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How to get over it?
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Donfitz007 Offline
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Post: #1
How to get over it?
A few guys on here know my history, they know some of the unnecessary bullshit I went through. So my question is, how to get over it?

I’m somewhat successful with women now, way better than my cuck days before finding this forum but I can’t help but form an attachment with every woman I bang. One girl in particular gets to me. She’s the main chick in my small harem and to be honest, we love each other. However we want each other to be free. Last week she fucked some guy and it really got to me. The incident pretty much had me imagaining who, wgere, and why.

I feel like a high testosterone man wouldn’t have feelings like this, he would just count his notches and he ok. I hate feeling like this. Is there anything I can do to stop being so emotional about women and to stop caring who they fuck.

I’m 25 she’s 19, she’s the best looking girl in my harem (a solid 8) and so far the best sex ever (for me and her).

Sorry if this came off as emotional and weak. I’m improving a lot but this seems to be a sticking point.
05-08-2019 10:41 AM
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Alpone Offline
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Post: #2
RE: How to get over it?
I wouldn't idolize being a stone cold player with no feelings. Not every guy is designed for that lifestyle. Maybe your intuition is pulling you towards something more stable.

Catching a feel for a girl doesn't make you weak. How you handle the feelings determines your status as a man.

Quote:we love each other. However we want each other to be free.

lol It's one or the other. Not both. When you play down the middle like this you will get smashed up hard.
05-08-2019 07:08 PM
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PapayaTapper Away
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Post: #3
RE: How to get over it?
"Theyre all whores except your mom and the one you marry" -PT's Papa

Once you inculcate that axiom you'll be good

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05-08-2019 07:20 PM
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Dalaran1991 Offline
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Post: #4
RE: How to get over it?
Having attachment to a girl you like and spend a lot of time with is called being a healthy human being.

Channeling the jealousy and drama you feel into energy and passion for new conquests is the correct way yo react to this. Pining over it and letting it mess with your decision making is not.

Also, if she loves you she will not fuck another guy. You know this deep down, you are just making excuses for her because you have to maintain the illusion to yourself that your feelings are mutual. Wake up.

She let another guy cram his slimy dick deep in her every hole. That's the whore you are trying to tell yourself you love, and who loves you. If visualizing it doesn't feel you with disgust, we have a bigger problem.

Ass or cash, nobody rides for free - WestIndiArchie
05-09-2019 12:19 PM
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Donfitz007 Offline
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Post: #5
RE: How to get over it?
That’s the thing, I do visualize it and it does disgust me. But it channels into anger not passion or motivation. That anger does make me hit the weight room hard but the gym eventually closes. I know I’m making excuses for her.
05-09-2019 12:45 PM
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081287 Offline
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Post: #6
RE: How to get over it?
(05-09-2019 12:45 PM)Donfitz007 Wrote:  I know I’m making excuses for her.

Therein lies the problem. You shouldn't even be making excuses for yourself, much less some woman you're so convinced had mutual feelings for you that she let another guy slide in.

I've written about this elsewhere on RVF but I'm only a few months on the dating/gaming scene after nearly eight years out of the game in a long term relationship. Had my first hookup recently post-LTR. For a few nights I thought this girl and I had a genuine connection and sense of respect, then she snuck out of bed and went through my phone in the middle night.

She didn't like what she found and kicked me out the next morning. Have I made any excuses for her? Fuck no - I should have seen the crazy sooner, but eight years of fucking the same woman in the same way clouds a man fucking strange for the first time in almost a decade.

Which brings me to the point I've been rambling towards the whole time; unless you and this girl had a discussion of being exclusive, she didn't owe it to you, nor you to her.

On to the next.
05-09-2019 07:28 PM
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UniversalMen
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Post: #7
RE: How to get over it?
If this is affecting you, you better get out!

How did you find out she had sex with someone else?
05-10-2019 05:03 AM
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Dalaran1991 Offline
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Post: #8
RE: How to get over it?
(05-09-2019 12:45 PM)Donfitz007 Wrote:  That’s the thing, I do visualize it and it does disgust me. But it channels into anger not passion or motivation. That anger does make me hit the weight room hard but the gym eventually closes. I know I’m making excuses for her.

