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Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
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Post: #26
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
When I saw "age appropriate," first thing that came to mind was, "20?" Tongue

Anyways...

Quote:The exception being one much older gentleman that married a "mail ordered bride."

There are some lessons here. Much younger woman. Guy has had his fun and just wants to relax (or is too old to want to go find the fun he never had). Broad is probably from a culture where women are not completely ruined, and gender roles are intact.

I started settling down (by all appearances so far, anyhow), last year at 37.

Met a 20-year-old Filipina. Took my time getting to know her and courting her. Devirginized her, met the family, asked her father permission to move her in (we may as well be married, and it's definitely expected by all interested parties). We're living together now in a beachside tourist town where I have a pretty big social circle, and she got herself a job at a local resort to stay busy.

I've found the transition to be pretty satisfying.

The difficult part was this: at one point I made a deal with myself to fully commit to the process of courting her...and without sleeping with other women at all. At first, we lived in other towns, and since we weren't having sex, I'd have my fun when she wasn't around.

But part of me knew that was deteriorating any chance of it actually working. She'd put a lot of effort into staying chaste and waiting for the right guy, and by not taking that seriously, I knew on some level I was making a mockery of the whole thing and robbing it of its meaning.

Which (this is important) robbed it of its meaning for me as well. This probably wouldn't have mattered if I'd led a normal life up to this point within a traditional society...but because of my past, I needed to invest time and effort into something wholesome in order to change. While I don't necessarily agree with Leonard's statement that you'll have to settle for an ugly girl, I do think it's a good idea to back off the casual flings if you do want to pursue something more meaningful.

And I also knew that without this there was a good chance I'd lose interest after we started having sex. That's when it'd no longer be a challenge. The only way to convince myself I was serious enough to not risk ruining her was to go cold turkey on the other broads for long enough to give it a real chance. And then take her virginity once I was sure I wasn't going to just use her and toss her to the curb.

Since it took quite some time to get her sexual, I definitely had some blue ball moments there. Almost lost patience with the whole thing. But after we started having sex, I haven't had any issues calming my itch to run out chasing other broads or party it up. I'm sure putting myself through that process is part of the reason.

Sure, I see other girls I want to bang sometime and even think about actually going through with it. But I assume that's natural for a man of any age no matter what his sexual history.

Overall, I find my life a lot more predictable, grounded, and satisfying. After years and years of living on the road - banging all kinds of broads and moving in and out of many short and long relationships I was never fully invested in, and getting lost in the nightlife - the casual sex was getting empty as hell. I felt alone in the world, growing more apart from family and friends back home but not having my own family or a social group of unchanging faces either, as I was constantly on the move.

Her waiting at home is a stabilizing force that keeps me from wandering out aimlessly at night looking for a piece of ass or just some company. I don't waste half my day chatting with sloots (new or from my past) online like I used to do sometimes when single.

And Filipina women are like a bottomless well of love and affection that never runs dry. I've been through some hard times lately and I tend to withdraw into myself, as I'm sure most of us do. A Filipina is constantly hugging and massaging and kissing and pampering you - it's just their nature. As I wrote this, she woke up and came out of the room and began her unconscious morning ritual, which starts with sitting down at my side and hugging me for about five minutes, as if just to reassure herself of my presence.

I've had a lot of women love me, but it's another level. Sometimes my impulse is to cut her off and get back to what I'm doing, but more and more I try to just appreciate the consistency of it and let her do her thing. And I've realized how rejuvenating it can be to just forget my problems and the world for a moment and stop fending her off and just let her work her magic.

Because at the end of the day it is powerful for me too. I submit to her affection and then get back up and face my problems and responsibilities again, renewed in spirit and mind. Submitting to that physical expression of genuine devotion and raw emotion has a power to wipe the slate clean like a hard session in the gym or relaxing massage at a spa just can't quite hold a candle too.

I mean, is this not what the love of a good woman has always done for men?

The biggest hand I'd say my past has in our relationship is that if we're in a spat I'm ready to drop everything on the drop of a hat while emotions are still running high. I know how many options I have, and I was a lone wolf for years, so I have nothing to lose, I tell myself. I don't need anyone, I tell myself. And have sometimes told her...

I'm sure it's hurtful to her and doesn't make her feel as secure in the relationship. I've always said a man should always keep the option of walking away in his back pocket, as it maintains a lot of his power. I still believe that. But obviously it does need to be tempered or she'll lose the faith that you're actually committed to sticking things through in hard times.

