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Marriage and Money
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lunchmoney Offline
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Post: #1
Marriage and Money
A couple summers ago one of my best friends got married, in which I was a groomsmen. In the days preceding the wedding, I remember he talked about the biggest worry he had ahead of marriage was the fact his future wife was a spender, and he was very much a saver. He grew up relatively poor, and worked to make a good life for himself (MBA on scholarship and is a consultant for a large accounting firm). His wife was was a dental assistant who at the time of their marriage was going back to college online for her masters. Fast forward - she drops out of school within the first year, and their marriage gets tested as they fight constantly over the finances.

Some people learn the hard way, but anyone around my friend could see they weren't aligned in this area. If you and the woman you are in a LTR don't agree with money, would you walk away from it? If any are married on here, how many of you are in agreement with your wife about financial decisions?
11-13-2018 04:05 AM
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MongolianAbroad Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Marriage and Money
I knew a dude whose wife was always riding his ass about money, she wanted granite countertops, etc.

Can you imagine? Having to share the same room with someone you don't want to be around? You come home from work, maybe it's a good day, maybe your boss was on your case, only to come home and be talked down to?

I don't know how some guys do it.

I have zero tolerance for that kind of stuff, it's my way or the high way. I guess guys are scared of being alone or just have never experienced inner peace, so they don't know what they're missing.
11-13-2018 04:12 AM
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Meliorare93 Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Marriage and Money
I do all the finances now... My wife complained at first but has now full trust in me... My wife was also a spender in the early days of our relationship now I would trust her again with the finances but I prefer to keep everything in own hands. I've also learned that Bickering about her spending doesn't help one bit... It only makes matters worse.

Imho best thing one can do is make that there's household money pot you both spend wisely on things you need (rent, gas, food, clothes etc) and that there's "free money" and that each can decide what to do with that money. There's a lot more one can do but that should be the first step.

Lead by example, don't DEER, STFU... That MRP reddit advice helped a lot for this...

BUT this is your friend his problem not yours... If he asks advice sure you can give him but else don't meddle in those affairs... not your monkey, not your circus...
11-13-2018 04:17 AM
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lunchmoney Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Marriage and Money
(11-13-2018 04:17 AM)Meliorare93 Wrote:  I do all the finances now... My wife complained at first but has now full trust in me... My wife was also a spender in the early days of our relationship now I would trust her again with the finances but I prefer to keep everything in own hands. I've also learned that Bickering about her spending doesn't help one bit... It only makes matters worse.

Imho best thing one can do is make that there's household money pot you both spend wisely on things you need (rent, gas, food, clothes etc) and that there's "free money" and that each can decide what to do with that money. There's a lot more one can do but that should be the first step.

Lead by example, don't DEER, STFU... That MRP reddit advice helped a lot for this...

BUT this is your friend his problem not yours... If he asks advice sure you can give him but else don't meddle in those affairs... not your monkey, not your circus...

It is his problem indeed, however there are a lot of things he did I would never do. He bought a home with his wife before they were legally married (example 1) and he made her authorized user on his amex which promotes her spending (example 2).
11-13-2018 06:03 PM
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Tiger Man Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Marriage and Money
This guy sounds like an idiot.

The Catholic Church developed Pre-Cana for a reason. Regrettably, the program has been diluted in many a diocese. There are, however, some that hold to the old school system - look to Traditionalists and Eastern Catholics for a stricter approach. Money is a huge component of the program. You sit in seminars and meet with older married couples for at least six months. You discuss money and spending (and children and hobbies and sex and a million other things) for days on end. If the (future) wife isn't on board with the program, these old school priests literally WILL NOT MARRY YOU.

That's how it used to be and that's how it still should be. It's one of the few examples that come to mind of the Church actually looking out for the husbands.

If your (future) wife isn't with your program, you shouldn't be getting married. That means she's on board with how to spend money, how to raise the kids, and (my personal favorite) the marriage debt (a beautiful concept - see here).

Currently out of office.
11-15-2018 01:36 AM
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tomzestatlu Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Marriage and Money
I have very good friend and he is going to get married in few weeks. There have always been money problem with his girl. When she was studying, be covered all the living expenses and also he was the one doing all the home works. Then she finished the school and started getting decent above-average salary. She started to waste all the money on clothes, drinks and shits like hot yoga.
They are planning wedding on some tropical Island and big amount of the cost they got as wedding gift. It was sent to her bank account and after few weeks when the wedding was needed to be paid, they found out one third of money is missing. She wasted not only her sallary, but also wedding gift. My friend is gonna pay it of course.
It doesn't have any sense to tell him something, because hes not very demanding on his life goals.

