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After Sex?
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coffeedrinker Offline
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Post: #1
After Sex?
Last night managed to have sex with a girl 1st date. 6th girl and first time in my life that i manage 2 different girls in one week.Initially it feels good. Then I remember that the first one went silent and while I haven't msged the second one, I have a feeling she will too. Some guys here seem to prefer that anyway, but for me, having never had a repeat partner (more than twice anyway), it makes me feel shit.

I have performance anxiety and while I think I try and make up for it with other skills in bed, I don't ever know if I'm doing a good job or not. Last night, I just went for it without trying to have any fear and only lasted about 20 seconds. Then in the morning we started foreplay and I lasted 20 seconds of her giving me a BJ. Serious issue.

I've started the no fap challenge for over a week and a half and determined to keep at it (The pain of seeing a girl being outright bored from movie we were watching, to being more excited by the movie then her trying to get me hard again is some serious motivation to never watch porn again).

I need a repeat partner for at least a while to get some confidence in myself because the fear of always underperforming first time having sex with someone is contributing to the weak performance. I do try to ignore it, but it's always on the back of my mind and it sucks.

What are some other suggestions to prepare for next girl so I can perform as best as I can?

Appreciate any advice.
12-01-2018 02:06 PM
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Winston Wolfe Offline
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Post: #2
RE: After Sex?
It looks like approaching, pulling and closing are no problems for you, which is good.

Understand a few things:

1) A percentage of girls is always going to ghost on you, no matter if you last 20 seconds or 20 hours. They're just looking for a bang and that's it.

2) Girls will forgive far more than you would think. My problem isn't that I can't last long, but I have been in other kinds of objectively embarassing situations myself. Anyone on here who claims he hasn't, is lying. I'm always surprised by how well the girls take it and how willing they are to work on a problem with you.

The no fap challenge is good regardless of what your exact issue is, that's a good start so keep at it.

I know it's easier said than done, but you need to start not giving a shit. You came in 20 seconds? Don't even apologize for it, just say something like "well that was a quick one" and lie down with her (or don't even say anything). You being insecure about it will make her lose attraction more than the actual fact that it happened.

Now as for actionable advice, maybe someone else can chime in as I don't have direct experience with this particular problem. Maybe try taking things way slower, or go for a second round after you came the first time, so the second time you might last longer?
(This post was last modified: 12-01-2018 11:27 PM by Winston Wolfe.)
12-01-2018 11:22 PM
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Post: #3
RE: After Sex?
cd, I've had similar experience with finishing fast.

When I was unemployed and not going to the gym, I was in a depressive state. I had a 3 girl rotation where I couldn't last long at all.

It really sucked. Felt like I was a piece of shit. However, one part of me said, "got my nut, so who cares?"

But, it really bothered me to the point where I needed to make a change.

After that, I got another job, and started lifting again. All that anxiety about finishing early completely disappeared. I was fucking girls and finishing when I wanted.

Was totally in control.

Make a change in your lifestyle where your confidence will soar, and watch your sex life become much better.

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12-01-2018 11:47 PM
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coffeedrinker Offline
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RE: After Sex?
(12-01-2018 11:22 PM)Winston Wolfe Wrote:  It looks like approaching, pulling and closing are no problems for you, which is good.

Understand a few things:

1) A percentage of girls is always going to ghost on you, no matter if you last 20 seconds or 20 hours. They're just looking for a bang and that's it.

2) Girls will forgive far more than you would think. My problem isn't that I can't last long, but I have been in other kinds of objectively embarassing situations myself. Anyone on here who claims he hasn't, is lying. I'm always surprised by how well the girls take it and how willing they are to work on a problem with you.

The no fap challenge is good regardless of what your exact issue is, that's a good start so keep at it.

I know it's easier said than done, but you need to start not giving a shit. You came in 20 seconds? Don't even apologize for it, just say something like "well that was a quick one" and lie down with her (or don't even say anything). You being insecure about it will make her lose attraction more than the actual fact that it happened.

Now as for actionable advice, maybe someone else can chime in as I don't have direct experience with this particular problem. Maybe try taking things way slower, or go for a second round after you came the first time, so the second time you might last longer?

With 1) I understand but when it has been 100%, it makes me think I have a problem that I can't pinpoint and it is frustrating. I know that given it's only been a few girls, it can be just be bad luck but it doesn't seem to help me get over this.

2) I've stopped apologising but I do try and compensate by fingering her again. Usually I do last longer the second time but then I get the opposite problem of keeping my erection up lol.

(12-01-2018 11:47 PM)Remington Wrote:  cd, I've had similar experience with finishing fast.

When I was unemployed and not going to the gym, I was in a depressive state. I had a 3 girl rotation where I couldn't last long at all.

It really sucked. Felt like I was a piece of shit. However, one part of me said, "got my nut, so who cares?"

But, it really bothered me to the point where I needed to make a change.

After that, I got another job, and started lifting again. All that anxiety about finishing early completely disappeared. I was fucking girls and finishing when I wanted.

Was totally in control.

Make a change in your lifestyle where your confidence will soar, and watch your sex life become much better.