I'm a young man, it shouldn't be me to tell you this but guys need to learn how to control their emotions.

That does not mean not having them, but harnessing the torrents of emotions like a windmill channelling the forces of nature to turn it into something productive, instead of letting it blow your roof off.

We all have been where you are, otherwise we wouldn't be on this side of the internet. Throw your self-pity out of the window.

Here's my side of the story if it motivates you. I was 22 and stupid at the time. If I could do this there's no reason you can.

In the end, the question is, what are you willing to sacrifice? Are you gonna just use that anger to punch bag and lift weight? Or will you channel it into one single, overiding purpose to better your life in every aspect so that such "betrayal" would eventually seem as tiny as insignificant as dust on the wind on your long life time of conquest.

First step is to wake up and stop lying to yourself. Admit that you suck with girls otherwise you would not post on an anonymous internet forum about a wild girl you caught feeling for. This is completely normal and if you let your ego fuck you up here you will just be forever caught in the vicious circle of self-denial and failure. Acknowledgement that shit has to change is the first step to, well, change shit.

Good luck,

https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-43725.html

Quote:Christmas 2013 Long story short, the "angel" I've been pining over is a narcissistic Lucifer-daughter who slept with both my Sensei and my "best" buddy at the time, while she keeps rejecting me. When that buddy laughed at me for the texts I sent her that she showed him, I became enraged.

That was the moment I couldn't take it anymore.

I swore in the cold dark of night in my empty room that I will never know such humiliation again. That I will never give my dignity to a girl like that. That I will do whatever it takes at any price to get better with girls. I would commit all my existence to become someone people respect and look up to, and not a pathetic beta who needs pity and comfort.

......

I stopped hanging out with those people and set out on my own. I needed a way to meet and get better with girls. I joined salsa dancing and my game and dance progress are almost linked together. I worked out harder, trained harder and spent hours and $ learning style.

Ass or cash, nobody rides for free - WestIndiArchie
(This post was last modified: 05-10-2019 09:36 AM by Dalaran1991.)
05-10-2019 09:24 AM
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Donfitz007 Offline
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Post: #9
RE: How to get over it?
Thanks for all the help guys, it’s not really self pity but more so just anger because of the visualization. Once I start feeling pity for myself I can use that as motivation to get better. The part about her loving me comes from the way she acts but maybe you guys are right.
05-10-2019 10:42 AM
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Beyond Borders Away
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Post: #10
RE: How to get over it?
(05-08-2019 10:41 AM)Donfitz007 Wrote:  how to get over it?




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05-10-2019 10:50 AM
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Post: #11
RE: How to get over it?
Get over it.

If you don't want her sleeping with other guys, make that an arrangement or dump her from the team.

Or do whatever you're gonna do anyway.

G
05-10-2019 10:53 AM
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heavy Offline
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Post: #12
RE: How to get over it?
You have a harem?

And you're upset the hottest girl in your harem fucked another dude?

It's your world, do with it what you will. There are plenty of dudes who marry hot chicks and make babies and don't get cheated on. There are plenty of dudes who just go around fucking hot chicks.

It's your world.

To your question...

Just don't sulk for too long about it. If you must sulk, sulk a bit, then move on, whatever moving on means to you. (I have a buddy who can't get over his exes. Ever. He has this perception that they were so hot and perfect that he may never get that back. It's really, really sad. Don't be him.)

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
05-10-2019 11:18 AM
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Donfitz007 Offline
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Post: #13
RE: How to get over it?
I admit I thought I was improving with women but I think I’m still at step 1, hell maybe step 0. I don’t know a good place to start, but I thank you guys for all the help.

To make matters worse in one week it seems as if my tiny harem failed. One is mad because I didn’t give her enough time (she’s salvageable) one found a boyfriend (I should leave her be and not ruin her happiness) and two of them haven’t responded in the last couple of days. I’ve had sex with each one numerous times, but admittedly I have spent all my time with the girl in my OP. So time to go on the hunt again as the OP girl is out of commission at the moment.
05-10-2019 05:09 PM
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kaotic Offline
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Post: #14
RE: How to get over it?
Don, it's going to be okay.

