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How much control should you exert in an LTR?
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Jefferson Offline
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Post: #151
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
Telling her I was going to see this waitress she doesn't like was a joke, I knew she'd get crazy jealous, and yes, also an attempt at gaming her. I wanted to tease her. However, the mistake was to do it over another girl, I straight out offended her. She's now gone no contact for a day.

So you are saying in response I should not repay her in kind and ignore her message for a day, when she inevitably writes again?

Just tell her I don't like her going radio silent?
11-28-2018 06:52 PM
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Karlo Offline
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Post: #152
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
How about:

“Please don’t be upset, I was only kidding about the waitress, you’re the only girl I would go out of my way to see.”

Quit trying to use game. You’re bad at it and will likely get you dumped.
(This post was last modified: 11-28-2018 07:10 PM by Karlo.)
11-28-2018 07:09 PM
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Jefferson Offline
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Post: #153
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
I told her that already. She's still on no contact.

So that doesn't work.
11-28-2018 07:24 PM
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Post: #154
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
(11-28-2018 07:24 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  I told her that already. She's still on no contact.

So that doesn't work.

Try not simp'n. Man up and move on.
11-29-2018 06:22 AM
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Post: #155
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
(11-28-2018 07:24 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  I told her that already. She's still on no contact.

So that doesn't work.

Don't break NC. She will first.

Figure out what to do when she does in a calm manner.

Post what she does here if you want advice.

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11-29-2018 09:45 AM
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Jefferson Offline
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Post: #156
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
You were right, TGG, she did break NC.

She wrote I should go to that restaurant and see that waitress for attention. I called her and calmly told her I am not seeing any waitress and only had to go there to pay my tab and have lunch, which is the truth.

She told me she was not looking forward going to Bangkok anymore. She said she just can't trust me (!). I told her of course she could. She then said 'I can't, I can't, you can't tell me how to feel, that's how I feel'. Then she suggested 'lets just break up'. She basically hung up on me. I should have just taken it calmly. But I lost it. Bear in mind I did nothing wrong, whatsoever, and was true to this maniac. So I wrote 'FUCK YOU! YOU are the one who's not trustworthy' and reminded her that she wrote to her ex, called her ex, while living with me, that she cheated on her last four boyfriends and was a quadruple serial cheater. That she met and fucked a guy one week after being with me. Not to lecture me on trustworthiness, that she was the lying, cheating, worthless semi-pro'. Oh and I told her to go fuck herself. Again.

She trash-texted some insults in reply. I replied that the only thing she's qualified to give advice on is selling her vagina for mobile phones, holidays and money, that she probably learned it from her older sister in Japan. I insulted her family some more, basically for living off her semi-pro fucking around.

I told her all I got from her was broken promises and pain. That she never loved me anyway.

She replied with more insults, and I went to sleep. When I woke up I had 15 long texts. She told me she struggled emotionally the last few weeks and constant fears and doubts about me and our relationship. That she felt guilty that my two daughters would grow up without a father because of her. That she constantly had dreams about me and my family. That she dreamed of my wedding with my wife. She mentioned the times I sent her home and ended it with her.

She said she tried to stay awake most nights so she would not have any dreams, that she had another episode of sleep paralysis (!). This was no doubt the real reason why she did not sleep at night, she's terrified of sleep paralysis. She wrote "Yup I have too many issues, and I can't handle them. I feel powerless and to make-up for that weakness I want to take it out on you and to somehow shield myself from getting more depressed. Yup, i'm depressed - it comes and goes. I knew this, I could tell, I knew she had not slept at night for almost two weeks.

She wrote "I'm also struggling with self-pity. I'm almost 30 but i haven't pursued my studies yet. Don't have a family of my own. Don't own anything. Basically i'm nothing. I've not proven anything.'

'You were right, I am a loser. So I'm sparing you from all my issues because you deserve the best and like you said you could do much better with a good looking woman (I never said that shit).'

'I will love you continously from afar. I do love you and it pains me every time you call me names and insult my family (this after she insulted me a thousand times worse and once told me to drop dead and die when I was in hospital).'

