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My sister has just died
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Soothesayer Offline
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Post: #76
RE: My sister has just died
I know a lot of guys here say things like 'You'll recover from this' or 'You'll get over this'. Personally, in the case of close relatives I don't think we really ever get over it, and doubly so for pets. I know it sounds a little new-agey, but I believe you absorb their Spirit until you meet them again on the other side. My dad died of cancer a few years back and I handled that pretty well, though I hadn't seen him in a couple of years as I live outside the USA now. Compare that to when I had a cat die out of the blue (an orange lion of a cat named Tigger) that damn near killed me. There was nothing in the world that could have prepared me for such a loss.

What kept me strong was remembering that 'not a sparrow falls from the sky without our Heavenly Father's approval.'
04-23-2019 11:49 AM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #77
RE: My sister has just died
(04-23-2019 10:03 AM)Donfitz007 Wrote:  My grandma sister just passed last night, in the course of 1 month my grandma lost a husband and a sister whom been in her life for 60+years. Sounds like sleep haven’t been a problem for you, so I don’t have to give advice about that. Just make sure you continue to be there with your family. You’re taking this pretty well and they need your calmness. This makes or breaks a family

I'm sorry about your news. Thanks for your comments. Sometimes it takes something like this to realize who you are and what you're capable of. Let's all move forward and do great things.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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04-23-2019 12:12 PM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #78
RE: My sister has just died
(04-23-2019 11:49 AM)Soothesayer Wrote:  I know a lot of guys here say things like 'You'll recover from this' or 'You'll get over this'. Personally, in the case of close relatives I don't think we really ever get over it, and doubly so for pets. I know it sounds a little new-agey, but I believe you absorb their Spirit until you meet them again on the other side. My dad died of cancer a few years back and I handled that pretty well, though I hadn't seen him in a couple of years as I live outside the USA now. Compare that to when I had a cat die out of the blue (an orange lion of a cat named Tigger) that damn near killed me. There was nothing in the world that could have prepared me for such a loss.

What kept me strong was remembering that 'not a sparrow falls from the sky without our Heavenly Father's approval.'

The way I see it, it's not so much about getting over it as it is about using it and squeezing every last bit positivity that can be built from it.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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04-23-2019 12:17 PM
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RatInTheWoods Offline
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Post: #79
RE: My sister has just died
At the moment of my darkest and bleakest days, when I am overcome with grief, fear and pain, there is still a tiny little spark of knowledge.

And that knowledge and wisdom is - that one day (maybe far away) that things will get better, feel better. The pain will fade slowly (but it will fade) and that I will be happy again. This too shall pass.

In those moments of deepest grief and pain, focus on that irrefutable fact - hold on to it, like shielding a tiny kindling flame, in a wild storm. knowing that one day it will bring warmth and comfort to you again.

Hugs and love (no homo) from Uncle Rattie
04-23-2019 06:55 PM
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Sgt Donger Offline
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Post: #80
RE: My sister has just died
I've had two sisters die. One in a car crash and the other was drug OD.

It hurts and it keeps hurting. I wish there was something more useful that I could offer.

Time is the only real healer.
04-23-2019 07:19 PM
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SassySam Offline
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Post: #81
RE: My sister has just died
Just adding 1 to the list of people who have been through the same thing. I never quite lose the pain, only temporarily, but over time I feel more and more grateful that I got to spend the time I did have with him (my brother)
04-24-2019 01:25 AM
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BelyyTigr Offline
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Post: #82
RE: My sister has just died
Very sorry to hear of your loss VP.

I always enjoy your posts and you seem to have similar views to me in differnt things.
Anyway, I think the idea of this forum is for it to evolve towards a type of Brotherhood.
I don't think we can ever make a situation like yours "easy". But maybe we can make it a little less hard.

Thinking of someone who's died can be very difficult. I was thinking of one just this week.
Every time I think of her face I think "fucking shit, why". Then I remembered that I should remember the good things not the bad, and be smile that one day I will meet them again. Its still very raw for me, but... I think thats the answer.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Belyy.
(This post was last modified: 04-24-2019 06:53 AM by BelyyTigr.)
04-24-2019 06:53 AM
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renotime Offline
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Post: #83
RE: My sister has just died
(04-21-2019 09:09 AM)Vladimir Poontang Wrote:  
(04-21-2019 09:05 AM)Zep Wrote:  Go to a church my friend, it's sunday, there should be one near you?

Call up churches, homeless shelters, the YMCA, places like this.

You WILL get through this.

Breath in 1, 2, 3, 4, breath out, 1, 2, 3, 4, focus on this simple action, it will help prevent you from spiraling out of control.