This is actually a big thing for me. I tend to be stressed all the time even when I'm not doing too bad in life. Gym does help me a lot but have been inconsistent due to some health issues. I managed to get 2 surgeries that were hindering my progress and hoping that I can make progress with weights now.

Thanks for the advice guys. I know I ramble a lot sometimes, but this forum lets me release the things that come up in my head who many of my friends would not really understand or help me with.
12-02-2018 06:40 AM
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Post: #5
RE: After Sex?
@coffedrinker this is literally me when i first started out. I had no problem pulling and escalating, my problem was the closing and the sex part which gave me tremendous performance anxiety because i could not last longer than a minute. It comes down to a few things. If you don't care about the girl you're with, you wouldn't want to do all of this im about to explain to you. You would just fuck her once and leave her, but in your case, i read that you want to try have sex more than once with a girl, so here's my advice.

Winston Wolfe's advice is absolutely spot on. Girls don't care so much about whether you cum in a minute or 10. Girls will forgive a lot more than you think. If she decided to sleep with you, she liked your personality enough to spread her legs for you, which means you've fucked her mentally, now you only need to fuck her physically. Halfway there already. That's a good start. One thing you should never do is being apologetic and showing weakness after cumming too fast. I used to do that and i saw how quickly girls lost attraction for me because i projected insecurity/beta behaviour. Girls are usually insecure about themselves, they want the guy to make them feel comfortable and secure, so when you lack that aspect you will repel them off faster than anything in this world.

A tip i can give you is trying to relax, breathing is important and also relaxing the muscles. The more you tense your muscles, the faster you will ejaculate. It's a fact. With more experience, you will also learn your "trigger" point where you're about to reach climax 90%. You need to learn the cooldown. It will come, don't worry. 2 things i started doing that helped me in my journey of premature ejaculation other than nofap/no porn. #1 foreplay my man. I used to hate it but now i can't go without it.

It's like lubrication for the girl before the actual sex. Honestly, for some girls, the foreplay part is more exciting than the sex itself. Learn to make her cum before you even stick your penis inside of her. If you can manage to do this by either fingering her, going down on her, playing with her tits, sucking on them, kissing her between her thighs, kissing her neck, tease her etc she wouldn't even mind you cumming early, once she already reached an orgasm, even if you cum within 10 seconds.

Obviously, i couldn't do this forever, since i felt shit for still cumming early and i wanted the sex part to last longer than a minute. I felt like a little boy, didn't feel very masculine having my finger and mouth do the work. So, i started learning about my trigger point, the point where you're about to reach climax. If you feel like cumming, something you want to do is pull out for 30-60 seconds and finger her all you can while kissing her. If you're smooth about it she won't even notice you pulled out (obviously depends on position). Another thing is switching positions frequently, have 2-3 positions you can transition from to cooldown. A technique i learned was going for 50% speed for a minute then up it to 80% speed for half a minute then switch position. Repeat. Switch position, go for 1.5-2 minutes. Repeat. This way you can control the buildup and stop right before you reach climax.

Also, blowjobs were too good for me lol so i tend to avoid them while i fixed my problem. You'd want to give her before she gives you in the beginning until you learn to be in control of your body. This way you will avoid many awkward situations the first time. The more partners the more in control you will be. You will start doing things subconsciously with little to no effort, once you get more experience with women. It's like learning to drive a car with manual gear, at first you look at the gearbox every time you have to switch because you're not used to the pattern of movement. But after a while you start doing it like it's nothing, no need to look, just feeling it with your hand is enough.

(12-01-2018 11:22 PM)Winston Wolfe Wrote:  I know it's easier said than done, but you need to start not giving a shit. You came in 20 seconds? Don't even apologize for it, just say something like "well that was a quick one" and lie down with her (or don't even say anything). You being insecure about it will make her lose attraction more than the actual fact that it happened.

I remember the first time with this girl i had seen for a little while, everything was exciting, we spent a lot of time together and had a lot of fun. The first time we we had sex i lasted for 30 seconds. I felt like a piece of shit and it showed in my behaviour towards the girl that liked me so much, she said it's fine we will just try again later. She came to "comfort" me but i was just sitting on the edge of the bed angry at myself, ignoring her when she came to kiss me.

But the way i acted and the way i pushed her away with my words showed so much weakness that we eventually fell out of contact, even when she was actually so into me the few times we'd seen each other and things were going great. So this is very important concept to understand. You need to hold your frame if something like this happens.

2 things i started saying instead of showing insecurity "damn, it's been a while, first round is for me, next round is for you" in case you don't make her cum and want to go for a round 2. In case you don't make her cum the first time. A lot of virgin guys / inexperienced guys think that you need to fuck a girl like a pornstar for her to come back crawling to you. No, you just need to string her along emotionally enough and she will do anything for you. Keyword. Foreplay. Make her cum before you cum. The more i fucked new girls the longer i could last because eventually my anxiety completely disappeared, so it put ease on everything else.
12-02-2018 09:52 AM
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RE: After Sex?
just call her
12-02-2018 10:43 AM
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RE: After Sex?
(12-02-2018 09:52 AM)firat113 Wrote:  @coffedrinker this is literally me when i first started out. I had no problem pulling and escalating, my problem was the closing and the sex part which gave me tremendous performance anxiety because i could not last longer than a minute. It comes down to a few things. If you don't care about the girl you're with, you wouldn't want to do all of this im about to explain to you. You would just fuck her once and leave her, but in your case, i read that you want to try have sex more than once with a girl, so here's my advice.