Anyway, so then I felt sorry for her and told her I didn't mean the things I said, I was just mad because she broke up with me for no reason at all. That she should have confided to me about her sleep paralysis and depression. That I loved her too, no matter what, and if she wants to be with me all she has to say is that she will come to Bangkok with me. We can then reconnect there, it will be like a holiday, and then live anywhere.

Eventually she read my message but she has not replied, it's early morning in the night where she is.

I suspect she will reply no, that she is not coming, as I suspect her attraction level must now be very low, after I insulted her and her family.

But frankly, if she refuses now, I would just know she does not want to be with me. I think I would be done. She knows this. And I think she wants to be done as well. This relationship has been too exhausting. Too complicated. If she says she will come to Bangkok it would be something, but she won't . I am mentally prepared to check out. It's hard. Three years. Someone I thought I could love. But she just keeps breaking up with me, accusing me of things for no reason. She has depression. Sleep paralysis. She is a mess. I shouldn't love her. But I do.
(This post was last modified: 11-29-2018 12:46 PM by Jefferson.)
11-29-2018 12:43 PM
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Post: #157
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
You seem to realize you're making a big mistake by continuing any type of relationship with this girl. But you can't let go of her because she's hot and has a strong emotional hold on you. It's like a drug addiction at this point - you see her for the short term fix even though you know it's damaging in the long run and that you need to stop eventually to keep your (emotional) health.

A lot of people have given you advice, with most of it being high quality and well-intentioned. But, deep down I think you know that there's no way forward with this girl. You were just hoping a few guys would validate your internal conflict and understand your dilemma.

I understand the struggle. I know from experience that an emotional roller coaster with a hot and passionate girl is a tough ride to get off of. The highs are exhilarating, but the lows are crushing and never far away. I've never been on it for anywhere close to three years, but I'm sure that time investment makes it even harder to permanently end it.

Despite your latest post, based on what you've disclosed, she's probably going to want to get back together at some point. Good luck on making the right decision. I hope for your sake that you make it sooner than later.
11-29-2018 01:52 PM
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Jefferson Offline
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Post: #158
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
I really was hoping to get advice that would help to take the crazy out of this relationship. To neutralise the "bitch mode", as PT put it so well. I did not want just blanket agreement, I knew what I was doing was not working sometimes.

She has complied with most requests in terms of removing orbiters from her social media. She sent me updates every 30 minutes for a while. But it was never consistent. Okay, I made a joke about seeing a waitress I knew she was jealous of, I just wanted to tease her a little, but that was a mistake and I set her off again. But you see two whole days of of pain because of that, completely over the top accusations, breaking up, she's way over the top.

I had an idea she had a depression, because she did not sleep for days, and also sleep paralysis because she posted two articles about that. But she did not tell me anything about it. She's embarassed about it. I asked her straight out, 'did you have sleep paralysis again? She just denied it then. Now she tolds me she had an episode. She just lies to me non-stop.

Thing is when she has it together, she is so sweet and gentle. Yes, she has a beautiful face, slender elegant body, is crazy in bed, sounds like a pre-pubescent choir girl, but it's more than that. She has such a surprising, complex personality, she's just interesting, and fun to be with, loves to laugh. It's such a shame she has this depression, anxiety, paranoia, sleep paralysis, narcissism thing going on. In a way it's what makes her interesting, but also a pain in the ass. Never boring though.

For my own sanity, solvency, and for my family's sake, I should let her go. I just find her endlessly fascinating. Though maybe it's just how she fucks me. It's hard to say. Great cook too, laundry genius, full lips, she really ticks all my boxes. Even now I still want to make it work. I'm still not sure if she really loves me, or not. Just to find out I'd want to stick around. But it looks bleak at the moment.
(This post was last modified: 11-29-2018 02:46 PM by Jefferson.)
11-29-2018 02:45 PM
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Post: #159
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
(11-29-2018 02:45 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  I really was hoping to get advice that would help to take the crazy out of this relationship. To neutralise the "bitch mode", as PT put it so well. I did not want just blanket agreement, I knew what I was doing was not working sometimes.