And allowing a woman to lose faith in your ability to be there for her can be the ruin of an intimate relationship. So I should probably find some balance there and only pull out the nuke button when it's absolutely necessary.

On the other hand, I was like that with girlfriends by the time I was 20 after getting burnt by a few broads hardened me to the antics of women. It may even go back further than that. I think it's also a coping skill I learned from dealing with my mom (alcoholic single mother); she was always toying with my emotions by verbally attacking me then flipping the script to guilt trip me as she sat there in her room and cried, waiting for me, the child, to take the responsibility of "fixing it."

My default from being emotionally manipulated like that became to act like I didn't give a fuck, almost like turning a switch off inside myself and growing stoically hard and indifferent to her, maybe even leaving the house for the night.

So anyways, don't know that my age and years on the road have much to do with even that. And I do think in some ways it's actually a strength when I don't get carried away and irresponsible.

Here's something other maturing players may want to consider: I think part of the reason the transition from lone wolf player to happily settling down with this girl is going so smoothly is because I pulled out all the stops and forced myself to take it slow with a good woman. It would be a lot harder for me to settle with a girl that's been with even a small handful of guys.

The old adage, "opposites attract," could apply here. By going for the complete opposite of what I had in my life - I'm getting so much of what I was missing as a man. By bringing exactly what I didn't have into my life, I appreciate it more. Because she's my polar opposite, it balances me out, and I'm a man who needed (who still needs) some balancing.

Having swallowed a handful of redpills over the years and lived in those realities completely, of course you're going to find it hard to put up with the average woman's shit. Or to limit yourself for a woman with average honor...

So don't settle for the average woman with her average honor, then. Make it one worth keeping around. Make it one who's proved her value - not with her looks alone but by the integrity of her character and behavior.

Because for all intents and purposes, a woman without a sound character is useless to me.

Do I still see the less desirable facets of the female nature shine through from time to time? Of course! She is, after all, a woman, and she's a very young one at that. If you don't punish bad behavior and reward good behavior in any woman, well, we all know what happens eventually. They'll get away with what you let them get away with and start the downward slide.

But because I'm so much more experienced in the ways of the world, because the power dynamic in the relationship is so far in my favor (thanks to her age, lack of experience, greater emotional attachment, conservative culture teaching her it's the role of men to lead, etc), and because I know what to look out for (thanks in large part to the RVF Grouphug)...I'm able to nip it in the bud pretty fast.

It's the difference between training an untainted girl with a lot of potential and trying to turn an old post-wall hoe into a housewife. Which one makes more sense? Doesn't mean it will work 100% every time but certainly puts the odds in your favor.

Things could still go south - life is unpredictable. I'd be a fool if I didn't allow for that possibility.

Something definitely feels different this time, though, and as for now, I'm not missing the carefree, promiscuous life. On a side note, I could probably have my cake and eat it too in this relationship if I really wanted. That's certainly common in Filipino culture, but it just doesn't seem healthy or honest to me.

Could end up slipping up here and there, sure, but at least for the time being, I don't have any plans to be out rooting around.

I would say key "danger" to settling down older is you may miss out on a lot with your children if you don't live to a ripe old age. Hey, that's life. We're not traditional men around here with traditional lives, and I've seen older men be successful fathers before.

In any case, a little too late to be 20 again (I was in no way, shape, or form fit to settle down at 20), so why pine over what's said and done and gone? If fathering children is important to you, better late than never, I say.

40 or older and keen to settle down? Go for it.

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(This post was last modified: 05-08-2019 10:40 PM by Beyond Borders.)
05-08-2019 10:24 PM
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KanoKnows Offline
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Post: #27
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
Doesnt a 17 year age gap give cause for concern down the line? Curious how the older gents see this playing out in the long run. I'm not trying to hate just intrigued how someone could feel confident getting emotionally invested under them circumstances.

The reality is in another 10 years she will still be in her prime while you will be knocking on 50. Two complety different stages in life. At that point the dynamics in the relationship shift majorly. She will know she can bail at anytime and still have good market value to find a younger and more attractive guy. She will also know you are aware of this too. Thats the part when the wallet becomes the main attraction in the relationship and talk of life insurances policies start.

