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Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
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questor70 Offline
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Post: #26
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
This thread is golden. Here's the deal, Mace. I've hung out here long enough that I remember when you first started talking about this breakup. A lot of this advice in some shape or form has been dished up to you before and it's not working. I say this with all due respect but at some point you may need to seek professional help.

I don't know if this maps to your experience, but what debeguiled talked about as far as a sense of injustice, that's what kept me stewing as long as I did. It wasn't the breakup itself anymore. It wasn't me missing the relationship. I was just bothered by the circumstances around the breakup and the way her words and actions made me feel lower than dirt. There was another (married) man involved in such a way that she left a sure thing with me for a longshot gamble. Justice was served because that longshot didn't pan out--just the way I warned her it wouldn't. But I had to basically cyberstalk her until I got that final vindication which I'm rather ashamed about in retrospect.

Men by nature give women the power to judge a man's worth. It's that tendency to use women's reactions as a litmus test of your worth as a human being that makes you so vulnerable. And women have very little consideration for this when they reach for a petty insult or cut you off in classic Briffault's Law style.

Back then I didn't have any red-pill knowledge. I didn't know what Briffault's Law was or hypergamy, although during that process I did start exploring things like Ladder Theory.

If I knew everything then that I did now, my recovery would have been quicker. That's why I'm having trouble understanding why you're still struggling so much.
(This post was last modified: 06-20-2019 08:12 AM by questor70.)
06-20-2019 08:07 AM
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wwtl Offline
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Post: #27
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
(06-20-2019 08:07 AM)questor70 Wrote:  That's why I'm having trouble understanding why you're still struggling so much.

Emotional damage is a highly individual thing based on your history and life experiences. In some cases nothing helps except waiting it out.

Obviously avoiding "regular" plates because you got one-itis clearly isn't the right strategy. What I learned from experience is that LTR/marriage material should be qualified from that pool and not from the "special chemistry" one, even when 19th century romanticism suggests otherwise.

I still have no idea how to avoid falling for women occasionally. Thankfully it doesn't happen that often, only once per decade so far.
(This post was last modified: 06-20-2019 08:46 AM by wwtl.)
06-20-2019 08:42 AM
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sch Offline
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Post: #28
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
The healthiest way I found is to forgive and only wish best for her.

Every time you think something negative about her -- STOP IT, and teach yourself to think positively about her.
Wish her to find somebody suitable for her and move on.
06-20-2019 10:08 AM
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Eddie Winslow Offline
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Post: #29
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
From your OP it sounds like you still view yourself to this day as a helpless victim, and cannot forgive. This is causing you to wallow in self-pity and anger, and preventing you from moving forward.

Even if you were the 100% victim with absolutely zero fault in the matter (very unlikely), you MUST stop thinking of yourself as the victim. Acknowledge there is a good chance this doesn't even cross her mind, and stop wishing the worst for her. Find comfort in the fact that at this moment, although it may be awkward to cut shitty people and scary to add new ones, you have 100% control over the friends and women you have in your life.

I don't think there is any other way besides forgiveness.
06-20-2019 12:33 PM
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questor70 Offline
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Post: #30
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
Think of it not so much as forgiveness as an emotional cost-benefit assessment.

Any time spent thinking about an ex keeps giving her (or the phantom of her) power to keep damaging your life. (The same is true of ruminating over any past-trauma, btw.)

The whole purpose of being with women is for it to provide a net gain of positive life experience. Once she stops doing that, then she no longer has any value. So it's about trying to instill a bit of Briffault's Law in a male psyche.

You know how it feels when you go on a fancy vacation? It seems to be over so quickly. Time flies while you're having fun. I've come to expect all relations with women to offer only short episodes of joy where the planets are aligned and to completely disregard any of their empty promises. Enjoy the ride while it lasts and when it's over, it's her loss, not mine.
06-20-2019 12:59 PM
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Atlanta Man Offline
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Post: #31
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
I got a beautiful new girl from Russia, to replace the old one from Russia-She is even from the same town in Russia. We only just got intimate a few days ago. She is hot and we are in a push pull phase. She has a perfect face and a petite frame of 90-100 pounds (all ass). I like her but I cannot do a serious relationship now. This last year she has been the hottest thing in my bed a Miami 8-an easy 9 in my Atlanta hometown. I just don't have the emotional energy I need to make it work, but I like her, I really do.

