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Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
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Bucephalus Offline
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Post: #51
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
(12-04-2018 09:28 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  I can't get on board with the term "wife hunting" because I think that puts you in the wrong frame of mind. Like the other posters said, it puts you in a place of desperation where you are the one seeking a relationship, not the other way around.

It's hard to explain the nuances and it does sound like we're here splitting hairs, but think about it for a minute. You could have the best checklist for a wife in the world, but you do realize that by actively seeking a relationship, you throw that checklist out the window. As soon as you get the bang, you start trying to fit a square peg into a round hole (no pun intended) precisely because you are in the frame of mind where you actively seek LTRs rather than qualifying girls for them. On a subconscious level, you start trying to "force" a relationship, even if you intellectually deny it. Needless to say, that can lead to a disaster. I've been there.

Instead, the right frame of mind is to be the qualifier. You have a woman whom you've been banging for a few weeks or a few months, or are spinning plates with a harem, but you aren't actively trying to get a girlfriend, at least not right away. Instead, you spend time with your women and get to know them, peel back the layers, and view them with a critical mind. Let the red flags reveal themselves and dump them when they do. Easier said than done, I know, but if you want a wife, you don't have time to waste with liars, cheats, sluts, and degenerates. You have to be cutthroat and ruthless in your qualifying.

So when you have a woman you've been with for 6-12 months, and no red flags have presented themselves, and you've already met her family on more than a few occasions... she seems to check all the boxes on your list, ONLY then perhaps you start thinking about a future with her.

To sum it up, you don't "hunt" or "search" for a wife. You find a wife through process of elimination.

^THIS.

Girls always seem to turn up when you're not signalling need (hence why you get hit on more when you're comfortably in a LTR)

Speaking with a mate and fellow player in mind, the situation gets even more nuanced and harder to balance when there are no deal-breakers but some "yellow flags" – ie. some uncertainty as her qualities as a wife/mother long-term. Then: Do you focus more on other plates / new leads or invest more time and resources in her in the hope a clearer path comes to light?

In my case it's more simple... I need to curb my addiction to banging tinder girls...
12-05-2018 08:31 AM
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HankMoody Offline
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Post: #52
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
(12-05-2018 08:24 AM)EndsExpect Wrote:  
(12-02-2018 03:16 PM)sharksfanguy88 Wrote:  "I'm in wife hunt mode now, because I don't want to be stressed out about it and rush it later". He pointed out to me that he very likely would want to date a girl at least 1-2 years before proposing - so if he meets his future wife today, he's married at 36. If he meets her in 2 years, he's 38. He argued that it's the single biggest, most important decision of your life. It's picking the person that you wake up next to for 40-100 years, it's picking the mother of your future children. Dudes spend decades on their careers and their bodies and their bank accounts - why is it so insane to think that finding the woman you'll be with forever might be worthy of a multiple year investment?
- Are you in wife hunting mode?
- Does your game change at all while in wife hunting mode? Do you approach less or more? Do you cut women off more frequently after the first day / first week / first month?
- Have you taken bigger and bigger steps to making this wife hunt mode investment? (changing cities, more gym time, new job, going out more etc.)
Would love your thoughts.

So, I'm on the other side of this. I did a damn good job. I have a good feminine loyal wife, a great kid, and working on a second. Been married over 5 years, and survived stuff that ends most marriages.

What I can tell you is that you are over romanticizing marriage. You should stop that because it will fuck you up down the road.

Women think love is a feeling, and that when you stop feeling the love then you... "love someone but are not IN LOVE". This is what stupid people think love is. All emotions are ephemeral by nature. Love is a choice you make. You have to wake up every fucking day and say... "I choose to love this woman". Pick a woman that makes this choice easier and you will have a good life. If you pick a woman that also understands that love isn't some feeling that comes and goes... that its a choice she makes and that sometimes you are going to make it a hard choice... then you will do fine.

Awesome post.

When you're pulling hair out of the drain, unclogging the toilet, and cleaning her dishes, yeah, it's a challenge. I have tripped over more fucking shoes ...

"Love" is a lot of reality and it ain't always pretty.
(This post was last modified: 12-05-2018 08:41 AM by HankMoody.)
12-05-2018 08:36 AM
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The Stronger Sex Offline
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Post: #53
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
The big marriage conundrum is what happens when she hits the wall. You're going to want young pussy, and a working open marriage is like a unicorn.
12-05-2018 09:47 AM
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HankMoody Offline
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Post: #54
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
(12-05-2018 09:47 AM)The Stronger Sex Wrote:  The big marriage conundrum is what happens when she hits the wall. You're going to want young pussy, and a working open marriage is like a unicorn.