Men age alot better in terms of sexual appeal than women true, but even so once you start hitting them mid 40's your sexual appeal rapidly starts diminishing. Old isnt sexy and never will be unfortunately. You only have to flip it around to get an idea. Most men wouldnt wanna be banging a 50 year old in their 30's, Its no different for women (Unless daddy issues are present)

Seems the best move is to pump a few kids into them and keep them financially dependant lol
05-09-2019 12:39 AM
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jselysianeagle
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Post: #28
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
^ With a 17 year age difference? Huh Nah, doesn't concern me in the slightest. Maybe in America? BIG maybe. Definitely not in Asia.

And I don't think 30 would be considered in your prime for a Filipina woman at all, to be honest. Men start seeing a girl as old here at about 25 (and the girls probably consider themselves getting old before that). 20 is her prime.

We're also talking about a girl whose parents and grandparents are all still together. Her dream her entire life has been to be with one guy and one guy only, just like them.

That's what she saved herself for, that's what her family expects of her, that's what her traditional upbringing has ingrained into her, and that's what most of her friends do - I don't think women like that just throw it away after 10 years on some vague notion that their "market value" is higher. They take relationship commitments very seriously and would be scared to death about failing.

You see a lot of age gaps here even among local relationships, and I know a lot of older westerners who've done well with their girls as long as they aren't spineless pushovers -plenty are, but my sense is these are guys who didn't do very well with women when younger either. That doesn't describe me or my history with women at all, and your ability to manage your chick properly isn't something you lose as you age if you've already got the hooks set right.

Probably wouldn't hurt to knock her up, as you said. But I'm not going to do something like that just to hang on to a chick - sounds like a scarcity mentality. "Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out," is my general attitude if a woman starts acting like she thinks the grass might be greener elsewhere. That attitude is usually enough to keep them pretty emotionally invested on its own.

On the other hand, I'll probably knock her up just because I'd like to be a father, and she'd make a great mother and has solid genes working for her. We both have pretty good genes and would have great-looking kids, so why not? For the past couple decades I've said I'd have kids around 40, and she's eager to start a family. So after focusing on my finances for a year or two, planting seeds may very well be in the cards.

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"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
(This post was last modified: 05-09-2019 01:42 AM by Beyond Borders.)
05-09-2019 01:23 AM
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Post: #29
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
Am I the only one who noticed the irony about age gaps here?

In the not too distant past, we celebrated age gaps, the wider the better. A man getting a girl 20 years younger was seen as a compliment to his game.

Now? We’re getting concerned about age gaps not even 20+ years and talking about finding a girl closer to one’s age to settle with.

What the hell is going on?

Age gaps are the LEAST of your worries. Just keep lifting, stay in good health, don’t lose your game, keep up with current events and forget about the age gap.

My dad was 20 years older than my mom, and he had my sister at 42 and me at 44. 10-17 year age gaps are nothing.
05-09-2019 01:24 AM
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Post: #30
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
^^^

Totally agree with this.

I'm seeing posts all over the forum saying that getting a much younger LTR/wife is a pipe dream.

It's such a defeatist way of thinking.

One of the things that initially attracted me to the forum was the widespread sentiment that you can increase your value and leverage that value effectively to create an amazing life with a great girl(s).

As a mid 20s guy, I don't have first hand experience with big age gaps. But, there are several examples of guys on the forum dating much younger girls in the west. And I've seen other examples off the forum. These guys aren't celebrities or multi millionaires.

It all depends on what type of 40 year old you are. I know 40 year olds that are in great physical shape and have valuable life experience. And I know others that are sloppy and have meandered for the better part of their adult lives. The first group succeeds with women, the latter fails.

I thought this was well established on the forum. But now it's you're 40, so you have no chance with a 25 year old girl. Case closed.

Everybody is different so there's no one-size-fits-all solution. But, the formula remains the same.

1) Take stock of the value you currently bring to the table.
2) Maximize your value.
3) Leverage your strengths as well as possible.

Unless you're a burn victim, you should be able to get a reasonably attractive 25 year old after going through that process.

One more thing, and this is a big one - think outside the box.

If you do all of that and then resort to 100% online dating in some small Midwest town, it won't matter. You may have to find unconventional ways to meet women. Be creative.
05-09-2019 02:24 AM
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Post: #31
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
If you are have your stuff together and look something like this,
Then I dont see to much of a problem.

