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Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
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the-dream Offline
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Lightbulb Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
It is unquestionable that social media is very damaging to a young, impressionable child's brain with very little upside. Plus the fact that it is so addictive means that children (and adults) using it are less likely to have interest in other more productive, creative endeavors as they'd rather just scroll through Facebook.

How do you plan on not letting your child fall for this trap, whilst not being a social outcast?

The most simple solution is to not let them have a phone, but then when all their peers have one and they don't then they will be seen as a loser which is just as damaging.

The common consensus on here seems to be to home school your children but I disagree with that because for me, school is just as much about learning how to deal with different types of people (friends, bullies, girls, authoritative figures, intellectual people, sporty people, upper class people, lower class people etc etc) as it is learning about Maths and English and it's impossible to replicate that in a home school setting.

The only solution I can think of is to send them to a school that bans phones but I'm not sure that they even exist. Parents are just as bad as the children with their "But what if there's an emergency?" talk. But that coupled with during holidays, sending them on sports camps or taking them away on trips somewhere active and interesting where they can explore and open their mind is the best I can think of for now.

If a child is already watching YouTube videos and browsing the internet as I see so many small children doing now, I imagine it is basically impossible to get them to even enjoy reading a book.

How are you guys with children handling this and how do you guys without children plan on handling this when the time comes?
(This post was last modified: 11-03-2018 01:26 AM by the-dream.)
11-03-2018 01:22 AM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
This is a real issue. In an ideal world they would have no phone, no TV (TV has been shown to be extremely detrimental to child development) and no video games (I have mostly sons, and boys play a lot of video games). I have to constantly fight to reduce their screen time. I also have to fight my wife, who wants a TV and decided that my kids should have smart phones at age 10.

I wouldn’t be too worried about books. I grew up without a TV before the internet and read many many books. But with the internet, a book may no longer be the most efficient way to acquire knowledge. Wikipedia is the best. Kids learn a lot from the web and they don’t really need to read books (the only case where a book is a good format is literature, but who reads Anna Karenina nowadays?)

So what can you do? Ideally, no TV set, no phones, no video games. It will give them the fortitude to grow up different (like I grew up different because we didn’t own a TV set). My kids have a TV, they play video games, and they get a phone at age 10. Which means that I have to control how long they spend looking at electronic screens. Some parents require their kids to leave their phone on the piano when they get home, but I have not been able to implement this. As long as they do their homework, go out with their friends and have a hobby like basketball or soccer, I think that they can spend a few hours on their phone. It’s a question of balance. Actually, my teenage son is probably wasting more time with girls (girls he doesn’t even fuck, AFAIK) than on his phone.

There are some benefits though. When I need to punish them, I confiscate the phone, or ban all screens for 2 weeks. Good punishment, it makes them crazy. Also they are easy to reach, and you can follow their position on snapchat when they are outside.
11-03-2018 03:50 AM
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JimBobsCooters Offline
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
Only real solution I can think of that's realistic is to maximise their other endeavours.

Sport is a huge one, get them involved in multiple sports so that they don't have significant down time to feed the addiction. If not sport other things like music, arts or whatever can substitute.

Family dinner would be another thing and require all phones to be set in the middle of the table. Teach them to interact with other human beings in ways other than through a screen.

Camping is probably another, no better way to get them to shut off the phone than to take them somewhere that it doesn't work.

If you travel you simply don't give them the wifi access and force them to get out of the room.

Realistically though this is a losing battle, probably the best way is to embrace it, know as much as you can about it and be able to positively influence/control their access. Be their friend on facebook and share the important shit that you want them to know and the like, you're just going to create an outcast if you alienate them from the majority of their peers so realistically you need to embrace it as a tool in teaching them.

