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Help with my cold approaches
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Azlan Offline
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Post: #1
Help with my cold approaches
I'm not sure exactly how many approaches I've done, but it's probably close to 100 or so. Even though I'm a pretty good looking guy I don't have a lot of success. The girls are always receptive and kind, but 90% of the time I hear the "I have a bf/married". I approach mostly in grocery stores. I've gotten a few dates and 1 same day bang with a slut that I never called again. Anyway, my AA isnt bad at all initially, its when I start to get into a conversation that I start to get really nervous, and the interaction goes downhill. I lean more toward being an introverted type of guy so my approaches are pretty low energy but very direct. I think I'm in my head way to much and I struggle with the conversation. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to just relax more? Does meditation or self hypnosis Help? I love cold approaching but I'm getting frustrated at what seems to be a lack of progress. I'll admit that I don't really have a clear focus of what my intent should be when I approach.
(This post was last modified: 02-05-2019 12:10 AM by Azlan.)
02-05-2019 12:00 AM
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Maximosantana Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Help with my cold approaches
Well Im not so attractive, but Ill tell you what worked for me:

First I went to Ukraine through and organization called AIESEC, this organization is basically run by young girls 18-25, and almost all of them speak english and as they believe you are not a sex tourist they are very receptive to talk to you, so you start to feel in abundance, is a trick for the brain, even if is a fake abundance your brain start to generate dopamine and you feel more secure.

So I recommend you to go like this, volunteering or something (to countries with a lot of girls, russia also can work) and this will develop your confident.

Now my rate is more close to 50%-60% and I develop the abundance culture, if a girl dont want to talk to me I dont have to much patience and I said ok bye, to the next one.

This is what it worked for me.
02-07-2019 04:44 AM
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Hegemon1984
Black Caesar Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Help with my cold approaches
You need to break down your usual approach and convo to get any good help.

Is it direct? Indirect? What are the usual lines you spit?

Also introverts aren't really a thing so you should ditch that limiting belief first.

Beats, rhymes and life

How to crack Paris, Accra, San Francisco, and more.
02-07-2019 04:59 AM
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WTTL Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Help with my cold approaches
(02-05-2019 12:00 AM)Azlan Wrote:  I'm not sure exactly how many approaches I've done, but it's probably close to 100 or so. Even though I'm a pretty good looking guy I don't have a lot of success. The girls are always receptive and kind, but 90% of the time I hear the "I have a bf/married". I approach mostly in grocery stores. I've gotten a few dates and 1 same day bang with a slut that I never called again. Anyway, my AA isnt bad at all initially, its when I start to get into a conversation that I start to get really nervous, and the interaction goes downhill. I lean more toward being an introverted type of guy so my approaches are pretty low energy but very direct. I think I'm in my head way to much and I struggle with the conversation. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to just relax more? Does meditation or self hypnosis Help? I love cold approaching but I'm getting frustrated at what seems to be a lack of progress. I'll admit that I don't really have a clear focus of what my intent should be when I approach.
A lot of attractive girls actually have boyfriends. From my experience, girls with boyfriends will be unusually and unexpectedly friendly and may not drop the bf line until you ask for the number. If you go up to a good looking girl and she gives you Bambi eyes and starts opening up and smiling immediately, good chance she has a boyfriend at home and is giving out false signals for a quick hit of validation. Another common source of getting the bf line is that you are escalating too fast and triggering her defense mechanisms. It's just easier to leave those interactions than to try to plough through it. If she mentions "husband" 1) you should have looked for a ring before approaching and 2) she is probably telling the truth as that's not an autopilot response like the bf line.

"A few dates" is pretty darn good for someone's first 100 approaches. I think you are being too hard on yourself or not telling the truth.
02-07-2019 09:10 PM
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Hegemon1984 Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Help with my cold approaches
Hey Azlan, I think I'm in the same boat as you. Let's meet at the Captain's deck and talk. Anyway, I have a similar problem: I've done 34 approaches so far with girls from the 7-9 range. So far I get a phone number 1 out of 3 approaches, but they're all flakes. I go day gaming 5 days out of the week and make it my goal to at least talk to 3 girls/day on the week days and 5 girls/day on the weekends.

At first, I was excited to get so many phone numbers. But now, I'm just fatigued I've gotten a ton of flakey girls without even a single date.

My intentions are clear and I do meditate daily to get my inner game in order. However, I think I'm going to cut out a day so I can rejuvenate my inner game and not burn myself out.

If I we're you, I'd check out James Marshall of The Natural Lifestyles. He's a direct game PUA who focuses heavily on meditation, inner game, and how to approach.