She has complied with most requests in terms of removing orbiters from her social media. She sent me updates every 30 minutes for a while. But it was never consistent. Okay, I made a joke about seeing a waitress I knew she was jealous of, I just wanted to tease her a little, but that was a mistake and I set her off again. But you see two whole days of of pain because of that, completely over the top accusations, breaking up, she's way over the top.

I had an idea she had a depression, because she did not sleep for days, and also sleep paralysis because she posted two articles about that. But she did not tell me anything about it. She's embarassed about it. I asked her straight out, 'did you have sleep paralysis again? She just denied it then. Now she tolds me she had an episode. She just lies to me non-stop.

Thing is when she has it together, she is so sweet and gentle. Yes, she has a beautiful face, slender elegant body, is crazy in bed, sounds like a pre-pubescent choir girl, but it's more than that. She has such a surprising, complex personality, she's just interesting, and fun to be with, loves to laugh. It's such a shame she has this depression, anxiety, paranoia, sleep paralysis, narcissism thing going on. In a way it's what makes her interesting, but also a pain in the ass. Never boring though.

For my own sanity, solvency, and for my family's sake, I should let her go. I just find her endlessly fascinating. Though maybe it's just how she fucks me. It's hard to say. Great cook too, laundry genius, full lips, she really ticks all my boxes. Even now I still want to make it work. I'm still not sure if she really loves me, or not. Just to find out I'd want to stick around. But it looks bleak at the moment.

WHAT IN THE FUCK AM I READING IN THIS THREAD?

OP.

For the love of god, have some self-respect.

Stop obsessing over a crazy whore who doesn't respect you, doesn't love you, and you have to be so codependent on that you listed her as "laundry genius."

Come the fuck on, man.

I've never been with a chick this crazy, but I have been with enough girls to realize that once you meet a truly quality girl you will LAUGH and shake your head at putting up with even 10% of the bullshit you're putting up with for this girl.

Pick yourself up out of the gutter and leave her there where she belongs. You can't have any decent perspective on women or life while laying down in the gutter with her. You're picking your head up ALMOST high enough to see what could be there for you if you could just reach out and grab it. It's an entire life filled with the opposite of this BS.

Good luck.

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11-29-2018 04:39 PM
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Post: #160
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
Jesus Christ now I understand OP's obsession about a man needing a woman to "complete" him.

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11-29-2018 04:46 PM
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Jefferson Offline
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Post: #161
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
I have never in my life put up with even 1% of the shit this girl allows herself.

Not from any girl. And it's not because she folds shirts and t-shirts with a precision that is almost superhuman, or even that the sex is so much better than with other girls, though it is excellent, it's' something about her. Maybe her vulnerability. I think I could really make a difference with this girl. I elevated my previous one into something higher, and she is at the plateau now, not much more I can do for her. But this one, I feel she could really benefit from being with me. I could make a difference with her. She has a lot of potential. But no cut, no real training.

But yes, her BS is on an epic scale, and the more it goes on the more tired I get of it. The worst, I realise it's not her fault, she genuinely has mental issues, depression, anxiety, paranoia, sleep paralysis...

I do feel I'm stepping down in the gutter a bit.

But does the sublime Lotus flower not grow in the mud, Aneroid Ocean?

I swear all other girls I met were boring by comparison.
(This post was last modified: 11-29-2018 04:52 PM by Jefferson.)
11-29-2018 04:52 PM
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Post: #162
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
(11-29-2018 04:52 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  I have never in my life put up with even 1% of the shit this girl allows herself.

Not from any girl. And it's not because she folds shirts and t-shirts with a precision that is almost superhuman, or even that the sex is so much better than with other girls, though it is excellent, it's' something about her. Maybe her vulnerability. I think I could really make a difference with this girl.

Dude you're white knighting for a chick whose toxic, you're being blinded by pussy on a pedestal.

Quote:I elevated my previous one into something higher, and she is at the plateau now, not much more I can do for her. But this one, I feel she could really benefit from being with me. I could make a difference with her. She has a lot of potential. But no cut, no real training.

It's not your job to fix her, she's got tons of issues.

Quote:But yes, her BS is on an epic scale, and the more it goes on the more tired I get of it. The worst, I realise it's not her fault, she genuinely has mental issues, depression, anxiety, paranoia, sleep paralysis...

