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When should i drop the bomb on my wife
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quaker13 Offline
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Post: #151
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
(12-22-2018 07:50 PM)Black Kitten Wrote:  You want warmth and love in your own home, reliably and unconditionally, something every man should aspire to achieve. She's being cold and unwelcoming on an uncertain basis due to work stress, a notable salary difference, and female age hormones. Her current marriage to you is continuing purely due to her being the mother of your child and you not wanting to deal with the dangers and difficulties of divorce.

The insane option is to motivate yourself to somehow successfully earning a million per year, effectively allowing her to retire and restoring natural hypergamy, which is obviously unrealistic for multiple reasons.

However, there's a very simple solution to regaining the caring devotion and sweet affection you've lost. It might sound trivial or trollish, but just get a good dog. Dogs are literally designed to be personalized family members that provide on-demand emotional and physical affection and appreciation, with real-time ROI. You might not have your wife welcoming you at the door, but you will have your best friend, and likely your child's best friend, eagerly greeting you. This is a serious recommendation; it is immediately actionable and helps immensely. A well-behaved pet easily changes family dynamics for the better, and is indisputable evidence of its master's responsibility and kindness.

That being said, like others have mentioned, hormones hit hard. You almost definitely cannot change how she currently treats you no matter how much you improve yourself and your own behavior. Rather, focus your attention on ensuring the best possible future for your child.


To all those calling out this guy for being immature, disloyal, or delusional, get useful. Everyone knows how to not solve problems.

Thanks for the time and words
12-22-2018 07:57 PM
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Black Kitten Offline
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Post: #152
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
(12-02-2018 10:47 AM)HankMoody Wrote:  
(12-02-2018 09:10 AM)quaker13 Wrote:  
(12-02-2018 04:38 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  
(12-01-2018 02:34 PM)quaker13 Wrote:  been with married to her 5 years and with her a total of 8. have one child whom i love like no person or thing i've loved before
...

OP is a larper or a liar.

You couldn't drag me away from my kids with wild horses. Police would have to be called, and not an insubstantial number of them.

I'm starting to think he's a troll. Makes 150k and his wife makes a half a mil but he can't grapple with basic punctuation? Still washing his own dishes? Righto.

Wife is half way to being a CEO but she's definitely not smart enough to know he's cheating.

After a couple of pages does this shit sound credible?

Post an ATM receipt with the particulars scrubbed and RVF written on it. Regardless, troll or not, guys like PPT always manage to turn even larper threads into teachable moments.

p.s. Women earning more than a man is not a game-breaker. Women have been functionally slaves since the dawn of time. Plenty of jobless deadbeats have millionaire bitches dropping car keys in their lap and saying "thankyou" for the privilege. It only goes to shit when you adopt the mindset of the house-ho.

Dude I get it, you don’t like me. I’m sure others fall in place when the 3rd Reich grammar Nazi makes an appearance, but I couldn't care less. I'm not gonna insult you because it wouldn't prove anything, but clearly we have a difference of opinion my righteous sanctimonious friend.

If I post an ATM receipt what is that going to do for you? Are you going to want me to post savings or checking? Would a redacted pdf of our quarterly taxes be sufficient? What about if I posted my watches or would you just say they are replicas?

Some of these "dudes" on the RVF are total weirdos. Just ignore them; they're nerds and no one cares about what they have to say. Asking to see your bank statements is retarded.

That said, having been through a divorce (the big difference being that my wife made less income than me but not too much less), and an attorney with some background in family law, these are my thoughts...

1. Marriage counseling is absolutely useless. If anything, it hurts your relationship.

Personally, my wife wanted the counselor to say I was a bad husband and needed to do a better job (which would have actually been correct), the counselor wouldn't go there, and it just ended up being a waste of time. We accomplished nothing.

(Full disclosure: I am still very cool with my ex-wife. I was the bad apple in that relationship. I wanted to run around and be a player instead of a good husband. Story for a different day.)