The other technique of course is to tie their pocket money into screen time and other more desirable activities, I will probably have incentives for their homework getting done, test results, sports activities and the like with disincentives in the screen time, phones track it now so it's easy to keep a hold of as well, something like more than x and you lose 20% type thing.
11-03-2018 04:23 AM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
(11-03-2018 04:23 AM)JimBobsCooters Wrote:  The other technique of course is to tie their pocket money into screen time and other more desirable activities, I will probably have incentives for their homework getting done, test results, sports activities and the like with disincentives in the screen time, phones track it now so it's easy to keep a hold of as well, something like more than x and you lose 20% type thing.

That is a brilliant idea!
11-03-2018 07:21 AM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
Very thought provoking post, this is going to be a tough issue for parents to tackle if they won't want they're kids growing into brain-dead screen addicts. Screen addiction is definitely a thing, most modern humans have a small degree of it living in a world where everything from commerce to communication to making a living revolves around smart phones, lap tops, TV's, etc.
11-04-2018 08:40 PM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
My youngest boy isn't old enough for it to be relevant.

My oldest boy I told "social media is for bitches" and it appears to have worked. He's not interested in Facebook or any of that other crap. He still has a lot of screen time but it's specifically with his friends in a closed circuit which I think is reasonable given the tyranny of country distances. I suspect the moment he and his friends get their licenses they're going to be bouncing from each other's houses and using social media minimally to get hooks in with the local girls.

Could just be he's generation Zyklon. Social media is the new normal, so it's good to see kids rebelling against it.

Fuck if I know what I'd do if I had daughters. Move somewhere there was no internet access probably.

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11-04-2018 08:47 PM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
(11-04-2018 08:47 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  I suspect the moment he and his friends get their licenses they're going to be bouncing from each other's houses and using social media minimally to get hooks in with the local girls.

Kids today in the U.S. don't give a flying fuck about licenses. They have their computers and phones.

I had to pester my stepson to learn to drive, and at the end of it, he was the only one among his friends who had one.

Who needs physical freedom when your mind can go anywhere?

Where do you want to go today?




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11-05-2018 11:02 AM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
(11-03-2018 03:50 AM)Montrose Wrote:  This is a real issue. In an ideal world they would have no phone, no TV (TV has been shown to be extremely detrimental to child development) and no video games (I have mostly sons, and boys play a lot of video games). I have to constantly fight to reduce their screen time. I also have to fight my wife, who wants a TV and decided that my kids should have smart phones at age 10.

I wouldn’t be too worried about books. I grew up without a TV before the internet and read many many books. But with the internet, a book may no longer be the most efficient way to acquire knowledge. Wikipedia is the best. Kids learn a lot from the web and they don’t really need to read books (the only case where a book is a good format is literature, but who reads Anna Karenina nowadays?)

So what can you do? Ideally, no TV set, no phones, no video games. It will give them the fortitude to grow up different (like I grew up different because we didn’t own a TV set). My kids have a TV, they play video games, and they get a phone at age 10. Which means that I have to control how long they spend looking at electronic screens. Some parents require their kids to leave their phone on the piano when they get home, but I have not been able to implement this. As long as they do their homework, go out with their friends and have a hobby like basketball or soccer, I think that they can spend a few hours on their phone. It’s a question of balance. Actually, my teenage son is probably wasting more time with girls (girls he doesn’t even fuck, AFAIK) than on his phone.

There are some benefits though. When I need to punish them, I confiscate the phone, or ban all screens for 2 weeks. Good punishment, it makes them crazy. Also they are easy to reach, and you can follow their position on snapchat when they are outside.

This is true. One of the colombia girls i was dating a few months ago would have her 17 month old baby or toddler i should say in front of the TV for like 4-6 hours a day. I thought it was disgusting to see after reading studies that showed how bad it is. To watch the toddler become a vegetable just zoned into the TV like a zombie. Then when she turned it off he threw a big fit lol. But its not my kid so i never said anything on how to parent her baby. I Just thought it was sad to see instead of exploring and learning how to talk.... the kid only said two words. Momma and Agua at the age of 17 months(i taught him how to say agua funny enough)

For me social media isnt to bad in middle school. They would have to discover it themself and make it.