Eh, the bigger conundrum is this ...

Do you want a 40 year old woman raising your kids? They are physically challenging.

If you don't want kids, you can just have a girlfriend. Several, actually.
12-05-2018 11:45 AM
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Post: #55
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
(12-05-2018 11:45 AM)HankMoody Wrote:  
(12-05-2018 09:47 AM)The Stronger Sex Wrote:  The big marriage conundrum is what happens when she hits the wall. You're going to want young pussy, and a working open marriage is like a unicorn.

Eh, the bigger conundrum is this ...

Do you want a 40 year old woman raising your kids? They are physically challenging.

If you don't want kids, you can just have a girlfriend. Several, actually.

Depends on your age vs. hers. If you're in your 30s and you marry a girl 10 years younger, you are doing well in that a young woman will raise your kids. Problem is you will be 'old dad', there is a separate thread exploring all the pitfalls of this. But at least old dad has young reasonably tight wife, not a wife who hit the wall hard, then had 2 kids after that!
12-05-2018 11:53 AM
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Post: #56
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
(12-05-2018 11:45 AM)HankMoody Wrote:  
(12-05-2018 09:47 AM)The Stronger Sex Wrote:  The big marriage conundrum is what happens when she hits the wall. You're going to want young pussy, and a working open marriage is like a unicorn.

Eh, the bigger conundrum is this ...

Do you want a 40 year old woman raising your kids? They are physically challenging.

If you don't want kids, you can just have a girlfriend. Several, actually.

Well, that goes without saying. To me, the only selling point of marriage is being the patriarch of my own family. Otherwise there is no point.
12-05-2018 01:48 PM
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Post: #57
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
have no sympathy for dudes like this when they get divorced and end up living in their mothers basement when she takes all his shit and assets.

1-2 years and proposing. why even propose why not just be together for 3 years without the offical marriage title. marriage is the thing of the past when their was not things like alimony and child support back in the 1700s...

1 year and you will propose to a girl... lol
12-05-2018 02:32 PM
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Jozi Offline
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Post: #58
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
(12-04-2018 09:43 PM)zoom Wrote:  For me personally I'm looking to marry a debt-free, non-tatooed, virgin.

I think you definitely have to hunt for those since they are a rare breed. They don't just come out of nowhere.

Edit: Let me clarify a bit. By being in active wife hunting mode you should be trying make connections with traditional families and getting involved with your church. If you make the right connections then you could get a semi-arranged marriage.

Sounds like I have to start going to a church. Have you ever met a virgin who is looking to stay that way until she meets the right guy though? I haven't. I have come across a few virgins but they've all been looking to get rid of it asap via Tinder etc.

Females are all NPC's by nature so if she's so totally against the societal norms that she's straight out of the 1930's and want to save herself for marriage, then there must be something wrong about her. As in some kind of mental defect. Or she's in some kind of cult. Unfortunately. Thoughts?
12-05-2018 05:39 PM
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Post: #59
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
(12-05-2018 02:32 PM)TravelingBodybuilder Wrote:  have no sympathy for dudes like this when they get divorced and end up living in their mothers basement when she takes all his shit and assets.

1-2 years and proposing. why even propose why not just be together for 3 years without the offical marriage title. marriage is the thing of the past when their was not things like alimony and child support back in the 1700s...

1 year and you will propose to a girl... lol

There's a thing called prenup to take care of those issues.
12-05-2018 05:44 PM
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Jozi Offline
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Post: #60
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
(12-05-2018 09:47 AM)The Stronger Sex Wrote:  The big marriage conundrum is what happens when she hits the wall. You're going to want young pussy, and a working open marriage is like a unicorn.

I don't plan to stay faithful to my wife. Maybe for the first couple of years. But sooner or later you will get tired of that same old pussy, and you need something new. The only reason I'm getting married is to create a positive environment for my future children.
12-05-2018 05:47 PM
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Post: #61
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
(12-05-2018 08:36 AM)HankMoody Wrote:  Awesome post.

When you're pulling hair out of the drain, unclogging the toilet, and cleaning her dishes, yeah, it's a challenge. I have tripped over more fucking shoes ...

"Love" is a lot of reality and it ain't always pretty.

Why would you clean her dishes? Who's the wife, you or her?