Winston Wolfe's advice is absolutely spot on. Girls don't care so much about whether you cum in a minute or 10. Girls will forgive a lot more than you think. If she decided to sleep with you, she liked your personality enough to spread her legs for you, which means you've fucked her mentally, now you only need to fuck her physically. Halfway there already. That's a good start. One thing you should never do is being apologetic and showing weakness after cumming too fast. I used to do that and i saw how quickly girls lost attraction for me because i projected insecurity/beta behaviour. Girls are usually insecure about themselves, they want the guy to make them feel comfortable and secure, so when you lack that aspect you will repel them off faster than anything in this world.

A tip i can give you is trying to relax, breathing is important and also relaxing the muscles. The more you tense your muscles, the faster you will ejaculate. It's a fact. With more experience, you will also learn your "trigger" point where you're about to reach climax 90%. You need to learn the cooldown. It will come, don't worry. 2 things i started doing that helped me in my journey of premature ejaculation other than nofap/no porn. #1 foreplay my man. I used to hate it but now i can't go without it.

It's like lubrication for the girl before the actual sex. Honestly, for some girls, the foreplay part is more exciting than the sex itself. Learn to make her cum before you even stick your penis inside of her. If you can manage to do this by either fingering her, going down on her, playing with her tits, sucking on them, kissing her between her thighs, kissing her neck, tease her etc she wouldn't even mind you cumming early, once she already reached an orgasm, even if you cum within 10 seconds.

Obviously, i couldn't do this forever, since i felt shit for still cumming early and i wanted the sex part to last longer than a minute. I felt like a little boy, didn't feel very masculine having my finger and mouth do the work. So, i started learning about my trigger point, the point where you're about to reach climax. If you feel like cumming, something you want to do is pull out for 30-60 seconds and finger her all you can while kissing her. If you're smooth about it she won't even notice you pulled out (obviously depends on position). Another thing is switching positions frequently, have 2-3 positions you can transition from to cooldown. A technique i learned was going for 50% speed for a minute then up it to 80% speed for half a minute then switch position. Repeat. Switch position, go for 1.5-2 minutes. Repeat. This way you can control the buildup and stop right before you reach climax.

Also, blowjobs were too good for me lol so i tend to avoid them while i fixed my problem. You'd want to give her before she gives you in the beginning until you learn to be in control of your body. This way you will avoid many awkward situations the first time. The more partners the more in control you will be. You will start doing things subconsciously with little to no effort, once you get more experience with women. It's like learning to drive a car with manual gear, at first you look at the gearbox every time you have to switch because you're not used to the pattern of movement. But after a while you start doing it like it's nothing, no need to look, just feeling it with your hand is enough.

(12-01-2018 11:22 PM)Winston Wolfe Wrote:  I know it's easier said than done, but you need to start not giving a shit. You came in 20 seconds? Don't even apologize for it, just say something like "well that was a quick one" and lie down with her (or don't even say anything). You being insecure about it will make her lose attraction more than the actual fact that it happened.

I remember the first time with this girl i had seen for a little while, everything was exciting, we spent a lot of time together and had a lot of fun. The first time we we had sex i lasted for 30 seconds. I felt like a piece of shit and it showed in my behaviour towards the girl that liked me so much, she said it's fine we will just try again later. She came to "comfort" me but i was just sitting on the edge of the bed angry at myself, ignoring her when she came to kiss me.

But the way i acted and the way i pushed her away with my words showed so much weakness that we eventually fell out of contact, even when she was actually so into me the few times we'd seen each other and things were going great. So this is very important concept to understand. You need to hold your frame if something like this happens.

2 things i started saying instead of showing insecurity "damn, it's been a while, first round is for me, next round is for you" in case you don't make her cum and want to go for a round 2. In case you don't make her cum the first time. A lot of virgin guys / inexperienced guys think that you need to fuck a girl like a pornstar for her to come back crawling to you. No, you just need to string her along emotionally enough and she will do anything for you. Keyword. Foreplay. Make her cum before you cum. The more i fucked new girls the longer i could last because eventually my anxiety completely disappeared, so it put ease on everything else.

Hey man, cheers for the advice.

Thanks for the detailed reply.

Because I've practised kegels, I know when I'm about to reach the no return point. The problem is that it's happening so quickly that pulling in and out so frequently is a bit weird. Also, by tensing the muscles to stop myself from finishing, I occasionally over do it and then set up the opposite problem where I lose or can't hold the erection for long.

Standing up positions, I can last a lot longer but then again I tend to get the opposite problem where I can't keep hard.

That is why I want a repeat girl for a while so I can relax a little and prove to myself that I can do it.

I'll txt 2nd girl tomorrow, hopefully she hasn't lost interest.
12-02-2018 12:07 PM
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Post: #8
RE: After Sex?
(12-02-2018 10:43 AM)Off The Reservation Wrote:  just call her

Called 2nd girl, left voicemail. She called later and I set up to go bowling.