TV video games are the bigger evils not social media. If they want it let em have it if they are in middle school or highschool....
(This post was last modified: 11-05-2018 11:24 AM by TravelingBodybuilder.)
11-05-2018 11:18 AM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
I find its other parents that make it hard in dealing with screens and pop culture. Things that I have never shown my son he knows about. One of his friends dads is obsessed with comic books and marvel movies or whatever. So my kid comes away talking non stop about these characters. I don't let him play at other kids homes unless I know their parenting extremely well. Most kids are raised by barely functioning adults these days, so I have to be careful.

Movie nights with friends are hard as well. It sucks being the dad who says no to fucking cartoon, but 99% of the movies out there these days are toxic to little boys, even if they don't quite know it yet. My wife says that this means that WE have take the movie night initiative and book the theatre room so we can choose the video. Not being a fan of most of the dads in the neighborhood makes this a tough choice.

From my perspective, the best thing we do is have our meals together as a family. No phones allowed, no TV meals. We sit together, talk, laugh and tell stories. We finish together as well, so no kids bouncing to play until everyone is done. They can sit on laps, but no one leaves until the meal - and not just food - is finished.
11-05-2018 03:41 PM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
(11-05-2018 03:41 PM)Laner Wrote:  I find its other parents that make it hard in dealing with screens and pop culture. Things that I have never shown my son he knows about. One of his friends dads is obsessed with comic books and marvel movies or whatever. So my kid comes away talking non stop about these characters. I don't let him play at other kids homes unless I know their parenting extremely well. Most kids are raised by barely functioning adults these days, so I have to be careful.

On the nose. I have had parents tell me to my face that they don't care when I say that I don't want my 8 year old playing Grand Theft Auto at their house.

“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.”

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11-05-2018 04:34 PM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
(11-05-2018 11:18 AM)TravelingBodybuilder Wrote:  For me social media isnt to bad in middle school. They would have to discover it themself and make it.

TV video games are the bigger evils not social media. If they want it let em have it if they are in middle school or highschool....

Social Media in middle school ?
TV & Video Games bigger evil ?

They need to be teached to learn effectively, if someone who use socMed professionally shows you the real impact you would get pussies thrown at you days & night.
It's like watching someone using google dorks, it's so effective that you only can be amazed at the speed and accuracy of research.

TV is shit Ok but Video Games are used and abused for a particular reason, instead of banning them you can exploit them usefully.

Quote:What Kids Are Looking For (And Not Getting)

Fortnite, like any well-designed video game, satisfies what we are all looking for. According to Drs. Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, people need three things to flourish.
We look for competence — the need for mastery, progression, achievement, and growth.
We need autonomy — the need for volition and freedom of control over our choice.
And finally, we strive for relatedness — the need to feel like we matter to others and that others matter to us. Unfortunately, when considering the state of modern childhood, many kids aren’t getting enough of these three essential elements. Source

Tell them too much, they wouldn't understand; tell them what they know, they would yawn.
They have to move up by responding to challenges, not too easy not too hard, until they paused at what they always think is the end of the road for all time instead of a momentary break in an endless upward spiral
11-05-2018 05:11 PM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
Teach them to utilize it.

If you master social media, you master a lot of importance in the world such as sexual relations, social prowess, opportunities.
11-07-2018 09:04 PM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
(11-05-2018 04:34 PM)debeguiled Wrote:  
(11-05-2018 03:41 PM)Laner Wrote:  I find its other parents that make it hard in dealing with screens and pop culture. Things that I have never shown my son he knows about. One of his friends dads is obsessed with comic books and marvel movies or whatever. So my kid comes away talking non stop about these characters. I don't let him play at other kids homes unless I know their parenting extremely well. Most kids are raised by barely functioning adults these days, so I have to be careful.

On the nose. I have had parents tell me to my face that they don't care when I say that I don't want my 8 year old playing Grand Theft Auto at their house.