My ex was good at first, because she didn't suck much money from me, actually she willingly paid for a lot of things. But I still could see, that she is just spending around in coffees and shit and doesn't think about the future. Then the bad financial months came and I was the one who had to cover it. Instead of putting it into crypto.
(This post was last modified: 11-15-2018 02:28 AM by tomzestatlu.)
11-15-2018 02:26 AM
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gework Offline
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Post: #7
RE: Marriage and Money
My conclusion from dealing with women thus far is - they can't have anything to do with money. From what I've seen so far is women make terrible decisions when it comes to money. Just look at the career to cathouse trainwreck of otherwise higher SMV women we have piling up.

If the girl you are marrying is feminine, femininity also comes along with a considerable amount of illogic. It can't have it's mitts on decision making. This year I met two girls. One said of me, "Finally I have found a man who understands me." But her hamster wheels went into full drive and she decided trying to earn an extra $300 pm was more important than that. Then she decided she wanted to move to Moscow, where she'd spend all her money on rent. She used to send me lots of nice photos of her. They were very artistic, demure and feminine. The sort of things idealised in the femininity thread. But as the hamster wheels kicked into full drive these photos turned to dark, gloomy and masculine photos. She'd also lost some of her natural Slavic-slinkiness due to too much work. The last message I got from her, after deleting her contact three times included something like, "I feel any man who comes into my life will eventually run away from me." I deleted my account.

The other had been engaged for about 3-4 years to "the man of her dreams" - handsome, smart, funny, good job, true love. But he wouldn't move city for her career. So she called off the engagement. Then her career imploded and that's that. And she's lost a lot of her good looks, which she can't maintain with her new, busy job she doesn't like.

Two women who passed on probably their best chances (early 20s) to snare more desirable guys, because they were thinking they could play the money game. Chances are at best they will play it averagely at the cost of their future husband.

If the woman wants to play money boss, tell her firmly and without emotion, "no". If she walks away from that, then it's a good thing.

I'd also say, as someone who came from a household where the wife did everything and made all decisions and the husband sat around shrugging his shoulders - It's not a good model. For one, your sons will get completely the wrong message on dealing with women. Two, the wife probably doesn't have the mental game to get the best financial results for your family. And if she does, at some point you'll probably feel like doing this:

[Image: AccurateFewGeese-small.gif]

Quote:People in darkness do not want to come to the light lest they are exposed.
(This post was last modified: 11-15-2018 03:24 AM by gework.)
11-15-2018 03:18 AM
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JimBobsCooters Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Marriage and Money
I was with a girl who literally didn't understand the concept of savings, nexted her purely on that because that's next level financial illiteracy. Personally think this is the kind of thing that is a deal breaker as someone who is financially aware. Personally would never allow the girlfriend to know my salary/wealth or have any responsibility in handling the finances, that just seems like a great way to ending the marriage and getting cleaned out.
11-15-2018 05:07 AM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Marriage and Money
Pretend to be poor-medium income when you first meet a girl.
Make your first couple of dates extremely cheap or free, see if she likes that.
Pretend to be more frugal than you really are, and say that you don't really care much about money.
Never let them know how much you really earn or spend.
Create a fictional financial crisis at some point and see how she reacts.
Give her an amount of money that is large for her but no major loss to you, and tell her to never touch it (except in an absolute emergency), like the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
Keep all your banking affairs private, and do all online banking on a laptop that she doesn't even know exists.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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(This post was last modified: 11-15-2018 08:54 AM by Vladimir Poontang.)
11-15-2018 08:52 AM
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lunchmoney Offline
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Post: #10
RE: Marriage and Money
(11-15-2018 05:07 AM)JimBobsCooters Wrote:  I was with a girl who literally didn't understand the concept of savings, nexted her purely on that because that's next level financial illiteracy. Personally think this is the kind of thing that is a deal breaker as someone who is financially aware. Personally would never allow the girlfriend to know my salary/wealth or have any responsibility in handling the finances, that just seems like a great way to ending the marriage and getting cleaned out.

