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A travel dilemma
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #1
A travel dilemma
I have a problem which I can't find a solution to. Sorry this is going to be a bit long winded.

I've been given the opportunity to move to the country where I was born. I've never lived there except for a few months when I was very young (about 5), as well as a few short visits up until many years ago. So it's been a long time.

I have fond memories, and I remember feeling like my life was over when I had to come and live in the country where I've grown up.

Over the years I guess I've become used to being here, and to an extent it's become a part of me and it's been ok in some ways but it's not for me, and it's going downhill, and I have nothing keeping me here. Whatever happens, I want to get out of here sooner or later and have a real life somewhere nice.

My goal is to earn money online, which I've struggled to do for a long time. I'm not going to give up.

When I assess the pros and cons of my country, it ticks most of my boxes. Basically living there would be an overnight massive upgrade to my day to day life in many ways. I'd be whisked into a different world.

But there are a couple of things that it doesn't fulfill. I could live there for the rest of my life, but I know I'd be missing out on the aspects that it lacks. And they are not minor aspects.

Ideally I would like to live somewhere that has those aspects that my country lacks, even if I have to compromise a bit and lose some of what my country does have. I know there's probably no perfect place and that's ok.

So to summarize so far :

* Where I am now : shithole, I want to leave sooner or later, no matter what
* My country : great, but missing in some very desirable aspects
* Some other country (wherever that might be) : overall ideal, but not perfect

Here's my dilemma :

A : If I go to my country, I'll continue trying to make an income online, and I will eventually succeed. Then I'll begin my travels, and eventually find that ideal place. But then I'll be torn between my country, which by then I will have spent a lot of time in and built a connection with, made friends, and developed a bond to it, and the new country. I'm a very sentimental person and I know it will be painful.

B : If I stay, I'll continue trying to make money online, succeed, then start my travels, and find my ideal location eventually.

The prize for both is ending up in my ideal location.

But with A, I pay the price of some day having to go through the pain of tearing myself away from a place that I love and by then will love even more. Whereas with B, I pay the price of having to stay in this shithole for who knows how much longer, but at least it will be an easy process to relocate.

Just to clarify, the opportunity that I've been given is one where it's totally up to me what happens. All I have to do is say the word and I could be out of here within months.

I sometimes get the feeling that Someone has put this situation in front of me for a reason, and that I should take it even without understanding all the ins and outs. But I can't take it if I don't feel a strong compulsion to. I've been trying to stimulate that feeling somehow.

As I say I can be very sentimental. My memories of living there have always stuck with me, as well as the memory of being taken away from such a nice place. I've always valued happiness and that's why this dilemma worries me so much. It would be like a second loss. I hated having to leave when I was 5, and I don't want that again.

What do I do? How should I look at this? Should I just jump right in and stop thinking? I don't know if I can. Is the fact that I have no answers a sign that the only answer is to go? I've come up with charts and tables trying to figure out the pros and cons of leaving, I've put in so much energy into thinking about this, it's tiring. Am I getting in my own way? Is it obvious that I think too much? I can't help it.

Oh, by the way, if I go I will be given 2 properties. But if I stay I will get 1. I'm just mentioning this to emphasize that this opportunity is unique and I'm very lucky to have it. Maybe Someone is telling me that now is the time. I'm excited at the idea of saying fuck it, let's do this. All my efforts at finding a solution have revolved around the idea of going, not staying. But if I do I'll some day be faced with the painful situation mentioned above.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

http://inspiredentrepreneur.weebly.com/
(This post was last modified: 09-02-2019 07:35 PM by Vladimir Poontang.)
09-02-2019 07:23 PM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #2
RE: A travel dilemma
Thanks you two. I feel like I have far more clarity now. Somehow your completely irrelevant stories are helping me see the light.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

http://inspiredentrepreneur.weebly.com/
09-03-2019 09:24 AM
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Switchez Offline
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Post: #3
RE: A travel dilemma
The choice seems obvious, you should move.

The ideal other place where you may someday relocate to may or may not exist.