They do have a point. I have lots of my kids friends coming and going through my house, and its not my job to inform myself of all the rules their parents have, and enforce them in my home. My house, my rules.
11-07-2018 09:29 PM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
(11-07-2018 09:29 PM)king bast Wrote:  
(11-05-2018 04:34 PM)debeguiled Wrote:  
(11-05-2018 03:41 PM)Laner Wrote:  I find its other parents that make it hard in dealing with screens and pop culture. Things that I have never shown my son he knows about. One of his friends dads is obsessed with comic books and marvel movies or whatever. So my kid comes away talking non stop about these characters. I don't let him play at other kids homes unless I know their parenting extremely well. Most kids are raised by barely functioning adults these days, so I have to be careful.

On the nose. I have had parents tell me to my face that they don't care when I say that I don't want my 8 year old playing Grand Theft Auto at their house.


They do have a point. I have lots of my kids friends coming and going through my house, and its not my job to inform myself of all the rules their parents have, and enforce them in my home. My house, my rules.

That was my point. My house, my rules. So when he is off at some dadboys house, I have to expect dadboy rules in their homes.
11-08-2018 12:50 AM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
(11-08-2018 12:50 AM)Laner Wrote:  
(11-07-2018 09:29 PM)king bast Wrote:  
(11-05-2018 04:34 PM)debeguiled Wrote:  
(11-05-2018 03:41 PM)Laner Wrote:  I find its other parents that make it hard in dealing with screens and pop culture. Things that I have never shown my son he knows about. One of his friends dads is obsessed with comic books and marvel movies or whatever. So my kid comes away talking non stop about these characters. I don't let him play at other kids homes unless I know their parenting extremely well. Most kids are raised by barely functioning adults these days, so I have to be careful.

On the nose. I have had parents tell me to my face that they don't care when I say that I don't want my 8 year old playing Grand Theft Auto at their house.


They do have a point. I have lots of my kids friends coming and going through my house, and its not my job to inform myself of all the rules their parents have, and enforce them in my home. My house, my rules.

That was my point. My house, my rules. So when he is off at some dadboys house, I have to expect dadboy rules in their homes.

This may be true, but it is sad too.

So, parents all live on separate planets with their own idiosyncratic sets of immutable rules and if your kid has a really good friend at school, and the parent has different rules, then he can never go to the other person's house?

And also, there is no talking or making agreements between the parents?

No one can budge, no one can make allowances for another parent's priorities.

This mentality is like the opposite of community.

Oh, your kid is allergic to bees? Whatever. We don't bother with that stuff at our house. Not my job to know about all that stuff.

It's one thing if there is a parent who is totally off the rails, but this is sounding like parents are incapable of discussing and negotiating with each other, living as they do in their own separate fiefdoms.

“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.”

Carl Jung
(This post was last modified: 11-08-2018 01:56 PM by debeguiled.)
11-08-2018 01:54 PM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
Whilst it’s not a now problem I can see a situation coming like this in the not too distant future.

Little SP is friends at crèche with a kid from a family where the parents have separated.

In the future when they are going to each other’s house, is this a kid who I want my kid to be friends with? Is this an example of a family that I want my kid to see as normal?

I can’t be the only one who thinks like this.
11-08-2018 03:11 PM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
It is much easier to handle in your own home.

My plan in that regard - should I ever have children - is simply to arrange things as they were when I was growing up. There will be one large TV (or maybe a projector) in a living room or family area. Likewise, there will be one desktop computer at an actual desk in an office or den in another family area. I have no intention of paying for satellite or cable service (I don't now and don't plan to start). This gives me pretty solid control of what my kid's are allowed to watch and also forces the kids to learn how to negotiate amongst themselves. There will be an alloted amount of "screen time" per day and that will be it.

