notification tab or email notification on my computer ensuring that I can never truly focus on my work because I am being constantly distracted and it takes 20-30 minutes to re-focus every time I get distracted but I get distracted again before that 20-30 minutes even has a chance to pass. Daygame does not generally put you in a state of permanent never-ending distraction and zombie-like non-focus.

Additionally, it has been my experience that almost nobody looks exactly in real life as they do in their carefully selected and possibly edited photos. It can be a little annoying to meet a girl who looked like an 8 in her photos only to discover that she is a 5 or a 6 in person because she took the photos at a certain angle, used subtle makeup tricks to hide various things, etc. A girl you met first in person is a girl you already know the true appearance of.

All that said, a girls subjecting you to a barrage of questions interview-style is, in my experience, usually a test that should be responded to by answering very ambiguously and by lightly pointing out that it feels like you are being interviewed and that is weird. A girl will generally respond well to discovering that you are not some timid pushover that will capitulate to her every question and command.
(This post was last modified: 11-01-2018 08:46 AM by Waqqle.)
11-01-2018 08:37 AM
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
^This, especially the part about permanent distraction and zombie-like non-focus. The addictive behavior these things sparked in me as the platforms became less and less rewarding is totally toxic. Occasionally I fall off the wagon still, but not to the extent I once did. It's still tempting, especially since I have buddies who have seemingly had more success- who try and encourage me to use these things.

One comes from a wealthy family and lives in huge loft downtown, has a semblance of an entertainment industry career, and uses money to leverage his position with women. He does decently due to confidence, but I've realized his game is quite poor.
Another met his chick, 12 years younger, over five years ago when tinder was still in its golden era. I was still married then.

Neither of these guys have ever approached, aside from maybe some nightgame way back when. The girl I'm visiting with now in a different city I met on the street near my house. On a day where I didn't even have my phone with me. Another girl I started up with a couple weeks ago back home I met at the fruit store while on the way to meet friends. Her body turned out to be spectacular better than I initially surmised.
I look back on my results from online dating over the last few years and it's either ONS or toxic women. Wasted time, flakes, ghosting after a date, shitty behavior. The meager results fuel more addictive behavior.

More and more women I meet through daygame act this way now too, but there are still a few decent ones to hang with. Tough to find, but not non-existant.
11-01-2018 09:36 AM
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
I thought I would update this thread with a bit of my experiences with the apps. Would have posted back in December or so, but I ended up getting caught up in some personal things.

So, here is the summary. You guys were spot on with the "girls on these apps only want attention".
I got a lot of matches, more than a few of the times the girl even messaged me first. So I know my profile was at least half decent.
My game is a bit sub-par though, so consider that when reading this.


First we'll talk about Tinder:

Two girls ghosted me. Majority of the girls on the app just talked a bit but then seemed to lose interest.
Met up and had a date with a solid 9/10 Colombian chick, but she seemed to have lost interest after the date. She was all over me when texting and during the date though, so I'm assuming I fucked up with that one. She had even snapchatted me a video of her "working out" at the gym, to show off her ass obviously.

Now Bumble:

Literally nothing. None of the girls talked to me on it.

POF:
Talked to a few a bit, the girls didn't seem to want to meet up though.

Now Okcupid:

This one probably had the worst girls, all things considered. The girls would flake out, then try to set up an alternative day for a new date, then flake out on those.



I think it's better to just stick to IRL game without a doubt. These apps have no consistency in the way these women behave.
On that note, I wish I had someone to hang out with when it came to talking to and/or picking up women. Some of my own fuck ups aren't as obvious to me when I'm trying to address them to myself or asking about it online. Hard to improve without proper criticism is what I mean.
02-10-2019 06:49 PM
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
(10-30-2018 10:12 AM)Coffee Wrote:  For example, if you set up a date later in the week, chances are she's going to cancel. However, if you set up a date for two days down the line, the girl probably won't.

Simple, every unmarked encounter means she's going to meet guys more useful than you!
02-10-2019 07:16 PM
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RE: Girls on Dating Apps Talking about themselves a lot
Women are self-absorbed by nature, what do you expect?
02-11-2019 12:45 AM
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