You're going to be alright brother, you are stronger than you think.

Thanks. The thing is, I'm kind of neutral. My mother is upset, the ambulance are there (she lives 10 mins walk from me) and she wants me to go there. I can't do it. I have panic attacks. I told her to wait until the ambulance and whoever else have done what they need to do and then I'll call her a cab and she can come to me.

In a way I'm relieved. She had depression for years and years, and schitzophrenia, and more recently b canc (I can't type it). I feel a bit bad because I would expect to be crying. I'm crying inside. I'm more worried about my mother though. I'm feeling strangely stoic.

What a way to spend a sunday. Rossh if you're around talk to me.

Sounds like you're in a mild state of shock and it might not have hit you yet.

Grief comes in all forms.

You want to know the only thing you can assume about a broken down old man? It's that he's a survivor.
04-24-2019 10:12 AM
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jimukr75 Offline
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Post: #84
RE: My sister has just died
(04-23-2019 11:49 AM)Soothesayer Wrote:  I know a lot of guys here say things like 'You'll recover from this' or 'You'll get over this'. Personally, in the case of close relatives I don't think we really ever get over it, and doubly so for pets. I know it sounds a little new-agey, but I believe you absorb their Spirit until you meet them again on the other side. My dad died of cancer a few years back and I handled that pretty well, though I hadn't seen him in a couple of years as I live outside the USA now. Compare that to when I had a cat die out of the blue (an orange lion of a cat named Tigger) that damn near killed me. There was nothing in the world that could have prepared me for such a loss.

What kept me strong was remembering that 'not a sparrow falls from the sky without our Heavenly Father's approval.'

Makes sense. A immediate family member we feel the loss , even if we don't see them often because of past memories. A beloved pet is like losing a young child because we see and care for them daily and we really feel the loss of the routine.
04-24-2019 10:22 AM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #85
RE: My sister has just died
(04-24-2019 10:22 AM)jimukr75 Wrote:  
(04-23-2019 11:49 AM)Soothesayer Wrote:  I know a lot of guys here say things like 'You'll recover from this' or 'You'll get over this'. Personally, in the case of close relatives I don't think we really ever get over it, and doubly so for pets. I know it sounds a little new-agey, but I believe you absorb their Spirit until you meet them again on the other side. My dad died of cancer a few years back and I handled that pretty well, though I hadn't seen him in a couple of years as I live outside the USA now. Compare that to when I had a cat die out of the blue (an orange lion of a cat named Tigger) that damn near killed me. There was nothing in the world that could have prepared me for such a loss.

What kept me strong was remembering that 'not a sparrow falls from the sky without our Heavenly Father's approval.'

Makes sense. A immediate family member we feel the loss , even if we don't see them often because of past memories. A beloved pet is like losing a young child because we see and care for them daily and we really feel the loss of the routine.

I recently heard a saying, I can't quite remember how it went, something like the one that does the most loves the most, or something like that.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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04-24-2019 12:04 PM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #86
RE: My sister has just died
(04-24-2019 06:53 AM)BelyyTigr Wrote:  Very sorry to hear of your loss VP.

I always enjoy your posts and you seem to have similar views to me in differnt things.
Anyway, I think the idea of this forum is for it to evolve towards a type of Brotherhood.
I don't think we can ever make a situation like yours "easy". But maybe we can make it a little less hard.

Thinking of someone who's died can be very difficult. I was thinking of one just this week.
Every time I think of her face I think "fucking shit, why". Then I remembered that I should remember the good things not the bad, and be smile that one day I will meet them again. Its still very raw for me, but... I think thats the answer.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Belyy.

I feel like there's nothing to resolve. I know why she did it, I'm not surprised that it happened sooner or later, and in a way it's a relief. A joke came to my mind today and I thought it's the kind of joke she'd like, but I guess I won't be telling her.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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04-24-2019 12:07 PM
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Alpone Offline
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Post: #87
RE: My sister has just died
My condolences to Vladimir. I've been there.

A few people mentioned losing a pet is the same as losing a loved one.

No it's not.

I like pets and have lost a few, too, but I don't understand worshiping them and treating them like people.
04-25-2019 07:14 PM
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Filbert Offline
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Post: #88
RE: My sister has just died
My condolences.
You can find consolation in reincarnation: we all die and after about 7 years we reincarnate in another body, in a different country. We just have a brief rest on a different plane of consciousness. Only the body dies, but the soul is eternal.
04-25-2019 11:20 PM
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jimukr75 Offline
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Post: #89
RE: My sister has just died
(04-25-2019 07:14 PM)Alpone Wrote:  My condolences to Vladimir. I've been there.