However, dates after sex are uncharted territory for me. My aim isn't just to have sex again, but to keep things exciting. I know the usual advice of being mysterious and vague etc but is there a detailed 'for idiots' guide on how to keep girls wanting more? Do I still need to use plausible deniability if I want to bring her back again?

First date logistics were: Cool Bar -> Ice cream -> Nice Quite City Spot for Chilling -> Back to mine

Plan for second: Bowling -> Food -> Drive to this quite spot that has an amazing view ->Escalate in car, see how far I can get and if it goes well -> back to mine.
12-03-2018 03:04 PM
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Post: #9
RE: After Sex?
The brain is a weird thing. Due to being inexperienced, oneitis seems to affect me in regards to the girl who I currently think is most likely to have sex with me.

For example. I was frustrated that girl I had sex with was not replying to my text even though I had a date with a hotter girl on same day. After having sex with 2nd girl, it completely removed any cares for previous girl, particularly when 2nd girl agreed to go out again. Yesterday, 2nd girl said she was probably going to cancel as she was very ill. Again that caused that same frustration even though I knew I was going out and will have the opportunity to pull.
During the night at the club, thinking about that frustration made me repeat some complete newb mistakes. However, near the end, I lowered my standards and managed to pull a girl and go back to hers. Didn't seal the deal as her flatmates came but got a BJ anyway.

Simple enough, increase opportunities, reduce pain when one of them disappears as the usual advice dealing with oneitis and similar pains.

To make it easier to get more opportunities, I realise now you have to enjoy the hunt. In the first two-three years of my university, I went out clubbing 3-4 nights every week and didn't have sex once. Why? Most nights I drank so much to enjoy the night that I was in no state to bring a girl back even if there was a girl willing. I need to focus more on daygame, and when I do go out at night to stick to quiter areas in clubs where conversation is easier.

Slowly, I'm trying to correct lots of bad habits, limiting beliefs and false perceptions but it does often feel like two steps forwards, one step back which can be dscouraging.
12-06-2018 07:25 AM
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Post: #10
RE: After Sex?
cofeedrinker what do you say or do in order to have them come home with you or get back to their place? Im shit at closing and was always wondering how guys pulled the girl back home after creating the attraction. Do you tell her something along the line with "we should get back to my place and get a drink?". And when is it you do that because girls dont seem to want to leave the club early, so unless its the end of their nights they dont want to weap up and go home with you.
12-06-2018 07:29 AM
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RE: After Sex?
(12-06-2018 07:29 AM)chvrches Wrote:  cofeedrinker what do you say or do in order to have them come home with you or get back to their place? Im shit at closing and was always wondering how guys pulled the girl back home after creating the attraction. Do you tell her something along the line with "we should get back to my place and get a drink?". And when is it you do that because girls dont seem to want to leave the club early, so unless its the end of their nights they dont want to weap up and go home with you.

The girl last night, it was literally 5 mins before the club closed and she was at max a 5 so I'm sure someone has better advice than me but:

I think moving them as soon as possible is great for couple of reasons.

1) It shows you can lead if you say "Lets go to x" whether x is within the venue (i.e. from one area to another or to smoking area or dance floor).

2) It can get rid of friends (girl last night had a friend with her that wasn't too happy I stole her dancing partner so when I moved her from one dance floor to the main, got "rid" of her friend.)

3)In a way it sets up plausible deniability and a bit of comfort in her following you. You have already moved her to a couple of spots and nothing bad has happened / she has enjoyed it. Therefore she's more likely to accept if you lead her towards your end location.

4) Some girls just aren't available for whatever reason. If you can't even get them to move them within the venue, what is the chance you will move them to your bed? If she is worth it or there is a good reason why she can't go with you, maybe get her number after building some attraction and comfort to set up a date for when logistics/other barriers are not on the way.

Logistics can be a big problem that needs to be pre-planned in advance though. For me last night, it was either pull a fresher (they live 5 mins walk from club) or get a 10 min cab to mine, so relatively easy.

A friend of mine who does pretty well with girls tends to say "Lets go for a walk outside" and then just leads them to either a cab, or food place before going to cab. If she asks where they are going before reaching cab, he just stays vague/just walking. When they reach cab and she then asks again, he just says any plausible deniability line to get her back to his. Usually by this time she has invested enough time and effort that it's too late to cancel.

With girl from last night:

I spoke to her for a minute before saying we should go for a walk outside. She said "No, this is my fav song". So I said, "Ok, lets go and dance on the main floor than" There we made out. Pulling away before she does (particularly on first few kisses) always works wonders for me.

After that song, I basically said "exits will get packed if we stay right to the end, lets leave now and go for a walk".
Outside, she herself suggested we go to a few cool spots on campus but she wasn't wearing her heels so I suggested we go back to hers to put some shoes on first. When we got to her room, she made a point about just changing shoes and going back outside. But as soon as I entered, I started making out with her and escalating.


