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Post-Failure Reflection and Analysis
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Anchor Man Offline
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Post-Failure Reflection and Analysis
Here's my case and I hope you could point out to me what I did wrong? If I did anything wrong. I don’t really care that much about the girl. I just want to learn from the process . I only care because I have a history of fucking up the leads Sad. I care only about my part. If I did right it, I'd be happy.


I asked a girl out (I have been talking to on and off for 2.5 months) from my work for a date for the third time. I only did it three times because I can tell she was really interested (even our mutual female friend confirmed it). Also, I know she has a boyfriend so I was giving her enough time and not to rush things as she might be considering branch swing. She never told me about her boyfriend. I knew about him from a coworker.

I almost gave up on her after the second time I asked her out, but during one of our conversations she accidentally admitted she knew what time I come to work and what time I leave. Even she knew if I came to work or not . We don’t work together we just work in the same floor.
When I confronted her by saying “What the hack, you check my online status !!”
She blushed, looked down and said “ yes, But I do not do every day” . She is so dump, right? . I took this as green light as I am, at least, on the top of her head.

It was in-person. It was on Monday. Here’s how the interaction went:
- Me : Are we going to go out or not ?
- Her : yes
- Me : When ?
- Her : I am busy
- Me : Let’s go shooting on Thursday (with persistent and assertive tone)
- Her : Let’s do it next week
- Me : Alright Tuesday next week
- Her : Okay
At this moment, I was holding her hands . I squeezed and she squeezed back . But I could tell from her body language she was not excited about it and was nervous .
We walked inside the company until we are about to separate.
- Me : Hey Jennifer , Tuesday next week. This would be my last time to ask you out. I already did it three times ( weak and needy move from my side )
- Her : Tuesday or Wednesday ( her facial features changed to sad face when she heard that this was my last time to ask her out )

I fed up with this non committal answer.

After two hours, I texted her the following :

-Me : You know what you got no choice lol. We are going out on Tuesday at 7 pm
-Her: What!! I need to check but I will try to make it though.

Honestly, I had the gut feeling she was not going to make it so I never confirmed with her. Also, this was my third time to ask her out and I thought she was using my attention. Plus, she is a coworker and I didn't want over do it inside work.

On Monday the day before the date, I saw her from far in the company kitchen. I said “Hi” and I waved with my hand but I didn’t go out of way and talk to her. I wasn’t playing hard to get. I was convinced she wasn’t interested.


On Tuesday (the day of the supposed date) at 2 pm

She went to the Kitchen looking for me. I knew she was looking for me, because she only goes to the kitchen for lunch. I have never seen her in kitchen outside the lunch hour except this time. She saw me and I wasn’t seeing her . She said “Hi” to grab my attention with her eyes wandering about the date.. I replied “Hi”. At this moment, another coworker called me and I got side track with him .

My thinking at the moment was if she wanted to confirm the date, she should have texted me or sent me IM on skype for business . I was also thinking she wanted me to go and talk to her again to feed her ego.

After this incident, I saw her in kitchen multiple times. She always looked at me but I never had chance to have conversation with her as I was either with someone or she was with someone and I didn’t want to go out of my way to talk to her. I just said hi and smiled. One time, she tried to give me puppy face eye contact , I just ignored it. Another time, I went to her desk to ask her work-related question . The interaction went as follow

-Me : Hey Jennifer
-Her : Yes ( Her face lit up once she heard me calling her name )
-Me: Do you know about blah blah ?
- Her : No (with sad face as she realized it was only work-related question)

Again, I wasn’t playing hard to get or being butt-hurt. I just didn’t want to feed her ego again as I thought she played games. Plus, there is so much I can take. She already rejected my advances 3 times.

Until one day, we ended up in the kitchen alone together . I started conversation with her. She never looked at me. She kept looking down and answered very short answers. I cut the interaction short to save a face.

Guess what! The day after; in the morning , she put herself in my proximity but given the day’s before interaction I didn’t think much of it. During the lunch, she went to the company cafeteria at the same time as me. She stood across from me and she never ordered any food .She stood there until I left. Why I didn’t talk to her ? I just said “Hi’ but also part of me was afraid to talk to her as she just blew off a day ago. My mind was telling “ be cautious . she might complain about you to HR”
I found her behavior strange on that day as she put herself on my vicinity two times.
Exactly, ten days after that day, she had her engagement photo taken.


My questions :

1- Did I go too extreme after she hasn’t confirmed the date ?
2- Did she want me to ask her out again by putting herself in my proximity
3- Her strange behavior 10 days before the engagement was due to her being anxious and not sure about her boyfriend and went to talk to me one last time.
4- Or she was just attention whore.
5- or she liked me and she was confused and wanted to get married.

