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Recovering from a breakup
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loremipsum Offline
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Post: #26
RE: Recovering from a breakup
(10-01-2019 12:50 PM)tomx Wrote:  Meet more girls

Solid advice brother. I can't believe why none of us here thought of that one before.
10-01-2019 01:08 PM
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Steely Offline
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Post: #27
RE: Recovering from a breakup
I'm going through something of that. My head is spinning fast thinking of nothing else. We actually gave it a time (she broke up due to my drinking and erratic behaviour and I asked for a time to prove I can change) but it's being hard.
10-01-2019 03:19 PM
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Khal Drogo Offline
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Post: #28
RE: Recovering from a breakup
Stay strong friend. My advice would be to
a) Focus on yourself. Set goals and achieve them, travel, read, develop a skill. I feel that a common thing great players share is how egocentric they are. It might sound bad but it's how things work.
b) 'Embrace' the heartbreak. It's ok to hurt. Don't try to rush out of it. Accept that it will take time and accept that life sometimes is hard.

Also, I was saying this to a friend the other day. There's no such thing as "the one". You might feel this way now but the reality is that there's a huge number of quality girls out there. You're doing the right thing . Keep meeting girls and at some point you will realize life is full of options.
10-01-2019 05:42 PM
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thedream Offline
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Post: #29
RE: Recovering from a breakup
(10-01-2019 05:42 PM)Khal Drogo Wrote:  Stay strong friend. My advice would be to
a) Focus on yourself. Set goals and achieve them, travel, read, develop a skill. I feel that a common thing great players share is how egocentric they are. It might sound bad but it's how things work.
b) 'Embrace' the heartbreak. It's ok to hurt. Don't try to rush out of it. Accept that it will take time and accept that life sometimes is hard.

Also, I was saying this to a friend the other day. There's no such thing as "the one". You might feel this way now but the reality is that there's a huge number of quality girls out there. You're doing the right thing . Keep meeting girls and at some point you will realize life is full of options.

Solid advice.

Break ups used to be very hard for me. It was the hardest and worst part of life.

But with life experience, things got easier.

With age comes wisdom. I don't claim to be a wise man and break ups still hurt 100% but it's not the same as before.

There really was an AHA moment when I realized that life is full of options.

Yes, sometimes I think that's actually a bad thing as in modern life we have too many options.

But there was also a freedom in that because it allowed me to fully go into something (business ventures, relationships, risks etc.) and give it my all and not feel as if I am betting the whole farm and can never go back.

There's a balance to it.
10-01-2019 08:56 PM
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Post: #30
RE: Recovering from a breakup
(09-24-2019 10:04 AM)Sensei Creation Wrote:  I'm 26... She's 32... she aborted
It may feel painful now, but I think you dodged a few bullets here. You'll always have serious baggage from the abortion, she'll blame you, eventually she may even get pregnant from another man to get revenge. And because women have a shorter shelf life than men, you're getting ripped off with the age. When you're 30, marry a younger woman who never had an abortion. You'll eventually forget about this chick. Yikes she killer her own baby. No decent woman would do that.
10-01-2019 10:59 PM
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Khal Drogo Offline
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Post: #31
RE: Recovering from a breakup
(10-01-2019 08:56 PM)thedream Wrote:  
(10-01-2019 05:42 PM)Khal Drogo Wrote:  Stay strong friend. My advice would be to
a) Focus on yourself. Set goals and achieve them, travel, read, develop a skill. I feel that a common thing great players share is how egocentric they are. It might sound bad but it's how things work.
b) 'Embrace' the heartbreak. It's ok to hurt. Don't try to rush out of it. Accept that it will take time and accept that life sometimes is hard.

Also, I was saying this to a friend the other day. There's no such thing as "the one". You might feel this way now but the reality is that there's a huge number of quality girls out there. You're doing the right thing . Keep meeting girls and at some point you will realize life is full of options.

Solid advice.