If you ever leave, learn to keep the good memories and move on, not sure why you make it such a big deal.
If you end up staying long term, then no problem at all.

PS: these other posts are obviously some sort of spam / bot
09-03-2019 11:58 AM
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JiggyLordJr Offline
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Post: #4
RE: A travel dilemma
I'd advise that you move. As long as you have a decent safety net - whether it be personal or governmental - there's little to lose from the change and a lot to gain. In other words, the upside potential of a return to your homeland is greater than just staying where you are. I speak from experience - I recently moved out from the western shithole (where I was born) to my home country (where I had only seldom traveled to).

There is a profound feeling that comes along with returning to your homeland and discovering your roots. Looking around and seeing people who share common blood with you is a very satisfying feeling. Especially if you've been living in a multicultural hell, rubbing shoulders with "your people" is really a breath of fresh air. Not to mention the solidarity that ensues from your common heritage.

Be warned, however, that migrating solo is no easy endeavor. You will most likely be leaving your social circle behind, and will only be able to sporadically communicate digitally. This will put a strain on your ties - they are now long distance friendships. I've personally struggled pretty hard with this, and pushed myself hard to forge connections in language class and uni. You will have to be very proactive in finding new friends - but expect a period of loneliness in the interim. If you can survive this adjustment stage, your resolve will turn to steel. Challenges like this separate the wheat from the chaff.

If possible, I would recommend doing a trial visit, where you stay for around 30 days and live as a local would. If you enjoy living there, and see the prospect of integration as feasible, I would say pull the trigger on it. Ultimately, the decision comes down to you, but regardless of whether the migration works out or not, you will gain a lot of valuable life experience from it. Nothing forges character quite like solo migration does.
09-03-2019 01:39 PM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #5
RE: A travel dilemma
Thanks for the responses.

When I say ideal place, I just mean a place that I would want to move to. Somewhere suitable for me.

By the way I wouldn't be going alone. All of this is courtesy of my mother.

I don't mind leaving everything behind, including friends. I don't see them often anyway. I can easily keep in touch and I have set this up already. I don't think it's necessary to go there for a visit first. I know enough about the place and if I wasn't so undecided, I would have no issues about just going there and living there. It's strange, on the one hand I'm quite nervous about the whole thing as well as very undecided, but at the same time I have no problem making a big move because I know it would be a big improvement.

The thing is, provided that I can make an income online (which I have to be optimistic about), if I stay where I am I will still have the choice to travel some day, but I'd be leaving a shit hole to go on an adventure, as opposed to leaving a really nice place that I love. Why bother going through any kind of loss, when I can stay here, and still end up somewhere better one day?

As I say, I get the feeling that leaving would be like a re enactment of the first loss, which I can't help but think would be painful. But there are 3 main differences between leaving there when I was 5, and going there now then one day leaving again :

1) When I was 5, I had to leave. I had no choice. All of that good living was taken from me. But now, if I go, then leave again some day, it would be voluntarily.

2) As far as I was concerned back then when I was a kid, that was my life and I was going to spend it there. But I've grown up where I am, and I never had a life there, so leaving again would not be me losing a life, it would be moving on.

3) I know now that there are many places in the world which could overall be better.

I think I'm having this problem because I've tried to protect myself from pain and loss. I still remember being at the airport getting ready to leave my nice life.

However, what if I was to just go? For all I know, there could be all kinds of possibilities, options, and different ways to look at things that I'm simply in no position to speculate on today. The idea of finding out those things is exciting, but too much uncertainty isn't good. As you can see I'm all over the place with this one.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

http://inspiredentrepreneur.weebly.com/
(This post was last modified: 09-03-2019 03:03 PM by Vladimir Poontang.)
09-03-2019 03:01 PM
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JimBobsCooters Offline
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Post: #6
RE: A travel dilemma
Are those very desirable aspects a deal breaker? For me the negatives will always eventually raise to the forefront of any country and ultimately dictate happiness.