When you know a woman has mental issues, you aren't a professional who can fix her, you need to let actual professionals help her.

You need to drop this girl fast, I don't care how good you think the pussy is.

I had a latina recently who had terrible PTSD because of her first (last) boyfriend, and I had my little white knight thoughts, but she did me a favor and ended things and was seeking professional help.

Quote:I swear all other girls I met were boring by comparison.

Because she's giving you drama and highs and lows.

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11-29-2018 05:05 PM
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Post: #163
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
She has a gorgeous pussy, in my defence.

Flawless.

You're right of course. I've put this bitch on a pedestal and I have no idea how to get her down.
(This post was last modified: 11-29-2018 05:08 PM by Jefferson.)
11-29-2018 05:08 PM
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Post: #164
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
Who cares if she has a nice pussy?

My latina I just talked about checked off alot of boxes:
-Early 20's
-I'm the second guy she had sex with (allegedly)
-Good family
-Good relationship with family
-Has her shit together
-Religious
-Great sex, nice pussy, great head, etc
-Dislike social media
-Always complimenting and touching me

Everything I wanted, I was already visualizing our relationship (I'm exaggerating but you get the picture)

Yet she had emotional/physical abuse done to her by her first boyfriend, and all I wanted to do is hug her and tell her it's okay and told her to talk to me about and keep an open line of communication. She tells me she's gonna seek professional because she finally told someone who wasn't her best friend.

Two weeks later after an amazing weekend together, out of the blue her she texts me that she doesn't want to see me again, she has too much stress in her life and her PTSD allegedly come roaring back.

She did me a favor because of the red flags I ignored that she knew I saw.

Do yourself a favor, stop seeing this chick, fadeaway if you have to, but you need to walk.

This chick is a lost cause, and there's tons of other girls better than her out there.

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(This post was last modified: 11-29-2018 05:18 PM by kaotic.)
11-29-2018 05:15 PM
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Post: #165
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
That's cool Kaotic but could that bitch fold clothes with razor like precision though?

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11-29-2018 05:33 PM
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RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
(11-29-2018 05:33 PM)RedPillUK Wrote:  That's cool Kaotic but could that bitch fold clothes with razor like precision though?

She still has board shorts of mine that another girl recently bought for my fucking birthday Dodgy

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(This post was last modified: 11-29-2018 05:52 PM by kaotic.)
11-29-2018 05:44 PM
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Post: #167
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
Kaotic, do you have the number of that Latina still? I may be available soon...
(This post was last modified: 11-29-2018 05:53 PM by Jefferson.)
11-29-2018 05:52 PM
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Post: #168
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
(11-29-2018 05:52 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  Kaotic, do you have the number of that Latina still? I may be available soon...

Last thing you need in your life is another broken woman haha Laugh

Keep logging your progress moving away from this woman, you deserve better.

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11-29-2018 06:14 PM
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Post: #169
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
I was with a stable, very together woman before this, thing is she didn't have silky skin, was not 28, not fun, this one may have issues, but she has a lot of great sides to her. That's what makes it so difficult.
11-29-2018 06:37 PM
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Post: #170
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
Bail.

Honestly block her number from your phone and delete it. Also, block her on all social media.

This isn't healthy.

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11-29-2018 06:45 PM
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Post: #171
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
I tried that. I did it now. Blocked her on WhatsApp, deleted her as a friend on FB, blocked her on Insta. It never lasts.
11-29-2018 07:01 PM
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RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
(11-29-2018 07:01 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  I tried that. I did it now. Blocked her on WhatsApp, deleted her as a friend on FB, blocked her on Insta. It never lasts.

Stop re adding her. Stop unblocking her from your phone. The next post on this forum from you should be about how you have started your first 50 approaches and that you have kept going cold turkey with the old girlfriend

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11-29-2018 07:06 PM
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RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
(11-29-2018 07:01 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  I tried that. I did it now. Blocked her on WhatsApp, deleted her as a friend on FB, blocked her on Insta. It never lasts.

You're male hamster is far bigger than you like to admit.

It's running circles around your real rationalization.

You need to stop making excuses for her and see the situation for what it really is, a lose/lose.