   


If your a bit of a mess and look something like this, then there is always the Phills:

   


See no dangers, its all good from what I can see.
(This post was last modified: 05-09-2019 04:38 AM by kazz.)
05-09-2019 04:30 AM
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Post: #32
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
(05-09-2019 01:24 AM)CleanSlate Wrote:  In the not too distant past, we celebrated age gaps.

Now? We’re getting concerned about age gaps not even 20+ years and talking about finding a girl closer to one’s age to settle with.

What the hell is going on?

This forum, much like life, is divided into 2 groups of men. As insulting as this sounds; The first group (the majority) are lazy, mentally unstable, losers, or some combination of the 3.

The second group of men (the minority) are a direct contrast of the first. This group possesses good genetics, have good mental health, have developed positive life long habits, live happy lives, and have strong ambition.

Whether it be from choice, circumstance or bad luck, you are witnessing the effects of time on both groups.

The 1st group, have simply hit the wall, similar to a woman that has continuously made bad choices or dealt a bad hand in life. Naturally, low tier men will look back at their lives and recognize they were better models during their younger years (like women).

The second group of men are unaffected by the wall. They are unable to relate to a pessimistic "defeatist" mindset. Life has consistently reinforced positive treatment and outcome for them. They become better with age (like wine) through habitual self improvement in multiple domains including fitness, finance, spirituality, love, friendships, relating with women, etc.

There is no reason to be upset, alarmed or saddened if you find yourself struggling to relate with the mentality of most guys; you just need to recognize which group you are in and let life play itself out.
(This post was last modified: 05-09-2019 05:28 AM by velkrum.)
05-09-2019 05:25 AM
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Post: #33
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
What's lol-worthy is this idea that if you haven't locked down your highschool sweetheart or married by 25 - you're fucked and going to have to settle.

That was a thing for maybe a couple generations in the U.S.

Throughout history, the norm has been for young women to marry older (often MUCH older) established men.

I think for most men getting married before 30 is a huge mistake, and it will put a ceiling on their earning power & the societal prestige they could have had otherwise.

p.s. 30..dating an 18yr old. The age difference never even comes up.
05-09-2019 05:43 AM
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Post: #34
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
There are also some members that married young and feel the need to validate their decision by saying that settling down when you are older is not a viable option.

If you were happy to settle down in your mid 20s, then that's great. But no need to call it the only way, because it isn't.

I'm not set on waiting until I'm 40. I'm 26 now. I will wait until I am ready and then find the right girl, which could be in 2 years or 15. There are too many variables to choose an exact time to find a wife.

I have good options now in the States and abroad. I will ensure that I have good options for the next 15-20 years in both places.

Yes, most guys' options will peak in their early to mid 20s. Don't be most guys.
05-09-2019 06:39 AM
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Post: #35
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
(05-08-2019 10:24 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  And Filipina women are like a bottomless well of love and affection that never runs dry. I've been through some hard times lately and I tend to withdraw into myself, as I'm sure most of us do. A Filipina is constantly hugging and massaging and kissing and pampering you - it's just their nature. As I wrote this, she woke up and came out of the room and began her unconscious morning ritual, which starts with sitting down at my side and hugging me for about five minutes, as if just to reassure herself of my presence.

I've had a lot of women love me, but it's another level. Sometimes my impulse is to cut her off and get back to what I'm doing, but more and more I try to just appreciate the consistency of it and let her do her thing. And I've realized how rejuvenating it can be to just forget my problems and the world for a moment and stop fending her off and just let her work her magic.

Because at the end of the day it is powerful for me too. I submit to her affection and then get back up and face my problems and responsibilities again, renewed in spirit and mind. Submitting to that physical expression of genuine devotion and raw emotion has a power to wipe the slate clean like a hard session in the gym or relaxing massage at a spa just can't quite hold a candle too.

I mean, is this not what the love of a good woman has always done for men?

Inspiring post. +1

"Women however should get a spanking at least once a week by their husbands and boyfriends - that should be mandated by law" - Zelcorpion
05-09-2019 09:04 AM
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Leonard D Neubache Offline
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Post: #36
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
Age gaps are not a big deal unless you're in a social/community situation where it's specifically frowned upon but these days society is so fractured that simply being in a monogamous marriage is seen as living the prude life.