The other factor to consider is that utopia doesn't exist, every country has its warts. If this country has lots of good things then give it a crack, especially if it's an upgrade on where you are now. You might find ways to work around the problems or, worst case scenario, you learn a valuable life lesson of what to look out for with the next country, if it turns out that these desirable aspects are in fact deal breakers then you can probably shorten the list of potential countries.

For instance I know I couldn't live in a country like Thailand where the people are so predatory for long periods of time. It's great for a visit but I know that particular aspect is something that just breaks me eventually.

Good luck either way.
09-03-2019 03:24 PM
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Vladimir Poontang
Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #7
RE: A travel dilemma
(09-03-2019 03:24 PM)JimBobsCooters Wrote:  Are those very desirable aspects a deal breaker? For me the negatives will always eventually raise to the forefront of any country and ultimately dictate happiness.

The other factor to consider is that utopia doesn't exist, every country has its warts. If this country has lots of good things then give it a crack, especially if it's an upgrade on where you are now. You might find ways to work around the problems or, worst case scenario, you learn a valuable life lesson of what to look out for with the next country, if it turns out that these desirable aspects are in fact deal breakers then you can probably shorten the list of potential countries.

For instance I know I couldn't live in a country like Thailand where the people are so predatory for long periods of time. It's great for a visit but I know that particular aspect is something that just breaks me eventually.

Good luck either way.

Well right now I think they would be dealbreakers. I'm open to the possibility of changing my mind, but I don't know if that is going to happen.

It's a very nice place, but what it lacks is the unpredictability or rough round the edges vibe of places like Colombia or the Philippines. It's also not got the best demographics, by that I mean that it's not like the Philippines where there are plenty of young, friendly women hanging around. Also the specific town that we'd be moving to is very touristy.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

http://inspiredentrepreneur.weebly.com/
(This post was last modified: 09-03-2019 03:40 PM by Vladimir Poontang.)
09-03-2019 03:40 PM
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RoadTo100 Offline
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Post: #8
RE: A travel dilemma
If you name the two countries you’ll get better responses. I don’t think naming them would meaningfully deanonymize you.

Right now the descriptions of the countries are too hypothetical and filtered through your pre-existing notions as you describe them to us.
09-03-2019 05:52 PM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #9
RE: A travel dilemma
You're right, but I do want to keep it vague. I've sent you a message with the details.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

http://inspiredentrepreneur.weebly.com/
09-03-2019 06:08 PM
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The Catalyst Offline
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Post: #10
RE: A travel dilemma
What about at least saying the continent/general area?

I think you should just go to the better country and get your heart broken.
09-04-2019 02:33 AM
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LoveBug Offline
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Post: #11
RE: A travel dilemma
It’s offensive to me if your referring to the US as a “shithole”

There is a reason your family moved here from your old country
09-04-2019 03:17 AM
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whitewashedblackguy Offline
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Post: #12
RE: A travel dilemma
(09-04-2019 03:17 AM)LoveBug Wrote:  It’s offensive to me if your referring to the US as a “shithole”

There is a reason your family moved here from your old country

He only said where he lived is a shithole. That means his city probably sucks. The US isn't all guns and roses bro.

African-Americans were horrified that the history of their ancestors was being, quite literally, whitewashed.
(This post was last modified: 09-06-2019 09:35 AM by whitewashedblackguy.)
09-06-2019 09:33 AM
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Post: #13
RE: A travel dilemma
(09-04-2019 03:17 AM)LoveBug Wrote:  It’s offensive to me if your referring to the US as a “shithole”

There is a reason your family moved here from your old country


parts of the USA are, just like any other country.
09-07-2019 08:45 AM
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Repo Online
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Post: #14
RE: A travel dilemma
What is this a safe space where nobody is allowed to get offended? Parts of the US are a shithole deal with it.
09-07-2019 09:34 AM
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Chad's Day Off Offline
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Post: #15
RE: A travel dilemma
Most relevant of the stuff you said:
Quote:I've been given the opportunity to move to the country where I was born. I've never lived there except for a few months when I was very young (about 5), as well as a few short visits up until many years ago. So it's been a long time.