Delicious Tacos is the voice of my generation....
06-20-2019 11:09 PM
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BroodingSea Offline
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Post: #32
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
@atlanta where you meet her?
06-21-2019 01:26 PM
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Atlanta Man Offline
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Post: #33
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
I met her through her friend who was my classmate in Spanish. They are both from Russia, but they did not meet until they got to Miami. He friend is hot as hell too, I hooked her up with my homeboy. There are a lot of Russian people in Miami, they are everywhere.

Delicious Tacos is the voice of my generation....
06-21-2019 04:55 PM
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jackgig Offline
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Post: #34
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
Thing I think about sometimes is I have a guy friend and he was dating a 10 for 3 years. He's only been with 4-5 girls lifetime and he has poor game, makes below average income and is average looking. He's Serbian and so is his girlfriend. Must be devastating though to get lucky that early and then it not working out.

Similarly I had a friend who got an A-list acting job and was never able to replicate that success as it was as much about luck as anything. It put him into a deep depression.

For me my sweet spot is 8.5 and I'll get a 9 now and then. I've gotten tastes of 10s but locking one down seems a bit of a pipe dream now (they have exponentially more options and therefore power). It's unfortunate though because settling seems very, unsettling.
(This post was last modified: 06-22-2019 12:10 AM by jackgig.)
06-22-2019 12:09 AM
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Georgepithyou Offline
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Post: #35
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
Glad I came across this thread

Recently ended it with my LTR, Ever since she had been "busy" with her job she had been getting really distant and apathetic. For what ever reason she had lost interest in me and we drifted apart. This was the girl i planned to marry and It still hurts. I tried going on dates with other girls but the chemistry just isn't there. Casual sex won't fill the void in my heart.

As beta as this sounds, you really just can't get over love that easly.
06-22-2019 07:11 AM
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wwtl Offline
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Post: #36
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
(06-22-2019 07:11 AM)Georgepithyou Wrote:  This was the girl i planned to marry and It still hurts. I tried going on dates with other girls but the chemistry just isn't there.

You don't want to marry "chemistry". Chemistry leads to "adventure", which at some point ends. A carefully selected companion with common values, who submits to you, might lead to marriage.
(This post was last modified: 06-22-2019 09:14 AM by wwtl.)
06-22-2019 09:14 AM
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BroodingSea Offline
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Post: #37
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
The chemistry phase is beautiful and toxic. Designed to induce pregnancy, over committal and enough rose tint for the both of you to believe nothing else matters.

It lasts between 8 to 12 months.
06-22-2019 03:53 PM
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questor70 Offline
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Post: #38
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
You want to talk about settling...I refuse to stay in a relationship that doesn't have passion. It's non-negotiable. If that puts a shelf-life on things, so be it.
06-22-2019 06:11 PM
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Brebelle3 Offline
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Post: #39
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
I decided to take one year off from women after my ex-wife and I split. Today marks the one year anniversary since the last time I have been with a woman. This is the longest time without a woman in my life since I lost my virginity at 16.

I didn't want to rebound or get into any relationships where I wasn't thinking clearly. Sure I interact with them and I am an attractive man who could date women, but I needed to focus on bettering me first. Also, it gave me the necessary time to really contemplate what it was that I wanted and needed in a woman. Going out and sleeping with random girls would not have given me the clarity I sought.

I personally believe it would be difficult for me to find the type of woman I want here in the US and have made the decision to travel in hopes of finding a better life and maybe finding a mate. I'm 44, so even though I am in great shape,handsome, and have saved an adequate amount of cash, a quality girl here and at the age I seek seems to pose quite a challenge.

I also have begun to think more in line with where Roosh finds himself. I've realized that there is so much more to this world than a woman.

Happiest I've ever been.

