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A tinder date has just flaked on me.
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ThisIs Offline
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Post: #1
A tinder date has just flaked on me.
After a lot of time without getting Tinder dates, I managed to setup a date with a 6/10 girl , we started to talk 2 weeks ago (I know its way too much), but it happened in the middle of the holidays and we were both out of town and I had to carry convos and comment some IG stories of her to keep the convo flowing, finally we arranged a date 2 days ago, to meet her in an hour.

Result? I text her to confirm an hour ago, she answers 10 min later that she has some stuff to do blahblah , "Im really sorry (crying emoji), i feel bad as fuck now ... blahblah.."

My answer was... "oh ... " , and thats it

She texts me again that shes really sorry.

So I've told her to come over my home whenever she can, cause I wont invest my time again to go to the cities old town (where all the party is) .

She says she will be there next thursday, and again that shes really sorry.

I told her "ok, don't make me remember u about the date next time", she answered "thank you and a Heart" , and thats it


Well there has been some issues in my part, In one hand I just waited 1h before the date to confirm. I should have confirmed this morning.
And in the other hand, carrying a conversation , or interest with a girl over 2 weeks, Is really exhausting, im not sure I can do this a third week.

I admit that I've to break a dry spell, so im "needy" , I can't really have the abundance mindset right now.


Any suggestions of how to carry it from there? I admit it feels bad, its my first flake
(This post was last modified: 04-27-2019 02:04 PM by ThisIs.)
04-27-2019 02:02 PM
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travolta Offline
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Post: #2
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
Well... it's a girl from Tinder. Girls flake a lot from Tinder. You should go outside and meet girls in person and forget about this one. She will flake again.
04-27-2019 02:05 PM
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Belgrano Offline
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Post: #3
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
How many girls have you approached during the last 2 weeks?
04-27-2019 02:17 PM
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ThisIs Offline
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Post: #4
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
(04-27-2019 02:17 PM)Belgrano Wrote:  How many girls have you approached during the last 2 weeks?

0 , but fuck it, im getting dressed and going to walk around some nearby bars .I've never solo night gamed, this may be the perfect excuse to do it
04-27-2019 02:23 PM
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kaotic Offline
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Post: #5
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
(04-27-2019 02:02 PM)ThisIs Wrote:  Result? I text her to confirm an hour ago, she answers 10 min later that she has some stuff to do blahblah , "Im really sorry (crying emoji), i feel bad as fuck now ... blahblah.."

My answer was... "oh ... " , and thats it

You shouldn't of replied at all.

You should've let it simmered and her hamster would of gone spinning.

Quote:She texts me again that shes really sorry.

This is exactly why - she would texted you a few times.

Quote:So I've told her to come over my home whenever she can, cause I wont invest my time again to go to the cities old town (where all the party is) .

She says she will be there next thursday, and again that shes really sorry.

You shouldn't of said "whenever she can" you should've found out what days she's free and pick one that's suitable to you.

Quote:I told her "ok, don't make me remember u about the date next time", she answered "thank you and a Heart" , and thats it

This sounds like you're butthurt.

You should've played it cool.

Here's how:

Her: "Hey im being a basic tinder girl and flaking"

You: No response.


The Next Day:

Her: freaking out "im sorry Sad"

You: No response.

Her: "I'm sorry, are you mad?"

Later that day:

You: "Haha no, I was busy, went out last night"

Her: "Oh okay"

The next day:

You: "You missed out on these girls being complete shitshows, you would've loved watching them being hot messes, speaking of missed out, what's your evening schedule like in this part of town this coming week?"

Her: "Oh it's blah blah and X day"

You: "Cool let's meet up at X day at Y time at Z place, but there's a catch..."

Her: "Okay sounds good, and what's that lol?"

You: "You gotta buy the first round for flaking the other day"

Her: "Haha fine, see you then"


This shows you don't care, you've always got plans, girls aren't a problem, you're busy, and her time is easily replaceable with other things.

You're cool, calm, and easy going.

You don't show your thirsty or neediness as you've admitted.

Personally I'll text and confirm they day before and then the afternoon of - by shifting the meet up by 15 minutes because of some excuse to make her confirm.

Travolta is 100% right here - girls on dating apps flake constantly because they have a bagful of dicks to pick from.