Anytime you have an urge to reach out to her, log your thoughts in the No Contact Thread:

https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-52478...pid1894806

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11-29-2018 07:34 PM
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RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
(11-29-2018 02:45 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  I really was hoping to get advice that would help to take the crazy out of this relationship. To neutralise the "bitch mode", as PT put it so well. I did not want just blanket agreement, I knew what I was doing was not working sometimes.

She has complied with most requests in terms of removing orbiters from her social media. She sent me updates every 30 minutes for a while. But it was never consistent. Okay, I made a joke about seeing a waitress I knew she was jealous of, I just wanted to tease her a little, but that was a mistake and I set her off again. But you see two whole days of of pain because of that, completely over the top accusations, breaking up, she's way over the top.

I had an idea she had a depression, because she did not sleep for days, and also sleep paralysis because she posted two articles about that. But she did not tell me anything about it. She's embarassed about it. I asked her straight out, 'did you have sleep paralysis again? She just denied it then. Now she tolds me she had an episode. She just lies to me non-stop.

Thing is when she has it together, she is so sweet and gentle. Yes, she has a beautiful face, slender elegant body, is crazy in bed, sounds like a pre-pubescent choir girl, but it's more than that. She has such a surprising, complex personality, she's just interesting, and fun to be with, loves to laugh. It's such a shame she has this depression, anxiety, paranoia, sleep paralysis, narcissism thing going on. In a way it's what makes her interesting, but also a pain in the ass. Never boring though.

For my own sanity, solvency, and for my family's sake, I should let her go. I just find her endlessly fascinating. Though maybe it's just how she fucks me. It's hard to say. Great cook too, laundry genius, full lips, she really ticks all my boxes. Even now I still want to make it work. I'm still not sure if she really loves me, or not. Just to find out I'd want to stick around. But it looks bleak at the moment.

Confirmation bias
You are incessantly guilty of confirmation bias. You are ignoring blatant facts and selectively believing what is necessary to continue dating a manipulative and shallow woman. You've apparently even convinced yourself all woman are ultra superficial to make this one seem less worthless. She is constantly playing the victim with whatever lies are necessary to extract copious amounts of sympathy and cash. She didn't immediately respond to your message because it is her part time job to craft sob stories that she can rest assured will inspire you to yet again grovel for a chance to play the role of captain save a hoe.

Martyr/victim complex
This woman isn't the only one to blame for the insanity. You both seem to have some variations of martyr and victim complexes. The more you give to her the more you selfishly expect in return and when she doesn't comply with your excessive demands you resentfully act passive aggressive and trigger further drama and animosity.

Infinite breakups
You also both act like a couple of insecure teenagers, constantly prodding at one another's vulnerabilities until it explodes and you breakup for the umpteenth time. You both probably secretly love the pageantry of fake dumping each other. How has the threat not lost all potency at this point when you both flip flop more than a couple of slimy politicians. Sadly, she doesn't believe you but you keep believing her and she again dupes you into deeper emotional investment, sinking her claws progressively deeper into your thin skin. I assure you that anyone who has cheated four times has leather thick skin and should never be trusted.

Conclusion:
Stop glossing over pathological lying and constantly repeating this woman's paltry "redeeming" qualities because you're too lazy and/or scared to be single. Do what is best for both of you and cut off all contact. If you actually think you care about this woman, let her use her rapidly expiring last few years of attractiveness to lock down some other poor sap willing to buy into her victim obsessed charades.
11-29-2018 08:43 PM
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Jefferson Offline
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Posts: 494
Joined: Aug 2018
Post: #175
RE: How much control should you exert in an LTR?
I am in a bar now. I got a girl that is giving me massive IOI, volunteered her number, asked me out for tomorrow. Thing is she's a 6 at best, too heavy. I would feel awful hitting that after being with that slender maniac.

I go out, I approach, it's just I see nobody like this girl.

It is not me doing the fake dumping, it's her. She gets me every time.

I know she can not be trusted. I am fairly certain this girl will cheat on me at some point.

I'm just addicted, like an addict, I need the fix eventually.

Thanks for the hard analysis. I need this to see it clearer.
11-29-2018 09:08 PM
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