When I say men shouldn't wait until 40 to settle down I mean it for a number of reasons I've listed elsewhere but regardless of how old a man is I still think he should make a go of finding a decent woman to settle down with and bear him some children. If you're 40 and you can reliably find an 18 year old virgin 8 to do that with then I applaud you but if you're 25 and your plan is to find an 18 year old virgin 8 when you hit 40 then I tend to think you're being a bit optimistic. I know guys with decent looks, excellent game and decent prospects trying to nail down a worthwhile woman for marriage and children and they're not painting a rosy picture. Neither is Roosh for that matter.

I suspect that some guys fall into the same trap that women do and think that because they can get a slutty 8 to fuck them that they can invariably get a traditional 8 to marry them. It's not true for women and it's not true for men either. Some get lucky but we never like to ascribe our victories to luck, do we?

I want to thank BB for providing his usual stellar input above. I've never read a post of his that wasn't worth framing on a wall. Listen to him and listen good.

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05-09-2019 09:27 AM
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Post: #37
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
(05-07-2019 12:07 PM)Montrose Wrote:  My parents married when my dad was 43 and my mother 23. Western Europe, (upper-)middle class, they had 4 kids and a successful marriage which lasted until his death. Admittedly that was half a century ago, but our species hasn’t mutated that much.

Europe got this shit right. Lots about it makes sense. Dad's had time to get his "energy" out of his system and should have made bank to support a family. Mom's still in her prime for child rearing.
05-09-2019 09:29 AM
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Post: #38
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
(05-07-2019 09:49 AM)fktax Wrote:  
(05-07-2019 09:36 AM)CaptainCup Wrote:  In my experience, these women are scared shit of being alone and/or hitting the wall.

Yep I have seen this a lot - plenty of women who go from "having the time of their lives" at 33 to "oh shit none of my friends are doing this anymore" at 36 to flat out panic at 39.

The way it usually plays out is that one morning these women wake up, go to the bathroom and then when they look into the mirror then it hits them hard when they first notice the first white hair or two that weren’t there a few days before and then they start to notice that they have bags under their eyes that were not present a few days before. They then notice the skin on their face isn’t looking too good anymore and they notice their tits are starting to sag a little. This is when they start seeing white hairs growing in other parts of their body.

This is when they begin to go into panic mode big time and realize that their looks are quickly fading away and realize that they’re approaching middle age alone. That’s when she starts to medicate herself or starts planning to lock down any decent guy that she would have never considered going out with 2-3 years ago. This is how it’s going to play out for a lot of women today.
05-09-2019 01:07 PM
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RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
(05-09-2019 09:27 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  Age gaps are not a big deal unless you're in a social/community situation where it's specifically frowned upon but these days society is so fractured that simply being in a monogamous marriage is seen as living the prude life.

When I say men shouldn't wait until 40 to settle down I mean it for a number of reasons I've listed elsewhere but regardless of how old a man is I still think he should make a go of finding a decent woman to settle down with and bear him some children. If you're 40 and you can reliably find an 18 year old virgin 8 to do that with then I applaud you but if you're 25 and your plan is to find an 18 year old virgin 8 when you hit 40 then I tend to think you're being a bit optimistic. I know guys with decent looks, excellent game and decent prospects trying to nail down a worthwhile woman for marriage and children and they're not painting a rosy picture. Neither is Roosh for that matter.

I suspect that some guys fall into the same trap that women do and think that because they can get a slutty 8 to fuck them that they can invariably get a traditional 8 to marry them. It's not true for women and it's not true for men either. Some get lucky but we never like to ascribe our victories to luck, do we?

I want to thank BB for providing his usual stellar input above. I've never read a post of his that wasn't worth framing on a wall. Listen to him and listen good.

It's not any easier for a 25yr old to find a worthwhile woman for marriage.

A traditional-values 8 is scarce in 2019. You're competing with elites when you get into 8+ territory for LTRs.

Age has little to do with it.

Guys like Roosh who are not societal elites, rich, or extraordinarily goodlooking might have to find a young 6-7 to settle down with. Its not really settling imo. Most 8+ are not wife material anyways.
05-09-2019 02:30 PM
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edlefou Offline
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Post: #40
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
(05-09-2019 05:25 AM)velkrum Wrote:  
(05-09-2019 01:24 AM)CleanSlate Wrote:  In the not too distant past, we celebrated age gaps.

Now? We’re getting concerned about age gaps not even 20+ years and talking about finding a girl closer to one’s age to settle with.

What the hell is going on?

