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Grammaire L’Amour
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ThriceLazarus Offline
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Grammaire L’Amour
Pretentious titles out of the way, I am writing this to myself - and to illicit the assistance of others, possibly to entertain inanely - in the monumental task of putting all I’ve learned to use. It has been ten months since I parted ways with the first woman I gave myself to. Painful, yet invaluable. A treasured experience.

It has taken some time to feel right about this journey. To gather the necessary inner strength, the fortitude, to stand alone. And stand tall. I was a lowly boy and a lowly young man, and though I know I have grown honestly I am still a child.

It’s interesting, to see the swirling of human dynamics. For example, I set myself to mending the wounds of my Barra’s Princess. And from that simple act of charity a crowd drew, a few men who have become friends, another girl. It’s tricky, to tell intrasexual competition apart from genuine interest. Though I suppose one becomes the other.

This won’t be easy. I’ll get knocked down, beat up, torn up. That’s life. I hope that I can listen, and roll with the punches.

Fuck digital dating. I spent 28 years in relative isolation, a chunk of that in desolation. I want living, breathing people - not avatars. Some of these snapchat filters are terrifying.

What proceeds will be my blind groping, trying to reconcile my particular morals and personally precious beliefs with the insane culture of Southern California. To walk the City of Fallen Angels.

The Character Sheet
Race: Middle Eastern/European American
Age: 32
Height: 6’3”
Weight: 222.2 pounds
Experience: basic social circle game
Notch Count: 1

I’ve been described as handsome, begrudgingly by men and coyly by women. Unfortunately, or perhaps blessedly, I’m still the same person I was when I was 420 pounds. I was in him, he is in me. As such, developing any sense of entitlement - with regards to being loved, being desired - has been difficult. Only recently has it begun to make logical sense for another to be attracted to me. A seemingly hard pill to swallow: that self-improvement works.

I need to expose myself to the nightlife and put in the reps. Though Roosh recommended a focus on one or the other, I need to see who I am under city lights. To Know. I have always been the quintessential home-body. As such, I need to create the habit of spending two nights out a week. Preferably a weeknight exploring some portion of this Babylonian mess, setting roots in places worth being, and another amidst a throng of animals in revelry. I have always wanted to dance, and now 200 pounds lighter I can.

At the same time, 10 approaches under the Sun are a necessity each week - I am tired of being impotent and imprisoned in my day to day life. This is not about notches, about getting the girl, or even finding my wife. This begins as a journey of self discovery.

It’ll be a while before I’m banned for hinting at hookups, I can’t even flirt right yet.

Cheers, Brothers.
09-28-2019 12:33 AM
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tomzestatlu Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Grammaire L’Amour
Good luck bro.
You already know what is important for you.
09-28-2019 11:48 AM
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ThriceLazarus Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Grammaire L’Amour
Thank you Brother, I’ll need it. I have precious little personal experience in this realm - it’s only recent that I’ve felt ready. I’m building from the bottom, with no real guide to show me how it’s done. Perhaps if I flounder long enough some LA local will take pity on me, mentor me. Though I am excited to piece it together myself.

A few attempts to connect these last few days. I don’t particularly seek out these women, I am instead trying to notice opportunity. Side-long glances, flipping hair, lingering too close to a man like myself.

My figure is imposing, tyrranical - by that I mean it invokes the Tyrannosaurus Rex. Door for a core, tree trunk legs, I’ve always had small arms. My look is dark, oak hair, walnut eyes, olive skin. I can feel a woman’s trepidation, and regardless of how jovial or boisterous or kind I am it still lingers. It is entirely possible that I need to embrace this side of myself - to play the character they’ve already painted me as.

I can’t seem to pull these women out of their digital dreams. There’s the flitting eye-contact, licking lips, twirling twines of hair. They’re all so submissive, compliant, yet they offer nothing - diving back into their screens the moment they have the chance. Yet, so easily pulled back.

I am not perturbed. I spent half a decade in isolation, my social skills are still shaky at times. Truthfully, all of these interactions feel fake - something inside me is telling me, nagging, that I’m not being true to myself. There’s something chomping at the bit, biting it’s tongue to hold back cutting teases and deriding stares. I may need to stare into the abyss, to coax it to stare back...

Or, just as likely, these women are broken. Their bodies are playing by the script, but their minds are plugged into a matrix, their souls lost.

Next week I’ll visit my Brother’s bar, to test those waters. A single’s mixer at a club next Saturday, the first chance I’ll have to take this body out for a spin since I’ve cultivated some capability - some gong fu. And of course, be as social as I can in the interim.
09-29-2019 02:42 PM
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ThriceLazarus Offline
Robin
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Post: #4
RE: Grammaire L’Amour
Ah. To chop wood and carry water.

A few approaches here and there - at the grocery store, when grabbing lunch, after jiujitsu. I may be nearing 10 - I don’t really care enough to count. The interactions go well, so to speak. There is a problem I am having though.

I don’t know how to lead anywhere but the end. I have little experience in dating considering my age, few opportunities to practice. Further still... I don’t care. I don’t want these women in my life, in fact, I don’t really want to do anything aside from train and hone my craft. I imagine that this feeling is sub-communicated through various subtle tells, subconsciously transmitted.

That is good. I am not in this for notches.

To speak of training, tonight is the first day in the week I haven’t sunk 4 hours into jiujitsu on top of a full shift. I haven’t managed to make it out, I don’t think I will. There is a time for it, I feel if I could find others to at least rendezvous with during the night that would drag me out of my cave. Most of my friends are married now, working hard, home-bodies.

As an aside, I’d just read that the most common female pornographic fantasies (literary, of course) are:

1. Vampire
2. Werewolf
3. Billionaire
4. Surgeon
5. Pirate

#Goals
(This post was last modified: 10-04-2019 07:07 PM by ThriceLazarus.)
10-04-2019 07:02 PM
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ThriceLazarus Offline
Robin
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Post: #5
RE: Grammaire L’Amour
A thought occurs. It is a necessary reframing - to heal old, stark wounds.

The Shit Test: generally thought to be a power-play by the woman to assert dominance (which is as subversion) over the man. A parallel perception, concurrent to the conception above...

She is testing fitness.

“If you cannot stand up to me, if you cannot control me, if you cannot put me down, to set the right wind at my back, to effortlessly and playfully disarm me, then you certainly won’t be able to do the same for our children...”

Food for thought. As an aside; bad poetry: behind blue there is red/red painted black/white within/blue begins.
(This post was last modified: 10-22-2019 05:39 AM by ThriceLazarus.)
10-22-2019 05:35 AM
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ThriceLazarus Offline
Robin
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Posts: 193
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Post: #6
RE: Grammaire L’Amour
I am a coward.

My wife left me with that when she left me. She is right. I cannot bring myself to bare. I cannot lead. I cannot let my affections be known. I cast myself as a friend again, again, and again. I’m afraid. Afraid of being hurt. I am a sensitive man. Soft. I hurt myself on these women so quickly, so easily.

“These girls so sweet, starts off like a story/It always ends up bad, I always end up sorry”

Afraid to ask for a number. Afraid to make a date. Afraid to hold hands - no euphemism there. Terrified of holding hands... Pathetic.

A deeply ingrained pattern.

I have rarely ever been drunk. I may need to feel what it’s like to just not give a fuck, in order to imitate that state when sober. Ridiculous...
11-06-2019 06:16 PM
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