There are plenty of 8's parading around who couldn't tell you the first thing about savings, retirement, investments, etc. They usually also have a negative net worth, but have the brand new $1200 iPhone, a $3000 handbag, and a $40000 Audi their sponsor is paying for.
11-17-2018 11:24 AM
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John Dodds Offline
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Post: #11
RE: Marriage and Money
You can let her spend your money, or you can save it all for her to spend after the divorce.
It don't matter, if you get married, one way or another she will end up spending it.
I found this out the hard way.

Married 30 years, worked hard, saved hard, she sat around drinking coffee with her pals the entire time, in the divorce she got almost everything.
(This post was last modified: 11-18-2018 08:55 AM by John Dodds.)
11-18-2018 08:53 AM
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lunchmoney Offline
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RE: Marriage and Money
(11-18-2018 08:53 AM)John Dodds Wrote:  You can let her spend your money, or you can save it all for her to spend after the divorce.
It don't matter, if you get married, one way or another she will end up spending it.
I found this out the hard way.

Married 30 years, worked hard, saved hard, she sat around drinking coffee with her pals the entire time, in the divorce she got almost everything.

You were married 30 years and then got a divorce? Why?
11-18-2018 04:56 PM
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droughtmeat Offline
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Post: #13
RE: Marriage and Money
(11-13-2018 04:12 AM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  I knew a dude whose wife was always riding his ass about money, she wanted granite countertops, etc.

Can you imagine? Having to share the same room with someone you don't want to be around? You come home from work, maybe it's a good day, maybe your boss was on your case, only to come home and be talked down to?

I don't know how some guys do it.

I have zero tolerance for that kind of stuff, it's my way or the high way. I guess guys are scared of being alone or just have never experienced inner peace, so they don't know what they're missing.

This. TOO MANY people live that life. Home becomes hell and literally the worst place on earth. Men and women walk around wasting decades of their lives. It's absolutely sad
11-18-2018 05:20 PM
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Shemp Offline
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Post: #14
RE: Marriage and Money
>>You were married 30 years and then got a divorce? Why?

'Cause wifey wanted it most likely. Marriage in western countries is just a really bad form of prostitution, where you get unreliable access to sex at an undisclosed balloon payment price wherever she decides to call it quits. If a woman wants kids, she can have them out of wedlock and get child support. Maintain separate residences: hers a house, yours a cheap cabin out of town. Keep minimum of belongings in HER house (never OUR house). That way, you're already prepared when she tells you to get lost. If she won't accept that, let some other sucker have her.

No, women are not always irresponsible about money. More irresponsible men than women, by a small percentage. Men are bold risk-taking sex, including "boldly" pissing away all their money on pickup trucks, etc.. Responsible disciplined women tend not to slut around, however, so if ONS's are your thing, you won't meet them.
11-18-2018 05:38 PM
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Post: #15
RE: Marriage and Money
My approach is (was) always to go halves on things that are used by or benefit both people (rent for example) and to spend your own cash on personal items (shoes, cars). Obviously a bit of barter here or there is fine...

Equality right?
11-19-2018 02:26 AM
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Post: #16
RE: Marriage and Money
(11-18-2018 05:38 PM)Shemp Wrote:  Men are bold risk-taking sex, including "boldly" pissing away all their money on pickup trucks, etc

Got to piss it away before they do! At least get some enjoyment out of it while you're still alive.
11-19-2018 02:29 AM
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Polniy_Sostav Offline
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Post: #17
RE: Marriage and Money
Money and Women. A wise topic.
Luckily I found my wife to be extremely tight with women mainly because she had to undergo survival all her life. Buying always the cheapest things or hunting promotions even for cheese or for biscuits. At the beginning of our relationship it was very difficult to make her understand that sometimes you have to spend a bit more than first price if you want a quality item (for example a chair which will last a few years and won't get broken)

With time passing by , she got a bit used to have some money and not to count every cent. There was a period where she started to buy so many unnecessary stuff. Of course , she was still way better than the rest of women.
As someone said , it is not point to fight like crazy over it , I have sent her an excel sheet and told her that im too busy with work. I ve ordered her to write down every spending and that now she is in charge of finances. She did it for 3 months. She has realized herself what was wrong (so many unnecessary cafes , unnecessary toys for kids etc etc)

I then broke down everything by category and we saw the holes. In this , we could spend less , in this , we actually don't spend as much as we thought. For each category I have made a budget. This budget is set in various envelopes (easier that I deal with cash only) and usually she respects it.

