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Spinning plates with family
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SpaceCowboy Online
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Post: #1
Spinning plates with family
Hello Men!

I just discovered, that there's this growing community of RedPill-aware men not only discussing Game, but also dealing with women in gerneral, a few weeks ago & I'm happy about that!
So I decided to share the main points of my current situation here as an example for discussion about marriage and family hoping to find ways to manage or correct my view on "responsability", "fairness" and "how to spin more plates", where I have problems with. I pretend to be aware of Game- and RedPill-Basics, but have difficulties in finding real solutions.

I met my wife at a time, where I had quite an alpha-status in my social-circle - surrounded by men who looked up to me and I had multiple girls spinning. My best and propably most important decision at that time was telling her to forget about exclusivity, what she accepted back then.

We had a real fun time together, while I was occasionally banging other girls.
Then - after I told her that we're gettin' a bit too close, she got quite upset, we got along again, but somehow she suddenly had a problem with other women. There, I know, I made the first and propably worst mistake in my life: I commited to exclusivity (bearing in mind it would be for a few weeks or so anyhow).

And - guess what - she got pregnant.

Until here it's propably a picture-perfect instructions-manual on "How to lock down a good catch".

We moved together, she got 4 kids in nearly shortest possible time, and she went from one time-limited exclusivity-contract to the next, knowing that I don't want that at all and finding out, that forced contracts are not really taken that serious by the forced party. I say "forced", because here it starts with my sticking points: I feel responsible for my family, and knowing, that me banging other foreign chicks causes a lot of emotional stress, which isn't the best for babies in the belly, I kept making concessions on and on, became alcoholic and a bit fatter, felt bad & changed that.

Stopped drinking, got in shape again, read a lot and suddenly discovered - "Game". Everything made perfect sense! I started goin' out again - clubs, bars, daygame and realized what an amazing challenge it is without the alpha-status in a social-circle.

The last contract had expired, and I have decided to never ever do that again. Of course she felt very bad watching her plan shattering in a thousand pieces. But you guys propably know how female behaviour can change ...
We discussed a lot, and she suddenly came up with this "Threesome"-Proposal. At least she wanted to join in. I'm not sure if it was another mistake to tell her about game and teach her basic techniques - it's shocking, that there's nearly nothing out there we could find about "Girl-on-Girl"-Game with specific advices for the woman (links always welcome, please correct me!).
Well, it didn't work out that well - took one girl home once, that I met alone another night. It was - most often - a fun time, but without great results.

Long story short, might sound like fun, but I'm constantly fighting with balancing responsabilities and going my own way, with her constantly trying to maximize insight and influence. I don't want to be full-on badass leaving the family (kids are up to 10 years now). The problem is, that she can logically convince me of everything, that "has to be done" - drivin' them to school, cause bus-connections are fucked up and I'm drivin anyway - fillin my freetime with all kinds of activity - and when I go out -> she wants to go with me.
It's very difficult to keep secrets - I'd like to be completely honest with everyone, but her finding out about other girls ... I guess there was this fear of my children having a bad life from the beginning, that kept me there. I also discover it as a real problem in Game to either lie or (would be way better!) to be honest with the girls, when they ask. There's this claim, that girls like married men, but I also obvserve some kind of "sisterhood-loyalty" or how we could call this - maybe "And your wife's ok with that??" is a shit-test ... married PUAs, please help me! I'd pay you for an effective coaching.

I consider daygame as quite suitable during lunchbreak - but I propably can't help making bigger steps, where I need more time on my own, like goin' to bigger cities for real cold-approach-experiences or spend the night with some girls ...

It's really difficult for me to find good solutions in this situation, on the one hand we get along very well - working on projects together, apart from other girls she's totally accepting my frame and I understand her fear of loosing me - on the other hand I really hate this constant unfree feeling with her penetrating curiosity and possible sabotage that much, that I sometimes seriously think about passing her on to some provider-orbiter ... but what about the kids? The money? Is it necessary? ...

Thanks for reading my post to who's still with me! I'd be very glad about useful tips and maybe experiences from men who have handeled similar situations propably!
Hopefully it can also help others with similar problems.
Keep the frame, guys!
12-06-2018 04:21 AM
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Meliorare93 Offline
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RE: Spinning plates with family
(12-06-2018 04:21 AM)SpaceCowboy Wrote:  The problem is, that she can logically convince me of everything, that "has to be done" - drivin' them to school, cause bus-connections are fucked up and I'm drivin anyway - fillin my freetime with all kinds of activity -

don't do it for her, do it for the kids and you... If you really can't do it for your kids then perhaps leaving is a better option... I would do everything for my kid. I never wanted kids but now I could never miss him even if he's sometimes an annoying little brat lol

For the rest I can't help you I'm afraid but I'm curious for other replies since I'm in a somewhat similar situation
(This post was last modified: 12-06-2018 04:46 AM by Meliorare93.)
12-06-2018 04:45 AM
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RE: Spinning plates with family
(12-06-2018 04:45 AM)Meliorare93 Wrote:  don't do it for her, do it for the kids and you...