It was also quite funny because just before I spoke to this girl, a different girl basically pulled one of my friends whose tall and can attract girls just with looks. She initiated contact and make out with him and he wouldn't escalate further. They made out for about 10 mins on same spot and then her friends came and it got awkward. Opportunity missed.
12-06-2018 10:48 AM
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Post: #12
RE: After Sex?
Great explanation, thanks! "let's go for a walk" is one i will for sure use tomorrow night. You did say you made out with her on the dancefloor, i read a lot people here recommend that you wait for escalation(kissing) to the moment where you can have sex with her, for example at your place or at somewhere away from the club. But don't know how that would work out then. You have to create some kind of attraction before getting her with you home.

Another thing that annoyed me is trying to get girls to switch venue, and they wouldnt want to leave because of their friend, they don't want to leave her alone and especially not leave to my place to have sex when the friend will be at the club alone. Not sure how i can fix this unless i find a wingman... Maybe those kind of girls as you mention just arent ready to fuck on the same night.
12-06-2018 02:29 PM
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Post: #13
RE: After Sex?
(12-06-2018 02:29 PM)chvrches Wrote:  Great explanation, thanks! "let's go for a walk" is one i will for sure use tomorrow night. You did say you made out with her on the dancefloor, i read a lot people here recommend that you wait for escalation(kissing) to the moment where you can have sex with her, for example at your place or at somewhere away from the club. But don't know how that would work out then. You have to create some kind of attraction before getting her with you home.

Another thing that annoyed me is trying to get girls to switch venue, and they wouldnt want to leave because of their friend, they don't want to leave her alone and especially not leave to my place to have sex when the friend will be at the club alone. Not sure how i can fix this unless i find a wingman... Maybe those kind of girls as you mention just arent ready to fuck on the same night.

On dates I like to hold up kissing (most of the time) until they get back to mine.

In clubs, I think it depends. I'm still at university with student nights out and making out makes fuck all of a difference for a girl. Like girls might laugh a bit for making out with someone but will hardly ever give her shit for it. So while I don't think making out with a girl increases your chances of sleeping with a girl, it makes it easier to screen girls that may be willing (so long you escalate) and for me it also gives me a confidence boost.
12-06-2018 04:50 PM
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Post: #14
RE: After Sex?
Update on situation.

The second girl did finally agree on meeting up again and it offered some explanation to why she may have been reluctant initially. She's into being dominated at extreme levels. I.e. this time she pushed my hand to strangle her to the point where I wasn't even sure she could breath (I got scared and let go - she later said "worse thing that can happen is I feint" o.O). Wanted to be spanked harder until I was pretty much giving full force. In the morning, she told me she didn't realise I could be like this and thought I was a "sweet guy".

Anyway I've read some posts on dominating girls on this forum and some do warn about going extreme with girls you do not know well. What precautions should be taken? Her ass was full of bruises by the end and not sure what would happen in a scenario where a girl like that throws some false allegations afterwards. I guess avoiding girls like that is the easy option but at the same time, it was also the most exciting sex I've had so far...
12-17-2018 07:16 PM
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RE: After Sex?
(12-17-2018 07:16 PM)coffeedrinker Wrote:  Anyway I've read some posts on dominating girls on this forum and some do warn about going extreme with girls you do not know well. What precautions should be taken? Her ass was full of bruises by the end and not sure what would happen in a scenario where a girl like that throws some false allegations afterwards. I guess avoiding girls like that is the easy option but at the same time, it was also the most exciting sex I've had so far...

You really should only have extreme sex like this with girls you really trust and know deeply.

Firstly you should have a back and forth discussion on an online chat app like whatsapp where she clearly says IN DETAIL all the things she likes and wants FROM YOU so you can screen shot it and save it.

Secondly, you should agree on a safeword to stop if it gets too much (and a safe sign/movement if her mouth is gagged/choked).

Finally, extreme sex like this should be done in increments...meaning don't go full on the 1st few times no matter how much she says she wants it...but space it out over a few weeks/months. Make each time more and more intense as your trust between eachother deepens and your knowledge of how to do this properly grows.

Doing any of this extreme sex stuff with a girl you don't know well can ruin your entire life.
You have been advised/warned.
(This post was last modified: 12-17-2018 08:27 PM by Caduceus.)
12-17-2018 08:25 PM
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RE: After Sex?
(12-17-2018 07:16 PM)coffeedrinker Wrote:  Update on situation.

The second girl did finally agree on meeting up again and it offered some explanation to why she may have been reluctant initially. She's into being dominated at extreme levels. I.e. this time she pushed my hand to strangle her to the point where I wasn't even sure she could breath (I got scared and let go - she later said "worse thing that can happen is I feint" o.O). Wanted to be spanked harder until I was pretty much giving full force. In the morning, she told me she didn't realise I could be like this and thought I was a "sweet guy".

Anyway I've read some posts on dominating girls on this forum and some do warn about going extreme with girls you do not know well. What precautions should be taken? Her ass was full of bruises by the end and not sure what would happen in a scenario where a girl like that throws some false allegations afterwards. I guess avoiding girls like that is the easy option but at the same time, it was also the most exciting sex I've had so far...

