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How to Get Over Being Friendzoned
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rapaz12 Offline
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Post: #1
How to Get Over Being Friendzoned
Well it happened to you. You got friend zoned. You dedicated months or possibly even years of your life to pursuing a woman who ultimately turned you down. Who knows what you did wrong. Maybe you let things go on too long before letting your feelings known, maybe you just didn't do enough to make it clear what your intentions were, or maybe a bevy of other reasons.

Leading up to your realization of the writing on the wall, you'll always feel these polarizing emotions. You'll talk to her and feel happy and great and then you'll finish talking and walk away feeling sad and frustrated because you don't really know where you stand. Your mind will be a mess of emotions. So much so, that you might not even be able to sleep some days.

Once you finally break under the whirlwind of emotions and fess up to your feelings (or not) she'll let you know she wants nothing to do with you. Sure, she might not directly say it, but you'll know if you allow yourself to be aware of the way she reacts to your confession.

You'll constantly feel miserable and sad about it. Even though you're mentally aware that it's better now that you officially know where things stand. You'll constantly beat yourself up for feeling the way you do and you'll voice your frustrations with yourself with your closest friends and family. As a result, they'll join in on the sentiment by asking you why you feel this way about someone that wants nothing to do with you.

None of it matters though. You have to realize that it only happened because you allowed it to happen.

But as someone who went through this personally, I can say it gets better. It will not be an easy process at all in the beginning, but you just have to follow the steps.

Read the article at the below link

https://brobible.com/life/article/steps-get-over-girl/

Quote: Most bros probably read the headline to this and said, “that’s easy, just get laid by another chick.”

I wish it were that simple.

Unfortunately, getting over a girl that you’ve been obsessed with for a while can be one of the most difficult experiences in a guys life — whether we like to admit it or not. And it requires a lot more than just the standard sexual release, although I’m sure that does help to some degree.

Weaning off somebody you’ve been interested in for weeks or months, or even years, involves not only an acute sense of self-awareness, but also a determination to break away from patterns that have developed in attempt to woo the girl you’ve been pursuing.

And that list of patterns and behaviors can include the most random type of shit — getting your haircut once a week, buying clothes you would have never worn before, tracing her daily schedule and trying to find ways to bump into her, pretending to be interested in something you otherwise couldn’t care less about. In other words, complete desperation.

For now though, don’t think about how you might have fell into one of these categories in the past — or if you are currently playing the part. Rather, listen up because here are five solid ways to get over the girl you’ve been obsessed with:

1. Focus on yourself

Yep, take the high road — aka the selfish road.

Tell your buddies you’re not looking for somebody right now and that you’re taking some time to figure out life. (Why? Because forgetting takes time.) It will probably sound like you’re having a mid-life crisis, but let them worry about it as you plunge headfirst in a new direction.

Assess yourself, but do more than just that: set goals that you can achieve in the short term and then work towards building them in the long term. Whether it’s developing a new hobby or adding to the intensity of your gym routine, whatever it takes to get your mind on you and off of her.

It sounds like a borderline self-help suggestion, I know, but it really is the only way to recalculate the way your brain is thinking at this particular obsessive-fueled moment.

Instead of it being 50% on you and 50% on her (or worse, 40-60 or 30-70), you need to get to a place where your brain is close to 90% or 100% focused on you.

This might result in some detachment from close friends and colleagues, and that’s why you need to keep them in the loop.

2. Communicate with your allies

Guys hate to express their feelings — everybody knows it, and in this particular situation you’re more inclined to waver towards the stereotype than break away from it.

The good news is that if you’re obsession is bad enough, then you will give in and eventually confide in someone everything that you’ve been experiencing. It’s a large weight to shoulder all alone. It feels a lot better to talk about it out loud.

You could tell your closest friend that’s a girl or you could share it with a close bro, either way just saying the words “I have feelings for…” will go a long way in helping you start the process of getting over that person.

(Large disclaimer: All of this “advice”, of course, stems from the fact she doesn’t reciprocate your love for her. If you’ve asked and she does, then stop reading this and go swipe her off her feet — it’s not that complex, bro. If the love is not reciprocated, then that’s why you are here and need to read the final three points because they’ll help you get over her.)

