I'm Touring The United States! Starting in June, I'm conducting private events in 23 American cities. Click here for full details.

Post Reply 
Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
Author Message
questor70 Offline
True Player
*****

Posts: 2,039
Joined: Jan 2017
Reputation: 19
Post: #51
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
(06-23-2019 12:26 PM)MaceTyrell Wrote:  I want to go the professional help path.

Just do that and stop expecting some magic bullet of advice to come from this forum. You've already been given countless concepts that could have been used to shake you out of the doldrums and we could offer more but in the end your ability to function again is going to have to come from within.
06-29-2019 11:02 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Donfitz007 Offline
Wingman
***

Posts: 700
Joined: Mar 2018
Reputation: 3
Post: #52
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
I got over my last ex by hoping the best for her. I hoped and prayed she found somebody amazing so my pain would mean something. My current break up is so painful because I took her from a “nerd to a prom queen”...she started to notice attention, started to feel confident, she wanted to test the waters once i got her in shape to swim.. It hurts because this feels like a spit in the face.

I slipped up once and she went all in. With all that said, I still feel the nest way to recover is to just forgive. These post are right. We don’t miss the woman, we miss the praise, we miss the good times, we miss those blurry memories. A woman’s love is as confused as they are.
07-03-2019 11:41 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
setian Offline
Male Feminist

Posts: 6
Joined: Jun 2019
Reputation: 0
Post: #53
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
If it only has ever taken me months rather than years to get over a chick, I wonder what that says about me: (1) that I don't get so emotionally attached, (2) that I'm able to justify or rationalize away the emotional attachment more easily, (3) I never got with a girl who was really so special that if I lost her, pining after her for years would've been justified, or (4) the one time I did fall deeply in love, I was able to go on the rebound afterwards, and get into a long-distance relationship where for the next year I was fantasizing about how wonderful the new chick was going to be, till we got together in person and I was able to became aware of her flaws by living with her.

I don't really agree by the way with the idea that it's only justified to mourn her for x months for every year you were together; the time you were together might be a rough guide for indicating how special she was based on how many years she was committed to you, and how many memories you built up together, and how much of a loss it is (because of shared kids, sacrificed time that you could've spent with other chicks, etc.), but you can also have a really short and intense relationship where because she seems so special you let your guard down and allow yourself to fall in love; and then if you need to fall out of love, you have to go through a process, perhaps a multi-stage process, that takes as long as it takes to deprogram yourself from what was, essentially, a cult-like experience of being brainwashed (by yourself, by the girl, and maybe even those around you) to believe this girl was all that.

I was tenacious about seeking out resources to understand what had happened, which helped me with the deprogramming. I even got in touch with one of the chicks' exes to compare notes, which helped me see that others had experienced the same stuff with her and it wasn't just me. (I had been led to believe I was the cause of all my problems with that chick, but then I found out she had treated several others the same way.) He and I became friends. We had similar personalities; actually part of what she liked about me was that I reminded her of him.
(This post was last modified: 07-04-2019 06:54 PM by setian.)
07-04-2019 06:47 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
wwtl Offline
Beta Orbiter
*

Posts: 132
Joined: May 2019
Reputation: 0
Post: #54
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
(07-04-2019 06:47 PM)setian Wrote:  If it only has ever taken me months rather than years to get over a chick, I wonder what that says about me: (1) that I don't get so emotionally attached, (2) that I'm able to justify or rationalize away the emotional attachment more easily, (3) I never got with a girl who was really so special that if I lost her, pining after her for years would've been justified, or (4) the one time I did fall deeply in love, I was able to go on the rebound afterwards, and get into a long-distance relationship where for the next year I was fantasizing about how wonderful the new chick was going to be, till we got together in person and I was able to became aware of her flaws by living with her.

I don't really agree by the way with the idea that it's only justified to mourn her for x months for every year you were together; the time you were together might be a rough guide for indicating how special she was based on how many years she was committed to you, and how many memories you built up together, and how much of a loss it is (because of shared kids, sacrificed time that you could've spent with other chicks, etc.), but you can also have a really short and intense relationship where because she seems so special you let your guard down and allow yourself to fall in love; and then if you need to fall out of love, you have to go through a process, perhaps a multi-stage process, that takes as long as it takes to deprogram yourself from what was, essentially, a cult-like experience of being brainwashed (by yourself, by the girl, and maybe even those around you) to believe this girl was all that.

I was tenacious about seeking out resources to understand what had happened, which helped me with the deprogramming. I even got in touch with one of the chicks' exes to compare notes, which helped me see that others had experienced the same stuff with her and it wasn't just me. (I had been led to believe I was the cause of all my problems with that chick, but then I found out she had treated several others the same way.) He and I became friends. We had similar personalities; actually part of what she liked about me was that I reminded her of him.

Different people have different experiences with term "love" or "infatuation" what is the more correct term for what we're talking about here.

For myself the term "allow yourself to fall in love" is a completely alien concept. For me it hits me like a brick, sometimes even on first sight. All the other stuff one has under control of course. When being more mature you're not idealizing a girl like a teenager anymore. If it's your third proper infatuation, you already know this can't be "the one", because it's already the "third one". You see through it. You still feel the same emotions, but your judgement doesn't get affected as much anymore.

In my personal experience it also doesn't suddenly stop after x months, instead slowly fades until it reaches a level below bothering, while still lingering around. But while the actual time frame seems to be impenetrable, you can make the journey a really bad or a very bearable experience depending on how you act on it. Avoid bad advice like "do x and it goes away" (which doesn't work) and instead look for "how to keep sane under infatuation".
07-05-2019 03:49 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Donfitz007 Offline
Wingman
***

Posts: 700
Joined: Mar 2018
Reputation: 3
Post: #55
RE: Healthier Ways Of Moving On From Ex
So I think this break up put me into a severe depression. I have all the symptoms of low testosterone but I only noticed them after this break up. The main problem for me is sleep. Literally all my friends sleep to escape the pain, I’m the opposite. Those minutes it takes me to fall asleep is when everything hits me and if I am lucky enough to actually fall asleep then boom I have a nightmare.

For me and I think other men on here what we want is a woman to pour their heart out to us, to tell us how bad they fucked up, to lay all the pride aside and let us know that they love us and beg for us to come back. Not even the pitiful begging, a simple “please come back” is enough.

For those who care about my story, I decided to be like roosh and give the whole relationship thing a try. A month or so in (I’ve known girl way longer than a month and we saw each other literally every day for 3 months) we had an argument and I let my pride get the best of me, around the same time she met this guy. They went on a date, and they had sex at her spot. He’s apparently really bad off and asked could he live with her. Couple days later I noticed a difference in her and asked what was up, she told me she wanted to have sex with other people. I wanted to talk it over so I asked could I come over, she said no and that’s when I found out everything.

I’ve fought for her these last couple of weeks, tried ghosting her, tried making her a plate, tried winning her over. Nothing takes away the pain. Cause she’s still just going to go back home to this dude.

And I feel pathetic. Cause I came a long way since my last break up just to give it another try and fail even harder.
07-09-2019 04:02 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply 


Forum Jump:


User(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

Contact Us | RooshV.com | Return to Top | Return to Content | Mobile Version | RSS Syndication