She is 24 yo latina
(This post was last modified: 03-26-2019 07:39 AM by Anchor Man.)
03-26-2019 06:40 AM
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Obermarschall Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Post-Failure Reflection and Analysis
Why are you asking out female colleagues of your work?
Are you planning to quit soon, well then it might be fine, but otherwise there is a nice little phrase 'don't shit where you eat'.

Besides, I think you came across as needy and instead of asking her when to meet up, you should IMMEDIATELY told her, 'let's go on Thursday' without asking 'ok?' or 'do you agree?'. You are the man, so you should lead. Moreover, I think you were trying a bit too hard, is it because you still don't believe in the abundance mentality, because when I read between the lines, that's what I feel, that you don't have that mentality yet. Anyways, keep trying but with other women AND especially outside of your job.
03-26-2019 07:56 AM
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Anchor Man Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Post-Failure Reflection and Analysis
Thank you .
1- i can afford losing the job.
2- I am loooking more for step by step analysis by any of forum members . If any forum member has time break down the story into pieces and let me know what he thinks , I would be grafeful
03-26-2019 08:19 AM
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PapayaTapper Away
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Post: #4
RE: Post-Failure Reflection and Analysis
(03-26-2019 06:40 AM)Anchor Man Wrote:  Here's my case and I hope you could point out to me what I did wrong? If I did anything wrong. I don’t really care that much about the girl. I just want to learn from the process . I only care because I have a history of fucking up the leads Sad. I care only about my part. If I did right it, I'd be happy.


I asked a girl out (I have been talking to on and off for 2.5 months) from my work for a date for the third time. I only did it three times because I can tell she was really interested (even our mutual female friend confirmed it). Also, I know she has a boyfriend so I was giving her enough time and not to rush things as she might be considering branch swing. She never told me about her boyfriend. I knew about him from a coworker.

I almost gave up on her after the second time I asked her out, but during one of our conversations she accidentally admitted she knew what time I come to work and what time I leave. Even she knew if I came to work or not . We don’t work together we just work in the same floor.
When I confronted her by saying “What the hack, you check my online status !!”
She blushed, looked down and said “ yes, But I do not do every day” . She is so dump, right? . I took this as green light as I am, at least, on the top of her head.

It was in-person. It was on Monday. Here’s how the interaction went:
- Me : Are we going to go out or not ?
- Her : yes
- Me : When ?
- Her : I am busy
- Me : Let’s go shooting on Thursday (with persistent and assertive tone)
- Her : Let’s do it next week
- Me : Alright Tuesday next week
- Her : Okay
At this moment, I was holding her hands . I squeezed and she squeezed back . But I could tell from her body language she was not excited about it and was nervous .
We walked inside the company until we are about to separate.
- Me : Hey Jennifer , Tuesday next week. This would be my last time to ask you out. I already did it three times ( weak and needy move from my side )
- Her : Tuesday or Wednesday ( her facial features changed to sad face when she heard that this was my last time to ask her out )

I fed up with this non committal answer.

After two hours, I texted her the following :

-Me : You know what you got no choice lol. We are going out on Tuesday at 7 pm
-Her: What!! I need to check but I will try to make it though.

Honestly, I had the gut feeling she was not going to make it so I never confirmed with her. Also, this was my third time to ask her out and I thought she was using my attention. Plus, she is a coworker and I didn't want over do it inside work.

On Monday the day before the date, I saw her from far in the company kitchen. I said “Hi” and I waved with my hand but I didn’t go out of way and talk to her. I wasn’t playing hard to get. I was convinced she wasn’t interested.


On Tuesday (the day of the supposed date) at 2 pm

She went to the Kitchen looking for me. I knew she was looking for me, because she only goes to the kitchen for lunch. I have never seen her in kitchen outside the lunch hour except this time. She saw me and I wasn’t seeing her . She said “Hi” to grab my attention with her eyes wandering about the date.. I replied “Hi”. At this moment, another coworker called me and I got side track with him .

My thinking at the moment was if she wanted to confirm the date, she should have texted me or sent me IM on skype for business . I was also thinking she wanted me to go and talk to her again to feed her ego.

After this incident, I saw her in kitchen multiple times. She always looked at me but I never had chance to have conversation with her as I was either with someone or she was with someone and I didn’t want to go out of my way to talk to her. I just said hi and smiled. One time, she tried to give me puppy face eye contact , I just ignored it. Another time, I went to her desk to ask her work-related question . The interaction went as follow

-Me : Hey Jennifer
-Her : Yes ( Her face lit up once she heard me calling her name )
-Me: Do you know about blah blah ?
- Her : No (with sad face as she realized it was only work-related question)

Again, I wasn’t playing hard to get or being butt-hurt. I just didn’t want to feed her ego again as I thought she played games. Plus, there is so much I can take. She already rejected my advances 3 times.