The only important thing is to have a budget for "unplanned things". E.g. your grandma dies or your son has an operation. You should unlock that extra budget.

In general the problem lies in the fact that women cannot have long-term vision. OF course there are exceptions with career women etc but the average woman will not be able to take long-term decision with money.

If you are married for years the only way is to be transparent. My wife knows how much money I have.
I believe from the beginning that women should care about kids and not work . You as a man , must pay all the rent , and spends everything you can wisely.
My wife started working at some point (against my will) , now she still does (in some sort of compromise) , I told her that now she will pay her % of the rent based on her salary vs my salary. IF women want equality , treat them this way. She was of course unhappy - once you life a normal life without work and kids you don't want to work again to spend for rent - and I ve then deducted her salary from the budget I used to give into "entertainment" or "clothes/healthcare" budget.

There is of course some resistance but if a woman is not ready to accept that the man will regulate the finances then she is simply not a valuable woman. You have to dump her or to tame her.

I cannot imagine doing this with a girl from west , they are so brainwashed that it would be impossible. I would say that if a woman was treated rather comfortably when a kid ( she had more or less anything important she needed without too much problem) , if she never really struggled when student , if she has some materialistic vision of life , it is BEST to never marry her.
A real woman must be happy and thankful EVERY DAY that you can go to the supermarket and buy everything which is needed to eat. IF you don't have that basis , NEVER MARRY.

Another important parameter is her social circle. IF all her female friends are wealthy , or live a modern life , are career women , it will be a pollution for your couple. If her friend bought a flat (with a massive credit because husband is an idiot) she will come back home and say " oh i m bored to rent i think it s better to buy a flat etc etc".
You should have zero tolerance on such things and you should always try to keep control of what you re doing. Invite at home or meet at cafe only men with your same mindset who cannot have a bad influence on your wife. Women are extremely vulnerable to mass marketing and to peer pressure , only the love for their husband can save them from making wrong choices.

It is very important to act and behave like this from the first day you meet a woman - in the context of a long term relationship.

As a friend , you should always advice your friends and confront their wives if they start saying that you are a tyrannic dictator from the middle-ages who are against feminism. The more people would spread such ideas , the more women will eventually accept it.

Remember that women don't have their own ideas. They just follow the flow. It is our responsibility to control finances.
(This post was last modified: 11-19-2018 04:15 AM by Polniy_Sostav.)
11-19-2018 04:08 AM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #18
RE: Marriage and Money
Your wife is extremely tight with women?

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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11-19-2018 07:39 AM
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Polniy_Sostav Offline
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RE: Marriage and Money
with money Smile sorry
11-19-2018 07:43 AM
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Bluto Offline
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Post: #20
RE: Marriage and Money
(11-18-2018 05:38 PM)Shemp Wrote:  Maintain separate residences: hers a house, yours a cheap cabin out of town. Keep minimum of belongings in HER house (never OUR house). That way, you're already prepared when she tells you to get lost. If she won't accept that, let some other sucker have her.

These days in the western world, this is not a bad idea. Figure out a way to make it so that you are a "part owner" with a trusted family member or friend. This is where a trust or land partnership would come in handy. The only thing that I would add is that "Pirate Treasure" is a fun past time. Just do be like Vern in "Stand by Me:"






You can also do like what you see in the Accountant:





There may be fewer legal issues on this one.
11-20-2018 09:47 AM
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Post: #21
RE: Marriage and Money
(11-19-2018 04:08 AM)Polniy_Sostav Wrote:  Money and Women. A wise topic.
Luckily I found my wife to be extremely tight with women mainly because she had to undergo survival all her life. Buying always the cheapest things or hunting promotions even for cheese or for biscuits. At the beginning of our relationship it was very difficult to make her understand that sometimes you have to spend a bit more than first price if you want a quality item (for example a chair which will last a few years and won't get broken)

With time passing by , she got a bit used to have some money and not to count every cent. There was a period where she started to buy so many unnecessary stuff. Of course , she was still way better than the rest of women.
As someone said , it is not point to fight like crazy over it , I have sent her an excel sheet and told her that im too busy with work. I ve ordered her to write down every spending and that now she is in charge of finances. She did it for 3 months. She has realized herself what was wrong (so many unnecessary cafes , unnecessary toys for kids etc etc)

I then broke down everything by category and we saw the holes. In this , we could spend less , in this , we actually don't spend as much as we thought. For each category I have made a budget. This budget is set in various envelopes (easier that I deal with cash only) and usually she respects it.