Break ups used to be very hard for me. It was the hardest and worst part of life.

But with life experience, things got easier.

With age comes wisdom. I don't claim to be a wise man and break ups still hurt 100% but it's not the same as before.

There really was an AHA moment when I realized that life is full of options.

Yes, sometimes I think that's actually a bad thing as in modern life we have too many options.

But there was also a freedom in that because it allowed me to fully go into something (business ventures, relationships, risks etc.) and give it my all and not feel as if I am betting the whole farm and can never go back.

There's a balance to it.

Exactly!
Abundance mentality is key. It's a game changer. In ANY subject, forget about women.

Example:
- If there was only one bar in your area and it closed down, you'd be furious because you wouldn't have anywhere to spend your Fridays. But since there're 200 more bars, you won't care!
- You go to your favourite restaurant to eat your favourite burger. But they tell you they don't offer it anymore. A bummer? sure ! but there's more great food, more great restaurants!

Same with women. No reason to set your mind to a oneitis mentality. There're options out there.

This is something you only realize when you meet/date/go out/yada yada with a fair number of girls. Suddenly there's nothing special anymore.
10-02-2019 06:42 AM
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Winston Wolfe Offline
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Post: #32
RE: Recovering from a breakup
(10-02-2019 06:42 AM)Khal Drogo Wrote:  Exactly!
Abundance mentality is key. It's a game changer. In ANY subject, forget about women.

Example:
- If there was only one bar in your area and it closed down, you'd be furious because you wouldn't have anywhere to spend your Fridays. But since there're 200 more bars, you won't care!
- You go to your favourite restaurant to eat your favourite burger. But they tell you they don't offer it anymore. A bummer? sure ! but there's more great food, more great restaurants!

Same with women. No reason to set your mind to a oneitis mentality. There're options out there.

This is something you only realize when you meet/date/go out/yada yada with a fair number of girls. Suddenly there's nothing special anymore.

While I agree with the gist of what you're saying (abundance mentality etc), I'd like to add that:
1) Struggling with a tough breakup, and
2) Having an abundance mentality when it comes to girls

Are not mutually exclusive. You can have / experience both.

When you form a deep pair bond with a girl, and that gets broken, you can have all the abundance mentality in the world but that isn't going to do shit for you to help you deal with getting over a breakup.

I think OP has the right frame of mind, he's already working on himself and conscious of the fact he has to move on. There is just a disconnect between what he rationally knows to be true and the right way forward, and what mentally / emotionally he is feeling.

We don't need to tell him he needs to have an abundance mentality and that it solves everything, because it doesn't. It just helps.

Also, when you do have abundance mentality and meet a fair number of girls, I don't agree that suddenly there's nothing special anymore. You can absolutely find that again, if you let yourself, and after you have recovered and are ready again.
10-02-2019 07:21 AM
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thedream Offline
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Post: #33
RE: Recovering from a breakup
(10-02-2019 07:21 AM)Winston Wolfe Wrote:  
(10-02-2019 06:42 AM)Khal Drogo Wrote:  Exactly!
Abundance mentality is key. It's a game changer. In ANY subject, forget about women.

Example:
- If there was only one bar in your area and it closed down, you'd be furious because you wouldn't have anywhere to spend your Fridays. But since there're 200 more bars, you won't care!
- You go to your favourite restaurant to eat your favourite burger. But they tell you they don't offer it anymore. A bummer? sure ! but there's more great food, more great restaurants!

Same with women. No reason to set your mind to a oneitis mentality. There're options out there.

This is something you only realize when you meet/date/go out/yada yada with a fair number of girls. Suddenly there's nothing special anymore.

While I agree with the gist of what you're saying (abundance mentality etc), I'd like to add that:
1) Struggling with a tough breakup, and
2) Having an abundance mentality when it comes to girls

Are not mutually exclusive. You can have / experience both.

When you form a deep pair bond with a girl, and that gets broken, you can have all the abundance mentality in the world but that isn't going to do shit for you to help you deal with getting over a breakup.