For the computer, I will install (probably router level) access control so I can both screen out as much stuff (porn, social media, general nonsense) as possible as well as track what everyone is doing on the computer (I will tell my family I'm doing this). I'm a fan of "shared" social media, if it is necessary at all. So, specifically when my children are younger, if their friends want to contact them on whatever app, they send a message to "TigerManFamily", knowing that I will see the message. I consider this of particular importance for any daughter I may have. I've seen some young (young) girls getting, essentially, gamed by guys a year or two older. Nope.

Of course, you can't control everything. And, you don't want to go full Amish (unless you plan to live in or near a community) or you risk your kids going all "Children of the Corn" on you. At the other end of the spectrum, you see today's children, raised by TV and the internet, a cell phone is their best friend, and half of them seem to dream of getting famous like Kim Kardashian (so... make porn I guess?). That is arguably worse than having some sort of social misfit. You can train a socially awkward son or daughter to be more sociable. You can't really walk back your kid getting a Mike Tyson face tattoo and starring in Dirty Débutantes #476.

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11-12-2018 07:23 PM
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Post: #18
RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
Kids go through phases, otherwise known around here as 'shit tests'. They are no different, but can last weeks rather than moments.

The other day my son told my mom that he wasn't allowed to watch a show that my nephews watch. She asked what he was allowed to watch, and he gave her his list - and then added that Dada has to approve anything he watches first. But this was after a month long drama where he wanted to watch some garbage his friends are watching. Paw Patrol, in this case. No way.

His list, by the way:

- Mr Rogers
- Magic School Bus - not the new one

Movies:

- ChitiChiti BangBang
- Mary Poppins
- Swiss Family Robinson
- Ponyo
- Totoro
- Pinnochio
- Toy Story
- Lion King
11-12-2018 08:07 PM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
Your concern assumes that they would be learning math (maths? OK whatever it used to be just math when I was a kid) and English in school while putting up with all the other BS you mention. Unfortunately education is synonymous with indoctrination nowadays - talk to an English teacher and note the grammar errors as she speaks. Then visit her Instagram account. What kind of education is your child really missing?

You'd be better off sequestering your kids any way possible for a chance to learn - they can always easily close the social retard gap later.

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(This post was last modified: 11-12-2018 08:23 PM by SlickyBoy.)
11-12-2018 08:20 PM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
Another option, but it is a lot of work, is to make your house the place all the kids want to hang out. Good food, tons of art supplies, sports equipment, room to run around, big lawn, basketball hoop, etc..

One major downside is other parents take advantage and treat you as unpaid babysitters.

But it is an option, and if you have a stay at home wife who loves a houseful and yard full of people, I mean actually likes it, it could work.

“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.”

Carl Jung
(This post was last modified: 11-13-2018 11:34 AM by debeguiled.)
11-13-2018 11:32 AM
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RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
Prompted by this thread and some news of extended family having trouble with a boy addicted to his tablet, I sat down last night to talk to mrs sp last night about social media, screen use etc. From very rough sampling of friends we are the only people who sit down and talk about how we are going to parent little sp. I assume you all do though.

Anyway, from research, it seems that putting the effort in to read to the kid, not use tv as a babysitter (our tv is not connected to anything) and limited smartphone and internet in the future is the only way.

We grew up without the internet, looking shit up in encyclopedias etc (google it kiddos). It served us just fine. It might be a myth but all the best private schools don’t use tech in school, learn in a traditional way. The Montessori schools are like this too.

This will be and is our direction. Our choice of diet (everything home cooked and real) as well as activity choices, educational, being out in the world and being in nature, going along with daddy to see how he does business etc seem to be raising a confident bright kid. We get many compliments on her which is all you can ask for really.

I’m confident that this isn’t nature but more nurture that makes this so.
(This post was last modified: 11-13-2018 03:58 PM by Ski pro.)
11-13-2018 03:56 PM
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blck Offline
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Post: #22
RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
(11-13-2018 03:56 PM)Ski pro Wrote:  Prompted by this thread and some news of extended family having trouble with a boy addicted to his tablet, I sat down last night to talk to mrs sp last night about social media, screen use etc. From very rough sampling of friends we are the only people who sit down and talk about how we are going to parent little sp. I assume you all do though.

