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How to handle grandparents in difficult situation?
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RedKurrant Offline
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Post: #1
How to handle grandparents in difficult situation?
I'll try to keep this as short and concise as possible.

A close great aunt of mine has recently had a severe stroke and unfortunately I've been told she is not going to survive.

While I am taking the news fairly well, my grandparents (who, for the record, are horrible people e.g. they threatened to sue my mother and I as we were joint executors of a will for my great uncle when he passed away, who didn't leave anything behind for the grandparents) are making things 10 times more stressful. It should also be noted that my great aunt loathes my grandparents but she can no longer communicate due to the severity of the stroke. To make things clearer, my great aunt is the sister of my grandma.

My mother and I have been going to the hospital every day to visit my aunt, and we've been sending updates from the doctors to several family members in a group chat. My grandparents are not in this chat because a) they don't have the technology and b) our relationship is already strained anyway, so they've been calling the hospital themselves, which is fair enough.

However, my mother and I have been accused by my grandfather of sending fake messages which are supposedly making her condition sound worse than it is (found out through a couple of other relatives calling them regarding the messages theyd received). This is obviously bullshit as I've literally copied down word for word what the doctor has told me and then sent it in the chat. I can't understand my grandfather's motive for making such accusations.

Annoyed and irritated, I went to the ward earlier today to find my grandparents both there. I made small talk until my grandfather starts moaning about the "fake" messages and how I've made things so much worse, and that he won't talk to my mother and I again because of our supposed actions. This is despite the fact that prior to this, he was giving me an update on my aunt's condition - the update was literally what I'd put in the messages beforehand. I then completely lost it and broke frame, shouting at him outside the ward for being a fucking retard and not even apologising for all the added stress he's caused my mother and I. He then proceeds to gaslight my mother by saying that she claimed she was my great aunt's daughter in order to be put down as the next of kin - the truth is that my great aunt made my mother the sole next of kin many years ago because they have a very good relationship, and as previously mentioned does not get on well with my grandma. I then lost it again and berated him, called him a pathetic sack of shit... virtually every name under the sun.

I'm not proud of myself for my actions but after visiting my great aunt I saw him outside the ward again - he wouldn't make eye contact, kept shuffling around and had his hands in his pockets, looking extremely awkward. I didn't acknowledge him after that and left as I had to go back to work.

Long story short, I don't know if how I acted was the right way. I felt he deserved what was said to him because of how he's acting in this already shit situation. But, more importantly, I'm not sure how to proceed if I see him on the ward again. The one thing for certain is that I'm going to cut both him and my grandma out of my life as soon as my aunt passes on. I've had to put up with copious amounts of shit from them beforehand and this is the last straw.

Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
09-05-2019 11:25 AM
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Bienvenuto Offline
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Post: #2
RE: How to handle grandparents in difficult situation?
I'm sure you'll get more thought out and helpful advice BUT...

(From what you've written.)

Fuck 'em.
Fuck the cunts.

They have done nothing but cause shit because there's not enough pain in it for them to be dissuaded.

I know they're your family but they sound like trash and you told them what they needed to hear.

They probably have more grudging respect for you now (although they'd hate to admit it to themselves).
09-05-2019 11:48 AM
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Bienvenuto Offline
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RE: How to handle grandparents in difficult situation?
As far as handling them moving forward,

be deadpan, empty of emotion, and mildly polite and sympathetic. Although I don't think you need apologise.

if you find yourself losing your shit when you rather wouldn't, well.. I wouldn't worry about it.
Its a stressful time for all concerned.
Walk away before you act out physically but relax a little about being pitch perfect in your response.

Have a couple of verbal bullets ready for their melodrama - "yeah.. I don't care." "sure, when did this happen?" "alright, so whats the solution?" etc.
09-05-2019 12:36 PM
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worldwidetraveler Offline
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Post: #4
RE: How to handle grandparents in difficult situation?
You probably won't like what I am about to say. haha

I would try my best to put their attitudes and what has happened prior to this aside. If they can't get onto your chat groups, I would call them to let them know what is going on. It is their family even if they are not behaving very nicely.

I would even go so far as driving them to visit your aunt if they needed transport.
(This post was last modified: 09-05-2019 12:46 PM by worldwidetraveler.)
09-05-2019 12:46 PM
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RedKurrant Offline
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Post: #5
RE: How to handle grandparents in difficult situation?
@Bienvenuto - Don't worry I'm not offended at all. They are definitely cunts. Thanks for the tips for going forward.

@WWT - I appreciate where you're coming from and it's something I would've done if it wasn't for the difficult history between us. Ultimately they're selfish, spiteful people and have always shat on my mother and I. In addition, I'm not exactly gatekeeping them from updates - from the outset I gave them the ward number which can be called 24/7. They also drive pretty much everyday so transport isn't an issue.
09-06-2019 03:39 AM
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Kona Offline
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Post: #6
RE: How to handle grandparents in difficult situation?
I can't imagine getting into a text fight with my grandma.

Aloha!
09-06-2019 03:59 AM
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debeguiled Offline
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Post: #7
RE: How to handle grandparents in difficult situation?
(09-06-2019 03:59 AM)Kona Wrote:  I can't imagine getting into a text fight with my grandma.

Aloha!

Because in Hawaii they just throw them in a volcano and get a bountiful harvest following year in the bargain.

“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.”

Carl Jung
09-06-2019 11:14 AM
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worldwidetraveler Offline
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Post: #8
RE: How to handle grandparents in difficult situation?
(09-06-2019 03:59 AM)Kona Wrote:  I can't imagine getting into a text fight with my grandma.

Aloha!


[Image: giphy.gif]
(This post was last modified: 09-06-2019 11:21 AM by worldwidetraveler.)
09-06-2019 11:19 AM
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Leonard D Neubache Offline
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Post: #9
RE: How to handle grandparents in difficult situation?
These people will soon be dead and all you will be left with is who you are, not who they are.

Personally when dealing with people like this I don't ever want to lose control of myself. I can do "charitably polite" or "coldly and brutally honest" but if I've raised my voice and my hands have started speaking Italian then I've failed on a personal level.

Your post indicated the self-awareness that you understand your actions are about you, not them. Venting here is fine but I think you already know how to proceed.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
09-06-2019 09:08 PM
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Hombre de hielo Offline
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Post: #10
RE: How to handle grandparents in difficult situation?
It's better to stay neutral!

Do not put your hand in the fire for your parents.
09-06-2019 11:01 PM
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