I think OP has the right frame of mind, he's already working on himself and conscious of the fact he has to move on. There is just a disconnect between what he rationally knows to be true and the right way forward, and what mentally / emotionally he is feeling.

We don't need to tell him he needs to have an abundance mentality and that it solves everything, because it doesn't. It just helps.

Also, when you do have abundance mentality and meet a fair number of girls, I don't agree that suddenly there's nothing special anymore. You can absolutely find that again, if you let yourself, and after you have recovered and are ready again.

100% agree with both your points.

It still hurts like hell no matter how much abundance you have. I am going through a similar situation now.

It doesn't matter that I am "still young and will meet more girls" -- when you form a bond with a person, it's going to hurt no matter what.

And yes -- just because you have the abundance mentality does not mean you can't form good bonds with people.

In fact, my relationships with all people (not just romantic) has improved after adopting this mentality.

I see the uniqueness of all people and their perspective more. I see how a relationship with any single person can have it's own unique attributes and isn't like a relationship with any other person.

There is a duality to humans. We are all alike yet different as well.
10-02-2019 11:08 AM
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Nascimento Offline
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Post: #34
RE: Recovering from a breakup
In with you on this one. My break up situation is very different, but doesn't change the fact that no break up from something long term is easy.

Will be collecting my thoughts over the next short while. I intend to write a post at some point. I learned a lot.
10-02-2019 03:40 PM
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ThriceLazarus Offline
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Post: #35
RE: Recovering from a breakup
@The Dream

Wisdom.

It is a conundrum. Or perhaps, an Axiom of Choice. As a system expands the interactions of individual elements become, seemingly, meaningless. However, there is a magic within chaos, as Chaos Theory hypothesizes.

Nothing matters. Everything matters.

A paradox - both equally demonstrable.

It is far easier to fall under the spell of the former than keep the latter on the mind at all times. The first is animal, unconscious, nihilistic. The second is the path of the Bodhisattva - the Narrow Way.
10-02-2019 04:30 PM
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Soothesayer Offline
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Post: #36
RE: Recovering from a breakup
Went through the same thing many years ago with a '5' whom my world revolved around, until I caught her with another woman. In hindsight, had I known that simply MOVING from one part of the city to the other (another apartment) would kill 60% of the pain, I'd have done it a lot sooner.

Triggers can be a deadly, fatal thing to a man. Its like when we're in love we 'imprint' something between our brains and our local environment. Apartment, pool, house, city, roof of your camaro, whenever and wherever you fucked her or even had a romantic moment where you knew she was The One... scents, visuals and auditory signals to your brain create triggers for these events and subsequently, depression when she leaves.

Remove the triggers and you remove the pain. At least it worked for me.

That and a lot of prayers to Christ.
10-02-2019 05:14 PM
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thedream Offline
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Post: #37
RE: Recovering from a breakup
(10-02-2019 04:30 PM)ThriceLazarus Wrote:  Nothing matters. Everything matters.

A paradox - both equally demonstrable.

It is far easier to fall under the spell of the former than keep the latter on the mind at all times. The first is animal, unconscious, nihilistic. The second is the path of the Bodhisattva - the Narrow Way.

There's something beautiful and surreal about it.

Moreover, something of comfort is in there as well.

Yeah we realize how meaningless everything can seem but it's better to believe the opposite (that we make things meaningful) because it makes our life better and more rich.

I know a bit off topic but I love this stuff.

Great discussion, everyone.

I have been a lurker and just started posting. Been following Roosh a long time. Very happy to be here and have the honor to share ideas with all of you.
10-02-2019 10:56 PM
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Khal Drogo Offline
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Post: #38
RE: Recovering from a breakup
I'm not saying it's not going to hurt. Of course it will.