Unless you are in the market for a slavegirl and she is clearly pairbonding to you... you make it a policy to not leave marks on flings. You tell this one she enlightened you and express gratitude, then either keep fucking her or let things end amicably. Generally it is dangerous to leave anything more than readily fading red marks on a girl that hasn't decided to dedicate her will and life to you.

As the fresh most exciting sex you have had so far, you do have some room to try pursuing this relation as an ongoing thing, but try to keep a parachute packed. Your primary parachute should be an amicable thanks that she opened your eyes and taught you so much. Your back up should be preserved written messages from her asking to be beaten and degraded. Your best protection is being a fond memory of hers.

What makes girls dangerous when things end is their capacity to rewrite history so that a peck on the cheek can become a crime against humanity. Your best defense is not needed a defense due to continuing cordiality, and your best secondary is a narrative that SHE drove the perversion in the relationship.

If you decide vanilla sex and relationships just aren't going to do it for you after leveling up you notch count, your best learning resource is likely to be Mircea Popescu's trilema articles on keeping slavegirls. Sex relations happen on a spectrum. When you love a girl it is oneitits. When a girl loves you it is marriage. When several girls love you it is a slave harem. The key difference between the losing oneitits and winning other outcomes is frame and your ability to support the relationships.

Dangerous sex is exciting sex, but an all pepper diet isn't healthy or satisfying. If you think marking up a girl's ass is exciting, wait until you train one to orgasm on command and the games that follow from there.

I think looking for a repeat partner is the right move in your situation. Work on getting lots of sex and refining your appetite while building your wealth and putting a few million in the bank. You are on the way to the good life. It shouldn't be long before your insecurities kill themselves.
12-18-2018 12:36 AM
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RE: After Sex?
(12-17-2018 08:25 PM)Caduceus Wrote:  You really should only have extreme sex like this with girls you really trust and know deeply.

Firstly you should have a back and forth discussion on an online chat app like whatsapp where she clearly says IN DETAIL all the things she likes and wants FROM YOU so you can screen shot it and save it.

Secondly, you should agree on a safeword to stop if it gets too much (and a safe sign/movement if her mouth is gagged/choked).

Finally, extreme sex like this should be done in increments...meaning don't go full on the 1st few times no matter how much she says she wants it...but space it out over a few weeks/months. Make each time more and more intense as your trust between eachother deepens and your knowledge of how to do this properly grows.

Doing any of this extreme sex stuff with a girl you don't know well can ruin your entire life.
You have been advised/warned.

Thanks for the advice. I'll definitely try and get some written evidence before doing any extreme stuff, whether it's with her or other girls. I got carried away this time but now I know.

(12-18-2018 12:36 AM)BBinger Wrote:  Unless you are in the market for a slavegirl and she is clearly pairbonding to you... you make it a policy to not leave marks on flings. You tell this one she enlightened you and express gratitude, then either keep fucking her or let things end amicably. Generally it is dangerous to leave anything more than readily fading red marks on a girl that hasn't decided to dedicate her will and life to you.

As the fresh most exciting sex you have had so far, you do have some room to try pursuing this relation as an ongoing thing, but try to keep a parachute packed. Your primary parachute should be an amicable thanks that she opened your eyes and taught you so much. Your back up should be preserved written messages from her asking to be beaten and degraded. Your best protection is being a fond memory of hers.

What makes girls dangerous when things end is their capacity to rewrite history so that a peck on the cheek can become a crime against humanity. Your best defense is not needed a defense due to continuing cordiality, and your best secondary is a narrative that SHE drove the perversion in the relationship.

If you decide vanilla sex and relationships just aren't going to do it for you after leveling up you notch count, your best learning resource is likely to be Mircea Popescu's trilema articles on keeping slavegirls. Sex relations happen on a spectrum. When you love a girl it is oneitits. When a girl loves you it is marriage. When several girls love you it is a slave harem. The key difference between the losing oneitits and winning other outcomes is frame and your ability to support the relationships.

Dangerous sex is exciting sex, but an all pepper diet isn't healthy or satisfying. If you think marking up a girl's ass is exciting, wait until you train one to orgasm on command and the games that follow from there.

I think looking for a repeat partner is the right move in your situation. Work on getting lots of sex and refining your appetite while building your wealth and putting a few million in the bank. You are on the way to the good life. It shouldn't be long before your insecurities kill themselves.

The thing about girls rewriting history is damn scary because technically even months/years in the future they can blackmail/acuse you.

Part of the reason I was so excited was that given she seems to be pretty experienced, it helps me learn how to act in bed in the future.

I'll check out those articles, and appreciate all the advice.
12-18-2018 06:07 AM
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Post: #18
RE: After Sex?
(12-01-2018 11:47 PM)Remington Wrote:  cd, I've had similar experience with finishing fast.

When I was unemployed and not going to the gym, I was in a depressive state. I had a 3 girl rotation where I couldn't last long at all.

It really sucked. Felt like I was a piece of shit. However, one part of me said, "got my nut, so who cares?"

But, it really bothered me to the point where I needed to make a change.

After that, I got another job, and started lifting again. All that anxiety about finishing early completely disappeared. I was fucking girls and finishing when I wanted.

Was totally in control.