Maybe I'm just getting old!
06-22-2019 07:17 PM
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memcpy Offline
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Post: #40
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
I recommned getting this book for getting over an ex :

NLP: New Technology: The New Technology
by Nlp Comprehensive (Author), Steve Andreas (Editor), Charles Faulkner


Chances are that when you fantasize about an ex you are doing so in vivid color, with sights, sounds, and feelings.

So of course when you have fond memories in full 3D color it's going to hurt and tear the wound open again.

What this book teaches is, that when you want to forget or minimize the impact of a memory, you simply need to imagine it in grey colorless black and white no color.

Now imagine that scene with your ex, getting smaller and smaller about the size of a postage stamp. Thats one of the exercises in the book.

One of the more interesting exercises involves imagining a scene ( some fond memory of your ex for example) and playing clown music or something over top of it while you also imagine it in black and white like those old movies.

When you do these exercises and apply them to an ex, its hard not to laugh. I've used this for other types of embarrassing memories and it does help take the "sting" out.
(This post was last modified: 06-22-2019 09:22 PM by memcpy.)
06-22-2019 09:19 PM
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MaceTyrell Offline
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Post: #41
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
Questor70 - you’re spot on. I want to go the professional help path. I’m starting to think that the way she is wired in my brain is similar to the way a more “typical” addict has wired a more typical addition (drugs, alcohol) in theirs.

“I was just bothered by the circumstances around the breakup and the way her words and actions made me feel lower than dirt.”

That was the initial feeling. It’s evolved into more of a “I am bothered by what happened in the relationship that led to the circumstances around the breakup and what led to her saying things that made me, and still makes me, feel lower than dirt.”

Additionally, I acknowledge that I’m at fault. It’s an acknowledgement that occasionally makes me feel better. I wasn’t faithful, something she never found out about. It’s silly for me to miss a girl I wasn’t faithful to.

Aside from that, my life has atrophied in a way since she left me. Atrophied in ways aside from her leaving.

After typing it all out, I realize that my life pretty much sucks at the moment. I might be looking back on thoughts of being with her as a time of more “seeming” stability. However when I think of some alternate reality where we are still together, there are a whole host of other variables not particular to the relationship that also differ. Perhaps it’s more that I want back the life I had when she was around as opposed to her.
(This post was last modified: 06-23-2019 12:31 PM by MaceTyrell.)
06-23-2019 12:26 PM
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Dilated Offline
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Post: #42
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
The shame in all of this lies in women’s unique inability to have a rational, constructive post-mortem discussion at the end of a breakup.

Case in point- my first relationship after getting divorced went from looking great to absolutely falling apart in the blink of an eye. As you can guess, she went from hot to ice cold with no warning and for no discernible reason.

I would love to have a candid discussion about what went wrong and perhaps how I could have conducted myself differently. But, as we know you can’t have these conversations with women. They will absolutely eviscerate you.

So, we are left with wondering. And angst.

I don’t have an answer for a quick fix other than to improve yourself (eat clean, work out, limit social media) and identify qualities in women that are congruent with yours.
06-23-2019 12:57 PM
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wwtl Offline
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Post: #43
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
(06-22-2019 06:11 PM)questor70 Wrote:  You want to talk about settling...I refuse to stay in a relationship that doesn't have passion. It's non-negotiable. If that puts a shelf-life on things, so be it.

Passion in its original meaning means suffering, because it's referring to the passion of Jesus Christ. That alone should tell you something about what you want to have in an LTR.

The cold truth is that for a successful family an arranged marriage is the best option.
06-23-2019 02:09 PM
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griffinmill Offline
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Post: #44
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
(06-23-2019 12:57 PM)Dilated Wrote:  The shame in all of this lies in women’s unique inability to have a rational, constructive post-mortem discussion at the end of a breakup.

Case in point- my first relationship after getting divorced went from looking great to absolutely falling apart in the blink of an eye. As you can guess, she went from hot to ice cold with no warning and for no discernible reason.

I would love to have a candid discussion about what went wrong and perhaps how I could have conducted myself differently. But, as we know you can’t have these conversations with women. They will absolutely eviscerate you.

So, we are left with wondering. And angst.

