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Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
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wwtl Offline
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Post: #251
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
(07-31-2019 12:56 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  The older you get, the harder it is to connect with younger people. We even see it here on the forum. Someone green will come in and often get turfed out just as fast because they can't get with the program fast enough. Even as a typically aged father I still have to remind myself constantly of how I viewed the world when I was younger. I imagine the greater the age difference the harder that is to do.

True, found this out the hard way. At least the role allocation is clear from the beginning, there isn't even the slightest doubt about not being "at eye-level".
07-31-2019 02:28 AM
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nixtnext Online
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Post: #252
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
I'm early 40s, have an EE LTR with 7-8 year age difference, met when I was late 30s and she early 30s. Not the hottest chick in world but she's a good match on all fronts and it would be time to lock it down now. Can't dispute that I've got nagging feelings that it'd be quite doable to find a younger chick pretty much anywhere, 25-30, but finding the qualities I want isn't automatic, plus it can take a while to ensure she is what she appears to be. I'd be quitting this with the hopes up trading up on looks & youth only. It's a tough one.

Most of us don't arrive at good potential marriage candidates by sheer control but it happens when you find her. Going for much younger girls at 40 also presents a very real immaturity gap. Some guys can maybe ignore it but I do want someone I can talk to and who won't fill my head with BS - something a lot of these "let me get a 18yo from Phils" comments don't touch on a lot. For practical daily living this girl also needs to have some control over your money, house / belongings, and of course children, so intelligence and maturity matters.

For sure there are rundown countries where anything goes, but even in EE it's not so much the girl that affects the age gap but rather friends / family / reputation. 10 years gap seems still ok, esp if you're 30ish but at 40 there's no doubt you're perceived as an older dude. I once met a traditional type girl in EE, ticked all boxes, early 20s, me late 30s (16 year gap if I recall) but her dad was only a handful of years older than me. It was a no go. In "traditional" circles they sometimes (often?) pop out kids younger too so parents' age comes into play.

Anyhow... Just some ramblings. Timely discussion for me.
(This post was last modified: 07-31-2019 03:10 AM by nixtnext.)
07-31-2019 03:09 AM
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RawGod Offline
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Post: #253
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
There's a lot of perfectionism in this thread. It's not ideal to have young kids when you're over 45, it's awkward when your father in law is only a couple of years older than you, what if you die before you have grandkids, etc. I don't get it. Life is what you make of it. I'm a pretty scarred and patched up individual, I accept that. You just go on and make the best of the what you have in front of you. It's impossible to stay 30 years old with a hot young wife who will never age or divorce you. Seems like that's what some people are holding out for.

This forum has been about getting information out to help optimise your life and become aware of options you may not have known about. But this mentality can lead to a kind of paralysis where you want things to be perfectly optimised and guaranteed.

If nothing else, remember that you're going to die, and quite possibly not in the way you would wish. I've seen numbers of guys who have "done it right" check out suddenly, while the ones who have made a bunch of mistakes and lived a colorful path have known great 2nd and third acts in their lives.

I'm partly talking to myself here. I'm looking at finding a wife and having a family later in life - if it should go that way. It won't be perfect. I might stroke out from old age on my daughter's wedding day. I might get nasty looks every single day due to an age gap. I might get divorced instead of my wife looking after me in my old age. So what. I've lived with worse things than these fears every single day of my adult life and come through. That's life. Just go live it.

Dr Johnson rumbles with the RawGod. And lives to regret it.
07-31-2019 03:38 AM
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NoMoreTO Offline

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Post: #254
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
As someone coming up on 40, all I can say is that I am ready. I can accept someone with flaws, or a relationship with flaws, partially because of learning that this is part and parcel with any union. One thing that I would say is that women are not that ready, even good ones have plans on their minds and you have to see if that with the right relationship they can toss their career, or educational aspirations aside, or simply learn to follow you and put their trust into you.

I am having to be a little like a woman in her late 30s (although situation not as bad), where I cut out potentially good women, and relationship opportunities because they aren't at that point today. I have seen this issue even with religious and traditional women. I know we live in a modern world, but I don't see a need for more than 1 year from first date to marriage for myself personally. I know how to assess a woman, I say that with humility, but the key part is the willingness to make the commitment.

I have had girlfriends, a relationship can be beautiful but I don't really need another one. I want a wife and the true commitment that comes with family and being fully bonded. I hope that having this clear mindset will help me. Patience is also in order.