A few people mentioned losing a pet is the same as losing a loved one.

No it's not.

I like pets and have lost a few, too, but I don't understand worshiping them and treating them like people.
Actually you are 100% wrong and any psychologist would agree(I do have a masters in it). Grieving is often directly correlated to the sense of "loss", which is often related to the level of love one has or attachment.. We don't tend to grieve if there is no loss or loss of "little value". A loved one supposedly has value of course but we aren't making an apple to apple comparison ... spouse vs pet dog. Term loved one can include any member of our family that we are related to but have little emotions toward.

How about an aunt that you see once every 2 years? Will your grieve? Yes but you won't suffer loss since that person isn't in your life much to begin with. Your life has NOT changed at all. My mom died. I didn't suffer loss since I didn't see her in years and she never raised us.

When our cat died, WE suffered a big loss. He slept on my legs every night. He was a big part of our life. He even traveled to our other home with us. There was a daily routine. When he got sick we had more chores to do taking care of him. When he died we basically had a loss of routine.

My mom died I loss nothing. When you say comments like that it makes me think you never loss the love of a pet or had one in the 1st place. If one cares for another and invest time there is a big loss , as well as love formed. How is it that children can be adopted by strangers and loved by them? Same theory. Once you care for them you can LOVE them!

As for your comment about not treating them like people, that also makes little sense. We don't treat them "like people", but we do love them. Your a person .right? But I don't know you or love you and if you blasted off into space I wouldn't feel the loss so your point is moot. In reality most of us would probably run back into a fire to save our beloved dog(pet) first than the cranky old feminist women from across the hall(person). If you didn't, see which one you miss more! Rest my case!
04-26-2019 03:43 PM
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Thomas the Rhymer Offline
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Post: #90
RE: My sister has just died
My condolences for your loss.

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04-27-2019 08:09 AM
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Oz. Offline
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Post: #91
RE: My sister has just died
I am sorry for your loss Vladimir, my condolences.

(11-15-2014 09:06 AM)Little Dark Wrote:  This thread is not going in the direction I was hoping for.
04-27-2019 02:19 PM
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BetaNoMore Offline
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Post: #92
RE: My sister has just died
VP,

My condolences. Good to hear that you made it through the first week.
04-27-2019 06:04 PM
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Geomann180 Offline
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Post: #93
RE: My sister has just died
My sincere condolences, VP.

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04-29-2019 12:12 PM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #94
RE: My sister has just died
(04-27-2019 06:04 PM)BetaNoMore Wrote:  VP,

My condolences. Good to hear that you made it through the first week.

It hasn't been too bad. I hope it gets better. Thank you.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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04-29-2019 03:31 PM
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Aurini Online
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Post: #95
RE: My sister has just died
Sorry bro. God bless you, your family, and her.

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04-29-2019 10:54 PM
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Conquistador Offline
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Post: #96
RE: My sister has just died
Sorry for your loss. I lost my mum two years ago. I still feel it bad about it and always will. Keep your head up brother.

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(This post was last modified: 04-30-2019 12:32 AM by Conquistador.)
04-30-2019 12:31 AM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #97
RE: My sister has just died
The funeral is in 13 1/2 hours. I'm surprised at how calm I am. I won't be going, it's too hard.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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06-24-2019 06:23 PM
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Zenta Offline
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Post: #98
RE: My sister has just died
(06-24-2019 06:23 PM)Vladimir Poontang Wrote:  The funeral is in 13 1/2 hours. I'm surprised at how calm I am. I won't be going, it's too hard.

Youre in my thoughts my friend, Hope everything is going well.
06-26-2019 12:27 PM
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SergioRamos Offline
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Post: #99
RE: My sister has just died
My condolences.

My best friend's father also diagnosed with colon cancer. They said, he has a month or maximum 2 months to live as well. They're going through tough times. They don't know what to do.
06-26-2019 02:16 PM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #100
RE: My sister has just died
(06-26-2019 12:27 PM)Zenta Wrote:  
(06-24-2019 06:23 PM)Vladimir Poontang Wrote:  The funeral is in 13 1/2 hours. I'm surprised at how calm I am. I won't be going, it's too hard.

Youre in my thoughts my friend, Hope everything is going well.

Well it's all over now, and I'm actually in a really good mood. I'm very happy because worrying about her has been like a dark cloud hanging over me for years, and now it's gone. Now that I don't feel held back any more, all I want to do now is make a success of myself. I've got no idea how to start though but hopefully with a 100% clear mind I'll think of something.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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06-26-2019 02:55 PM
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