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04-27-2019 03:50 PM
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cruzinV Offline
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Post: #6
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
Everytime a girl flakes I reply with a positive and understanding text. If you put "oh..." or something that implies your angry or sad, etc than it makes you look bad. Not replying at all like kaotic suggests is not a good move imo. The girl will just think "oh this guy is all butthurt", just pretend your not really bothered by the cancellation.
04-27-2019 07:11 PM
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ksbms Offline
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Post: #7
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
(04-27-2019 07:11 PM)cruzinV Wrote:  Everytime a girl flakes I reply with a positive and understanding text. If you put "oh..." or something that implies your angry or sad, etc than it makes you look bad. Not replying at all like kaotic suggests is not a good move imo. The girl will just think "oh this guy is all butthurt", just pretend your not really bothered by the cancellation.

Why are you rewarding a bad behaviour? If there are no consequences to bad attitude, the behaviour will keep on repeating, making it harder on yourself and other men.

I concur kaotic's advice, withdrawing attention that they crave is the best punishment.

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(This post was last modified: 04-28-2019 05:21 AM by ksbms.)
04-28-2019 05:20 AM
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Feldeinsamkeit Offline
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Post: #8
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
(04-27-2019 07:11 PM)cruzinV Wrote:  Everytime a girl flakes I reply with a positive and understanding text. If you put "oh..." or something that implies your angry or sad, etc than it makes you look bad. Not replying at all like kaotic suggests is not a good move imo. The girl will just think "oh this guy is all butthurt", just pretend your not really bothered by the cancellation.

I disagree. What's more important here: Having boundaries and having the balls to consistently enforce them, or what the girl thinks about you as a result of your actions? By refusing to allow any negative consequences for the girl to accrue (i.e. by withdrawing your most valuable asset as a man - your attention) you're enabling shitty female behaviour and, as kbsms said, making it harder for all other men as a result. The dystopic consequences for men of failing to check women are writ large on the whole dating scene in the West and don't require me to spell them out here.
(This post was last modified: 04-28-2019 05:48 AM by Feldeinsamkeit.)
04-28-2019 05:44 AM
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SW15 Offline
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Post: #9
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
Females flake all the time. Best response is no response.
04-28-2019 09:53 AM
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cruzinV Offline
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Post: #10
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
You guys are only "punishing" them in your own minds tho, if a girl cancels last minute its because she doesnt give a shit. Not replying or giving an obvious butthurt reply tells her you were really invested in the date. Imo it's better for her to think you dont give a shit either than let her know how hurt and angered I am by the cancellation. Just my opinion.
04-28-2019 02:26 PM
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Anchor Man Offline
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Post: #11
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
I agree with cruzinV.
If buddy of yours cancels last min, would you care that much or not ?
No reply is a butthurt reply too . If you were not butthurt, you would reply .
In addition , some women fear rejection too . She might want to contact you again but she is afraid as you don’t reply to the first message .
For op , this is my strategy,
Her : I am so sorry I can’t make it , ... blah blah

Me: (after 1-2 hours ) I am at the mall and it is crowded as hell ( or something totally unrelated )

This achieve two things :
1- you don’t care that much to call her out on the flake
2- you are replying to her and taking away her fear of rejection if she wants to propose a new date .
04-28-2019 03:31 PM
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ksbms Offline
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Post: #12
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
(04-28-2019 02:26 PM)cruzinV Wrote:  You guys are only "punishing" them in your own minds tho, if a girl cancels last minute its because she doesnt give a shit.

So be it.

If a man in such a situation decides to stump over his own civility, dignity and rectitude to keep pussybegging from a girl who outright disrespected him, he's just that - a pussybeggar.

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(This post was last modified: 04-28-2019 03:33 PM by ksbms.)
04-28-2019 03:32 PM
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Anchor Man Offline
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Post: #13
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
@ ksbms
I think there is a grey area between begging and letting the door open .
She cancels last min. Then , the message should be conveyed is “ I am not mad because I don’t care but the door is open if you want to reschedule and she has to do the heavy lifting “
However I disagree with replying with something positive .
Of course , it depends . If it was a cheap date or trip to Dubai
04-28-2019 03:54 PM
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The King Offline
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Post: #14
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
@OP

You need to start reading the tinder thread asap. One of my posts from last week outlined the use of the word "sorry" by the girl. Overly apologetic girls are faking it, 99% of the time.

You said you've been flaked on a lot. I had around 20 girls in a row cancel on me this month. I still had sex with 2 girls this week. Flakes are part of the game and shouldn't phase you.

Also, on the day of the date, send out a text around mid day saying "Lets meet up in X bar at 9". Give the girl time to respond, she should get back to you within at least a few hours of the date or else she's not gonna show up (and neither are you).

One hour before the date (depending on travel time to the bar), send a final text saying "I'm leaving my place in 20 minutes "...etc.

