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Recovering from a breakup
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loremipsum Offline
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Post: #51
RE: Recovering from a breakup
Maybe it's just me, but there shouldn't be a permanent feeling of emptiness after a break up that only a relationship after another can fix.
It doesn't mean that being single again after a break up, or having lost someone
special you had feelings for years, or even having a dry spell doesn't suck (for those who are fornicators) but that sounds like a more deeper issue.


(10-04-2019 05:34 PM)JimBobsCooters Wrote:  Step one for me when I was in your position was to cut off everything to do with the girl.

The constant reminders just plague your thoughts and keep you trapped in the rabbit hole. Delete her number and social media if you need to go that far. From everything you've written you've actually dodged a bullet on this one by accident.

It took me ages to take this step, literally a couple of weeks after doing it the healing process actually begins and you can start to move on. Cut the cord so to speak.

Exactly. Golden post. Once you start treating them like they are gone forever, it gets better exponentially faster.
When I had my first breakup I kept following the girl on social media and it only postponed the horrifying thought that it's gone forever.
I thought about her for almost 2 years despite seeing other girls. Everytime I saw her new social media post it was like a kick to the stomach. Then the feelings slowly faded away, but at what cost.
Instead once you accept that thought right away, block all social media and reminders of her, the healing starts.

I broke up with my last girlfriend over a month ago, and immediately went no contact. I feel much better now after one month than I did after a year of the first breakup.
(This post was last modified: 10-10-2019 01:15 PM by loremipsum.)
10-10-2019 12:43 PM
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Eban Offline
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Post: #52
RE: Recovering from a breakup
GFTOW, not MGTOW. GFTOW
10-11-2019 12:04 AM
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Nascimento Offline
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Post: #53
RE: Recovering from a breakup
I wrote here 11 days ago. Since then, I've been doing OK. Multiple times I have been asked by friends and family how I'm doing, after ending a 1.5 year relationship. In terms of time, it wasn't that long – many split after multiple years, and the pain I imagine is likely stronger. In my case, despite it being 1.5 years, we were a couple who were told all the time how great we looked together. Even by complete strangers, multiple times. Point is, to friends and acquaintances we looked great together. To our families, it looked like we were building for the future, as we started to integrate each other more and more.

Until a few weeks ago, where an irreversible decline began, as a result of thoughts inside I had to share. Since then, it's over.

I was doing OK. But it hit me like a brick wall today.

...

I have to live with my decision. I knew it was not going to be easy. I had some ups and downs. Today was definitely the deepest low I've felt... in years.

I'm glad I stumbled upon a post on Roissy that really brought me back to level ground. It talk about one-itis, but much more than that as well: https://heartiste.org/2010/09/21/curing-oneitis/

My case was not one itis. Long story short, I decided to end it essentially because I felt I was settling for a girl that was merely good for me. I don't expect my girl to be perfect, and don't need her to be excellent. It's merely definitions sure, but to illustrate the point through this, I want my girl to be great. She came close, but wasn't quite there. And some things annoyed me incessantly about her, and she was unable to change them as they're her traits. In hindsight, I also see some resentment that would have been a problem in the long-term as well. So I think it was the right call for me.

Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, like it did today.

Back to the post I came across – I confirmed something I had been thinking about but did not fully put together. Choosing to chase lesser girls than my ex would only make the situation worse – not better. Mainstream advice on these parts – to go out and bed 10 girls or date many until the pain goes away, simply does not work... Unless those girls are all on the level of your ex at the very least.

The only way is through time, or through chasing girls that are better than the ex.

For others here recovering from a breakup, I recommend the read. Again, you don't need to be dealing with one-itis post breakup to benefit.

After taking some time to process my thoughts, I've concluded that while time CAN help, the best thing you can do to recover from a break up is:

1) Focus on yourself:
doing things that you value, or actually increase your value as a man... Not just to women, but in the arena of life.

2) Chase girls hotter than your ex: the minimum is to be on her level, ideally above. Bonus if she's a complete stunner

Lastly, here's the highlights from that post by Roissy. I had never come across this before, and this may be the best advice for men on the internet on the matter:

Quote:Yeah, I know you say you have no trouble getting girls, but in every case I have examined up close, including my own, the supposed “hot” girls that couldn’t make the man forget about his oneitis ex were in actuality not as hot as the ex. Every man claims it’s “something else” about the oneitis which captivates him, and that it’s not about looks, but that is just ego assuaging bullshit. Nearly every time, the runners up are exactly that — runners up to your ex’s hotness.

I remember this six-month oneitis I was nursing. In the interim, I had gone on a tear through an assortment of women, only to discover that none could do what I wanted them to do, which was to erase her memory completely, or at least detoxify the memories by pushing them into smaller and smaller neural crevices. I wanted my oneitis reduced from a maudlin reminiscence to a harmless nostalgia. Finally, at month six, I met a girl who had a better body, and a hotter face, than my oneitis. I’ll spare you the details of what happened next, because there aren’t any details — my oneitis was instantly cured. Presto whammo. Just like that. I had a new sparkly object in which to discharge my demon seed.

So the rule of thumb is not GFTOW, it’s GFTOHW (go fuck ten other hotter women). No oneitis can withstand such an assault on its mind warping parasitism. Of course, by fucking ten other hotter women, you risk ten-itis, which is a perpetual ringing in the ear caused by all the sex screams of your exes.

The corollary to the above rules is that if you are carelessly and indifferently drowning your sorrows in uglier pussy, your oneitis will GET WORSE. Fucking less attractive chicks, (which will become ridiculously easy if you have game, since your game + oneitis-fueled aloof attitude is a very potent blend of chick crack), will throw your past success into stark relief. You are probably better off wanking it than bedding unsatisfactory girls.

(SNIP)

The patient is therefore released from Le Clinique Chateau with these instructions:

– Take a month off from actively skirt chasing.

– Don’t burn your ex’s photos, but do store them in a lockbox in the attic where it would be a pain for you to conveniently access. Burning photos and other memorabilia is a powerfully symbolic act that ironically reinforces her importance in your life. Better to nonchalantly store that shit like it was any other old knickknack you no longer have use for.

– When you return to the field, focus on gaming girls hotter than what you are used to. This is like weightlifting: you need to incrementally go up in difficulty to see any progress. The challenge will help you concentrate on the present instead of the past.

– When you meet a girl you really like, invest in her. Don’t go for the bang right away. You want to increase her value in your mind, and the way to do that is, one, to make sure she’s hot, and two, to take your time winning her over. Sluts are not gonna cure your oneitis, but hard-to-get girls will.
(This post was last modified: 10-13-2019 03:08 PM by Nascimento.)
10-13-2019 03:01 PM
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Sensei Creation Offline
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Post: #54
RE: Recovering from a breakup
Thanks for linking that blog post.
Yesterday 08:16 AM
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zatara Offline
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Post: #55
RE: Recovering from a breakup
That post from Roissy is incredibly true and really well put. I never thought about it before but that logic applies perfectly to every break-up, and subsequent getting over of it, in my life.
Today 08:18 AM
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