The common family-situation is definitely for the kids - there are some things, I'm doing "for her", but except for when she's ill it's all about selfhelp-tips for her to implement.
That's a good thing to keep in mind, thanks.
12-06-2018 04:53 AM
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Post: #4
RE: Spinning plates with family
Right now you're in a stage I was in 2-3 years ago. You have to decide what you really want, and I assume she's not pleasing you. You need to frame it as she is responsible for making you happy, and that other women will always take the place of novelty but that ultimately you don't want to be whoring around without her. She'll pick up a lot of slack if you do it right.

I give her the nut morning and night. This is when you'll find out it's not that you really want or need other women just that most women don't care to please a man properly. Even on days I have time to get some strange I'm just satisfied, it feels forced or contrived.

So I pretty much move on novelty now. Birthdays, she's not on birth control, etc etc. Now it's down to a couple a year.

FYI she won't enjoy the threesomes. She'll tolerate it but she'll cry when you pass the hotel. I'm not sure you're ready to navigate this area yet. I would focus on you and her first. Walk her slowly.

Also does "I hate you, don't leave me" describe her?
12-06-2018 08:47 AM
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Post: #5
RE: Spinning plates with family
Since the thread doesn't get any traction, which saddens me, I'll bump it by making a post with possible worries and risks of plating while having a family

Biggest problems:
- Logistics... Where to go with your new found plate, if you have enough cash, no problem, go to a hotel... expensive in the long run imo
- Getting caught... depends where you go "hunting" but there's always the risk of getting caught with another woman on your side
- Guilt... some have more problems with morality then others...
- Communication... how will you communicate with your plates without getting caught
- NGAF... do you even care about getting caught, having plates will definitely instill the dread in your wife, or the urge to get a divorce lol
- ROI... Is all the effort worth getting your dick wet?
12-07-2018 01:29 AM
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Post: #6
RE: Spinning plates with family
Thanks for the replies.
(12-06-2018 08:47 AM)wemonger Wrote:  Also does "I hate you, don't leave me" describe her?
No, she surely doen's hate me - more the opposite, in terms of her words and actions. But there's this big fear of loosing me, yet.

(12-07-2018 01:29 AM)Meliorare93 Wrote:  Biggest problems:
- Logistics...
...
- Communication... how will you communicate with your plates ...
Yes, exactly - time and place - but also Game-related, just how to handle this topic ... lie? Be honest?
12-10-2018 05:53 AM
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Montrose Offline
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RE: Spinning plates with family
12-10-2018 06:20 AM
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Handsome Creepy Eel Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Spinning plates with family
Quote:The last contract had expired

I don't understand this part. Are we talking literal contracts with written rules here?

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12-10-2018 07:21 PM
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RE: Spinning plates with family
(12-10-2018 07:21 PM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  
Quote:The last contract had expired

I don't understand this part. Are we talking literal contracts with written rules here?

No, not in this case. Just a spoken promis.
12-11-2018 11:52 AM
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RE: Spinning plates with family
(12-10-2018 06:20 AM)Montrose Wrote:  ... In general the best times to tell her that you’re married is after first date or after first bang. Don’t tell before first date because she will flake. And keep in mind that most women don’t want to know. If she’s just a notch, you may never tell her anything ...

... If she asks explicitly, tell her. ...

... Say that you are very happy in your marriage and just want to have fun on the side. Most women will find this extremely interesting, and will be very understanding. ...

... All the girls in your rotation should know about your wife, but not about one another. ..

Thanks a lot, there are some useful tips.

How is your experience in girl's reactions?
Do most of them have a problem with you married?
12-11-2018 12:00 PM
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RE: Spinning plates with family
I’d say most of them are fine with it. 10-20% of women absolutely don’t want a married man for various reasons: they are very religious, or they are scared of the consequences, or they are looking for a serious relationship for example. The rest don’t really care but you need to be careful when you tell them. They don’t want to be just a number. Rarely, they get angry, but they contain their anger.
12-11-2018 12:08 PM
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RE: Spinning plates with family
You have a responsibility to your kids, and your wife, and you're worrying about chasing pussy? If you're not happy, then leave. It's really that simple. Don't put your poor children through this, it'll come back to bite you.
12-11-2018 12:24 PM
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RE: Spinning plates with family
(12-11-2018 12:24 PM)foxygrandpa Wrote:  You have a responsibility to your kids, and your wife, and you're worrying about chasing pussy? If you're not happy, then leave. It's really that simple. Don't put your poor children through this, it'll come back to bite you.