I don’t have an answer for a quick fix other than to improve yourself (eat clean, work out, limit social media) and identify qualities in women that are congruent with yours.

Most of the time it's attraction that starts to dip - or a million other factors, but either way you won't get a definitive answer from a girl because most of the time even they are not cognisant of why they're feeling what they're feeling. You're only option is to move on abruptly and don't bother feeding their ego with any attempts at "closure".
06-23-2019 04:41 PM
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Cman Offline
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Post: #45
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
Hi guys, I'm in the same boat here.

6 months on, after my ex dumped me and I still get a bit sad. I have seen some girls, one who was definitely better than my ex but it didn't work out (I couldn't get her to commit emotionally). HOWEVER, meeting this other girl and seeing her for a couple of months has made it incredibly easier for me. My only regret was not taking more photos of her, so it would be easier to use her as a distraction.

In every case, these set backs have always made me stronger, and I hope this happens for everyone else in the forum too!
06-23-2019 06:29 PM
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Georgepithyou Offline
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Post: #46
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
"I would love to have a candid discussion about what went wrong and perhaps how I could have conducted myself differently. But, as we know you can’t have these conversations with women. They will absolutely eviscerate you."

Yes this is what's eating me up inside, she went from living me to cold and distant
I just want to know where i went wrong
06-25-2019 12:40 AM
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Geomann180 Offline
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Post: #47
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
This helped me a lot back in the day:

https://80proofoinomancy.wordpress.com/2...t-believe/

G
06-25-2019 12:49 AM
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wwtl Offline
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Post: #48
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
(06-23-2019 04:41 PM)griffinmill Wrote:  Most of the time it's attraction that starts to dip - or a million other factors, but either way you won't get a definitive answer from a girl because most of the time even they are not cognisant of why they're feeling what they're feeling. You're only option is to move on abruptly and don't bother feeding their ego with any attempts at "closure".

Imagine women could actually talk straight about things. Game would be reduced to:

1. You like me?
2. I like you.
3. Great, lets bang! mrgreen

The female confusion about their own feelings isn't limited to relationship sunset phase. Currently I'm dealing with a girl infatuated with me, who didn't realize it until recently someone spilled the beans right in front of her and me.

Her reaction was hilarious and told me, that she wasn't even consciously aware of being attracted to me - while bombarding with IOIs for weeks, when being around my person. Everybody except her must have noticed (social circle, sitcom-style). While I handled the nuclear hit on my frame pretty well, I wasn't really ready to escalate her to the next stage, because I'm still dealing with emotional baggage related to this thread's topic.

Though I recently made great progress in getting my feelings under control. Cold showers help a lot with that.
06-25-2019 03:22 AM
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Georgepithyou Offline
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Post: #49
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
Problem is you never ask her where you went wrong, my gf lost interest but I could never know why and she never gave a proper answer
Learnt from this forum never to ask
06-27-2019 05:37 PM
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Nolimitz Offline
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Post: #50
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
I can relate.

I was with a girl in 2017 for about 6 months. I was hesitant to jump in a relationship with her, but couldn’t help myself.

Our first meet was at a park and I quickly felt a spark of attraction I had not felt before. Not lust, but genuine attraction.

In the early half of the relationship I did everything right on accident (wasn’t red pilled) and she confessed her love for me.

I soon fell into my beta ways and killed her attraction.

She didn’t have a car during our time together because of a dui (I know) so I gave her rides to work.

I took her out and spent as much time as I could with her. I quickly became infatuated.

Long story short the week she got her car back she dumped me. Coldy. Told me she was hanging with a male coworker for his birthday that night. Tore me apart.

I think the more someone hurts you, the more likely they’ll stain your psyche. “Rejection breeds obsession.”

It is over two years since that happened. She still crosses my mind. I have felt best when I’m busy and focused on my own goals.

Sleeping with other women...don’t think that’s the answer. I think investing in yourself is.

I went for about a year and a half with revenge fantasies. “She’ll be sorry once I do X”, I’ve let go of that.

The best revenge is to live good.
06-27-2019 11:49 PM
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