I have fond memories, and I remember feeling like my life was over when I had to come and live in the country where I've grown up.

Over the years I guess I've become used to being here, and to an extent it's become a part of me and it's been ok in some ways but it's not for me, and it's going downhill, and I have nothing keeping me here. Whatever happens, I want to get out of here sooner or later and have a real life somewhere nice.

My goal is to earn money online, which I've struggled to do for a long time. I'm not going to give up.

When I assess the pros and cons of my country, it ticks most of my boxes. Basically living there would be an overnight massive upgrade to my day to day life in many ways. I'd be whisked into a different world.

But there are a couple of things that it doesn't fulfill. I could live there for the rest of my life, but I know I'd be missing out on the aspects that it lacks. And they are not minor aspects.

Ideally I would like to live somewhere that has those aspects that my country lacks, even if I have to compromise a bit and lose some of what my country does have. I know there's probably no perfect place and that's ok.

I'm trying to parse this, but you are really way vague. You should just come out and name both countries, the country that is your ancestral home, and the current, I presume Western country you are living in. Otherwise it's impossible to make any meaningful comparison.

Just say where you live, for example, "large city", "medium city" etc, would help us, as well as give us an idea of what type of situation you will be in the new country.

I would say political/ security concerns would be of importance, as well as rule of law, corruption, access to decent medical stuff services, and other stuff.

It goes without saying your ancestral home will be cheaper, I know that much. Will it be safer, maybe depending on the whole situation, but we need to know your current situation.

Are you fluent in target language, and how much money do you have for the move, and all that?

Why do you want to move to Country X, is it Cost of Living, Women, what is it? Traditional values, tired of the west?

Depending on your situation, the answer will change. Of course I would advise moving so long as your satisfied about safety and think long term it could work.

Remote work IMHO is harder to secure than some make it out to be. But if you can find something go for it. Once you get it going, you're going to be happy about the opportunities it affords. I find that many fall into it by chance rather than being able to find an opportunity and take it on Day One.
09-07-2019 08:10 PM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #16
RE: A travel dilemma
No offense but I'm not going to say which country I live in or which country I was born in.

None of that is relevant. The issue here is that I see a future dilemma :

I live in country A
I might go and live in country B
But I know country B is ultimately not for me, although it's very nice
One day I may have the option to live in country C
But by then I will be used to living in country B, and that's my dilemma

All I'll say is that I live in a large city, and the other place (country B) is a medium sized touristy town. But I really don't see how that matters as this is about a future dilemma, not my current or possibly near future environment. This is not a simple question of should I go and live here, this is about how I will feel at some point in the future, when faced with a choice to make.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

http://inspiredentrepreneur.weebly.com/
(This post was last modified: 09-08-2019 03:38 AM by Vladimir Poontang.)
09-08-2019 03:33 AM
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Chad's Day Off Offline
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Post: #17
RE: A travel dilemma
To reiterate you are being to vague regardless of whether you tell me the name of the country or not.

What I get out of you saying is that it's Eastern Europe, for example Bulgaria, has the worst demographic future facing it of any country, with plenty of outflow of people, old skewed population and young people leaving in masses. By all measures a place that many expats like living in though. Who knows though, maybe not Bulgaria, maybe Russia or Ukraine both also suffer dismal birth rates, but come in higher I would say, on corruption.

You haven't outlined your issue with the home country. Apart from demographics anything else? If anything you make it sound bland but nice, but I could be wrong on that. And you don't like your current place so you'll leave. You've already got the correct first thought, so to speak, because moving to less bland place is better than being in more bland place.

Ok, so move to home country, get attached never move because you have roots. Roots aren't bad at all, nothing wrong with that, getting settled. I think you are over analyzing.

Nebulous ideal country would be great, granted but it's just an idea at the moment. Ideal country i would say is the one you can get to in a year, or less, right. A year's effort should be able to get you where you want if you save, right? So, to get to your ideal dream country, you would have travel some and figure out what place fits, or demo living there, if you get more concrete or actionable about finding it, right?