2. LTRs are a weird animal. When the frame is set right, your SO (significant other) will be begging to give you blowies, make you dinner, and please you in every way possible. They'll go out and buy you dinner, make your bed, do your dishes, etc. You can fart in the open, say crazy shit, and basically do anything. It's awesome. As I write this, there is a girl in my kitchen right now cutting onions for a church dinner I'm supposed to cook tonight, but I'm tired and posting on the RVF.

However, when the frame is off, yeah, that's exactly what you experience. She's probably daydreaming of fucking the guy from Game of Thrones or the local bartender.

I certainly would not want that type of woman living in my house scheming against me.

Typically I've found that it's easier to start a new relationship than fix the old one.

3. Legally, custody is a fucking disaster for men. If she gets a good lawyer, she's going to argue that you don't have the means to provide your child the same lifestyle (LOL), you provide no support, you are tainting the familial relationship, etc. At the very least, I would consult with a family attorney to make sure you're able to see your kid.

In "worst case scenarios", women are now lobbing allegations of false molestation, #metoo, and all kinds of crazy shit at their ex-husbands to get custody advantages. Even if eventually found to be false, it works, and it really fucks up the kid and the courts do nothing about it. The courts find that "maybe Mother believed it to be true, and tried to act int he best interest of the child."

When false allegations are made, the courts usually, in an abundance of caution, separate Father from Child. After a year or two, the allegations are found to be demonstrably false, but Mother has had custody for so long that the courts are concerned that "reunification" will be traumatic on the child (the child now has only been subjected to like 50,000 investigations and counselors, and might even believe the allegations), so now you're stuck with supervised visits and very limited custody.

4. You can divorce your wife, but not your kid. If the relationship is fixable, it's not a bad option. However, you're never going to do it with traditional marriage counseling. Most of it just depends on her seeing you as masculine again: you're either a big hunky masculine man who she wants to please, or you're some angry beta who comes home every night and plays video games and bitches about something someone said at work. If she's an insufferable cunt who has delusions about fucking Jason Momoa, ditch her.

Roosh posted that video of the girls doing Tinder "in real life", and the one girl didn't want to go on a date with 60 dudes. Some women have a very high opinion of themselves.

5. Single life isn't bad but it's different. At 37, I'd imagine it would be cool coming home to a wife and kids. Me? I come home to my house, my music, my cat, and my Playstation everyday. Some nights I sleep alone, some nights I don't.

A lot of the married guys I know are like "Dude, I would totally trade lives with you", but sometimes I feel the same.

It wouldn't be right to call people weird nerds without understanding their motivation. Some people have a strong desire to know the truth, and are constantly asking themselves whether someone is lying or not. Not from paranoia, but simply to keep themselves sharp.

If I had to answer the statement "Explain why quaker13 could be a troll" in a college essay, I would've written down what Leonard and others have said word for word and been proud of it. I'd naturally want to share the analysis I made with the few others who'd read the same information, and express my intelligence to them. Hell, I could've simply been answering the question at first, but after 20 minutes of my life spent typing about something I don't really care about, I could actually believe it simply because a) I wasted good time backing the opinion, and (b)ecause it doesn't affect me at all. Two great reasons for me to go ahead and try to oust this troll. The only problem is that actually doing so is recklessly disrespectful, and asking for a bank statement, among other comments, was mindlessly arrogant. Not necessarily weird since the origin of troll hunter thinking is very natural; simply immature in execution.

Hope you enjoyed this minor lesson in empathy.

tl;dr Catching trolls is fun, but don't be stupid about it.
12-23-2018 12:43 AM
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HankMoody Offline
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Post: #153
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
Leonard is a weird internet nerd who posts in a private chatroom about other RVF members. These "chatroom dudes" even doxx other RVFers. That is really fucking weird. (hint: my idenity is no big secret).

They did it to me, but I don't really give a shit because I'm self employed.

