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Called Off My Wedding
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idolatry Offline
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Post: #51
RE: Called Off My Wedding
Sounds like you waited too long to cash out of the game. Guys here should take note. This doesn't have to involve a mid-life religious crisis, it's not rocket science.

"Surely you joust."

– Forum Member 911
(This post was last modified: 09-05-2019 10:25 PM by idolatry.)
09-05-2019 10:25 PM
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nuevayork Offline
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Post: #52
RE: Called Off My Wedding
It looks like either you weren't ready for marriage or you didn't really want to marry this girl. All those are minor reasons that would have been ironed out by time.
09-07-2019 12:16 PM
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Repo Offline
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Post: #53
RE: Called Off My Wedding
Women will pick up on if your actions dont match the game you talk. As Cattle Rustler said, it sounds like you werent backing up the values you were talking by delaying kids so long. The longer this incongruency lasts, the more her attraction for you will suffer, and it sounds like it got to the point where she no longer conformed to all of your stated values that you werent following through on. Chalk it up as lesson learned.

To add, our brains are still developing till around 25 or so, so she was soft clay the entire time you were together. You lost out to other influences.

I think ultimately there are 2 schools of thought:

1: you picked the wrong woman
2: you didnt influence/lead her enough to be the woman you wanted

I'm in the latter camp.
(This post was last modified: 09-07-2019 12:48 PM by Repo.)
09-07-2019 12:38 PM
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JiggyLordJr
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Post: #54
RE: Called Off My Wedding
Honestly, I think another component is that she needed friends, and you could have helped provide them if you wanted. You had your one friends' wife that was a good influence and thats it. She also moved away, which is when this girl got worse. You're gonna have to pick up hobbies and make friends, and place friends into her life. The reason she went out with her work colleagues is because she didn't have other friends. Women are influenced easily, and people in general are the blend of the 5 people closest to them. When these people started to become her work friends, she is naturally going to steer towards working harder and spending more and more time with them.

It seems like you didn't have many friends either and were not putting in the effort to cultivate them
09-08-2019 03:59 PM
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Roosh Offline
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Post: #55
RE: Called Off My Wedding
You didn't talk about God at all but sounds like she's just entering her rebellion stage. Wanting to put your baby in daycare after 8 weeks is inhumane.

I would be careful about choosing the "run away" option. That won't make things better. The next year or two will be hard, and there isn't much you can do about it.

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09-09-2019 03:43 AM
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General Mayhem Offline
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Post: #56
RE: Called Off My Wedding
(09-09-2019 03:43 AM)Roosh Wrote:  You didn't talk about God at all but sounds like she's just entering her rebellion stage. Wanting to put your baby in daycare after 8 weeks is inhumane.

I would be careful about choosing the "run away" option. That won't make things better. The next year or two will be hard, and there isn't much you can do abou it.

I didn't mention god directly in the OP but it was discussed in some of the replies.

Dr. Howard said it best on the last page of the thread, "She is currently her own God, akin to what Lucifer preaches."

I thought about the run away option and I think you are right. The only path forward seems to be to go on living and building the life I want. If I focus on that I believe the things will turn out fine.

God puts people in ours life and takes them away to serve a purpose. I have faith in that.
09-09-2019 09:34 AM
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budoslavic Offline
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Post: #57
RE: Called Off My Wedding
(09-03-2019 12:00 PM)General Mayhem Wrote:  ...
Everything was full steam ahead towards marriage and kids. She had baby fever after spending time with one of my good friend's wife and their kids. Seeing her around kids was the happiest I ever saw her. Things were looking good.

Then, she got a new job working for the same woman who helped her out in the beginning. The job sucked her in and she became sort of a workaholic and started rolling in a circle with her boss and a few other middle aged women who were divorced, some remarried. They all had kids but for the most part the kids sounded fucked up. They were the type who always influenced her to go out to happy hours which was annoying to me.
...
I think eventually the influence of work and friends overtook the baby fever. The good influence of my friend's wife was on the other side of the country. Things came to a head.
...