Even the most top "alpha dark triad hardcore player" will lose the hottest girl in his rotation and get hurt by it.

Dalaran is right, being attached and having feelings for a girl is very natural and is normal, you're fine.

Geo & Heavy have the right mindset here: You can't be mad at a girl you didn't lock down and is just a plate.

Remember this line and remember this well:

"It's not your pussy, it's just your turn"

ESPECIALLY when you're spinning plates and aren't locking women down.



You can be upset she fucked another guy and she moved on, but you can't be pissed at her for it.

You can't come here and say you both love each other but want each other to be free.

That's BULLSHIT, that's not how it works.

You guys weren't in love, you were in lust, and fucking around on the side.


You're 25 dude, you've got plates, and you've got your whole life ahead of you.

You are NOT on step 0 or 1.

-You landed a hot chick
-You have plates
-You obviously have enough game to pull MORE girls.


Sitting around and moping and crying about it aint' gonna do shit.

Lick your wounds and get back out there when you're better.

Go workout, get ahead at your job, or look for a better job, travel, get a hobbie.

Whatever you want to do or ideas you have in your head to better yourself, go channel that hurt/sadness/etc into energy that's useful.


I've had to dump probably what could've been a serious candidate for a wife, I've dumped a few girls who were in love with me, one just happened a few months ago where she wanted to get really serious, because she had another offer, and I said no and let her go.


Once you accept the fact that you can get hurt in relationship BUT you know you'll be fine and can over it, the faster you'll be able to heal quicker and move on.

Everyday you wake up, YOU'RE IMPROVING!

Remember, you'll be fine brother!

"Go be fat on someone else's time" - Henry Rollins

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(This post was last modified: 05-10-2019 05:37 PM by kaotic.)
05-10-2019 05:36 PM
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Donfitz007 Offline
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Post: #15
RE: How to get over it?
^^^ That was the best bit of advice I've ever read. Thanks, Kaotic.

Here's the back story if anybody is interested.
Met her maybe 3 months ago, she was cute but nothing special. She wore basic clothes, wore her hair in an ugly fashion, wore her clothes in a way that didn't allow her natural curves to show, and walked in a way that showed insecurities. Both of us were going through horrible times and we bonded by being there for each other (every day even before having sex). Anyway Long story short, I was there for her, boosted her confidence, made her feel not only attractive, but smart, intelligent, desired. I was basically that beta bitch but in the body of a "chad" or "jock".Everything about her changed, she dressed differently (mainly because i took her shopping with me and watched as she tried on different clothes and basically tore them off of her in the dressing room) She started walking different, smiling more, even her skin started to glow(mainly because the one thing I did buy her was large cases of water so she can stay hydrated in school) She even won the school beauty pageant that I helped her with (choosing the perfect song to sing, helped her choose the perfect dress, etc) Long story short she started getting attention, and when a girl that's not used to getting attention gets attention they go crazy.

Admittedly I showered her with attention and care, I would even give her massages, bring her favorite snacks to help her on stressful nights of studying. I mean she was the only person outside of family that was there for me when my dad/grandad passed, and since mt brother got his Gf pregnant I've had alot of free time since me and him haven't hung out.

But I admit i'm being a bitch and need to pass her to the side, learn from this and get back into the game. I think I just needed to write it out to gather my thoughts.
05-10-2019 06:00 PM
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kaotic Offline
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Post: #16
RE: How to get over it?
3 months? Man that's NOTHING!

You were definitely infatuated with a cute girl, you were each others rebounds after being a bad spot, nothing more.

You built a girl and made her better, gave her attention, and she became more confident and started realizing her worth.

That's not a bad thing, usually you want to leave a woman better off than she was.

HOWEVER, what caused her to stray was you not being a man and maintaining your frame and having her fall into your frame.

You were acting like a PROVIDER, but you know this, and you're going to learn from this.


Keep in mind she's 19 YEAR OLD, she doesn't know wtf she wants, and neither did you at that age.

But from 19-21 most females begin to realize the POWER of their pussy/beauty/etc and they'll use it.


She realized - "holy shit I'm getting all this attention now?"

So she searches for greener pastures and new dick - that's just how it is.