Let’s continue because I feel there’s an obvious one that most guys don’t follow in the process of changing their thoughts and behaviors.

3. Limit proximity/contact

Like all of the items on this list, this is a lot easier said than done — especially if she is in close proximity to you on a daily basis. This means she could be a co-worker, a friend of a friend, someone who lives in your building, somebody you grew up with who has now moved to the city you’re living in, etc.

The list of possibilities goes on and on, but the real key to this is limiting your interactions with her and building up a force field that she can’t penetrate (more on this in a second).

Remember: the key to getting over her is distance. If you can’t physically remove yourself from where she’s living (like if she goes to college with you or works with you), then you’ve got to find a way to increase the distance between the two of you in other ways. Any other model will fail, I can promise you that — distance, distance, distance.

Go on a trip if you have to — anything to limit your interactions with said girl as you enter into this healing process. Plus, an adventure to a place you’ve never been before might provide the spark you’ve been looking for all this time to jumpstart your life and get you moving forward.

4. Build a force field

First and foremost, don’t text her anything. In fact, don’t engage her in any form of social media. And taking it one step further even, don’t engage in social media — period. Why? Because whatever you’re posting is subconsciously trying to earn her attention and approval. (STOP TRYING TO IMPRESS HER!)

You want to break from this pattern, remember? Anything that contradicts this line of thinking will have you landing back on square one in no time. That’s not what I, or any other bro out there, want for you. This is a healing process, and we’re in it together.

“OK, so what if she texts me something cute to try to keep me around?”

Great question!

This is part of the force field building, and perhaps the most difficult part of it. Don’t play games with her. Only engage on urgent and pressing matters, and even then keep communication brief and to the point. For example, if your mutual friend is having trouble and she wants your opinion, then answer her. But if she’s just sending you a Snapchat of herself in pajamas, then don’t bother responding.

Deleting her number entirely shouldn’t be necessary — you should be able to do this organically without acting like a teenage girl but in all seriousness, if that’s what you feel it takes then I’m not going to deny you that out.

5. Remove the clutter

This is actually a two-for-one because the exercise of throwing stuff away — it doesn’t have to be related to her necessarily — actually helps the mind forget and is a healthy exercise in general.

Of course though, you’re trying to ignore your feelings for her — or box them up or remove them entirely, so this means you have to go on an all-out assault of the material items in your room, or apartment, that remind you of her.

Warning: you could be getting rid of a lot of stuff here, but commit to this exercise and you won’t regret it because you will find closure somewhere in the bottom of those trash bins.

How? Because while you’re doing this, you will automatically think back to specific moments where you were with her and think about how you felt. Were you happy and at peace being yourself or were you rattled by trying to impress her by being someone you’re not? Most likely it’s the later.

If it’s the former, I don’t know what else to say other then you’ve got a longer ladder to climb than most guys but you can do it by following these five steps. It’s supposed to be a hard process — don’t forget. It will make you a better man in the long run I can guarantee it.

Yes, the article is about obsessing over a girl, but when you think about it, it's really all the same thing. I found it because I realized I was more so trying to get over the obsessive thoughts of the woman that were bombarding me more than I was trying to accept that I got friendzoned. Also, it frustrated me that I felt so strongly about someone I never had a true reciprocal loving relationship with.

Don't waste your time blaming the girl

As I said before, who knows what you did wrong. But you have to accept you're in this position because you ALLOWED yourself to get in this position. It just comes off as whiny and it just makes you even more salty about the whole experience overall if you can't take ownership for it.

Try to learn lessons from the experience

For me, I thought I would be ok taking things as slowly as I did. However, after reflection, I noticed that by letting things get drawn out longer, I was only making pain from ripping the band aid off even worse. As a result, I learned that I can't allow myself to let things continue for a long time without action, I must limit contact, or I must focus on other more open women because my feelings will get too hooked in if I don't. I also realized that I have to not be afraid to show my feelings because if I don't, I'll just end up making things monumentally harder for myself later.

Better to put yourself out there and get rejected earlier on than wait until you've invested too much time and feelings.

Cut off contact as good as you can

I can't say for sure how much you should dial your interactions back, but it definitely needs to be drastically. You can't make yourself so available and you can't jump at every opportunity that arises to hang out with her. And yea, be prepared for her to ask why you're getting distant.