GM, I am glad that you decided to write and shared your post. The bold parts I can relate to, specifically the type of environment and friends that a woman associate with.

If she chose to keep associating herself with those type of female friends instead of having (or submit to) God in her life, then it is a sign that marriage won't work as she's taken a different path and purpose in life that you have no control over.

Consider it a blessing in disguise.
09-09-2019 11:21 AM
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Enoch Offline
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Post: #58
RE: Called Off My Wedding
Stefan Molyneux has a lot of great content about how bad daycare is for babies. Child abuse is not too strong of a word for it.

The fact that she wanted to put her baby in daycare to go work for a corporation is all you needed to know.
09-09-2019 12:42 PM
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Pointer Offline
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Post: #59
RE: Called Off My Wedding
She sounds like a unicorn to me: slim, attractive, no debt, no whoring on social media, LTR that lasted through college where there is a lot of temptation, likes children, wants a low key intimate wedding, ditched her friends for you. Some flaws due to bad parenting but good luck finding another one like this in 2019 America...

I feel like this is about you losing the frame rather than negative outside influences. You became lazy and she slipped away. She tamed you and now she's looking for a new challenge.
09-09-2019 01:07 PM
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Rifian -rebel Offline
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Post: #60
RE: Called Off My Wedding
This girl hates religion and God. Do you want to marry Lucifer ?

I think that a believer man can not, despite all his efforts, feel in peace with a woman who not only rejects his beliefs, but rejects the mere idea of belief.

There can't be no more unicorn or whatsoever at this point, despite our perceived state of the market.

She simply grew up in the total opposite direction than you did, and I suspect her dark side to be far greater than what her natural agreableness let her show you...

I fully support your decision brother ! Your gutt instinct saved you. You will find better.
(This post was last modified: 09-09-2019 02:46 PM by Rifian -rebel.)
09-09-2019 02:44 PM
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GreenHills Offline
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Post: #61
RE: Called Off My Wedding
I don’t have kids, but I have a friend who married a 22 years old and they had the first kid at 29, because she wasn’t ready. He stuck with it and he loves his kid. He gets upset with his wife, they’re maybe not a match made in heaven, but his most important goal was the kids and he’ll continue to have them. I wonder, if you so wanted kids and 6 of them, why didn’t you start on that job.

But it’s fine, there are women that want kids. You just have to choose good enough, because perfect probably won’t come along.
09-10-2019 01:21 AM
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gework Offline
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Post: #62
RE: Called Off My Wedding
OP, thanks for posting it, it has offered a few more things to help figure out the conundrum of a traditional family in the modern world. Good comments on both sides. I would err on the side of you having made the right decision. You want a traditional family and you thought you were going to get it, but then it turned out you might get half a traditional family with the possibility she may get on board later. You can now look for a woman who will give you what you really want.

People could be catgorised as being biologically more prone to be psychologically liberal or conservative, 50/50. When the society thinks its in abundance a large majority end up behaving liberally, while there is a small minority that will always be like a squirrel preparing for 100 winters. When things become hard that shifts. It is one reason why it is hard to find women who are exposed to the modern abundance of experience and opportunity that also want anything approaching a traditional family. When you feel safe going into a big exciting world you become liberal. At this point, even if there is a place in her heart for the little house on the prairie, its on the back burner and then forgotten.

I have clumsily been stumbling round the world looking for a woman, what that is has changed quite dramatically over that time. I would overlook things that deep down I knew were issues, mainly a work drive and be too driven by the flesh. It is now apparent that if you want a traditional wife and family you have to find someone for whom that is the most important thing in their lives, has no plan for a career and wants a large family. They are rare, but do except, even in ridiculous countries such as mine. But what I was trying to do is wife up women for who that wasn't the case. They have to be specifically sought out and you have to be firm to rule out girls who don't fit that mould.
(This post was last modified: 09-10-2019 09:45 AM by gework.)
09-10-2019 09:20 AM
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Kid Twist Offline
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Post: #63
RE: Called Off My Wedding
(09-10-2019 09:20 AM)gework Wrote:  When you feel safe going into a big exciting world you become liberal. At this point, even if there is a place in her heart for the little house on the prairie, its on the back burner and then forgotten.