This forum, much like life, is divided into 2 groups of men. As insulting as this sounds; The first group (the majority) are lazy, mentally unstable, losers, or some combination of the 3.

The second group of men (the minority) are a direct contrast of the first. This group possesses good genetics, have good mental health, have developed positive life long habits, live happy lives, and have strong ambition.

Whether it be from choice, circumstance or bad luck, you are witnessing the effects of time on both groups.

The 1st group, have simply hit the wall, similar to a woman that has continuously made bad choices or dealt a bad hand in life. Naturally, low tier men will look back at their lives and recognize they were better models during their younger years (like women).

The second group of men are unaffected by the wall. They are unable to relate to a pessimistic "defeatist" mindset. Life has consistently reinforced positive treatment and outcome for them. They become better with age (like wine) through habitual self improvement in multiple domains including fitness, finance, spirituality, love, friendships, relating with women, etc.

There is no reason to be upset, alarmed or saddened if you find yourself struggling to relate with the mentality of most guys; you just need to recognize which group you are in and let life play itself out.

I've also noticed the huge increase lately in posts saying you're out of luck if you're in your 40s.

velkrum nails it on the head here. The second group doesn't post much and the first group posts much more so their defeatist attitude will be more prominent.
05-09-2019 02:51 PM
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velkrum Offline
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Post: #41
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
(05-09-2019 09:27 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  if your plan is to find an 18 year old virgin 8 when you hit 40 then I tend to think you're being a bit optimistic.

With all due respect, I have to ask the question of,"WHY?"

Why would any mature, intelligent, man, FOOLISHLY marry an unstable, immature, inexperienced, low intelligence having, childish, girl ??

Long term sex I can understand... but, to marry a flaky, clueless, vapid, and often times lacking in personal hygiene, 18 year old ?

It makes me wonder...have any of you ever spent a significant amount of time around younger women ? because if you TRUTHFULLY have any experience with women under 21 no one would be parading this insane dogma that marrying an 18 year old virgin is a good idea.

I would also like to remind all of you; the 18 year old girl you marry right NOW will NOT be the same woman at 25. Think about how stupid we all were at that age compared to who we became in our later years. It would be wise to give a young girl time to develop into a woman and figure out if she is someone you are attracted to, respect, and enjoy being around. It is a HUGE gamble and poorly thought out plan to marry a girl so young.

Ideally, a man should want a woman that has proven herself through life's "trial by fire." A good man should seek out a woman that has developed good habits and good hygiene. She should have a balanced share of positive and negative life experiences that will improve and shape her character. There should be enough sexual experience to know how to please herself and how to please a man, this awareness will reduce her temptation or itch to explore and experiment in a committed relationship. A desirable woman will also develop good social skills, good work ethic, responsibility, femininity, street smarts and empathy.

I am not telling men to avoid (legal) teens or very early 20's women. I'm saying it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY that an 18 year old girl has acquired the traits we find desirable in a quality woman.
(This post was last modified: 05-09-2019 03:58 PM by velkrum.)
05-09-2019 03:50 PM
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MikeS Offline
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Post: #42
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
(05-09-2019 03:50 PM)velkrum Wrote:  
(05-09-2019 09:27 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  if your plan is to find an 18 year old virgin 8 when you hit 40 then I tend to think you're being a bit optimistic.

With all due respect, I have to ask the question of,"WHY?"

Why would any mature, intelligent, man, FOOLISHLY marry an unstable, immature, inexperienced, low intelligence having, childish, girl ??

Long term sex I can understand... but, to marry a flaky, clueless, vapid, and often times lacking in personal hygiene, 18 year old ?

It makes me wonder...have any of you ever spent a significant amount of time around younger women ? because if you TRUTHFULLY have any experience with women under 21 no one would be parading this insane dogma that marrying an 18 year old virgin is a good idea.

I would also like to remind all of you; the 18 year old girl you marry right NOW will NOT be the same woman at 25. Think about how stupid we all were at that age compared to who we became in our later years. It would be wise to give a young girl time to develop into a woman and figure out if she is someone you are attracted to, respect, and enjoy being around. It is a HUGE gamble and poorly thought out plan to marry a girl so young.

Ideally, a man should want a woman that has proven herself through life's "trial by fire." A good man should seek out a woman that has developed good habits and good hygiene. She should have a balanced share of positive and negative life experiences that will improve and shape her character. There should be enough sexual experience to know how to please herself and how to please a man, this awareness will reduce her temptation or itch to explore and experiment in a committed relationship. A desirable woman will also develop good social skills, good work ethic, responsibility, femininity, street smarts and empathy.