What I'm interested in is a.) How many dates did you get from 100 approaches? b.) Tell me how you met your single bang. What lead up to intimacy so I can learn from it?
02-07-2019 10:32 PM
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Azlan Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Help with my cold approaches
When I first started cold approaching I was watching Tom Terreros stuff, but it seemed to structured for me to be congruent with. I found James Marshalls videos and the light bulb went on. I really liked how he didn't follow any "rules" and just said whatever the fuck he wanted to say. I felt that matched my personality a lot more than trying to follow some set structure like Terreros, so I tried to adopt his attitude.

The very first aporoach i ever did I got the number of a hot 29yo nurse. It surprised me that she gave me her number because I was nervous as hell and it showed. We texted a little but she declined my invite for a date so I moved on and forgot about her, then about a month later she texted me out of the blue and asked me out on a date. The date didnt go to well and i just nexted her. It felt like she had ulterior motives for being on the date. I'm sure she was already seeing someone.

I started approaching every cute girl I saw in grocery and retail stores. I got addicted to it, even though I got tons of rejections, they didn't bother me at all. I started making and holding eye contact with every chick I saw. I got over my initial approach anxiety very quickly. Although I would get nervous after the conversation got going and I struggled with making it flow well. I talked to this chick in a Safeway store for over an hour and took her on an insta date right from the store, but it was a bad thing because all she talked about was her ass hole bf and I became her emotional tampon. I tried to make a move at the end but got shot down. Oh well, live and learn...i will never put myself in that position ever again. Not long after I got the number of a really hot single 38yo blonde with no kids(im 43) i played my text game perfectly and she met me for a date later that week. The date went really well and she was showing lots of interest through text in the days that followed so I invited her to my house for dinner as our second date. She accepted. We made out alot. I won't go into it but to make a long story short, I did something very foolish and made her lose interest. Probably multiple things actually. This was on a thursday. I beat myself up over a couple days for being such a fool and losing this quality girl that was really into me. Then on Sunday I decided fuck it, I'm not gonna beat myself up any longer I'm going to learn from my mistakes and go get another one. So I went out to the grocery store and saw this brunette chick that looked ok. I approached her with more purely sexual energy than any other girl i ever approached, and she was feeling it. Lots of intense eye contact and sexual vibe between us. After talking to her for a few i asked her what she was up to today and she said not much, so I said let's go grab a drink. She said she would take her groceries home and text me, and she did. We met at a bar and were kissing soon after. After about an hour at the bar I rode with her back to her place. We drank a little wine and ended up fucking. She was a slut but a very horrible lay...one of the worst ive ever had. And she didnt look near as good naked either. I could tell her life was really fucked up too, so I had no intention of seeing her again. She took me back to my car and asked if she could call me for a booty call again. I said sure but blocked her number. I felt horrible...i just lost this really quality girl a couple days earlier and was now banging this blown out whore instead.

Since then it's been lots of rejections and a few numbers where our texts just fade to nothing. I don't know why but I don't feel as confident anymore and I don't feel like I'm making any progress.

When I approach I usually say something like "excuse me, I noticed you over there and I thought you looked lovely and I wanted to come and meet you". Then I struggle with the conversation. I'll get over it I think I just need to take a break, recalibrate and work on the other issues in my life that are out of order. Im also gonna be more selective in who I approach.
(This post was last modified: 02-08-2019 03:52 AM by Azlan.)
02-08-2019 03:39 AM
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Black Caesar Offline
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Post: #7
RE: Help with my cold approaches
Seems like you're doing ok if you use a direct approach like that.

You could always try some more indirect.

Drop some bait after you open so that she starts asking you questions and then you want to move the convo to more emotional topics once she hooks.

If you go direct you're just more likely to blow out.

Beats, rhymes and life

How to crack Paris, Accra, San Francisco, and more.
02-08-2019 08:31 AM
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Azlan Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Help with my cold approaches
I've tried indirect and I do use it from time to time but I just prefer the direct approach. My attitude is either blow me or blow me out.
02-08-2019 09:54 AM
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Black Caesar Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Help with my cold approaches
Then yeah you will proly stay around the same results.

Indirect is usually better for day game in my opinion.

Beats, rhymes and life

How to crack Paris, Accra, San Francisco, and more.
02-08-2019 12:29 PM
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Distant Light Offline
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Post: #10
RE: Help with my cold approaches
Stop TRYING to pickup...

Become more of a social dude having fun...

From PUA creed guys WANT IT TO WORK, that's like an unattractive chick with an AGENDA going up to you hoping she will "pick you up" it is a contrived experience.