...

They have to be specifically sought out and you have to be firm to rule out girls who don't fit that mould.

Idea

He knows it and for those of us who now want it, we gotta do it.

Get your passport ready!
09-11-2019 06:03 PM
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TheBoom Offline
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Post: #64
RE: Called Off My Wedding
Good move of the OP. It takes a village to keep a woman focused on what is important. A man alone can't do it because women are too easily brainwashed by society, their social circle, work and anything else that provides a tingle.

The minute she started hanging out with the cat ladies, she was no longer the right woman. The minute a woman says she wants to go back to work soon after giving birth should dispell any lingering doubts.

Outside of joining the Amish, the odds seem stacked against any traditional minded man. No matter how well meaning the woman in the beginning, the entire culture is dedicated to corrupting her and few women can withstand that especially during difficult times.
09-12-2019 04:11 AM
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Simeon_Strangelight Offline
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Post: #65
RE: Called Off My Wedding
Martin Sellner Identitarian and former tradthot Brittany Pettibone on why they married:





Though obviously a woman doesn't risk that much in our times. The core issue is that this woman wants to be traditional, wants to have the happy family model, has a shared mindset with her husband distrusting the mainstream media and entertainment fully. So based on those factors, then the odds are certainly far more in your favor.

I mentioned the importance of women being fully anti-Hollywood, anti-media and anti-establishment, but in a sane way - not vegan fake anti-establishment like Antifa, because that is even more crazy.

If you compare the fiancee of OP vs the girl here, then you see the stark difference.

So again guys - don't underestimate the importance of a girl's belief system. In our times - it has to be fully anti-establishment with her sharing most of your views. Otherwise it may blow up in your face sooner than later if you think that this is not important. It may not have been important in the past, but it certainly is now. Keeping her pregnant will only work until the kids are in school and her mind starts wondering again lusting for the feminist empowerment.
09-12-2019 04:44 AM
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Polniy_Sostav Offline
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Post: #66
RE: Called Off My Wedding
(09-04-2019 12:24 AM)SilentOne Wrote:  Congratulations!!!

Clap

You made a tough decision, but the right one. It's unfortunate that women today chooses careers over raising families. Women can't have two masters. Instead of following your lead, she chooses to follow her boss. A recipe for disaster.

It's sad, really. The mental state of a women around age 24 today, in her prime years, is to work hard like a man. Then 10 years later she will be saying she is ready to start a family near age 35. But by that time, what's the point. You're old, lack feminine qualities and near the wall.

Plus let's be real, a marriage in these times is nothing more than a retirement plan for these strong and independent women. They love to prey on foolish men who make critical decisions based on feelings.

Also ; at 35 they face the competition of younger females
09-12-2019 04:58 AM
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Augustus_Principe Offline
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Post: #67
RE: Called Off My Wedding
Thank you for sharing your story. I, as others here, believe you made the right choice. I already knew that things were going to head south once i read "she went to catholic school" (DO NOT SEND YOUR KIDS TO CATHOLIC SCHOOL!) I dont know why, but catholic school kids usually turn out to be very rebellious against Catholicism and God. Oh, and they also think they know everything there is to know about Theology because of a class or two that they took on the subject..

Anyhow, as others here already mentioned, you waited way too long. it's ok, I think every one of us has made that mistake. It's the curse of modern dating. Ideally, courtship to wedding should be 1, maybe two years tops and you start impregnating your wife ASAP. My longest relationship was over 5 years with my first ex gf, she monkey branched to a wealthier man and broke up with me. 2nd relationship was an on and off 2 year stint that I broke off because of the amount of red flags i kept seeing. 3rd LTR im currently in questioning...but thats enough about me.