The only important thing is to have a budget for "unplanned things". E.g. your grandma dies or your son has an operation. You should unlock that extra budget.

In general the problem lies in the fact that women cannot have long-term vision. OF course there are exceptions with career women etc but the average woman will not be able to take long-term decision with money.

If you are married for years the only way is to be transparent. My wife knows how much money I have.
I believe from the beginning that women should care about kids and not work . You as a man , must pay all the rent , and spends everything you can wisely.
My wife started working at some point (against my will) , now she still does (in some sort of compromise) , I told her that now she will pay her % of the rent based on her salary vs my salary. IF women want equality , treat them this way. She was of course unhappy - once you life a normal life without work and kids you don't want to work again to spend for rent - and I ve then deducted her salary from the budget I used to give into "entertainment" or "clothes/healthcare" budget.

There is of course some resistance but if a woman is not ready to accept that the man will regulate the finances then she is simply not a valuable woman. You have to dump her or to tame her.

I cannot imagine doing this with a girl from west , they are so brainwashed that it would be impossible. I would say that if a woman was treated rather comfortably when a kid ( she had more or less anything important she needed without too much problem) , if she never really struggled when student , if she has some materialistic vision of life , it is BEST to never marry her.
A real woman must be happy and thankful EVERY DAY that you can go to the supermarket and buy everything which is needed to eat. IF you don't have that basis , NEVER MARRY.

Another important parameter is her social circle. IF all her female friends are wealthy , or live a modern life , are career women , it will be a pollution for your couple. If her friend bought a flat (with a massive credit because husband is an idiot) she will come back home and say " oh i m bored to rent i think it s better to buy a flat etc etc".
You should have zero tolerance on such things and you should always try to keep control of what you re doing. Invite at home or meet at cafe only men with your same mindset who cannot have a bad influence on your wife. Women are extremely vulnerable to mass marketing and to peer pressure , only the love for their husband can save them from making wrong choices.

It is very important to act and behave like this from the first day you meet a woman - in the context of a long term relationship.

As a friend , you should always advice your friends and confront their wives if they start saying that you are a tyrannic dictator from the middle-ages who are against feminism. The more people would spread such ideas , the more women will eventually accept it.

Remember that women don't have their own ideas. They just follow the flow. It is our responsibility to control finances.

Good post man.

My girl is probably the most frugal person I have ever met. I'm not going to go into detail but finances are one of the last things I worry about.

Her parents instilled some good behavior plus she didn't spend much time living alone before I met her and continued to propagate good behavior.

As is the case with most aspects of maintaining a relationship these days, the biggest risk is bad influences from all the NPCs she comes into contact with on a daily basis.

IMO, the best tactic against this is an eternal psyop campaign to keep her moving in the right direction. This isn't hard to do.

Use the idiots in society to your advantage and train your girl to see through the BS and the fact that most people live paycheck to paycheck so that they can appear well off.
11-20-2018 10:13 AM
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Sleazy Offline
Sparrow

Posts: 74
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Post: #22
RE: Marriage and Money
My EX fiancee (never making that mistake again) always rode my ass about money even though I had about three or four sources of income. She was a big spender, and the worst part was that she knew a decent amount about finance. IMO best thing to do if you're in an LTR is to find a girl with little to no financial knowledge, hide money, give her a credit card with a $500 limit on it and tell her that's all she gets. Additionally, set your phone to get push notifications every time the card is swiped. If she isn't making the money, then she doesn't have control over it. Period.
11-20-2018 10:27 AM
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lunchmoney Offline
Woodpecker
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Post: #23
RE: Marriage and Money
If you found out your wife had a bank account and credit card(s) she was hiding from you, what would you do?
11-20-2018 01:14 PM
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Montrose Offline
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Post: #24
RE: Marriage and Money
I don’t tell my wife about my bank accounts, I don’t expect her to tell me about hers. I’m not the IRS.
11-20-2018 01:47 PM
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