Make a change in your lifestyle where your confidence will soar, and watch your sex life become much better.

I have to second this. At some point many guys go through this. Make sure to focus on yourself and better yourself, and everything else you tend to worry about will go away.
12-18-2018 05:50 PM
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Post: #19
RE: After Sex?
(12-01-2018 02:06 PM)coffeedrinker Wrote:  I have performance anxiety and while I think I try and make up for it with other skills in bed, I don't ever know if I'm doing a good job or not. Last night, I just went for it without trying to have any fear and only lasted about 20 seconds. Then in the morning we started foreplay and I lasted 20 seconds of her giving me a BJ. Serious issue.


What are some other suggestions to prepare for next girl so I can perform as best as I can?

Appreciate any advice.

Like others have mentioned we've all been in a similar situation at some point.

One thing that helped me with performance anxiety was having a pill (Cialis/Viagra) beforehand. Obviously this isn't something you want to become dependent on, but it can really help with your confidence until you are able to build it up naturally in the bedroom.

It also helps if you bust early, because you're up and ready for the next round in no time.

You're in the UK, right? Don't they sell Viagra OTC there now?

Anyway, just another suggestion that I didn't see mentioned.

"Once you've gotten the lay you have won."- Mufasa

"You Miss 100% of the shots you don't take"- Wayne Gretzky
12-21-2018 10:44 AM
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Post: #20
RE: After Sex?
(12-21-2018 10:44 AM)[email protected] Wrote:  Like others have mentioned we've all been in a similar situation at some point.

One thing that helped me with performance anxiety was having a pill (Cialis/Viagra) beforehand. Obviously this isn't something you want to become dependent on, but it can really help with your confidence until you are able to build it up naturally in the bedroom.

It also helps if you bust early, because you're up and ready for the next round in no time.

You're in the UK, right? Don't they sell Viagra OTC there now?

Anyway, just another suggestion that I didn't see mentioned.

Excuse my ignorance, but is that what cialis/viagra does? I have always wondered what it does. I thought you could even maintain an erection even after busting on these pills. But from i understand in your post all it does it increase the blood circulation to the penis and reduce the "recovery" time drastically after you nut? So you can go again in 5-10 min?
12-21-2018 10:52 AM
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RE: After Sex?
(12-21-2018 10:52 AM)chvrches Wrote:  Excuse my ignorance, but is that what cialis/viagra does? I have always wondered what it does. I thought you could even maintain an erection even after busting on these pills. But from i understand in your post all it does it increase the blood circulation to the penis and reduce the "recovery" time drastically after you nut? So you can go again in 5-10 min?

Basically, yeah. It's just opening up the blood vessels more in your penis. I've used it for performance anxiety and/or whiskey dick for those late, drunken nights. I've had instances where I stay hard after busting a nut, or at the very least I can get hard again in under 5 minutes. Everyone is different though so results will vary.

I've never used Viagra (only Cialis). If you want to stay more 'natural', eat a lot of beets, drink watermelon juice or try a supplement like L-citrulline. This helps with Nitric Oxide in your blood.

Quote:Nitric oxide is needed for the muscles in the penis to relax. This relaxation allows chambers inside the penis to fill with blood so the penis becomes erect

And, it goes without saying, if you're fat and out of shape your blood flow will probably be terrible anyway. Just another reason to lift weights/exercise everyday.

"Once you've gotten the lay you have won."- Mufasa

"You Miss 100% of the shots you don't take"- Wayne Gretzky
(This post was last modified: 12-21-2018 11:41 AM by [email protected].)
12-21-2018 11:39 AM
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Post: #22
RE: After Sex?
It sounds like the 2nd time with the "likes it rough" girl was a good boost for your confidence. No need to get too worried at this point, she was into you if afterward she ("didn't realize you could be like this"), that's a compliment.

You should pursue more with her or other girls you sleep with as getting more comfortable with someone and trying different things will help with your self confidence/anxiety/worries.

Sure, it wouldn't hurt to cover your bases with something like getting the "rough sex" girl texting with all the "bad" things she wants you to do, but again, don't get carried away worrying about it, and just be more aware (marks are not a good idea with a new girl especially, but you can still have just as much fun).

A few of the tips posted might be worth trying, like jacking off before a meet, or even in the bathroom before you fuck!..or considering pills (or having them on hand) if you think that might help. But most importantly mentally preparing to "not give a fuck" will help the most. Work out hard before going out or hanging out with girls. If you're drinking etc find the right level for you where you're letting loose a little more than usual, but not wasted.

Basically you're not doing bad at all! in the future.... fuck a girl..you cum right away...so what... just KEEP GOING.. finger her maybe..be a little dominant and tell her to suck your dick and get you ready for round two...(or if you're into it, go down on her a little) and keep teasing her, maybe rub/tickle/massage her, whatever...for 5-10min and then it sounds like you'd be ready for another round...or 2 or 3 (who knows).

Take your time with the "foreplay" (kissing/biting her neck and ears, undressing her slowly, potentially lots of fingering, etc) and this will put less pressure on the sex. spend at least 10min here, potentially a lot more.