Every one of us went down this path started in your shoes and decided that our wives weren't sweetening the pot enough. We're ultimately fathers, not mothers, and if she doesn't want to be a proper wife there's no reason why we're going to fall on the sword.

Sorry grandma... I mean grandpa.
12-11-2018 01:19 PM
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RE: Spinning plates with family
How did she find out about you screwing other women? Did she catch you in the act?

I believe in the saying: "Never, ever admit to cheating on your girlfriend or wife. No matter how much evidence there is. If you lie with conviction, she'll believe you no matter what".
12-13-2018 02:36 AM
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RE: Spinning plates with family
(12-13-2018 02:36 AM)Jozi Wrote:  How did she find out about you screwing other women? Did she catch you in the act?

I believe in the saying: "Never, ever admit to cheating on your girlfriend or wife. No matter how much evidence there is. If you lie with conviction, she'll believe you no matter what".

I had other women from the beginning, and she knew it, cause I told her.
The only mistake was me agreeing to promises - then I lost the girls, got used to staying at home and now it's diffucult to get back into game.
12-13-2018 03:55 AM
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RE: Spinning plates with family
(12-11-2018 12:08 PM)Montrose Wrote:  I’d say most of them are fine with it. 10-20% of women absolutely don’t want a married man for various reasons: they are very religious, or they are scared of the consequences, or they are looking for a serious relationship for example. The rest don’t really care ...

Thanks a lot. That's interesting - only 10-20% ... so it's propably just a fear and maybe self-fullfilling-prophecy ...
I think, it's different, when she's with me - most didn't want to believe, that she's okay with it.

(12-11-2018 12:08 PM)Montrose Wrote:  ... but you need to be careful when you tell them. They don’t want to be just a number. Rarely, they get angry, but they contain their anger.

Yes, that's difficult - finding a proper way to tell them, that I'm married for 10 years, have 4 children and most of my time is blocked with family ... doesn't communicate, that the new one is that special.

At the moment, my biggest struggle is, where to actually find girls and do real game. I think, I need more time for that ... at least until I'm good at coald-approach-daygame.
Did you maybe have similar problems? ... no time with job 'n family ...
12-13-2018 04:14 AM
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RE: Spinning plates with family
(12-10-2018 05:53 AM)SpaceCowboy Wrote:  Thanks for the replies.
(12-06-2018 08:47 AM)wemonger Wrote:  Also does "I hate you, don't leave me" describe her?
No, she surely doen's hate me - more the opposite, in terms of her words and actions. But there's this big fear of loosing me, yet.

(12-07-2018 01:29 AM)Meliorare93 Wrote:  Biggest problems:
- Logistics...
...
- Communication... how will you communicate with your plates ...
Yes, exactly - time and place - but also Game-related, just how to handle this topic ... lie? Be honest?


This has been my problem for the past 6 years. From doing circa 50 new lays a year in 2011/2012 I am down to maybe 5 at best and I have to be at my most effective when the opportunity (freedom) arises to make it count.

Its hard for guys who arent in this position to understand it fully. I used to be an advanced PUA but at 31 I thought yea I have done enough and the transformation from player to pundit wont hurt so got married to my LTR. The lure of fresh bangs never went away though, but the freedom and logistics to make it happen has literally vanished.

My inner fear was me ending up without the ability to run game as a result of lack of practice so I went bigger on day game just to convince myself that;
1. I still can do it well if i need to;
2. If i am lucky to come across a plate with her own place ideally not too far away from mine then great.

With those constraints 5 a year is still achievable with minimal risk of getting found out and maintaining at least level of residual game. If you enjoy game then you wont bother with checking if the ROI is worth it. However this should never become a debate over leaving your wife or family because you want a chance at smashing the odd new puss.

This is a deep thread for those who are there.
(This post was last modified: 12-17-2018 06:09 AM by Mr Mandingo.)
12-17-2018 06:05 AM
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Post: #18
RE: Spinning plates with family
Question for the forum... I'm married and recently picked up a plate from work. I work an hour away from home so stay occasionally overnight at work place (1-2x per month). My wife has been teasing me lately that I'm staying with my girlfriend whenever I stay overnight. Usually I just carry on the joke and say ya I was and then laugh it off. Is this a good plan or should I go for firm denial every time? Two nights ago I had a dinner for work and came home just before midnight and the next morning my wife said my shirt collar smelt like a girl which made bust up laughing since I wasn't even sitting next to a female at dinner. But now I fear she is getting more suspicious so was reevaluating what I tell her.
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