I am not telling men to avoid (legal) teens or very early 20's women. I'm saying it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY that an 18 year old girl has acquired the traits we find desirable in a quality woman.

It's probably not popular opinion around here at all but I tend to agree with a lot of what you said (except for being of the opinion that an teenager can certainly be intelligent, if perhaps not yet particularly wise and almost certainly not mature. And why do teenagers supposedly have bad hygiene?).

In early periods of human history an 18 year old might have been an experienced adult, but that sure as hell doesn't apply these days. Most 18 year olds in this day and age - certainly in western cultures - are kids. Hell, I didn't consider myself an adult until I was 25 - although obviously if you had asked me when I was 16 or 18 I would have claimed to be and genuinely felt very mature. Somewhere in my early 20s I realized that I was still mostly just an overgrown kid who needed at least a few more years of life experience to qualify as an adult. I don't notice most young people - girls or boys - being a whole lot different in that regard, though some perhaps never realizing or admitting their own remaining immaturity.
I'm sure knocking a girl up before she reaches 20 will speed up the process a little, but in most matters of important life lessons probably not.

I'm not exactly advocating for the 25 or 30 year old women being prime wife material either, for reasons that have been discussed to death on this forum, which is why I suspect that if I do settle down and have kids in the coming years it will be on other criteria than pure youth and sexual inexperience.
I think it's entirely possible I could be happy in a marriage and with children but I have no illusions of it standing any chance of being with a unicorn and with guarantees of till-death-do-us-part bliss. I would almost certainly be settling in some regards. And so would she, because I sure as hell have my share of flaws too that I'm probably already too old and stubborn to change (I'm a firm believer in life long personal improvement, but not more radical changes for the primary benefit of others).
(This post was last modified: 05-09-2019 06:44 PM by MikeS.)
05-09-2019 06:41 PM
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KanoKnows Offline
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Post: #43
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
"The second group of men are unaffected by the wall. They are unable to relate to a pessimistic "defeatist" mindset. Life has consistently reinforced positive treatment and outcome for them. They become better with age (like wine) through habitual self improvement in multiple domains including fitness, finance, spirituality, love, friendships, relating with women, etc."

Accepting that grey hair and wrinkles isnt gonna turn a younger girl on isnt a defeatist mindset... its reality

Mens fitness increases with age? Interesting statement. Theres a reason atheletes in intense physical sports are mostly done by there mid 30's.
(This post was last modified: 05-09-2019 06:47 PM by KanoKnows.)
05-09-2019 06:43 PM
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Kid Twist Offline
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Post: #44
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
(05-09-2019 02:30 PM)Trumpian Wrote:  It's not any easier for a 25yr old to find a worthwhile woman for marriage.

A traditional-values 8 is scarce in 2019. You're competing with elites when you get into 8+ territory for LTRs.

Age has little to do with it.

Guys like Roosh who are not societal elites, rich, or extraordinarily goodlooking might have to find a young 6-7 to settle down with. Its not really settling imo. Most 8+ are not wife material anyways.

I'm agreeing with what Trumpian says all day here.

Even a 6.5 who has your same values and is feminine, that's the girl you want. The thing I've found in my older age is that you substitute "hot" ("8") for youthfulness. That youth, if you start thinking right, will get you a boner. It's biology, think about it.

And yes, I reflected over a decade ago how mad this society was that was acting like all of human history didn't have 40 year old dudes with 18-19 year old wives, very commonly. But lemme guess, all of those people, who gave us our existence, were somehow "dumb" or crazy. Or stupid. Right.

Get your passport ready!
05-09-2019 10:04 PM
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Post: #45
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
(05-09-2019 01:24 AM)CleanSlate Wrote:  Am I the only one who noticed the irony about age gaps here?

In the not too distant past, we celebrated age gaps, the wider the better. A man getting a girl 20 years younger was seen as a compliment to his game.

Now? We’re getting concerned about age gaps not even 20+ years and talking about finding a girl closer to one’s age to settle with.

What the hell is going on?

Age gaps are the LEAST of your worries. Just keep lifting, stay in good health, don’t lose your game, keep up with current events and forget about the age gap.

My dad was 20 years older than my mom, and he had my sister at 42 and me at 44. 10-17 year age gaps are nothing.

