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KingCorfu Offline
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Fatherhood Thread
Further to the suggestion to open a thread on fatherhood I would like start one.

I have married a girl from a neighbouring village whom I went to school with. We are both the same age and have a two year old with our second child due before Christmas. I am in my very early thirties.

For me being a father has been a very important part of my personal development:

1. It has given me roots into my local community which I was starting to loose
2. It has renewed and made stronger the ties with my family and wife
3. It brought me into regular church attendance and led me to take my faith seriously (coinciding with the trend of this forum on which I lurk heavily)
4. It has given me immense pleasure and happiness
5. It has given a lot of meaning to my life and I get a lot of satisfaction in providing for my wife and children

I would do it all again if given a chance, however their have definitely been some downsides.

1. It has significantly reduced my personal options for travel, career, lifestyle choices etc
2. It has significantly and negatively effected my sex life with my wife (perhaps made worse by my wife currently being 8 months pregnant)
3. I am now not the most important person in my life (something which as time goes on I am seeing more as a positive but it was definitely a shock to me to begin with)
4. It has made me very cautious and responsible. I have stopped or significantly reduced the amount of personal and professional risks I have historically taken. I don’t currently have a motorbike.
5. It has made me acutely aware of my environment and how much I am going to struggle to bring my children up with the traditional English upbringing that my wife and I both enjoyed and benefited from. I am quite angry about this and don’t know what to do about it.

I would be interested in hearing how fatherhood has affected others on this forum both positively and negatively as well as any ways to avoid any potholes.
10-04-2019 11:34 AM
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BlastbeatCasanova Offline
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RE: Fatherhood Thread
Appreciate the honesty about the downsides
10-04-2019 11:40 AM
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MajorStyles Offline
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RE: Fatherhood Thread
(10-04-2019 11:34 AM)KingCorfu Wrote:  1. It has significantly reduced my personal options for travel, career, lifestyle choices etc
2. It has significantly and negatively effected my sex life with my wife (perhaps made worse by my wife currently being 8 months pregnant)

My wife has a placenta previa when she was pregnant with our second child: this means that the child is lying very low. Long story short, we were advised to not have sex during this time because I could penetrate the placenta.

Imagine going nine months without sex with your wife. Moreover, she was very irritable during this time because a low-lying baby is more uncomfortable. That was the most difficult stretch of our marriage.

Long story short, if we were much younger, we would not have lasted through that tough stretch. But since we were both a bit older, we were able to weather the storm and now everything is fine. Also, having some time in together (five years prior to that situation) allowed us to build up the necessary backstory that is required to weather such a challenge.

"Action still preserves for us a hope that we may stand erect." - Thucydides (from History of the Peloponnesian War)
10-04-2019 07:00 PM
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king bast Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Fatherhood Thread
Quote:For me being a father has been a very important part of my personal development

You're not wrong. If i had to sum up the meaning of life in one sentence, it would be "to create new life".

Sadly, even among those who have taken the red pill, something so simple, so intrinsic to the human experience, now needs to be spruiked to a skeptical market. Problem is, nobody else cares if you choose to have a stake in the future or not.

The future belongs to those who create it, so you can conjure excuses why its all too hard to do what you were put on this earth to do, biologically speaking, or you can man up and be a part of it. The choice is yours.
10-05-2019 02:45 AM
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NoMoreTO Offline
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RE: Fatherhood Thread
(10-05-2019 02:45 AM)king bast Wrote:  
Quote:For me being a father has been a very important part of my personal development

You're not wrong. If i had to sum up the meaning of life in one sentence, it would be "to create new life".

Sadly, even among those who have taken the red pill, something so simple, so intrinsic to the human experience, now needs to be spruiked to a skeptical market. Problem is, nobody else cares if you choose to have a stake in the future or not.

The future belongs to those who create it, so you can conjure excuses why its all too hard to do what you were put on this earth to do, biologically speaking, or you can man up and be a part of it. The choice is yours.

My brother who has 4 kids echoes this often. He says things like "I have a stake in this world, because my children will be living in it".

It is something many politicians use also, and it seems to be a universally accepted truth.

When we look at the degenerate left - aging feminists, LGBT, Green Eco Warriors, Globalist leaders like Sarkozy and Merkel, its easy to see how their beliefs in building a strong society can be questioned. We also see this with a lot of manosphere playboys with loads of talent who are not building anything because they do not have families.

On a personal note, I went through this myself working a corporate job and building a career. When my financial situation stabilized in my 30s, I began to think, what am I even working for ? Getting the good job should be part and parcel with supporting your family, fulfilling your kids dreams. The ground has shifted under us with feminism, but lets not make excuses.

Having a direct link to the future brings conviction with it. Why fight a war today, when you will be gone tomorrow.

Props to all the Fathers out there. Nowadays the focus is on being the 'Dad', yes the loving guy who teaches you how to ride a bike, and takes you to practice is important. Men must also be Fathers, heads of the household, authoritative, hard working, strong in will and morals. Teaching their boys what manhood is and giving their daughters the confidence to be pure , good, and humble. It seems fatherhood is being pushed aside for Dad jokes.

