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Dating advice for Interracial Asian and White couples
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jcrew247 Offline
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Dating advice for Interracial Asian and White couples
Has anyone here been in an interracial couple with a white person and asian person? Just wondering if you ever feel inadequate or lacking in confidence in the relationship? I don't really feel confident to maintain a relationship when the white woman has a higher social status and its difficult to maintain frame so to speak. Just the feeling of trying to hard to be someone that I'm not, or trying too hard to act white and maintain acceptance in that society. Perhaps its just a question of personalities if the female has an alpha personality and high standards/expectations. Or should I just try to date women with lower self-esteem and who are generally nicer and subservient. Just seeking on finding ways to maintain confidence in the relationship and keeping it going instead of her losing interest. But at the same time, I don't want to do a song and dance every time in order to keep her attention.
09-26-2019 03:06 PM
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Laner Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Dating advice for Interracial Asian and White couples
Not sure what you are getting at.

Why are you inferior to white woman? What does acting white even mean?

My wife is mixed Asian and lives in Canada, a majority white country. From what you are saying, is that she should not follow the Canadian social norms - or do follow them - in order to make me feel comfortable.

Also, not sure what you mean by white people having a higher social status. Do you mean your girl in particular, or white people in general? Because white people seem to be pretty welcoming to other people who can follow the social norms of a given place. In my experience, white people are the most likely to be happy that there are some polite, well mannered and wealthy non whites in their club.

And skip the song and dance. Women don't like monkeys no matter the race.
09-26-2019 04:21 PM
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MaceTyrell Offline
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RE: Dating advice for Interracial Asian and White couples
OP, you're honestly not going to get a good answer from here mostly due to selection bias. Lionshare of userbase here are white males, so they aren't going to fully get what you mean by your question.

I'm a black male. In my interactions with women across all races there have been shit tests, but there is a certain type of shit-test that consistently I have not gotten from black women that I have from women of other races.

Regardless, what you're getting at isn't a race thing as much as it sounds like it is a frame thing. Trying to engineer ways to "keep her interest" is going to drive you crazy. As cliche as it sounds, your best bet is to focus on yourself and what interests you. If she's there, you're happy with yourself and her. If she leaves, then you are still happy with yourself.
09-26-2019 05:57 PM
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jcrew247 Offline
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RE: Dating advice for Interracial Asian and White couples
(09-26-2019 05:57 PM)MaceTyrell Wrote:  OP, you're honestly not going to get a good answer from here mostly due to selection bias. Lionshare of userbase here are white males, so they aren't going to fully get what you mean by your question.

I'm a black male. In my interactions with women across all races there have been shit tests, but there is a certain type of shit-test that consistently I have not gotten from black women that I have from women of other races.

Regardless, what you're getting at isn't a race thing as much as it sounds like it is a frame thing. Trying to engineer ways to "keep her interest" is going to drive you crazy. As cliche as it sounds, your best bet is to focus on yourself and what interests you. If she's there, you're happy with yourself and her. If she leaves, then you are still happy with yourself.

Thanks for the advice. Yeah, its kinda like being the only Asian or Black man at the Republican convention. Its nice to be seen and accepted into the wealthy white social club, but at the same time you are being constantly judged if you do something seen as impolite or rude or culturally different or too urban or fobby. You have to act white-washed to the extreme to appease the upper social class of society, and not being accepted if you make a mistake or lose your temper.

I guess its more about culture rather than racial differences. This means finding common footing on religion, lifestyle, food, language or family values. At the same time, we all know that mixed couples deal with a great deal of racism and racist jokes, and the worst part is not being accepted by her family or her friends, and having her friends make racist jokes in order to break you up. It may be easier to have a short term fling for the female because she won't have to constantly deal with the racist comments from family or strangers. Just don't want to get into physical fights with every racist jerk on the street.
09-26-2019 06:17 PM
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mr_ks Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Dating advice for Interracial Asian and White couples
This sounds kinda depressing. I'm not white but I can tell you white anglo men try very hard and are very good at fitting in, especially the middle class types. Therefore your competition is high and also their expectations.

You will never match up and it will drive you insane to try to win at 'their' game. You are better off expressing you own identity confidently and go with the girls who respond to that.
09-26-2019 07:42 PM
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Laner Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Dating advice for Interracial Asian and White couples
(09-26-2019 06:17 PM)jcrew247 Wrote:  
(09-26-2019 05:57 PM)MaceTyrell Wrote:  OP, you're honestly not going to get a good answer from here mostly due to selection bias. Lionshare of userbase here are white males, so they aren't going to fully get what you mean by your question.

I'm a black male. In my interactions with women across all races there have been shit tests, but there is a certain type of shit-test that consistently I have not gotten from black women that I have from women of other races.