Also don't understand the bit about her leaving shoes on the floor that you will trip over. If she's a slob you have to set boundaries and teach her how to behave. I have had girls stay with me for long periods of time but I have never found hair in the bathroom, tripped over shoes or done dishes.
(This post was last modified: 12-05-2018 05:53 PM by Jozi.)
12-05-2018 05:50 PM
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Jozi Offline
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Post: #62
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
(12-05-2018 08:24 AM)EndsExpect Wrote:  Women think love is a feeling, and that when you stop feeling the love then you... "love someone but are not IN LOVE". This is what stupid people think love is. All emotions are ephemeral by nature. Love is a choice you make. You have to wake up every fucking day and say... "I choose to love this woman". Pick a woman that makes this choice easier and you will have a good life. If you pick a woman that also understands that love isn't some feeling that comes and goes... that its a choice she makes and that sometimes you are going to make it a hard choice... then you will do fine.

The question you could ask yourself otherwise is: Do you really need to love your wife? If you say yes, then you are marrying for love. I don't think that's very smart. Marriage is supposed to be a business arrangement. That's the way it has always been, up until very recently. Marrying for love is a concept that does not work.
12-05-2018 06:01 PM
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Post: #63
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
(12-05-2018 05:47 PM)Jozi Wrote:  
(12-05-2018 09:47 AM)The Stronger Sex Wrote:  The big marriage conundrum is what happens when she hits the wall. You're going to want young pussy, and a working open marriage is like a unicorn.

I don't plan to stay faithful to my wife. Maybe for the first couple of years. But sooner or later you will get tired of that same old pussy, and you need something new. The only reason I'm getting married is to create a positive environment for my future children.

And you think she will take it like that and not become a bitter paranoid mess and a nightmare to live with?

As for your other post on marrying for love, I would say marry someone you at least like and respect very much. If you find her annoying now or you don't feel any connection, by the time she's become a nagging wall victim you'll want to kill her. And she will be even more unbearable because it will be clear to her that you don't like her. Living with someone else is hard. You might as well live with someone you like as a person.
12-06-2018 04:57 AM
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Post: #64
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
Not looking for one but I do put women through a wife material filter. That being said almost no women are wife material when I get to know them (they've had a lot of premartial sex, no cooking skills, not submissive enough, unable to make time to see me, only focused on making money, obsession with traveling which is code for hookup with foreign Chads, et cetera).
12-06-2018 05:38 AM
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Post: #65
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
I always thought I am. I engaged to my ex, shortly before my 25th birthday. It turned out to be bad decision. Not because I´ve chosen bad girl, she was actually very suitable girl to marry and have kids with. But I was too young for that and it ended by my mistake. I didn´t appreciate the quality she provided me with.

But it led me to kind of freedom. I am not saying I will never propose any girl ever, but if it hadn´t worked out with this one, it won´t work out with another at this period of my life.
The mode I am in right now can be desribed by one article written by Roosh, when I discovered red pill two and half years ago. He speaks about some kind of algorythm, that I am following right now:

1. Work on yourself and enjoy results (in connection with girls we can say bang them)
2. If you meet some high quality girl, marry her and have kids
3. If it doesn´t work out, repeat number 1.

In my case I did number 1, then 2 almost married and almost had kids. It hadnt work out, so I am back and number 1. Only banging more girls.

"Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people."
(This post was last modified: 12-06-2018 04:17 PM by tomzestatlu.)
12-06-2018 04:16 PM
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Post: #66
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
(12-05-2018 05:39 PM)Jozi Wrote:  
(12-04-2018 09:43 PM)zoom Wrote:  For me personally I'm looking to marry a debt-free, non-tatooed, virgin.

I think you definitely have to hunt for those since they are a rare breed. They don't just come out of nowhere.

Edit: Let me clarify a bit. By being in active wife hunting mode you should be trying make connections with traditional families and getting involved with your church. If you make the right connections then you could get a semi-arranged marriage.

Sounds like I have to start going to a church. Have you ever met a virgin who is looking to stay that way until she meets the right guy though? I haven't. I have come across a few virgins but they've all been looking to get rid of it asap via Tinder etc.

Yes I have met several and I married one. None of them I met through a church and none of them was "semi-arranged".

The idea that you have a weaker frame because you're hunting for a wife is rather silly. Do you think hunters have weaker frame than their preys?

If you want to marry a slender, non-tattooed, debt-free virgin, I think you need to do a little bit hunting. At the very least, go to the right places where such women may be around.

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12-07-2018 03:07 AM
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Jozi Offline
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Post: #67
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
(12-07-2018 03:07 AM)StrikeBack Wrote:  Yes I have met several and I married one. None of them I met through a church and none of them was "semi-arranged".

Where/how? And what year was this?
Yesterday 02:51 PM
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Post: #68
RE: Are You In Wife Hunting Mode?
Between 2009 and 2015 (2015 was my now wife).

Where:

- Charity functions
- Social dance balls (esp student ones)
- Farmer's markets
- Arts markets
- Live music venues (especially the ones on weekend afternoons)

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Yesterday 06:06 PM
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