Also a very important element is to be red pilled as far as how women and people in general think. How things change from day to day. How girls say one thing but mean another.
This leaves your mind open to all possibilities = nothing surprises you anymore = you have a more calm reaction to everything.
10-03-2019 05:46 AM
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Dr. Howard Away
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Post: #39
RE: Recovering from a breakup
(10-02-2019 05:14 PM)Soothesayer Wrote:  Went through the same thing many years ago with a '5' whom my world revolved around, until I caught her with another woman. In hindsight, had I known that simply MOVING from one part of the city to the other (another apartment) would kill 60% of the pain, I'd have done it a lot sooner.

Triggers can be a deadly, fatal thing to a man. Its like when we're in love we 'imprint' something between our brains and our local environment. Apartment, pool, house, city, roof of your camaro, whenever and wherever you fucked her or even had a romantic moment where you knew she was The One... scents, visuals and auditory signals to your brain create triggers for these events and subsequently, depression when she leaves.

Remove the triggers and you remove the pain. At least it worked for me.

That and a lot of prayers to Christ.

Very true, my ex wife still has issues with our breakup 15 years later but she stayed in the same town, same house, same friends etc. I left the country entirely and had a much easier time getting over it.

On the reverse side, when I have gone back to places, songs etc. that I only have a connection to via a girl (for example, a town that I was only in to meet a girl) then it all comes right back.

Why do the heathen rage and the people imagine a vain thing? Psalm 2:1 KJV
10-03-2019 05:55 AM
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Sensei Creation Offline
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Post: #40
RE: Recovering from a breakup
Update. It's been a month since we last spoke, my ex just posted a bikini pic on Instagram on holiday with one of her friends - a CERTIFIED slut.

Not gonna lie, feeling jaded.

(I know I shouldn't be checking her Instagram)
10-03-2019 08:09 AM
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loremipsum Offline
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Post: #41
RE: Recovering from a breakup
^To quote Roosh's magnum opus
Quote:When a girl decides to break up with you, there’s nothing you can
do to convince her to change her mind, and the fact that she is
breaking up with you probably means she has already started seeing
another man, because a girl doesn’t let go of one man before having
another lined up.

A year or two from now on you may still remember her in songs etc. but the feelings won't be there.
That is if you have moved forward, and that's always the hardest part in the beginning of breakups.
Block all social media man, you're just torturing yourself.
(This post was last modified: 10-03-2019 09:06 AM by loremipsum.)
10-03-2019 08:50 AM
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Augustus_Principe Offline
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Post: #42
RE: Recovering from a breakup
(10-03-2019 08:50 AM)loremipsum Wrote:  ^To quote Roosh's magnum opus
Quote:When a girl decides to break up with you, there’s nothing you can
do to convince her to change her mind, and the fact that she is
breaking up with you probably means she has already started seeing
another man, because a girl doesn’t let go of one man before having
another lined up.

A year or two from now on you may still remember her in songs etc. but the feelings won't be there.
That is if you have moved forward, and that's always the hardest part in the beginning of breakups.
Block all social media man, you're just torturing yourself.

This cannot be stressed enough. Block her, delete your social media accounts if you have to(prob a good idea regardless so that you're not inclined to feed likes to IG th*ts and participate in this social media degeneracy). Stalking her profile is only going to make things worse.
10-03-2019 12:32 PM
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JimBobsCooters Offline
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Post: #43
RE: Recovering from a breakup
Step one for me when I was in your position was to cut off everything to do with the girl.

The constant reminders just plague your thoughts and keep you trapped in the rabbit hole. Delete her number and social media if you need to go that far. From everything you've written you've actually dodged a bullet on this one by accident.

It took me ages to take this step, literally a couple of weeks after doing it the healing process actually begins and you can start to move on. Cut the cord so to speak.

From there, improve yourself, get back into the scene and meet new people, not even necessarily for sex and not even necessarily female, humans are social creatures and just meeting and socialising changes things, especially when you've been with someone who is both your best friend and partner for so long where your social interactions have been limited and as a result you feel like you've lost even more as a result of the breakup.

