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How much effort to put in?
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coffeedrinker Offline
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Post: #1
How much effort to put in?
A girl I was friends with got interested me after I did things with her friend.

Subsequently I realised she is very cautious, unexperienced and wants relationship before sex etc. I believe her as there is good reasons and evidence that it is true.

However, I'm struggling with how much effort to put in. I keep questioning myself whether she even likes me. I spent 6 days with her as we are both moving to the same city after university, but she is yet to move. During those days, she would often get hesistant or reduce intimacy like kissing etc. When I call her out on whats going on, she says these things:
a) I'm a player and will hurt her
b) I'm going travelling for a while so whats the point
c) She likes me but needs time and she doesn't know how much time but pushing her will only make things worse
d) Why did I have to do things with her friend

The thing is, I keep thinking these are excuses and the real reason is she is not sure if she is attracted to me. She says they are not but I can't tell. She is Eastern European and seems to have traditional values but I don't know how to act.

I haven't seen her in over a week now and while she keeps texting me, she's avoided everytime I tell her to meet up. I'm now going travelling for about 2-3 months and don't know what to do.

I don't want to be her text buddy but if I don't put in effort she'll just move on. If I do put in effort, I get a bit needy... there is only so many times I can ask her to meet up.

Do I call her and call her out on why she is avoiding to meet me? Do I tell her that it's better to leave it and maybe see how we feel after I'm back from travelling? Or do I continue texting her every once in a while and just play it cool, see where it goes?

My gut is telling me that this isn't worth it. My heart is saying that if I perservere then it will be worth it. My brain just hurts from thinking about it.

Advice appreciated.
07-27-2019 12:20 PM
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Jones Offline
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Post: #2
RE: How much effort to put in?
You're going to travel for 2-3 months. Is she correct in saying you are a player? You could be at a different point in your life then her.

Doing things with her friend made you more attractive to her - she just can't decide if you're worth the commitment.

You're right about there's only so much effort and asking to meet up you can do.

I had girl interested in me years ago, but I was heading almost 4 hours away back to the city to continue university - flash forward to today and she's dating a girl now - but her point was the same: you're moving away, you probably just want a bit of skin so what's the point?

If she's still waiting for you when you get back, try it. Two to three months isn't enough time for her to have a complete change in character if she's as traditional as you say she is.

You're moving to the same city after university? There's going to be a lot of temptations for both of you.

Go with your gut. Always follow your gut.
08-06-2019 12:49 PM
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coffeedrinker Offline
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Post: #3
RE: How much effort to put in?
If you asked me before the trip, I would say she was wrong in me being a player. But in just over 2 weeks travelling, I've sealed the deal twice at hostels, had another girl text me she regretted not coming back to my hostel and 2 girls who gave me LMR back at hostel.

But all this has done is temporary boosted my ego. The girl in my OP has stopped texting me (hence so have I) for over a week and literally every day I have to distract myself or explain to myself how there is nothing I can do at the moment that will help improve my situation with her.

I'm being so lame because this was yet another time I've fucked up a potential relationship. Having not been in one, I feel like I'm not relationship worthy or don't have the capacity to attract girls long term. I have a oneitis not for the girl but for a relationship.

The last time this situation happened with a girl I wanted to get in a relationship with, she started dating someone else straight away. It's bizzare but I now imagine how angry I would be if this girl also starts dating someone else while I'm away because I see it as me being less than whoever that person is.

Again it's my ego getting in the way of rationale thoight. But no matter how much I try, the only thing that helps me is time passing and distractions.

How do I get rid of my ego and negative perceptions?
08-16-2019 01:10 PM
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rudebwoy Away
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Post: #4
RE: How much effort to put in?
Go dark on her.

Who cares if she thinks you are a player.

Focus on your trip and have fun.

Far too many maybe's and what if's.

Our New Blog:

http://www.repstylez.com
08-16-2019 01:41 PM
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coffeedrinker Offline
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Post: #5
RE: How much effort to put in?
I agree with you and so I have gone dark and trying to focus on my trip.

Steuggling with the focus though. I don't want to care but I do and not sure how to get over that.
08-16-2019 06:06 PM
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JiggyLordJr Offline
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Post: #6
RE: How much effort to put in?
You can text her now and then and potentially catch a bang, but phone communication with women is for the most part a lost cause. The longer you go without fucking her, the chances get lower that you ever will. She texts her girlfriend and her orbiters; alphas are generally too busy doing real things to bother with glowing screen communication.

In regards to your particular situation, it would seem you have lost frame, which the clearest indicator of lack of abudance. I would recommend putting this girl out of your mind, focusing on enjoying your trip, and shooting her a quick text when you're back to test the waters. If she doesn't reply or plays text games with you (I.e responds a day later), next her. If her texts give off a positive impression, move the conversation in the direction of an in-person meeting. If she can't manage to do this, next her. Remember that your time is valuable; if she doesn't respect it she's not worth yours.

Additionally I suggest you learn more from the forum and other red pill literature; many points mentioned are fundamentals you need to get down asap. Good luck mate, and feel free to pm me if you have any more specific questions.
08-16-2019 06:36 PM
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coffeedrinker Offline
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Post: #7
RE: How much effort to put in?
Yeah I did lose frame with her. It was because I felt guilty about sleeping with her friend so wanted to show her I was serious about her.

Abundance mentality is a funny one. I had hotter girls then her on plate at the time before my trip, but because they weren't my type for relationship, it didn't really help.
(This post was last modified: 08-17-2019 03:55 PM by coffeedrinker.)
08-17-2019 03:54 PM
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rudebwoy Away
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Post: #8
RE: How much effort to put in?
She is insecure and your falling into her frame.

I’m guessing the friend you had a thing with, is better looking than her.

You’ve been pre selected so start acting like you got all the cards. Again, go dark and don’t contact her at all. She is wasting your time and killing your energy.

Focus on your trip and have fun.

Our New Blog:

http://www.repstylez.com
08-17-2019 11:08 PM
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coffeedrinker Offline
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Post: #9
RE: How much effort to put in?
Yeah as the days pass I care less and less.

However I'm not sure what my learning point from this experience is.

I do think I fucked up by sleeping with her friend inbetween. Even thought we weren't exclusive, she told me it was the fact I slept with her friend when I could have slept with anyone else without her even being able to find out. And she's right here. If she had slept with any of my friends, I wouldnt speak to her or my friend.

2nd thing is, given that she was insecure, I stayed over 5 days with her in the hopes to show her I'm serious and because I was going travelling so to spend some more time with her before leaving. I was also hoping to have sex prior to leaving to not leave it for so long. Was this a mistake? If I had left after 1 day, I don't think she would have taken me serious but staying so long made me lose frame trying to prove to her I'm not going to mess her around.

I know some insecure girls just aren't worth the time and effort but I also think that some of these are likely to be most loyal and pleasant girls to be around in a relationship. I just don't know how to deal with them to let loose.
08-18-2019 06:21 AM
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