I would action is generally better than inaction in terms of personal development or life or travel. So the question is do you want action? My point would be a no regrets philosophy is a good thing to have. If you think you have some better opportunity than your ancestral country in terms of living, make it more concrete, rather than so abstract. And see if you can execute on it.

For me it is really easy for me to become fond of a country after being there a week, but that's just me. I get all sentimental and I get sad any time I leave after more than a week. I really start to like places that soon, and if I've built personal connections it tears me apart to have to part with them.

Anyway, if you've stayed with me through all that, I would suggest the question is do you want to return to your roots, and build on that identity you have and history there, or do you want to do something new. It's a question of being radically traditional or making a huge change means forging a new identity and contacts defined by the new place rather than staying tied to your roots. That's really what I guess you should ask yourself. to which I would tell you there is no right answer. It's your life. best of luck.

Also are you fluent and culturally connected, if not the integration is going to be a longer term thing and not be seamless in your homeland. In which case, a third country would be more attractive, because then there would be less disparity between the effort required to get rolling in both places,although you stiill would have some sort of "advantage" or head start in your ancestral homeland...
(This post was last modified: 09-08-2019 04:03 AM by Chad's Day Off.)
09-08-2019 03:58 AM
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The Catalyst Offline
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RE: A travel dilemma
(09-08-2019 03:33 AM)Vladimir Poontang Wrote:  The issue here is that I see a future dilemma :

I live in country A
I might go and live in country B
But I know country B is ultimately not for me, although it's very nice
One day I may have the option to live in country C
But by then I will be used to living in country B, and that's my dilemma

How do you know country B is ultimately not for you?

Why is being used to living in country B bad?
09-08-2019 04:17 AM
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Vladimir Poontang Offline
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RE: A travel dilemma
(09-08-2019 04:17 AM)The Catalyst Wrote:  
(09-08-2019 03:33 AM)Vladimir Poontang Wrote:  The issue here is that I see a future dilemma :

I live in country A
I might go and live in country B
But I know country B is ultimately not for me, although it's very nice
One day I may have the option to live in country C
But by then I will be used to living in country B, and that's my dilemma

How do you know country B is ultimately not for you?

Why is being used to living in country B bad?

Country B I feel is not for me because it lacks a certain something that you get in Latin America and south east Asia. What I mean is that rough around the edges vibe, and the possibility of seeing lots of nice girls hanging around.

There's nothing wrong with getting used to living in country B. But the problem is that if I do, it causes a situation where I know I need to be elsewhere but I've now become attached.

It's like dating a girl who is nice, but you know she's not for you. Then you meet the one that is right for you, and now you have to tear yourself away from the other one. It probably would have been better to never have met the first girl.

By leaving and going to live in country B until I can move on (which I would want to do), I'm creating a future difficult situation.

By staying, I can still hopefully some day make money online, and then travel, and then when I find the right place for me it will be an easy decision to just move there.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

http://inspiredentrepreneur.weebly.com/
(This post was last modified: 09-08-2019 04:39 AM by Vladimir Poontang.)
09-08-2019 04:38 AM
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The Catalyst Offline
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Post: #20
RE: A travel dilemma
I don't know your situation very well but for me I would take the(to me major) upgrade even if it means I have to deal with the(to me minor) pain of attachment/breakup/leaving.
(This post was last modified: 09-08-2019 06:02 AM by The Catalyst.)
09-08-2019 06:01 AM
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RE: A travel dilemma
(09-08-2019 06:01 AM)The Catalyst Wrote:  I don't know your situation very well but for me I would take the(to me major) upgrade even if it means I have to deal with the(to me minor) pain of attachment/breakup/leaving.

To be honest the idea is exciting. It's just that I don't want to base my decision just on that. But why would you take that option?

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

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09-08-2019 06:25 AM
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The Catalyst Offline
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RE: A travel dilemma
I mean leaving a shithole seems like the most no brainer idea ever
09-08-2019 03:04 PM
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RE: A travel dilemma
With the additional information, the points I would make are:

1.) For making money online, one of the biggest keys is to have in-person ties to a wealthy country that can buy your products. Most online businesses start off selling to people from their country of origin, especially for service businesses where trust is paramount.