It's tough but you can do it, you'll find better, you'll be happier and at some point you'll think back on it and wonder why you ever felt how you do now, trust me!
10-04-2019 05:34 PM
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Post: #44
RE: Recovering from a breakup
The best way to heal is to grow from the experience, namely by learning its most fundamental lesson: never pin your happiness to anything temporary. Jobs, relationships, fitness level, health, bank balance; all of these can enhance your life, but relying on anything fleeting just means building your house on sand instead of rock. As another poster said, rely on God for peace and happiness and no external loss can rock you to anywhere near this degree.

Jewish convert to Orthodox Christianity and best-selling author of "On The Masons And Their Lies."
10-05-2019 12:24 AM
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flaghunter Offline
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Post: #45
RE: Recovering from a breakup
(09-24-2019 10:56 AM)Donfitz007 Wrote:  Sadly the only way to get over her is to find someone or something to fill that void.
Found a passion that took my mind off her (around 2 months after) Finally met somebody who took away all the pain.

I think this is the solution - for me the void won't be filled until I fall in love again.
My current relationship has been on its last legs for the last couple of months - logically moving on makes sense, but I won't be sure I won't regret it until/if I find an upgrade from her.

As a systematic guy, I would like to actively maximise my chance of finding this "upgrade" sooner than later by

- Not spending time on low lying fruits, such as online dating.
- Finding a niche where I can find these girls that I resonate with and are relationship material (I'm not religious so I think I need another option than the widely suggested religious circle). Currently struggling on this one.
- Not turning into a "love addict" just because this is my end goal. After taking 10 years of girls to falll in love with one I need to find a balance.
10-09-2019 04:51 AM
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Sensei Creation Offline
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Post: #46
RE: Recovering from a breakup
I'll share this as quite a few guys have said they're in the same situation as me rn.

One of the things I have done recently which has helped is a 3 month recovery plan. I made an excel spreadsheet of of all the things that i missed about my ex and underneath the individual points, I made actionable items that I can do to meet and fill the void myself.

For instance my ex would constantly compliment and praise me during our relationship and even though I didn't realize it at the time, now that she's gone my confidence took a massive hit because I don't have that constant validation from her anymore.

One the action points to meet this void (among other things), is getting back to the physique I had when we met, as during our relationship, although I didn't stop going to the gym, I wasn't going as much and I did stop counting my calories which caused my physique to drop.

I feel like following this action plan is the way forward as although I've had relative success daygaming recently, it was not helping as it just feels like a temporary fix. I was not addressing the foundation as much.
10-10-2019 07:34 AM
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Sensei Creation Offline
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Post: #47
RE: Recovering from a breakup
And I'll be honest. I send my ex one final email inviting her to a coffee. I wanted to see if there was any hope of reconciliation. She probably is not going to reply and at least now I know that I can action my plan and move on
10-10-2019 07:38 AM
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Post: #48
RE: Recovering from a breakup
Sensei Creation

Trust me, she's gone. You're suffering from a thing called oneitis. You need to attend to fix this quick before it gets much worse.

Block all social media accounts of her. The last thing you need to see is a pic of her holding another guy and smiling. Or that she got pregnant by the dude she's currently banging... yes she's banging another dude.

Find a passion that you enjoy. Stay busy.

Take a couple weeks break to reflect, then start talking to other girls.

Improve yourself to find happiness within than relying on a girl to make you happy. The latter never ends well.
10-10-2019 10:21 AM
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Sensei Creation Offline
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Post: #49
RE: Recovering from a breakup
In agreement with everything you daid. With the exception of taking a break. Fuck that. Im still going to be gaming
10-10-2019 10:35 AM
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Post: #50
RE: Recovering from a breakup
I said take a break because it's human to feel emotions after being with someone for so long. Cry if you have to, just don't bottle it up. But you're free to do whatever.

Also girls are never to be your priority. She can be a compliment to your life at best, nothing more.
10-10-2019 10:53 AM
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