Until one day, we ended up in the kitchen alone together . I started conversation with her. She never looked at me. She kept looking down and answered very short answers. I cut the interaction short to save a face.

Guess what! The day after; in the morning , she put herself in my proximity but given the day’s before interaction I didn’t think much of it. During the lunch, she went to the company cafeteria at the same time as me. She stood across from me and she never ordered any food .She stood there until I left. Why I didn’t talk to her ? I just said “Hi’ but also part of me was afraid to talk to her as she just blew off a day ago. My mind was telling “ be cautious . she might complain about you to HR”
I found her behavior strange on that day as she put herself on my vicinity two times.
Exactly, ten days after that day, she had her engagement photo taken.


My questions :

1- Did I go too extreme after she hasn’t confirmed the date ?
2- Did she want me to ask her out again by putting herself in my proximity
3- Her strange behavior 10 days before the engagement was due to her being anxious and not sure about her boyfriend and went to talk to me one last time.
4- Or she was just attention whore.
5- or she liked me and she was confused and wanted to get married.


She is 24 yo latina

All of the above to a certain extent


"Are we going to go out or not?" is weak. Youre too invested and it kills her attraction. She may have wanted to be attracted to you but your neediness (weakness) leaked and she wasn't in to you enough to overcome it.

_______________________________________
- Does She Have The "Happy Gene" ?
-Inversion Therapy
-Let's lead by example


"Leap, and the net will appear". John Burroughs

"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure."
Joseph Campbell
03-26-2019 11:26 AM
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Anchor Man Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Post-Failure Reflection and Analysis
Thanks PT,
Honestly, the first two times I invited her was more like an order “ Hey , I and you are going to do blah blah “ she declined.

I grew frustrated and I thought she was playing games.

Maybe I should have asked her more time , but this would be my Fourth . Lol

I disagree you PT about the attraction becaus she is still checking me out . I saw her with the corner of my eye.

Also last time I was giving her presentation, she looked at my with big smiley face and happy eyes .

Who knows ! But thanks
03-26-2019 11:55 AM
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PapayaTapper Away
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Post: #6
RE: Post-Failure Reflection and Analysis
What country are you in? You said she's 24 yo Latina...what nationality/ethnicity are you?

(03-26-2019 11:55 AM)Anchor Man Wrote:  Thanks PT,
Honestly, the first two times I invited her was more like an order “ Hey , I and you are going to do blah blah “ she declined.

I grew frustrated and I thought she was playing games.

Maybe I should have asked her more time , but this would be my Fourth . Lol

I disagree you PT about the attraction becaus she is still checking me out . I saw her with the corner of my eye.

Also last time I was giving her presentation, she looked at my with big smiley face and happy eyes .

Who knows ! But thanks



^ If her attraction was high enough she'd be the one asking YOU out.

But it's not even high enough for her to make it easy for you to take her out.

She's not playing games. She's just being a woman

_______________________________________
- Does She Have The "Happy Gene" ?
-Inversion Therapy
-Let's lead by example


"Leap, and the net will appear". John Burroughs

"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure."
Joseph Campbell
(This post was last modified: 03-26-2019 12:08 PM by PapayaTapper.)
03-26-2019 12:07 PM
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MaceTyrell, Tactician, Going strong, Built to Fade
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Post: #7
RE: Post-Failure Reflection and Analysis
(03-26-2019 12:07 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  What country are you in? You said she's 24 yo Latina...what nationality/ethnicity are you?

(03-26-2019 11:55 AM)Anchor Man Wrote:  Thanks PT,
Honestly, the first two times I invited her was more like an order “ Hey , I and you are going to do blah blah “ she declined.

I grew frustrated and I thought she was playing games.

Maybe I should have asked her more time , but this would be my Fourth . Lol

I disagree you PT about the attraction becaus she is still checking me out . I saw her with the corner of my eye.

Also last time I was giving her presentation, she looked at my with big smiley face and happy eyes .

Who knows ! But thanks



^ If her attraction was high enough she'd be the one asking YOU out.

But it's not even high enough for her to make it easy for you to take her out.

She's not playing games. She's just being a woman

That needs to be on the RVF front page.
03-26-2019 01:10 PM
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Anchor Man Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Post-Failure Reflection and Analysis
Thanks PT
Please don’t take this as myself just arguing for the hack of it .
It is more like I discuss with you to learn .

I am Arab 28 yo
I live in USA.
She is from Colombia .
We are both transplant.

Few signs of what I can see as high attraction :
1-She touched my bieceps while I was wearing short sleeves
2-she blushed and breath heavily when I first talked to her
3- She played with her earlobe while talking to me
4- she played with her hair while talking to me

5- while walking in the company campus , she is always by my side ( shoulder touching )

6- She jokingly touched my shoulder
7 - She checked on me what time I come and I leave
8- I was telling her I didnt know you last year, she replied “ no you knew me but you didn’t talk to me “ in sad tone
9- Plus the regaluar questions : what do you do in the weekend , ...etc ?
10- she told me “ you are funny “ many times
11- She said to me “ Every time you are offline , I see you talking to x person “

I listed only the major subconscious signs . And the list goes on .