So don't discount the value of that. If your current "shithole" country is a shithole for dating reasons (versus actual poor infrastructure, chaos, dirtiness and corruption), then I would strongly consider staying there until after you've started successfully earning online.

I'm from the USA, and though I've only spent a fraction of my time there over the last few years I would never consider cutting ties completely. It's just too valuable to be a citizen of and connected to people in these economic powerhouse nations, especially if you work online.

The one caveat is if 90% of your time is taken up by a 9-5 that you hate where you are not saving a decent amount of income (> $1000 per month). If that's the case, then you are spinning your wheels there and perhaps just going for it and making the move is a better idea.

2.) Regarding your home country, which you described as:

"great, but missing in some very desirable aspects"

"medium sized touristy town"

"It's a very nice place, but what it lacks is the unpredictability or rough round the edges vibe of places like Colombia or the Philippines"

I'd posit that a place like that is actually *better* to live long term than rough around the edges places (which instead are better to visit).

By all means, visit Colombia for a month, the Philippines, etc, but actually living there and establishing roots is more of a struggle... Unless you already have strong ties to one of those countries (e.g. a very good friend or social circle, amazing girl you've previously dated from there), it's probably going to be an uphill battle.

Plus, being a local in a tourist town as an adult seems like an amazing opportunity. For one thing --- digital marketing for local businesses (hotels, restaurants, other touristy activities) is an easy online business to start. Most people in the town won't have that expertise and you as a local will have a huge leg up in gaining their trust and winning contracts.

Same with the dating side of things --- get established, get a spot "on lock" where you can impress girls with your prestige and you may find yourself enjoying dating in this tourist town.

Not to mention the fact that you said "if I go I will be given 2 properties".

So in summary, I lay the decision flow-chart out like this:

A.) Stay in your current country if you are saving (> $1000 per month) until you have at least N > 12 months of living expenses
- If you aren't saving, then ditch now

B.) Move to your home country and give it an honest 1+ year on the ground. It sounds like you haven't lived there as an adult and it's possible your ideal location actually is your home country. If you want to take some trips, pause the 1-year clock while you're away

C.) If after the 1 year in your home country, you still have a longing to try somewhere new, then go for it. But I think your time at home may surprise you.
09-08-2019 05:38 PM
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Vladimir Poontang
Vladimir Poontang Offline
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Post: #24
RE: A travel dilemma
RoadTo100,

I'm just going to ramble a bit. Make of it what you will. Don't feel like you have to respond to every point, this is just me letting off steam.


I'm not making money at all. Right now I'm a total loser with a business idea ( http://lierelocate.weebly.com/ ) - I also have a couple of others - but no income. And I mean literally 0. I'm living on handouts.

It's ironic that the business idea that I've just linked to is closely connected with my predicament. I guess I like to try things that I can relate to. That's how I got that particular brainwave. I think I'd be good at it too. I've got everything set up, but I'm not good at getting customers.

I don't know if moving to my country would really give me any advantage in terms of making income online. And even if it did, I'd hate to be reliant on that. I like the idea of being able to get customers from all over the world.

By the way I'm not a citizen of the country that I'm in and which I've lived in virtually all my life. I have a passport of my country but not the one I'm in.

I do agree that some of these semi developed or developing countries can be hard to settle into and fit in. That's definitely a concern. But if there's language compatibility (ie Philippines) it might be easier.

My country, and particularly the town that we'd move to has excellent infrastructure, and lots of english speaking tourists as well as expats, so that's something that would make the move easier to handle. I do speak the language of my country so in terms of getting a job (almost certainly in bars and restaurants - which I have experience in) I think it would probably be easier to get work than if I didn't. Having said that, I'd have no rent to pay because I'd own my own place, so I doubt I'd have to work full time.

But doing that kind of work is not ideal. I need to make money online. I'm happy to work in a restaurant or whatever just so I can have some cash to eat and have a bit of fun, but not forever.