Anyways, get on to the tinder tread in the main game subforum, and/or pm me if you have any questions.
04-28-2019 04:00 PM
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cruzinV Offline
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Post: #15
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
(04-28-2019 03:32 PM)ksbms Wrote:  
(04-28-2019 02:26 PM)cruzinV Wrote:  You guys are only "punishing" them in your own minds tho, if a girl cancels last minute its because she doesnt give a shit.

So be it.

If a man in such a situation decides to stump over his own civility, dignity and rectitude to keep pussybegging from a girl who outright disrespected him, he's just that - a pussybeggar.

I didnt mean to trigger you man. It's just my opinion and how I would handle it. Maybe when I get more experience gaming I will do things your way. Enjoy your Sunday man.
(This post was last modified: 04-28-2019 04:08 PM by cruzinV.)
04-28-2019 04:08 PM
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kaotic Offline
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Post: #16
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
Cruz is right, you're definietly punishing her in your head not hers.

Remember she's got options - so should you.

This is why I go the light no contact to reengage and start the meet up process again.

Tinder girls are a dime a dozen - you shouldn't spend much time on them.

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04-29-2019 01:43 PM
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travolta Offline
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Post: #17
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
(04-28-2019 03:31 PM)Anchor Man Wrote:  I agree with cruzinV.
If buddy of yours cancels last min, would you care that much or not ?

But there's a HUGE difference between your buddy and a girl you've recently met that you're trying to have sex with. Obviously they deserve to be treated differently. I treat my buddies well, but why should I treat some stranger girl well who has disrespected my time?

It can go both ways. If you show zero emotion to a girl flaking, that can work on slutty girls. Other girls might just assume you're a player and lose interest. It's important to find a balance between not coming across like a loser, but also not coming across like a player
04-29-2019 01:52 PM
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Post: #18
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
(04-28-2019 03:31 PM)Anchor Man Wrote:  I agree with cruzinV.
If buddy of yours cancels last min, would you care that much or not ?
No reply is a butthurt reply too . If you were not butthurt, you would reply .
In addition , some women fear rejection too . She might want to contact you again but she is afraid as you don’t reply to the first message .
For op , this is my strategy,
Her : I am so sorry I can’t make it , ... blah blah

Me: (after 1-2 hours ) I am at the mall and it is crowded as hell ( or something totally unrelated )

This achieve two things :
1- you don’t care that much to call her out on the flake
2- you are replying to her and taking away her fear of rejection if she wants to propose a new date .

I agree with you and CruzinV in here, just never tell her where you are unless she asks. We have to always be the Mistery Man.

If she says she can't make it, I just say "ok" and move on with my life. If no other options that night, I will go out by myself and there is a good probability that I will find some slut.

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(This post was last modified: 04-29-2019 08:31 PM by Rocha.)
04-29-2019 08:30 PM
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Obermarschall Offline
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Post: #19
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
I don't care about girls who flake, I have other options and most importantly I have my own stuff / hobbies to do. So it is always a win-win situation in that regards. The crucial mistake was to keep the convo going for 2 weeks WITHOUT pursuing other women during that time.

If a girl flakes, you can keep her in a sort of 'waiting list' and randomly message her once again to check if she might come (you lose just a few seconds) or if you have a different mind, you can just delete her and proceed with other girls.
(This post was last modified: 04-30-2019 10:09 AM by Obermarschall.)
04-30-2019 10:07 AM
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Spaniard in Germany Offline
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Post: #20
RE: A tinder date has just flaked on me.
(04-27-2019 03:50 PM)kaotic Wrote:  You shouldn't of said "whenever she can" you should've found out what days she's free and pick one that's suitable to you.
........
This sounds like you're butthurt.

You should've played it cool.

Here's how:

Her: "Hey im being a basic tinder girl and flaking"

You: No response.
……………………………….
…………………………..

This shows you don't care, you've always got plans, girls aren't a problem, you're busy, and her time is easily replaceable with other things.

You're cool, calm, and easy going.

You don't show your thirsty or neediness as you've admitted.

You are giving very legit advice here, this is the situation today, but… we should think hard at this whole thing. Do we really want to live like this? As if we were medieval peasants and the girls untouchable aristocrats? Always playing THEIR games, waiting for THEIR validation,walking above egg shells not trying to scare the cat? To hell with all this crap. Not attacking the poster, it is good advice, but this lifestyle, this dancing around for them… after a while you start to wonder. This is very unnatural and definitely not beneficial. It is killing our spirit. But hey, everybody wants the lay, so nevermind, no one will listen
05-06-2019 01:34 PM
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