Most guys SUCK because they're going in hoping & wanting to get a RANDOM GIRL when they don't even know if they will like em...The chick did NOTHING other than looks hot.

Imagine a dude who knows tons of women, women wanting him daily...It isn't every hot skin he'd add into his life...

What people fail to realize as a newbie you kinda get that once you can cold approach, your options are limitless because cold approach is unbounded by social norms...Any chick in your awareness can be met.

I remember years ago my HS friends were impressed seeing me as an adult meeting 4 girls in a restaurant just before we left...The societal world would say RUDE but just like someone showing up to have fun unless SUPER IMPORTANT you will be open to interacting. Just think your fav inspirations and role models come up to you during dinner, would you say "fuck off I'm eating?"

One of my friends back in the day took this to heart, met his FB at a TOLL BOOTH...Once walked up to a convertible met chick and 2 weeks later on a high rise with her, she was doing drugs while an old man was passed out in the bedroom...

Now it isn't like things will pan out BUT the fact that cold approach opens possibilities that the norm will almost never proactively experience...

Back in day, off a 30sec approach in the daytime I met a girl who became a female friend...I met 25 of her female friends, 2 who become FBs and 2 who also became female friends. I was connected to 5 new girls due to this 1 interaction...

A big issue with PUA types is short sightedness they see this as pickup rather than social navigation/engineering

10Lifestyle.com - "Lifestyle Over Pickup"

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02-08-2019 01:21 PM
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debeguiled Offline
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Post: #11
RE: Help with my cold approaches
(02-08-2019 01:21 PM)Distant Light Wrote:  Stop TRYING to pickup...

Become more of a social dude having fun...

From PUA creed guys WANT IT TO WORK, that's like an unattractive chick with an AGENDA going up to you hoping she will "pick you up" it is a contrived experience.

Most guys SUCK because they're going in hoping & wanting to get a RANDOM GIRL when they don't even know if they will like em...The chick did NOTHING other than looks hot.

Imagine a dude who knows tons of women, women wanting him daily...It isn't every hot skin he'd add into his life...

What people fail to realize as a newbie you kinda get that once you can cold approach, your options are limitless because cold approach is unbounded by social norms...Any chick in your awareness can be met.

I remember years ago my HS friends were impressed seeing me as an adult meeting 4 girls in a restaurant just before we left...The societal world would say RUDE but just like someone showing up to have fun unless SUPER IMPORTANT you will be open to interacting. Just think your fav inspirations and role models come up to you during dinner, would you say "fuck off I'm eating?"

One of my friends back in the day took this to heart, met his FB at a TOLL BOOTH...Once walked up to a convertible met chick and 2 weeks later on a high rise with her, she was doing drugs while an old man was passed out in the bedroom...

Now it isn't like things will pan out BUT the fact that cold approach opens possibilities that the norm will almost never proactively experience...

Back in day, off a 30sec approach in the daytime I met a girl who became a female friend...I met 25 of her female friends, 2 who become FBs and 2 who also became female friends. I was connected to 5 new girls due to this 1 interaction...

A big issue with PUA types is short sightedness they see this as pickup rather than social navigation/engineering

Because of social conditioning, no one is really themselves.

You have to unlearn all of the unnatural strictures placed on you not just by society, by peers, by family, but by yourself.

DL, you seem to have achieved this first by grinding into pickup life, seeing its limitations, freeing yourself, and carrying on.

This is not so easy to do, and seems to have to come, to some degree, out of a crucible of desire, frustration, and a good honest look at yourself.

Once you have passed through all this, just being yourself is possible, but only then.

As Don Meredith used to say: "It ain't easy being easy."

“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.”

Carl Jung
02-08-2019 01:57 PM
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Hegemon1984 Offline
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Post: #12
RE: Help with my cold approaches
(02-08-2019 01:21 PM)Distant Light Wrote:  Stop TRYING to pickup...

Become more of a social dude having fun...

From PUA creed guys WANT IT TO WORK, that's like an unattractive chick with an AGENDA going up to you hoping she will "pick you up" it is a contrived experience.

Most guys SUCK because they're going in hoping & wanting to get a RANDOM GIRL when they don't even know if they will like em...The chick did NOTHING other than looks hot.

Imagine a dude who knows tons of women, women wanting him daily...It isn't every hot skin he'd add into his life...

What people fail to realize as a newbie you kinda get that once you can cold approach, your options are limitless because cold approach is unbounded by social norms...Any chick in your awareness can be met.

I remember years ago my HS friends were impressed seeing me as an adult meeting 4 girls in a restaurant just before we left...The societal world would say RUDE but just like someone showing up to have fun unless SUPER IMPORTANT you will be open to interacting. Just think your fav inspirations and role models come up to you during dinner, would you say "fuck off I'm eating?"