As for women, I don't know. Have you ever seen those videos where someone is walking down the street in Cartagena or Manila and there's girls all over the place, smiling, approachable, just hanging around in a leisurely manner? That's not how it is. And that's what I like. Also after having watched a lot of tv and youtube videos of the place, there's so many damn old people. Add the hordes of tourists and it's not good. I like the idea of being in a place where most people are locals and there's lots of girls around. That's one reason why it's not ideal.

Having said that, based on what I've seen on tv there, it's very traditional. I'd imagine the girls would be conservative. But I also think they would be kind of argumentative and difficult. Not my scene.

I have to say, being a non old, non retired repat would make me very unique. I don't think there are many people who go back to live in their own country or who become expats who are still young.

Seeing as I'm not making money, and the fact that I have no idea when that will change, I can't exactly say that I could go for 1 year and then re evaluate. I really wish I was making some income now. I'd probably feel more carefree about this decision.

The root of my problem is me. The fact that I was taken away from such a nice place when I was about 5 has stuck with me. I'm not resentful at anyone for taking me away from there, but I was sad. That's why I've become so sentimental. I'm trying so hard to be careful not to put myself in a position where I'd miss out on something really good (a nice future life in a happy place), that I've cornered myself and I don't know what to do. To me, the place where I was taken from is like holy ground. And I'm worried that when I return I won't want to leave, even if staying isn't for the best, which I don't think it is.

I'd like to think that there's some way I could use it as a base, and split my time with whatever location I might ultimately find. But the more I think about it, the more it seems impractical.

But my life here is so dull. Maybe I should just go. Maybe just the fact of taking drastic action will cause a stir in the universe that will shake things up a bit for me and open some doors. The fact that I've had an issue with anxiety for years makes this even more challenging. My sister died a few months ago. She took an overdose of sleeping pills. She had depression, schitzophrenia, diabetes and breast cancer. I've been worrying about her for so long. But the cause of my worrying is gone now. I also had what I'd describe as very mild OCD for a long time, but now it's 99% gone. I feel free.

It would be so cool if I just did it, despite myself. I don't think there are many people in my shoes. It's a big change and a very big challenge for me. To go back to my country, to prove to myself that I don't need to be anxious or panicky about anything any more, to get used to speaking my language all day long, to overcome my self consciousness about feeling like an outsider in my own country (I dread the thought of people there seeing me as different), and to be in a totally different environment. It's a lot. But if I did it, it would change me. It's exciting but scary. And I've been in a rut for years so I feel paralyzed.


I'm so overthinking this. I know how ridiculous I sound. I think I should get a medal for having the most hangups in the history of people with a potentially life changing opportunity. A part of me keeps saying shut up, you know damn well you're going. I wish someone (or Someone) would just grab me and put me on that plane. My mother has left it up to me. All I have to do is say the word and I could have a new life by the end of this year. I'd love to be able to post here saying I did it.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

http://inspiredentrepreneur.weebly.com/
(This post was last modified: 09-08-2019 06:45 PM by Vladimir Poontang.)
09-08-2019 06:33 PM
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JimBobsCooters Offline
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Post: #25
RE: A travel dilemma
(09-08-2019 03:33 AM)Vladimir Poontang Wrote:  No offense but I'm not going to say which country I live in or which country I was born in.

None of that is relevant. The issue here is that I see a future dilemma :

I live in country A
I might go and live in country B
But I know country B is ultimately not for me, although it's very nice
One day I may have the option to live in country C
But by then I will be used to living in country B, and that's my dilemma

All I'll say is that I live in a large city, and the other place (country B) is a medium sized touristy town. But I really don't see how that matters as this is about a future dilemma, not my current or possibly near future environment. This is not a simple question of should I go and live here, this is about how I will feel at some point in the future, when faced with a choice to make.

Is B better than A now?

Honestly, that's all that matters right now.

C is completely irrelevant to your decision now unless it is an option NOW.

If B is better than A, you're better living in B than A until you can go to C. That decision will be just as easy when it comes time to go from B to C.
09-10-2019 02:35 PM
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