However, I've stopped posting because that is how a few dorks want to spend their life, talking about other dudes. Don't like my writing? Cool, I won't write. I'll spend my days smashing poon, going to jiu jitsu, riding my bike, and chilling in my big house.

Sorry to be a jerk but these chatroom dudes are total losers.

If people want to figure out what I'm about, catch up with me in Philly. I'm always down for a drink or 10.

Internet chatroom nerds? I'd rather be playing Playstation. Or at an Eagles game. Or anything.
(This post was last modified: 12-23-2018 07:01 PM by HankMoody.)
12-23-2018 06:46 PM
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Black Kitten Offline
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Post: #154
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
Damn... male gossip is disturbingly unnatural.

I'd definitely enjoy meeting members across the nation after I get my own ride. While also doing the other obvious thing to do while travelling across a nation.
12-23-2018 07:01 PM
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jimukr75 Offline
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Post: #155
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
So your advice to OP is to dominate his wife and all will be good? Am i missing something? Perhaps his wife was never submissive just sweet and now she is more of a bitch according to OP since she is completely exhausted taking care of her work and working 12 + plus hours per day. Lets add that she is over 40 (hormones) and has a child which is like having a second job. hell I retired young because I was becoming a bitch!

I have heard no evidence that OP wife doesn't love him. All I have heard is that she is more cold than she used to be which isn't surprising with all the cheating he has done.
As for the advice that she doesn't "respect him" because he washes the dishes is ABSURD. Most women prefer their partners do part of the house work and in this case OP should be mopping the floor on his knees because his wife is working over 50% more than he is. If it is so feminine to do house work than what are all the single guys here doing? Exactly! I hope you are keeping your pad clean.

As for salary difference, it depends. They both make good salaries so I don't think it is an issue. Today many women make more than men do. The problem is when one is a freeloader. OP isn't so it moot IMHO.

Want her become more sweet? Find a way she isn't so stressed out /tired from work. OP even admits when she is on vacation she is sweet again.

As for the "divorce advice"..OP is in a better position than she I would think since most likely she saved more marital assets and he will get half but he will pay 17% child support. He isn't getting alimony in most states in the union. Alimony is generally short term these days and rewarded when one is close to min wage/etc. 150k get OP nothing in most states.
(This post was last modified: 12-25-2018 11:32 AM by jimukr75.)
12-25-2018 11:31 AM
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Swordfish1010 Offline
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Post: #156
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
(12-02-2018 10:35 AM)RawGod Wrote:  What kind of jobs make 500k? Partner at a major law firm? Surgeon? I'm not getting the sense of elite social class power couple from the OP. What with the "washing the dishes" "get a part time job" references. I agree, seems like a troll.

VP's in the fortune 500 clear that easily, especially the financial sector.
12-26-2018 03:28 AM
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Swordfish1010 Offline
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Post: #157
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
(12-02-2018 11:22 PM)corsega Wrote:  
(12-02-2018 09:57 AM)eradicator Wrote:  Wait so this is another elaborate sleeper troll who as been posting for about a year to set up a long (probably fake) story about having a wife and a child, where OP is constantly banging other women, but your wife has no knowledge of it, but is 40 years old and still attractive but mostly cold.

What's the point of concocting such a scenario? Anonymous Bosh would probably have an answer, but whatever. There is still plenty of good advice from pappaya and doc that this isn't a total waste of time, but I'm mostly puzzled by the whole elaborate sleeper troll. What does he possibly win by doing this?

edit
I strongly encourage people to stop posting in this thread and offering "help" unless he really can produce a bank statement proving he is the high roller that he is pretending to be. OP can totally block out the account numbers and whatnot, but otherwise this is all highly suspect. you don't have to post it publicly but send it to a private message to leonard

(12-02-2018 10:35 AM)RawGod Wrote:  What kind of jobs make 500k? Partner at a major law firm? Surgeon? I'm not getting the sense of elite social class power couple from the OP. What with the "washing the dishes" "get a part time job" references. I agree, seems like a troll.