In my case, I was talking long periods of time at least three times a week. After I finally made my intentions known and then saw how the woman responded to me, I completely stopped going out of my way to contact her and when she contacted me, I kept things very prompt and to the point.

This was not easy though. There were many times in the beginning where I would sit and think about all the things I wanted to tell her and how much I loved to hear her voice. Likewise, I'd really really want to hear from her or contact her. For this issue, it helped that she backed off and also that I was able to always remind myself that the lows I experienced after talking to her are still way worse than lows I felt not talking to her at all.

Don't bother trying to "escape the friend zone" or "convince her you're worth it"

I get it. It stinks and you really want it to work but why waste any more of your energy trying to get someone to change their mind when you can use that time to build on yourself?

Besides, if you let all this happen, you're probably not very well experienced. Also, you'll just end up drawing out this mess even longer then you already have.

Don't focus on pursuing other women right now

At this point you're in a really vulnerable space. Consequently, devoting more time to women will only bring you down further and even if you do find someone, you might end up sabotaging it since you're still bummed about your circumstances. I'd also add to stay off game related threads on the forum.

Do focus on building your relationships with other men

During all the time I spent talking to the woman I liked, I let a lot of relationships with other men just completely die out. I ended up spending most of my time with her and her friends having to listen to them complain about men and other stuff I didn't care about constantly.

Now I'm working on trying to breathe life back into those relationships. Honestly, it is hard to do sometimes since everybody in my life at the moment is so overly eccentric and odd, but it's better than keeping to myself and brooding miserably alone. Also, it really does feel good to just to chill with the guys.

Focus on you

Take the time to focus on building yourself up. This can include pursuing weight goals, hashing out personal projects, improving current skills or learning new ones. The sky's the limit. Just so that what you're devoting your energy to is something that makes you happy and more fulfilled. Consequently, stay away from porn too; you don't need to muddle your mind up more than it already is.

Don't dwell on it so much

It will come into your mind at many inopportune times and you will endulge in a little bit of self pity. The goal however is to just recognize the pain and accept it's there. Just scowl and tell yourself, "this sucks it played out like this", but don't allow yourself to sit for long periods of time and ruminate on it.

Let time heal the scars

It will be very miserable at first and you will constantly think about her and what could've been and how horrible it was that it didn't work out. However as time passes, you will find that you naturally start to think about it less.

As an example, my mind was reeling after the fact day in and day out for a decent period of time. But, after a month or so, the sad feelings became much less frequent and drawn out.

So much so that I saw the woman recently and we caught up a little bit. Talking to her again after so much time of radio silence showed me that I wasn't really enthralled with her that much anymore and I could see that I was really better off without her.

Allow yourself to feel when to get back in the saddle
You can't back away from it forever.
You'll know when you're ready again to start seeking women. However, you shouldn't feel like you're forcing yourself to get back into it. For me, it was just me up late one day goofing off and suddenly realizing, "Ok... I'm ready to do this again."

That's about it though. It stinks when it happens, but this is an experience that can only help grow if you allow it to.
01-29-2019 11:45 AM
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Atlanta Man Offline
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Post: #2
RE: How to Get Over Being Friendzoned
^^^Same advice goes for break ups.

If you cum in her mouth and she swallows she will not get pregnant.....I speak from experience.
01-29-2019 12:59 PM
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Latan Offline
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Post: #3
RE: How to Get Over Being Friendzoned
(01-29-2019 11:45 AM)rapaz12 Wrote:  You dedicated months or possibly even years of your life to pursuing a woman who ultimately turned you down.

Months? Years?

What kind of dude puts himself into such a situation?
If you can't close in a short time, you have 99.99% chance never to do it.
Better spend these Years chasing other chicks, and getting laid.

PS : I know it's not the point of this thread.
But it's like giving advice on how to treat a dick burn, when you put it into a microwave.
Just don't do it, in the first place.
(This post was last modified: 01-29-2019 01:44 PM by Latan.)
01-29-2019 01:42 PM
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Post: #4
RE: How to Get Over Being Friendzoned
(01-29-2019 01:42 PM)Latan Wrote:  
(01-29-2019 11:45 AM)rapaz12 Wrote:  You dedicated months or possibly even years of your life to pursuing a woman who ultimately turned you down.