Please don’t take this as me trying to prove something . But if all of those are not signs of high attraction , then what will be ?
Seriously asking for future reference .
This drove me crazy because either she is crazy, big attention whore, or I fucked up so much .
03-26-2019 01:35 PM
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RatInTheWoods Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Post-Failure Reflection and Analysis
Worth one last shot

text her "meet me xxxx place at 7pm" - no discussion or further conversation

She either comes or you ignore her totally from that point on and divert your energy and attention to other women.
03-26-2019 02:45 PM
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Anchor Man Offline
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Post: #10
RE: Post-Failure Reflection and Analysis
No thanks buddy .
She is now engaged . I ignored her a long time ago. she tried to have convo with me and I kept it short .
She even went to our mutual friend to ask my “ forgiveness” .

The whole point of the post was to analyze old mistakes .
03-26-2019 02:52 PM
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PapayaTapper Away
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Post: #11
RE: Post-Failure Reflection and Analysis
(03-26-2019 01:35 PM)Anchor Man Wrote:  Thanks PT
Please don’t take this as myself just arguing for the hack of it .
It is more like I discuss with you to learn .

I am Arab 28 yo
I live in USA.
She is from Colombia .
We are both transplant.

Few signs of what I can see as high attraction :
1-She touched my bieceps while I was wearing short sleeves
2-she blushed and breath heavily when I first talked to her
3- She played with her earlobe while talking to me
4- she played with her hair while talking to me

5- while walking in the company campus , she is always by my side ( shoulder touching )

6- She jokingly touched my shoulder
7 - She checked on me what time I come and I leave
8- I was telling her I didnt know you last year, she replied “ no you knew me but you didn’t talk to me “ in sad tone
9- Plus the regaluar questions : what do you do in the weekend , ...etc ?
10- she told me “ you are funny “ many times
11- She said to me “ Every time you are offline , I see you talking to x person “

I listed only the major subconscious signs . And the list goes on .

Please don’t take this as me trying to prove something . But if all of those are not signs of high attraction , then what will be ?
Seriously asking for future reference .
This drove me crazy because either she is crazy, big attention whore, or I fucked up so much .

Like I said...if she'd been attracted enough then she would have gone out with you. Its pretty simple.

The only alternative left then is that she was sponging attention and validation via your obvious attraction to her

_______________________________________
- Does She Have The "Happy Gene" ?
-Inversion Therapy
-Let's lead by example


"Leap, and the net will appear". John Burroughs

"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure."
Joseph Campbell
03-26-2019 03:02 PM
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Anchor Man Offline
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Post: #12
RE: Post-Failure Reflection and Analysis
Thank you, all guys .
03-26-2019 03:27 PM
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Noir Offline
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Post: #13
RE: Post-Failure Reflection and Analysis
Getting this out of the way-
- You asked out a girl who had a boyfriend. What did you think was going to happen?
- She is a coworker – double nono

Anyways.

You fluctuate between hot and cold and she is receiving mixed signals. You are going on a ‘date’ but withdraw prior; you gave her nothing to look forward to.

Why are you talking about work if you both aren’t interested in that?

Why are you overanalyzing ego and trying not to play games? You’re already playing games so play them well.

The whole thing reads as her wanting some validation (which could have been directed into sex).

Your questions:

1- Did I go too extreme after she hasn’t confirmed the date ?

Don’t expect her to confirm it, you confirm it. Don’t be wishy washy either. Have intent

2- Did she want me to ask her out again by putting herself in my proximity

She wanted some direction and intent from you.

3- Her strange behavior 10 days before the engagement was due to her being anxious and not sure about her boyfriend and went to talk to me one last time.

She know she’s doing something morally wrong so this is completely natural.


Forget about this and move on.
03-28-2019 05:45 AM
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Anchor Man Offline
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Post: #14
RE: Post-Failure Reflection and Analysis
Thank you all guys for your inputs .
Another question. We work in the same floor . I don’t have any problems with the professionalism and I handle awkward situations pretty well.
Lately, she has been trying to get my attention :
1- stareing at me pretty hard
2- looking at me while I am not looking
3-liking my posts on the company social media
4- trying to start conversation with me
5- she sent me “ message” through a mutual friend
Etc.

I have been ignoring her while maintaining the professionalism. Of course she got catty because of this .

I think she just wants to turn me into beta oribt.
I could be wrong . Your thoughts ?

Should I continue ignoring her ? Or what i should do ?
I don’t care that much about her . I just want to do the right thing
04-06-2019 05:14 AM
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