Regardless, what you're getting at isn't a race thing as much as it sounds like it is a frame thing. Trying to engineer ways to "keep her interest" is going to drive you crazy. As cliche as it sounds, your best bet is to focus on yourself and what interests you. If she's there, you're happy with yourself and her. If she leaves, then you are still happy with yourself.

Thanks for the advice. Yeah, its kinda like being the only Asian or Black man at the Republican convention. Its nice to be seen and accepted into the wealthy white social club, but at the same time you are being constantly judged if you do something seen as impolite or rude or culturally different or too urban or fobby. You have to act white-washed to the extreme to appease the upper social class of society, and not being accepted if you make a mistake or lose your temper.

I guess its more about culture rather than racial differences. This means finding common footing on religion, lifestyle, food, language or family values. At the same time, we all know that mixed couples deal with a great deal of racism and racist jokes, and the worst part is not being accepted by her family or her friends, and having her friends make racist jokes in order to break you up. It may be easier to have a short term fling for the female because she won't have to constantly deal with the racist comments from family or strangers. Just don't want to get into physical fights with every racist jerk on the street.

Seems like you have a problem bro.

All this white washed talk. Why the hate? If you don't want to be "white washed" then don't. But that means dealing with the eyeballs and sideways glances. If you truly don't care, yet still want to be with white chicks, you need to show that.

I am having a hard time believing that you deal with all this "racist" shit. I move in some pretty mixed circles and I have never experienced or heard anything "racist". Ever. People may take jabs, but that is what guys do.
09-26-2019 10:57 PM
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Jacob Rast Offline
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Post: #7
RE: Dating advice for Interracial Asian and White couples
The problem with non-diverse groups and area is that the culture is very concentrated. People are very comfortable with their own culture and will talk about things that no one else can relate to. I'm an ethnic guy and I see this all the time. When I'm around Persian people in LA we exclusively talk about Persian stuff. Persians roll in huge groups out there. I've met people who tell me that they have no clue what we're talking about when we're all around each other.

When it comes to rich whites, these guys basically are the dominant culture in a lot of places. By dominant I mean they're the most numerous in certain social scenes and are very wealthy/well set up as well. So their culture (Greek Life, sports culture, certain types of music) sets the tone for the entire space. And if you don't get what they're talking about it's impossible to relate. It's not so much racism as it is an inability to connect.

On top of that a majority will always feel more comfortable making "racist" jokes about the minority. These usually aren't done maliciously but can still be offputting for people of minority groups. For instance I've seen minority-heavy social groups shit talking whites (in a playful way, but still in a somewhat insensitive way that can hurt people's feelings). And I've seen whites playfully doing the same though of course it rubs people the wrong way. It's just a weird social dynamic I've observed.

This is why legit dating across certain cultural and racial lines can be a difficult and negative experience. I'd have no shot with a Mexican girl who is super duper into her culture and only rolls with other Mexicans. Ditto for a high status society Asian girl. I mean it would be possible and YMMV, but it's just harder than if you're a guy who is socially acceptable and who she can relate to. Casual hooking is the exception to this but if we're talking serious dating, interracial is difficult unless the girl is very open-minded and is used to being around other cultures all the time.

A lot of guys on here hate diversity...but one benefit of it is if done right, it forces everyone to meet on common ground. I have a random hodgepodge of different ethnicities at work. We're all cool with each other, we share interesting stuff about our cultures, but we never get cliquey or exclusive because we're forced to relate on common interests instead of race or culture.
09-26-2019 11:21 PM
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calwinston Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Dating advice for Interracial Asian and White couples
(09-26-2019 03:06 PM)jcrew247 Wrote:  Has anyone here been in an interracial couple with a white person and asian person? Just wondering if you ever feel inadequate or lacking in confidence in the relationship? I don't really feel confident to maintain a relationship when the white woman has a higher social status and its difficult to maintain frame so to speak. Just the feeling of trying to hard to be someone that I'm not, or trying too hard to act white and maintain acceptance in that society. Perhaps its just a question of personalities if the female has an alpha personality and high standards/expectations. Or should I just try to date women with lower self-esteem and who are generally nicer and subservient. Just seeking on finding ways to maintain confidence in the relationship and keeping it going instead of her losing interest. But at the same time, I don't want to do a song and dance every time in order to keep her attention.