I know you made the right decision because your gf didnt fight for you. I read all your post and you never mentioned that she was crying for you, fighting for you, begging for you, or at least balling her eyes out saying that she would be willing to change. This is why you made the right choice. Actually, it sounded like a relief to her that you decided to break it off. She can now enjoy her "empowered" lifestyle. This experience will now help you find your future wife.
09-12-2019 04:01 PM
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loremipsum Offline
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Post: #68
RE: Called Off My Wedding
(09-04-2019 10:59 AM)DannyAlberta Wrote:  
(09-03-2019 12:00 PM)General Mayhem Wrote:  I think any guy who wants any semblance of a traditional relationship has to fight hard against the negative influences from modern society and from a girls friends. However, you can't do that alone. You need friends with wives, kids, and strong marriages that are good influences to surround your wife.

When someone on this Forum actually figures out how you can do this and win (assuming it's even possible outside of a crazy isolationist cult), they will have hacked modern mating life. I'm not sure it's even possible.

Funny how this forum that once was about collecting notches has almost collectively come to the conclusion that traditional relationships are the way to go.
Yes, we have Game that the average bluepilled guy does not have, but to quote OP in another thread
Quote: If you believe in god, do you really think he is going to deliver a virgin just because you had a change of ideology?
.
It may be just harder for us.
(This post was last modified: 09-14-2019 06:12 AM by loremipsum.)
09-14-2019 05:57 AM
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Takeachance Offline
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Post: #69
RE: Called Off My Wedding
Laner. Can you elaborate?

Without her knowing, her body already sees you as a non viable partner.
09-15-2019 05:49 AM
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cosine Offline
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Post: #70
RE: Called Off My Wedding
Just had a female coworker come back to the office this morning from 4 months of maternity leave.

Before she got preggers, she seemed like a "driven career woman" who also wanted a family.

She showed up today crying, horribly wishing she could be at home with her son. She'd clearly instantly quit if she had the resources to.
Yesterday 11:47 AM
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peterlittlehorse Offline
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Post: #71
RE: Called Off My Wedding
You did the right thing.
The work environment is most destructive to women. Constantly surrounded by unhappy failures at life who wish too spread the misery.
Yesterday 11:58 AM
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TheFunto Offline
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Post: #72
RE: Called Off My Wedding
Man, much love for you having the courage to share your story.

My story is just as messed up too, and I think it is possible that your ex could have changed her mind after she had a taste of being a mother. I can be wrong, especially considering she was adamant about returning to work after 8 weeks. That is nuts.

Our circumstances were different, my wife resents me to this day because she had to forfeit her maternity leave to make more money as I was unemployed on our 2nd baby. She still makes more money than I do, and I believe that is one of the roots of our relationship issues.

Good news is she may be pregnant with our 3rd. I am piling up kids in a dysfunctional relationship in hopes that it can be fixed. If it does not, it will not be because I haven't done my best. She would argue my best is not enough though.

I have kicked Jordan Peterson's advices away from me a while ago, but I'll defer that life packs a good amount of suffering and sacrifice.

Good thing the Bible and Jesus are always near.
Yesterday 08:04 PM
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Laner Offline
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Post: #73
RE: Called Off My Wedding
(09-15-2019 05:49 AM)Takeachance Wrote:  Laner. Can you elaborate?

Without her knowing, her body already sees you as a non viable partner.

Not sure the exact science behind it, but living and banging with a woman for years without ever knocking her up gives her body the impression that you are sterile. Once you start banging for procreation, her body will reject your sperm for a spell.

The good news is that you get back the animal urges quickly - which are necessary to knock up a woman after a decade of birth control and guys leaving their package on the porch.

(Yesterday 11:47 AM)cosine Wrote:  Just had a female coworker come back to the office this morning from 4 months of maternity leave.

Before she got preggers, she seemed like a "driven career woman" who also wanted a family.

She showed up today crying, horribly wishing she could be at home with her son. She'd clearly instantly quit if she had the resources to.

My wife went back to work for 2 weeks when our son had just turned one. Every morning she tore herself away from him in tears. After two weeks her dad and I told her she has to quit, that life is far too precious to waste because of a little extra money. We financially fucked ourselves for a while, but nothing can buy that time back she got to experience each day with him. The miracle of a growing boy.
Yesterday 11:52 PM
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