Anyway, from research, it seems that putting the effort in to read to the kid, not use tv as a babysitter (our tv is not connected to anything) and limited smartphone and internet in the future is the only way.

We grew up without the internet, looking shit up in encyclopedias etc (google it kiddos). It served us just fine. It might be a myth but all the best private schools don’t use tech in school, learn in a traditional way. The Montessori schools are like this too.

This will be and is our direction. Our choice of diet (everything home cooked and real) as well as activity choices, educational, being out in the world and being in nature, going along with daddy to see how he does business etc seem to be raising a confident bright kid. We get many compliments on her which is all you can ask for really.

I’m confident that this isn’t nature but more nurture that makes this so.

Had the same problem with my first kid, too much tablet and phone gave him autistic symptoms, not being able to interact with the outside world, talking late and incoherently, it's been 2 years since he had been diagnosed and going to the orthophonist.

Things got better but you still see that he has difficulty to focus and others minor problems to solve.

My advice to all fathers: Forbid women to give kids their phone to make them shut their mouth.
I win't even talk about the youtube weird vids slides, this is an other matter.

Quote:Babies and toddlers love playing with smartphones and tablets, and quickly get the hang of them.

When you're a busy parent, it’s an easy way to keep your baby or young child entertained while you cook the dinner or finish a car journey. You may also feel it's important for your child to get a head start on learning digital skills.

But many experts worry that too much screen time may be harmful for babies and children, even at a very young age.
[...]

At what age should screen time start?
Some experts say that children under two should not spend any time using TV, computers or electronic games.

Others experts say that there may be a place for interactive media that encourages you and your child to communicate while you're playing alongside each other. But they also agree that watching passively is not advisable for under-twos.

Part of the reason to avoid screen time is that babies and toddlers need lots of physical activity.

Time spent playing with a tablet or smartphone means your baby is not crawling, walking, climbing and exploring her environment. Even at this very young age, being active means your child is less likely to become overweight or have health problems later in life. As your child grows, having too much screen time may also cause her sleeping difficulties.

Source

Tell them too much, they wouldn't understand; tell them what they know, they would yawn.
They have to move up by responding to challenges, not too easy not too hard, until they paused at what they always think is the end of the road for all time instead of a momentary break in an endless upward spiral
11-13-2018 05:55 PM
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lunchmoney Offline
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Post: #23
RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
One of the reasons why I would never marry a single mother is if I witnessed poor parenting habits, such as using social media as a baby sitter for their child. I had a plate this past summer who did that with her 4 year old daughter. The girl had her own iPad and her mom created an instagram and facebook account. I sat there in disbelief as this little girl sat like a zombie staring at the screen for hours.
11-13-2018 06:01 PM
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DJ-Matt Offline
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Post: #24
RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
(11-12-2018 08:07 PM)Laner Wrote:  Paw Patrol, in this case. No way.

Even innocent-sounding cartoon dog shows are pozzed?

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(02-11-2019 05:10 PM)Atlanta Man Wrote:  I take pussy how it comes -but I do now prefer it shaved low at least-you cannot eat what you cannot see.
11-13-2018 06:39 PM
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king bast Offline
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Post: #25
RE: Raising children & social media. How will you handle it?
(11-13-2018 06:39 PM)DJ-Matt Wrote:  
(11-12-2018 08:07 PM)Laner Wrote:  Paw Patrol, in this case. No way.

Even innocent-sounding cartoon dog shows are pozzed?

Oh shit yeah, the programming starts early these days. I remember banning peppa pig after I noticed the not-so-subtle programming in that. They never even watched sesame street as I knew how that had deteriorated since my childhood. I assume all the popular kids shows are wall-to-wall propaganda.
11-13-2018 07:39 PM
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