Even a guy with solid frame may not be able to tie down a 19 year old hottie for long.


Feel free to keep writing out your thoughts, especially if you're thinking of contacting her, DON'T.

Come here to write.

"Go be fat on someone else's time" - Henry Rollins

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05-10-2019 07:02 PM
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Bogart Offline
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Post: #17
RE: How to get over it?
I’m going to be even harsher on you than the other guys here. You 100% did this to yourself. That’s why you’re angry. Deep down you know if you hadn’t been so incongruent, invested emotionally but pretending not to be with this bullshit ‘let her be free’ idgaf game vibe things could have been different. I don’t mean she wouldn’t have fucked someone else, but I do mean that you wouldn’t have been complicit in it.

Part of getting good at keeping women around for longer is as others have said having strong frame. Your biggest obstacle to building said frame is self acceptance. Who gives a fuck what a ‘high test masculine man’ would do? Work on being your best self and be whatever that version of you is. There will be high quality women who will appreciate that and be attracted to you.your harem failing is no coincidence - it’s a result of you not doing whatever it is you need to do to be okay with who you are.

I’m your age. Over a year ago I got out of a 3.5 yr ltr with a girl that worked her way up from plate to gf over the course of about 1.5 years. So 5 years of fucking and investment gone in about 3 weeks. This was an amazing girl with mad family political connections, she was bisexual yet very submissive and traditional. I fell hard for her and we had an incredible relationship. If I’m honest the main reason we broke up is because I wasn’t ready to get serious at such a young age with her and we got to a point where it was going to be moving in/marriage in the next few years or breakup. I also had residual self acceptance issues that cropped up when she put pressure on to get me to commit (moving in), but the truth was always I couldn’t be who she wanted me to be at this age, I’ve got more adventures in me yet.

If she wants a guy who has no issues being cucked, and you’re certain that’s what she wants and it isn’t a shit test or a dumb teenager talking crap YOU ARE NOT THAT PERSON. It’s okay to be jealous when you actually like someone, but they need to earn that kind of investment. This girl doesn’t sound like she deserved it.

At 25 with a 19 yo she’s done you a massive favour if it’s over even if you did love her. Keep your frame and building your value and you’ll be pulling girls equal to her or better for the next 5/10 years. Once you get more plate spinning out of the way you’ll be ready to settle down for real and invest with someone who’s worth it.
05-16-2019 12:05 AM
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IAMSEXY Offline
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Post: #18
RE: How to get over it?
breathe.

1 constant action you can take that will solve this problem.
(This post was last modified: 05-16-2019 06:56 AM by IAMSEXY.)
05-16-2019 06:47 AM
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Winston Wolfe Online
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Post: #19
RE: How to get over it?
(05-10-2019 05:36 PM)kaotic Wrote:  I've had to dump probably what could've been a serious candidate for a wife, I've dumped a few girls who were in love with me, one just happened a few months ago where she wanted to get really serious, because she had another offer, and I said no and let her go.


Once you accept the fact that you can get hurt in relationship BUT you know you'll be fine and can over it, the faster you'll be able to heal quicker and move on.

Not quite the same situation or reason, but I have recently had to let go of a girl that means the world to me and I to her.

Knowing I'll be fine and that I will get over it is what keeps me going. I've been there before, I know what to expect. Its a cliche but time does heal wounds.

--

Don - just keep doing what you are doing. You are on the right path. Years from now, this particular girl will be nothing more than a blip on the radar for you. A distant memory.

The key is to realize this right now.

Be angry, be sad, be emotional. Let it come over you. But at the same time, accept that you are feeling this way, and be rational enough to know you'll be fine, even though in this moment you don't feel fine.

Time. Give it time.

The girl I mentioned above would never even think of cheating on me. It is not at all my intention to one-up you or anything, but one day you'll find yourself in a situation where you have to let go of a girl who actually and genuinely loves you and who would move mountains to be with you.

A girl you are deeply pair bonded with.

Instead of a girl you think loves you.

Your current situation will help prepare you for the day that happens.

View it as something positive. I know, easier said than done, but that's what you need to do.
(This post was last modified: 05-17-2019 01:12 AM by Winston Wolfe.)
05-17-2019 01:10 AM
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