One of my friends back in the day took this to heart, met his FB at a TOLL BOOTH...Once walked up to a convertible met chick and 2 weeks later on a high rise with her, she was doing drugs while an old man was passed out in the bedroom...

Now it isn't like things will pan out BUT the fact that cold approach opens possibilities that the norm will almost never proactively experience...

Back in day, off a 30sec approach in the daytime I met a girl who became a female friend...I met 25 of her female friends, 2 who become FBs and 2 who also became female friends. I was connected to 5 new girls due to this 1 interaction...

A big issue with PUA types is short sightedness they see this as pickup rather than social navigation/engineering

I am totally saving this post as a bookmark.
02-08-2019 11:07 PM
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Heuristics Online
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Post: #13
RE: Help with my cold approaches
It seems like you're doing good Azlan. As another poster said you gotta get rid of the social conditioning.

Also, stop putting yourself in boxes that society created, thus, don't think of yourself as an introvert-- that doesn't matter, even if the label were true. Most people tend towards what is comfortable or easy. Even your extroverts a lot of them don't bother meeting strangers sober. Anyway...

Grocery stores, maybe these are a place for more indirect approaches because women aren't really primed for a cold approach in a grocery store like they are in a bar or nightclub. It seems like you should try to read the women a bit better and then try to escalate accordingly. If you're getting "I have a boyfriend" line, it's either true, or you escalated to fast, or you're giving off vibes/ appearances that mean she's not interested in you. You might try approaching in coffee houses or parks, or anywhere where women may be more receptive--maybe even university campuses. Also relevant, what country are you in, and what's your approx age, look?

Try this: no fap, no porn, daily workouts, healthy eating, and a bit of caffeine. After you've done these given things any day, go out and approach. You can even add another step in there, warm up by talking to strangers, service staff etc with small talk, etc. I did all that today and I have a massive incentive to approach. Sometimes I have to talk myself up before I start approaching (introvert + approach anxiety), listen to some tunes, or smoke a cig. All these things are ok, but maybe you're just putting a lot of pressure on yourself doing approaches in the store. That environment is like walking up to someone's door to do door-to-door sales, it's just not giving you much to work with off the bat. In a place like a store, you really don't have much context for an opener, getting a conversation going-- at least in a coffee house the girl will be ordering a coffee so you can talk about that, working on her computer, studying, reading a book, and so on. These "third spaces", bars are also included (although they're for nightgame), I think are the way to go for daygame, but that's just my opinion.

Also, as another poster said, drop the approach mindset, I've found that creates a pretty big mental block for a lot of people, myself included. Be more natural about it. I think if the interaction feels natural, and you feel natural, the outcome of the interaction is going to be a lot better.
(This post was last modified: 02-09-2019 07:34 PM by Heuristics.)
02-09-2019 07:30 PM
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Azlan Offline
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Post: #14
RE: Help with my cold approaches
Some good advice, Heuristics. Thanks.
I do workout regularly and eat healthy. I've slowed way down on the porn and fapping, it's helped. I definitely do need to make my approaches seem more natural though, as you said, and I do think I probably escalate to fast. I need to work on my inner game. As I said in my original post, I'm struggling with showing my intent. I want them to know I'm interested but at the same time not give to much validation right off the bat. I think it comes down to an IDGAF attitude, and losing the pickup mindset and not having an agenda as another poster mentioned.
(This post was last modified: 02-09-2019 11:44 PM by Azlan.)
02-09-2019 11:42 PM
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Heuristics Online
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Post: #15
RE: Help with my cold approaches
(02-09-2019 11:42 PM)Azlan Wrote:  Some good advice, Heuristics. Thanks.
I do workout regularly and eat healthy. I've slowed way down on the porn and fapping, it's helped. I definitely do need to make my approaches seem more natural though, as you said, and I do think I probably escalate to fast. I need to work on my inner game. As I said in my original post, I'm struggling with showing my intent. I want them to know I'm interested but at the same time not give to much validation right off the bat. I think it comes down to an IDGAF attitude, and losing the pickup mindset and not having an agenda as another poster mentioned.

I read somewhere, maybe it's the London Daygame Model, that said you should expect to spend 10-15 minutes roughly on a daygame set. Are you managing that or are you doing half that? Using the model may help, so I advise you to check it out if you haven't. For beginners, you need structure. Also, look up how to flirt... Eye contact, teasing, touching, etc. My inner game is frankly weak and I'm working on rebuilding my ego and getting stronger.
02-10-2019 10:03 AM
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