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How to deal with a hesitant girl
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Nefarias Offline
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Post: #1
How to deal with a hesitant girl
I've slept with a girl from my social circle, and even tho I initally thought about the whole thing as a ONS, we actually really clicked on a personal level and we enjoy each others company. She is sweet and funny and I would gladly start some kind of relationship with her.

Yet this girl seems really suspicious/hesitant about my true agenda (she thinks I'm a player based on how I "played" her into bed the first time - it was average nightime bar and then home pull, but it was "too smooth" for her) and don't really wanna be more than friends "for now", even tho she is still clearly attracted to me and is having hard time dealing with this whole feelings vs logic situation.

One of the factors is also her lower self esteem and thinking that it's just too good to be true and that I'm far out of her league (imo we are solid looksmatch so it's just in her head)

Should I just deal with the fact that it will take her more time to commit to me, or is there something else I should do in order to gain her trust? I'm mainly afraid of the possibility of her just losing romantic feelings for me if we are not gonna have sex again asap. I don't wanna become just her friendzoned orbiter.

I'm already running lowkey comfort type of game with more compliments etc. but again, there is fine line between being nice confident guy and needy looser. And just the fact that she fell for me when I was this carefree asshole is not making things easier for me.

I know there is also a chance that she is just playing with me and using for attention, but straight up dumping her would make me kinda sad.
08-25-2019 11:26 AM
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Cobra Offline
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Post: #2
RE: How to deal with a hesitant girl
You're going into the needy loser phase for sure. That's why she doesn't want a relationship.

Next stop is the friendzone.

How you pulled her appeared easy (you said it). So it could not have been that smooth.

Fuck her again asap. Otherwise you are already acting like an orbiter. If not go dark on her and then fuck her. Don't get out of this cycle unless you have to.

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(This post was last modified: 08-25-2019 11:37 AM by Cobra.)
08-25-2019 11:35 AM
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Nefarias Offline
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Post: #3
RE: How to deal with a hesitant girl
She doesn't want a relationship because she thinks that I just want sex and that I'm not serious about her. She want us to be more serious but at the same time is afraid of it because she has some doubts about my intentions - so she wanna wait.

For now I'm still keeping the sexual vibe and she is playing along and teases me back. Thus I'm suspecting that she is trying to shit test me or something to figure out my "plan".

But definitely have to fuck her in a upcoming week or I'm done with her shit.
08-25-2019 12:56 PM
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PapayaTapper Away
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Post: #4
RE: How to deal with a hesitant girl
So you've already did the deed but now she's too into you so she's withholding the goodies?

There's something not making sense here.

Did she say "I don't really wanna be more than friends for now"?

Ignore what girls say. Thats Game 101.

Just follow this recipe step by step. It should be infinitely easier if youve already kidnapped the pooty once.

Rinse and repeat

Of course I know ypu intend to propose marriage soon Wink

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(This post was last modified: 08-25-2019 07:44 PM by PapayaTapper.)
08-25-2019 07:37 PM
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ThriceLazarus Offline
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Post: #5
RE: How to deal with a hesitant girl
PT’s on point.

What follows is conjecture.

It’s natural that she’s hesitant, yeah? You two run in the same circles, so if shit goes south it’ll be uncomfortable. There’s another level involving all the relationships within the group dynamic, etc. Who knows how things are strung about, you know? Who’s had who. Food for thought.

I hope you’ve gotten right on your own feelings, your path, purpose, or what have you. The player vibe could be her ‘gut feeling’ - the emotional reaction as cognitive disonance rattles the cage - or perhaps well informed? Who knows who knows your exploits, you know?

While still playing the game, re-establish comfort. It was in-built, is it still stable? Say, if you two used to run into each other in larger parties, go out again in the same fashion. Do you two really click when under observation? Does everyone have more fun? Does it just work? Or is it weird...

Gude luck dude.
(This post was last modified: 08-25-2019 11:30 PM by ThriceLazarus.)
08-25-2019 11:26 PM
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Nefarias Offline
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Post: #6
RE: How to deal with a hesitant girl
(08-25-2019 07:37 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  So you've already did the deed but now she's too into you so she's withholding the goodies?

There's something not making sense here.

She is into me but is afraid that I just wanna fuck her and that I'm not serious. One of my friends warned her about me (complicated situation, tldr. jealous girl wanting to "protect" her friend) and told her that I'm an asshole.

Now every time we kiss or escalate sexually, she pulls away nervously and tells me "slow down we are just friends" or "we don't really know each other that well".

She also stated that "we might not have sex again and I don't want you to waste time with me" and repeatedly asked me about my notch count and stuff about my past.

I can see her point, she is fresh out of LTR and arguably has single digit laycount (but you never know, maybe she is just a good liar) so she might be little insecure.

For now she is trying to avoid any situation that could lead to sex (ie. date with alcohol, invite to my place, car trip) because she knows that once we are in that situation, she will not be able to resist it.

Trying to trick her into sex again would only prove her suspicion and could easily ruin the whole thing. Taking it slow is probably the only way in this case.
08-26-2019 08:50 AM
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wwtl Offline
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Post: #7
RE: How to deal with a hesitant girl
(08-26-2019 08:50 AM)Nefarias Wrote:  She is into me but is afraid that I just wanna fuck her and that I'm not serious. One of my friends warned her about me (complicated situation, tldr. jealous girl wanting to "protect" her friend) and told her that I'm an asshole.

Now every time we kiss or escalate sexually, she pulls away nervously and tells me "slow down we are just friends" or "we don't really know each other that well".

She also stated that "we might not have sex again and I don't want you to waste time with me" and repeatedly asked me about my notch count and stuff about my past.

I can see her point, she is fresh out of LTR and arguably has single digit laycount (but you never know, maybe she is just a good liar) so she might be little insecure.

For now she is trying to avoid any situation that could lead to sex (ie. date with alcohol, invite to my place, car trip) because she knows that once we are in that situation, she will not be able to resist it.

Trying to trick her into sex again would only prove her suspicion and could easily ruin the whole thing. Taking it slow is probably the only way in this case.

Looks like a typical rebound to me. The sex helped her getting over the ex and now you served your purpose. Going really slow might have helped, but not after the fact.

Also you seem to be much more invested into this than she is, so of course she is trying to turn you into an orbiter.

You can't win by being compliant, aka by proving that you're not a player. This is not how it works. So if she wants to talk about notch count, your only option is to agree and amplify. Tell her than men and women can't be friends, because the woman is inadvertently going to fall in love with the man, then remove all attention from her for two weeks and go meet other women.
08-27-2019 11:20 PM
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Winston Wolfe Offline
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Post: #8
RE: How to deal with a hesitant girl
You are falling into her frame. I agree with wwtl, you seem to be a lot more invested in this than her.

She's putting all kinds of requests and comments on the table and you're dancing to her tune, trying to behave like she says she wants you to behave, putting her interests before yours. Jumping through hoops, in other words.

Just say "ok cool" and move on. Don't contact her, ignore any of this ever happened and proceed as normal in group settings when you encounter her.

I know, easier said than done.

But if you do this, she'll show her cards very quickly. If she wants to keep seeing you in private she'll make it happen.

If not, good riddance, this seems like too much of a pain in the butt to deal with anyway in the current situation.
08-28-2019 01:50 AM
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