“Where the danger is, so grows the saving element.” ~ German poet Hoelderlin
07-31-2019 10:51 AM
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Swordfish1010 Offline
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Post: #255
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
(06-06-2019 01:37 PM)wwtl Wrote:  
(06-06-2019 12:56 PM)doc holliday Wrote:  Nothing wrong settling down with a chick in her mid to late 20s, even 30-32 is ok if she hasn't ridden the carousel too hard.
If you settle down with a woman, who isn't virgin, your marriage has a 50 % chance to fail with you losing everything.

Quote:As big a problem though is when older guys tell younger guys that your SMV peaks at 38
It peaks in the 40s.

Quote:and that it'll be easy at that time to settle down with a young chick
Young chicks don't settle down. You can have fun with them, but that's it.

Quote:Instead, most guys on the forum are lamenting that they want to settle down but all they are finding are desperate 36 year olds that are finally ready to get married and have kids.
Exactly, the coin has two sides. Fertile, high quality women ready to create a family simply became unavailable in this broken society.

Quote:I'm 50 and I'll be an empty nester next year and I'm glad for it. There's no way I would have energy to have small children at my age.
That it's not your job as a man, it's your wifes task. This is another problem with modern degeneracy: All this equality bullshit.

Quote:Telling young guys who want to eventually settle down to wait until they're almost 40 is as bad of advice as telling them to get married at 22.
It's not about "wait". It's about doing something other, more important than chasing plates. And when the time is right, let them come on their own and qualify them hard.

Guys now being 40 are in the wrong time and place for tradcon stuff, simple as that. But for guys now being 20 the world will look entirely different 15-25 years from now. They have no reason to follow boomer advice and get locked down with today's 20 years old carousel riders. This generation of women is lost, wait for the next one.
There is so much lack of foresight in this thread assuming life will be exactly the same as today in the future, this post was refreshing to see. Gen z girls are a much better option than millennials.
07-31-2019 11:54 AM
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Swordfish1010 Offline
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Post: #256
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
(06-16-2019 11:09 AM)Sandstorm Wrote:  
(06-09-2019 11:00 AM)mehdreamer Wrote:  30 years of age difference, her dad died when she was a child
The guy is not even in his best shape..

I know it's off topic but... I really can't stand tattoos on women - I don't think I'd ever marry one with ANY tattoos. And I'm past 40 already so... I'm really limiting my options in this brave new world.

(06-10-2019 04:32 PM)Pinkman Wrote:  Young, virgin with similar SMV (Third world/foreign)
+ Probably will get ruined in time by society/friends/media.
+ Will give you mixed race children.
+ Even if of a similar race, you'd have to live in her country or it won't work.

Exactly - this is important to me. If we are Red Pilled, then following along with societies push to go cappuccino colored so we're easier to be ruled by our (((overlords))) then having kids with someone of another race is unacceptable. Even if the other race is high IQ, like East Asian.

Also, many mixed kids feel they don't belong anywhere, and of course this is true. They would belong in a cappuccino favela-Hell society (Richard von Coudenhove-Kalergi's wet-dream) but we know better (or should)

If you are from the West and marry and kid up with a SEA or an African, or some retarded Latin American... you are really dumbing down and doing your DNA a huge disservice.

I've met several very sweet girls in Vietnam, Thailand, Philippines who were good women, some of them virgins (not anymore, heh) and they would have wifed me easily and were 20 years younger than me. All sounds good but I'm not marrying a Filipina, no way.

This is not race baiting; this is cold, hard reality for Western men.

I'd ideally choose someone of my own nation but obviously that's (i) very hard to find an attractive woman at all (ii) one who could handle a larger age gap (iii) one who wouldn't divorce rape me anyway.

So options include another European country. Staying European seems permissible, it's happened a lot in history and we are a mixed bunch anyway, though all Anglo. We share the same sort of culture and values, and often the same language systems.

Much as EE women are purportedly hot, they carry a stigma about them as being lower value and whoreish.

Russian... never dated one. I have much admiration for their culture and country but they are very different to us. Also, I can't recall seeing any women over 30 from Russia who were attractive to me? Early 20s sure but... as someone already over 40, I'd be looking at around 30s for wifing and kidding up. Pop out 4 or 5 before she's 35. It's all a bit of a rush I must say!

Unlikely to happen probably ... sorry ancestors from hundreds of thousands of years ago....

Cat lady

My mom has a 150 IQ and my dad is a doctor, so this post hits close to home. I don’t want to dumb down my genes at any cost.
07-31-2019 01:33 PM
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Kid Twist Offline
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Post: #257
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
Amusing stuff, for sure.

Get your passport ready!
08-01-2019 05:42 PM
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LoveBug Offline
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Post: #258
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
The issue is that a lot of late bloomers don’t get their confidence/understanding of the game until later in life.

Physically you do lose. Mentally you gain as you age, for many

It’s not a choice for some
08-07-2019 01:15 PM
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