Then for the sex, just try TEASING a lot more. pulling out your dick and rubbing, or slapping it around the outside of her pussy, her clit, spitting on her pussy, fingering her while your dick rubs on the outside of her pussy, or fucking her with one hand on the base of your dick, not going in all the way, etc... could slow you down and still be memorable/hot for the girl. Add in a little "dirty talk" (just start by telling her what you're going to do to her, whispering in her ear how hot she is and how much she makes you want to cum in her, or making her "beg"/say "please" before you do something) and it will still be good sex for her, even if it was only 30 seconds.

With the rough/kinky stuff the one girl is into, just keep in mind you can make it just as fun/hot without going down the stereotypical "50 shades of grey" route that girls are nowadays used to. When these girls realize you're holding back and "teasing" them, they just get more turned on. All the things laying around your bed (belt, clothes for example) make the best sex /"bdsm" toys.
12-23-2018 09:10 PM
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RE: After Sex?
(12-23-2018 09:10 PM)dirty_old Wrote:  It sounds like the 2nd time with the "likes it rough" girl was a good boost for your confidence. No need to get too worried at this point, she was into you if afterward she ("didn't realize you could be like this"), that's a compliment.

You should pursue more with her or other girls you sleep with as getting more comfortable with someone and trying different things will help with your self confidence/anxiety/worries.

Sure, it wouldn't hurt to cover your bases with something like getting the "rough sex" girl texting with all the "bad" things she wants you to do, but again, don't get carried away worrying about it, and just be more aware (marks are not a good idea with a new girl especially, but you can still have just as much fun).

A few of the tips posted might be worth trying, like jacking off before a meet, or even in the bathroom before you fuck!..or considering pills (or having them on hand) if you think that might help. But most importantly mentally preparing to "not give a fuck" will help the most. Work out hard before going out or hanging out with girls. If you're drinking etc find the right level for you where you're letting loose a little more than usual, but not wasted.

Basically you're not doing bad at all! in the future.... fuck a girl..you cum right away...so what... just KEEP GOING.. finger her maybe..be a little dominant and tell her to suck your dick and get you ready for round two...(or if you're into it, go down on her a little) and keep teasing her, maybe rub/tickle/massage her, whatever...for 5-10min and then it sounds like you'd be ready for another round...or 2 or 3 (who knows).

Take your time with the "foreplay" (kissing/biting her neck and ears, undressing her slowly, potentially lots of fingering, etc) and this will put less pressure on the sex. spend at least 10min here, potentially a lot more.

Then for the sex, just try TEASING a lot more. pulling out your dick and rubbing, or slapping it around the outside of her pussy, her clit, spitting on her pussy, fingering her while your dick rubs on the outside of her pussy, or fucking her with one hand on the base of your dick, not going in all the way, etc... could slow you down and still be memorable/hot for the girl. Add in a little "dirty talk" (just start by telling her what you're going to do to her, whispering in her ear how hot she is and how much she makes you want to cum in her, or making her "beg"/say "please" before you do something) and it will still be good sex for her, even if it was only 30 seconds.

With the rough/kinky stuff the one girl is into, just keep in mind you can make it just as fun/hot without going down the stereotypical "50 shades of grey" route that girls are nowadays used to. When these girls realize you're holding back and "teasing" them, they just get more turned on. All the things laying around your bed (belt, clothes for example) make the best sex /"bdsm" toys.

It really was a big confidence boost. I've been out a few nights back in home town and I can see myself approaching with more focus and confidence. It's like everytime you hit a milestone, less things bother you anymore and can focus on improving other aspects.

You are right about other ways to keep her satisfied. I quite enjoy foreplay but I still have the irrational fear that I don't know how much she is enjoying it which is contributing to anxiety. I know I shouldn't care, but I feel like I need feedback so I can improve my skills in bed. This girl for example becomes really wet, does the whole scratching/strong grab with her hands, and slows her breathing but I never know whether she has orgasmed or not.

Anyway with past few approaches I've realised I need to work on another big issue. I tend to come across as too rude/cocky (especially when I'm on a night out with my close friends) due to going no filter with girls within seconds of talking to them. I know why I do this - from an early age I used as a defence mechanism against rejection as I wasn't popular in school. People either liked me for my random cockiness or didn't but it was okey because I had given them a reason not to. Unfortunately, acting and speaking like that has become so instinctive that I need to figure out how to unlearn those unhealthy habits. It's even worse because it's not consistent with my personality once people get to know me. Going to re-read "How to make friends and influence people" and try and make an action plan.
12-24-2018 07:34 AM
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Post: #24
RE: After Sex?
Not always shit you can do. Some girls use you for sex and then ghost you. I had that happen recently with a girl I was trying to get at for about a month.

As for performance enhancers, kegals have been king for me. when I was doing kegals a lot sometimes I would involuntarily squeeze and avoid cumming. I actually had to start consciously making the decision to finish up or I'd just keep going.
(This post was last modified: 12-24-2018 07:56 AM by Fortis.)
12-24-2018 07:48 AM
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Post: #25
RE: After Sex?
Maybe also a good idea to revise the idea of "performance", which does not necessarily mean "hours of uninterrupted pounding".
12-24-2018 08:27 AM
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