Above two quotes represent what I hate so much about this forum.

All I see now is guys trying to "call bullshit" on every story that gets posted that doesn't exactly fit their own personal reality.
I feel like the forum has been infested by these reddit types. I just roll my eyes and move on and imagine they are a pimple faced jealous nerd trying to make themselves feel better about their own miserable lives.
12-26-2018 03:37 AM
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HankMoody Offline
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Post: #158
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
Reading this thread is painful. It's a bunch of dudes who have never slept with or lived with a woman.

Everyone does dishes. Doing chores is a regular part of adult life. Even if you have a housekeeper.

It's 6am and what am I doing? Taking out my recycling and cleaning the kitchen. Ladyfriend did my laundry last night. She is currently sleeping.

These internet weirdos live in a fantasy land that they read on an old PUA website. They've never actually had a girlfriend, let alone cohabitated space with a woman.
12-26-2018 06:24 AM
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quaker13 Offline
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Post: #159
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
Spoke to an divorce atty specializing in father's rights and he said im in pretty good shape should i choose to move forward. we've been having a pretty good holiday so far so it's not on my mind currently, but the idea is occupying a nice piece of real estate in the back of my brain should things start going dark again
12-26-2018 11:00 AM
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jimukr75 Offline
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Post: #160
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
(12-26-2018 06:24 AM)HankMoody Wrote:  Reading this thread is painful. It's a bunch of dudes who have never slept with or lived with a woman.

Everyone does dishes. Doing chores is a regular part of adult life. Even if you have a housekeeper.

It's 6am and what am I doing? Taking out my recycling and cleaning the kitchen. Ladyfriend did my laundry last night. She is currently sleeping.

These internet weirdos live in a fantasy land that they read on an old PUA website. They've never actually had a girlfriend, let alone cohabitated space with a woman.

I was thinking some live at home with mommy and don't do chores? I mean in a case where the broad is working so much, someone has to pitch in.
12-26-2018 03:01 PM
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worldwidetraveler Offline
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Post: #161
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
(12-26-2018 11:00 AM)quaker13 Wrote:  Spoke to an divorce atty specializing in father's rights and he said im in pretty good shape should i choose to move forward. we've been having a pretty good holiday so far so it's not on my mind currently, but the idea is occupying a nice piece of real estate in the back of my brain should things start going dark again

There is a good chance you will end up talking yourself into the separation. When you keep something "in the back of your brain", you are giving the thoughts weight and the ability to fester and twist into something else. Your brain could take something as small as her not greeting you when you walk in and make it about her not being sweet anymore because you don't do the dishes and continue to build upon that thought to make it about her not loving you or even hating you.

We all do it when we give thoughts weight.
(This post was last modified: 12-26-2018 03:03 PM by worldwidetraveler.)
12-26-2018 03:02 PM
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worldwidetraveler Offline
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Post: #162
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
(12-26-2018 03:01 PM)jimukr75 Wrote:  I was thinking some live at home with mommy and don't do chores? I mean in a case where the broad is working so much, someone has to pitch in.

Guys here need to get a wife from Rajasthan. They do it all!



12-26-2018 03:06 PM
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SamuelBRoberts Offline
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Post: #163
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
Guy claims to have a yearly household income of 650k (Easily millionaire status) and be a super-successful PUA with hundreds of past conquests, and yet writes at a 6th grade level and acts like an internet troll. And when challenged on his bullshit, the first thing he reaches for is that he's got 16k in his checking account! (That's like half a paycheck at the rate he gave.)

Get out of here with this spergy larping bullshit.

Gtfo

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12-26-2018 03:56 PM
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quaker13 Offline
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Post: #164
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
(12-26-2018 03:56 PM)SamuelBRoberts Wrote:  Guy claims to have a yearly household income of 650k (Easily millionaire status) and be a super-successful PUA with hundreds of past conquests, and yet writes at a 6th grade level and acts like an internet troll. And when challenged on his bullshit, the first thing he reaches for is that he's got 16k in his checking account! (That's like half a paycheck at the rate he gave.)