Its not that serious. I am a black man that has dated many races nationalities. I could care less what other people or society thinks of my relationships. Every mixed race long term relations I had, the parents and family loved me. I must have been lucky. Just be confident in your own skin. Don't compromise on who you are. People will see that and be attracted to you.
09-26-2019 11:51 PM
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Krabbypatty Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Dating advice for Interracial Asian and White couples
Seems to be a a self-esteem issue more than anything else. I used the search function and saw many threads about self-esteem and self-improvement. OP, good luck.
(This post was last modified: 09-27-2019 02:45 AM by Krabbypatty.)
09-27-2019 01:47 AM
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RE: Dating advice for Interracial Asian and White couples
As others have noted, it seems OP has some personal issues to deal with. Just date your own race OP, and this will become much easier for you. If your head in inundated with all these SJW terms like "white washing" and
"Class" crap, then you dont have what it takes to assimilate into American (anglo) culture, let alone, date across racial lines.
09-27-2019 08:24 AM
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jcrew247 Offline
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RE: Dating advice for Interracial Asian and White couples
(09-26-2019 11:21 PM)Jacob Rast Wrote:  The problem with non-diverse groups and area is that the culture is very concentrated. People are very comfortable with their own culture and will talk about things that no one else can relate to. I'm an ethnic guy and I see this all the time. When I'm around Persian people in LA we exclusively talk about Persian stuff. Persians roll in huge groups out there. I've met people who tell me that they have no clue what we're talking about when we're all around each other.

When it comes to rich whites, these guys basically are the dominant culture in a lot of places. By dominant I mean they're the most numerous in certain social scenes and are very wealthy/well set up as well. So their culture (Greek Life, sports culture, certain types of music) sets the tone for the entire space. And if you don't get what they're talking about it's impossible to relate. It's not so much racism as it is an inability to connect.

On top of that a majority will always feel more comfortable making "racist" jokes about the minority. These usually aren't done maliciously but can still be offputting for people of minority groups. For instance I've seen minority-heavy social groups shit talking whites (in a playful way, but still in a somewhat insensitive way that can hurt people's feelings). And I've seen whites playfully doing the same though of course it rubs people the wrong way. It's just a weird social dynamic I've observed.

This is why legit dating across certain cultural and racial lines can be a difficult and negative experience. I'd have no shot with a Mexican girl who is super duper into her culture and only rolls with other Mexicans. Ditto for a high status society Asian girl. I mean it would be possible and YMMV, but it's just harder than if you're a guy who is socially acceptable and who she can relate to. Casual hooking is the exception to this but if we're talking serious dating, interracial is difficult unless the girl is very open-minded and is used to being around other cultures all the time.

A lot of guys on here hate diversity...but one benefit of it is if done right, it forces everyone to meet on common ground. I have a random hodgepodge of different ethnicities at work. We're all cool with each other, we share interesting stuff about our cultures, but we never get cliquey or exclusive because we're forced to relate on common interests instead of race or culture.

Thanks for the support and insight. This seems to be an issue that only ethnic guys can relate to. Its nice that other people believe we live in a post-racial world but that is not everyone's experience. I suppose I am seeking some more knowledge about assimilating into different cultures when dating interracially or internationally.
09-27-2019 01:42 PM
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Jacob Rast Offline
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Post: #12
RE: Dating advice for Interracial Asian and White couples
^Yeah but like I said it's not so much "racism" as it is just people relating on different levels. I was hanging out with some of my Indian buddies the other day. Normally I get along with them fine, we just talk football, sports, normal shit. These guys all of a sudden start going off about Indian politics and cultural stuff that I couldn't really relate to. It happens all the time when you get an overwhelming majority of one culture in a certain place. It's harder for different groups to relate to each other.

When it comes to racism, I've been in minority social groups where people were saying things that would probably make white people feel uncomfortable too. Add in the whole thing about relating to people and it's the same thing. Good luck being an average white dude trying to break into a rich LA Persian Jewish circle. Or even some of the super tight knit Asian (ABG) circles I see in SoCal where they've all known each other since middle school.
09-27-2019 01:50 PM
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jcrew247 Offline
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RE: Dating advice for Interracial Asian and White couples
Yeah, I think it comes down to individual personality and culture.
If you can adapt to western values and break negative racist stereotypes, then you can pass as an assimilated male.
Its just difficult breaking those negative stereotypes, especially for asian men on tinder. It might just be a language thing, where women don't think asian men speak english or are fobby immigrants, or if its different religions. The weird thing is women claim they love to travel, yet they never want to date foreign asian men, perhaps they just want the italian men.
10-01-2019 12:04 AM
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IWantSpamandEggs Offline
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Post: #14
RE: Dating advice for Interracial Asian and White couples
I am Asian and I dated a lot of white women. Honestly it isn’t even that bad. Just be yourself, even if you’re broker than broke and she is rich. Being in a relationship is more of the emotion than everything else, if she leaves you because of money, it’s either you’re terrible with money or she just wants money in which case you should’ve left her a long time ago.
10-01-2019 05:27 AM
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