Months? Years?

What kind of dude puts himself into such a situation?
If you can't close in a short time, you have 99.99% chance never to do it.
Better spend these Years chasing other chicks, and getting laid.

PS : I know it's not the point of this thread.
But it's like giving advice on how to treat a dick burn, when you put it into a microwave.
Just don't do it, in the first place.
This is on The Newbie Forum-and Friendzoning is how a lot of men find this place. I agree though-don't get Friendzoned to begin with-Truthfully, if she was really your friend she would fuck you.....

If you cum in her mouth and she swallows she will not get pregnant.....I speak from experience.
01-29-2019 02:17 PM
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ThriceLazarus Offline
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Post: #5
RE: How to Get Over Being Friendzoned
Seconding what Atlanta Man said. As far as the advice, “Don’t focus on pursuing other women right now” rings true. I’ve been processing a bad break up months, and trying to find her replacement was agonizing. Ended up implementing a lot of these suggestions over the last three weeks and finally it feels like I’m on solid ground again.

The trickiest thing for me was doing the things that we did together. For a while I couldn’t run or practice yoga without weeping like a widow. Honestly, the only way I could run was by strapping weights to my back - that heaviness, the discomfort, it was enough to keep the mind focused on the task at hand.

Luckily physical pain trumps emotional turmoil in it’s immediacy. Just have to keep it constant, consistent, and avoid overtraining.
01-29-2019 04:53 PM
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RatInTheWoods Offline
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Post: #6
RE: How to Get Over Being Friendzoned
Being men you want to rationalise and argue your way into her affections.

If only you could explain, argue and logically put forward why you are good for her.... But if she doesn't feel it below the belly button, its going nowhere.

One way to get a clear insight into her frame, is remember that low value fattie that wants you so bad, but you rejected? Thats how she feels about you.

Do you spend time thinking about that fattie? Hell no! Well she doesn't think about you
Could that fattie "talk you" into being attracted to her? Hell no! Well neither can you talk her around.
Is there anything that fattie could do to win you over? Hell no! So don't waste your time.

Improve yourself and pursue other women is the only correct course of action.
01-30-2019 03:58 PM
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Post: #7
RE: How to Get Over Being Friendzoned
(01-29-2019 01:42 PM)Latan Wrote:  
(01-29-2019 11:45 AM)rapaz12 Wrote:  You dedicated months or possibly even years of your life to pursuing a woman who ultimately turned you down.

Months? Years?

What kind of dude puts himself into such a situation?
If you can't close in a short time, you have 99.99% chance never to do it.
Better spend these Years chasing other chicks, and getting laid.

PS : I know it's not the point of this thread.
But it's like giving advice on how to treat a dick burn, when you put it into a microwave.
Just don't do it, in the first place.


What kind of dude? Young dudes. We've all had to put our dick in the blender at least once before we learned. If not in this area then another.
01-30-2019 04:02 PM
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Rocha Offline
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Post: #8
RE: How to Get Over Being Friendzoned
   

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01-30-2019 04:46 PM
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Post: #9
RE: How to Get Over Being Friendzoned
(01-29-2019 01:42 PM)Latan Wrote:  What kind of dude puts himself into such a situation?

The young and naive. It's a rite of passage. In other words, a fool me once, fool me twice situation.
02-03-2019 11:52 PM
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NegroNeko Offline
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Post: #10
RE: How to Get Over Being Friendzoned
(02-03-2019 11:52 PM)questor70 Wrote:  
(01-29-2019 01:42 PM)Latan Wrote:  What kind of dude puts himself into such a situation?

The young and naive. It's a rite of passage. In other words, a fool me once, fool me twice situation.

I got caught up in this situation..

I'm not young, but reeling out of a almost 20 year marriage where wife walked out and was fucking other men.

For a long time I thought that maybe I needed to fix my way of being.. Till I realized I didn't and after being in the friendzone for almost 2 years with this one woman.. I pulled the plug on that shit and although the well has been dry.. It's still better than being strung along.
02-04-2019 12:37 PM
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