There's a nouveau puritanism sweeping the forum. Pick-up is degenerate. Travel is degenerate. Dating outside your race is degenerate. Wide age gaps..degenerate.

Basically, if youre not content to stay in your hometown, go to church on sundays, and stay married to your now almost obese childhood sweetheart - you're a dreg contributing to the decline of Western civilization.
05-09-2019 10:54 PM
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Post: #46
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
(05-09-2019 01:24 AM)CleanSlate Wrote:  Am I the only one who noticed the irony about age gaps here?

(a bunch of brilliant shit)

It is not even the age gap, it is the toxic mentality of life getting worse with age and the helpless attitude towards it as well as shoving young men into marriage in their 20s. They are literally trying to rob younger guys of the prime years, it's pathetic.

I thought I was the only one losing my head but apparently not, you just put it in a much better way than I could. I also tried to fight nature but the truth is, there are winners and losers in life. There are the Dan Bilzerians, Hugh Hefners (RIP), and true playboys who make it and then there are the rest of the guys who speak louder than anything about how miserable life is as you get older and how you have no options.

I made a lot of sacrifices in the past year to live in a city I absolutely love. In the past couple months alone I have gone from miserable loner with a helpless mindset towards life to a guy who has people to go out with every weekend, multiple women to pick from, and is constantly being a better version of himself daily. It took a lot though, was not easy moving from a city where my dollar stretched further but everyone settled down by 25 compared to a city where men in their 30s fuck randos at clubs.

Here is something people miss about this life though, it is fucking hard to get, I learned that the hard way. It is easier to stay in eating cheetos and posting on an internet forum than going out to meet new people who can potentially reject you hard and kill your self-esteem. Much easier to settle down with a 6 you can barely get it hard for than face your fears and try to sleep with multiple 9s. Much easier to berate the Dan Bilzerians of the world than to live the actual player life. Much easier to stay in bumfuck than to live in a world class city where the rents are through the roof but the opportunity for fun higher.

It's human nature for most men to want the path of least resistance but you don't get trophies for easy shit.
(This post was last modified: 05-09-2019 11:30 PM by a beer is enough.)
05-09-2019 11:24 PM
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Zenta Offline
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Post: #47
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
I hope posting facebook links here is allowed. Just thought I'd share this link as it was just sent to me by a chick and its about older gentlemen with younger women in successful relationships if you check the comment section, many pictures and stories. Granted alot of them look like cucks but plenty of them look happy with their much younger wives who seem to match them. I didn't look too deep but only saw a handful of dudes batting out their SMV.

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=315231432458456

I know this is a fellow forum member with a stache like that. (34 & 51)
   
(This post was last modified: 05-09-2019 11:56 PM by Zenta.)
05-09-2019 11:52 PM
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Post: #48
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
Attracting women and managing relationship are skills. Assuming you get better over time, you will be able to land a better woman when you are 40 compared to when you were 20.

Fortunately for us, looks do not limit our options unless they inspire disgust.

But for the majority of men, it is too much to ask to not turn into a slob after age 40.
05-10-2019 07:34 AM
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Post: #49
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
(05-09-2019 11:52 PM)Zenta Wrote:  I hope posting facebook links here is allowed. Just thought I'd share this link as it was just sent to me by a chick and its about older gentlemen with younger women in successful relationships if you check the comment section, many pictures and stories. Granted alot of them look like cucks but plenty of them look happy with their much younger wives who seem to match them. I didn't look too deep but only saw a handful of dudes batting out their SMV.

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=315231432458456

I know this is a fellow forum member with a stache like that. (34 & 51)

We should be impressed by the pic? (Heavy) photoshopping Dodgy aside, this man has not "batted out of his SMV". He looks quite OK (no homo), is White blue-eyed, has money to buy gold jewelry (is that Victor But?), and has got an Asian 6,5 (who's, without photoshop, a 5,5 of 34 years of age - plus she has a thing in her nose, un-marriageable former bargirl spotted) with him. Nothing out of this world. Give me ten minutes in Manila, I find better (and ten years younger), with no gold or mustache on me.
05-10-2019 08:15 AM
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Beyond Borders Away
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Post: #50
RE: Dangers of "Settling Down" at 40+
^ I did feel a little cheated after liking the post and coming back to see a photo of a 34 year old had been added. Dodgy Big Grin

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