Get out of here with this spergy larping bullshit.

Gtfo

Woah hoss, calm down. Fine I write like a 6th grader, I can accept that. In your mind what is the end goal of me trolling given that the nature of the thread is a relatively elaborate one?

btw thank you for conveniently disregarding my statement about having more money in savings and our student loans being completely paid off
(This post was last modified: 12-26-2018 04:07 PM by quaker13.)
12-26-2018 04:06 PM
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Post: #165
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
(12-02-2018 11:54 AM)Cattle Rustler Wrote:  
(12-02-2018 04:38 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  p.s. Women earning more than a man is not a game-breaker. Women have been functionally slaves since the dawn of time. Plenty of jobless deadbeats have millionaire bitches dropping car keys in their lap and saying "thankyou" for the privilege. It only goes to shit when you adopt the mindset of the house-ho.

You need to start being a fuckboi hubby instead of a housemaid husband. Treat her how you treat your side bitches. Doing the dishes? Getting a part time job? Man, you sound like a woman.

Cattle Rustler touched on the core issue here. While I was focused on how OP's wife views him earlier (still think its an issue) in the thread its clear now that the crux of the conflict is how OP views himself under the pall of not being the primary breadwinner.

OP Your wife not treating you like the man of the house isn't tyhe cause of your disastisfaction but rather an effect. It's clear (your doing house work and considering a part time job while allegedly making $150k per yr) that you harbor an inferiority complex. It's leaking into your day to day relationship and she of course picks up on it and reacts to it (involuntarily) with a lack of a respect, admiration leading to lack of attraction

You dont need to change how she treats you. You need to change how your own neuro-linguistic dialogue informs how you view yourself.

Her behavior will always form to the emotional and psychological vessel you provide accordingly

_______________________________________
- Does She Have The "Happy Gene" ?
-Inversion Therapy
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(This post was last modified: 12-26-2018 04:39 PM by PapayaTapper.)
12-26-2018 04:34 PM
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doc holliday Offline
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Post: #166
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
Papaya's right, there's a lot to this for sure. It's not really about the housework per se but more the context in which it occurs. If the dynamic in a relationship is such that you are the one wearing the proverbial pants in the family and you both know it and have internalized it then it makes no difference who does the dishes. For example yesterday I had dinner at my girl's place with family and we came back to my place where she stripped as soon as we walked in. I made her cum a few times and boned her so hard I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest after I finally finished. She fell asleep immediately but I got semi dressed and began cleaning my place since my all time BFF was coming to visit with his daughter for a few days. Now my girl woke a couple times and asked if I needed help. She was so hot lying naked on my bed so I told her no, stay asleep, I'm enjoying the view.

Is my letting her sleep and not help me clean beta? Hell no it isn't. Now if I was cleaning by myself with the sole purpose of making her happy and turned on so that I might get laid, then yeah, that's a big problem. This unfortunately is the context where housework is most often placed and it's a recipe for failure. Doing housework as one human being assisting another is good but doing it in a position of subordination isn't. Now I'm not speaking to Quaker's situation as none of us are privy to what's going on for sure but generally speaking this is what happens in marriages.
(This post was last modified: 12-27-2018 12:26 AM by doc holliday.)
12-27-2018 12:22 AM
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Akwesi Offline
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Post: #167
RE: When should i drop the bomb on my wife
Getting someone to clean for even 20 hrs/week (most likely excessive) at 10/hr would cost you the grand sum of 10K/yr (if you can deduct this on your taxes - don't know your laws - then even less). Turning housekeeping into an issue seems ridiculous if you really make 650k combined. Quite frankly you should have a butler, a maid, and a chauffeur, and a private detective with a funny hat on retainer.
12-31-2018 03:00 PM
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