“Where the danger is, so grows the saving element.” ~ German poet Hoelderlin
10-05-2019 06:51 PM
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Leonard D Neubache Offline
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RE: Fatherhood Thread
Threads like these are difficult because people without kids really just don't get it. I didn't until I made the conscious decision to become a father and despite all the hardships my wife and I have endured I would never for a second choose the bachelor life over bringing my kids into this world.

For anyone asking "why kids", ask why birds don't simply piss off after mating and leave their eggs to freeze in the nest or ignore the hungry chicks when they hatch while keeping all their spoils for themselves.

It cannot be rationalized with a shallowly transactional mind.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
(This post was last modified: 10-06-2019 05:19 AM by Leonard D Neubache.)
10-06-2019 05:18 AM
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d'Aversa Offline
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RE: Fatherhood Thread
(10-06-2019 05:18 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  Threads like these are difficult because people without kids really just don't get it. I didn't until I made the conscious decision to become a father and despite all the hardships my wife and I have endured I would never for a second choose the bachelor life over bringing my kids into this world.

For anyone asking "why kids", ask why birds don't simply piss off after mating and leave their eggs to freeze in the nest or ignore the hungry chicks when they hatch while keeping all their spoils for themselves.

It cannot be rationalized with a shallowly transactional mind.

In a different thread, I wrote:
https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-74193.html
dAversa Wrote:Whenever I think about it, I shudder. Not just about the responsibilities, the burden and the perspective - just the times we live in. I just cannot think of a way to shape the child into someone I wish I was made, back when I was a kid, and someone I'm trying my best to become. I just can't do it, being only one person against the entirety of the world, the media, the society in big and small scope.

The woman that is idolized here (and rightfully so) is extremely rare. I don't doubt that many men have either found one or made one by the sheer force of their will, dominance and skill, but it's hard to doubt that the virtues we all want to see in mothers are vanishing from the world. And, risking being seen as a coward or a weak man, it looks pretty overwhelming. By trying to be the domineering force in your household you go against your woman's friends, the overwhelmingly feminized society, the government and social workers (who go far and beyond to ensure the "women's rights), and the internet with its temptations and corruption. Taking away her phone, cutting her off the internet and separating her from friends, even if the effects are satisfying, could be seen as criminal offenses in many parts of the world and be considered taking away someone's freedom - even if the cause is exactly opposite. Not even saying that never being able to rest, even at your own home, never showing weaknesses, always being in control, thinking of every possibility - a task worthy of Sisyphus. All of that only to maintain an island of stability amidst the sea of insanity.

But let's assume that the ideal foundations are laid, and then the child comes to play. Dismissing all the issues connected to finances, housing, health etc. we're facing plethora of issues again. The kid is reaching school age, and for 8-10 hours a day its naive mind faces the world where the odds are stacked against it. From the early age it will face constant indoctrination. Not every country's education system is terrible (or at least as bad as the US), but most share the same traits, like the feminized staff. All the teachers I could remember from school, for merit, charisma or talent, were male. Another issue is internet, computers and phones. Ideally a young child would be shielded from those - kids I see are constantly glued to their phones, heads bent down so they can't even see their surroundings. They play retarded video games and talk about nothing else. And yes, there are non-retarded games, but I struggle to recall a popular brand that would classify. But try to take them away from a kid, or never give them one. They'll get ostracized at school for "being poor" or "being a weirdo", will hate their parents because "why can't I have what other kids have?", and ultimately rebel - and there goes your teaching and bonding. Well, there's homeschooling, and it's a valid alternative, no matter what dumb soccer moms are saying on facebook. Though, it puts another strain on the already overworked parent, or his budget by hiring private tutors. And regardless of the efforts, it all might be in vain; a clever kid might need a college degree, and the Marxists are hard at work to pollute the fertile ground of young minds.

t's all a gamble, and one you wouldn't ever take at a casino, where every possible odds are stacked against you. You either toe the line, let your kid be and let it be shaped by the schools, peers and constantly degenerating society, struggling for every moment together and fighting to pass at least some principles - or you create an outcast, willingly or not, someone who will be ridiculed no matter the spiritual and mental superiority, no matter how better education you might be able to provide in safer, more familial environment. Or, at worst, you fail ultimately and you create a rebel, who feels better outside.

How did you deal with these issues?
10-06-2019 06:41 AM
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Polniy_Sostav Offline
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RE: Fatherhood Thread
(10-04-2019 11:34 AM)KingCorfu Wrote:  Further to the suggestion to open a thread on fatherhood I would like start one.

I have married a girl from a neighbouring village whom I went to school with. We are both the same age and have a two year old with our second child due before Christmas. I am in my very early thirties.

For me being a father has been a very important part of my personal development:

1. It has given me roots into my local community which I was starting to loose
2. It has renewed and made stronger the ties with my family and wife
3. It brought me into regular church attendance and led me to take my faith seriously (coinciding with the trend of this forum on which I lurk heavily)
4. It has given me immense pleasure and happiness
5. It has given a lot of meaning to my life and I get a lot of satisfaction in providing for my wife and children

I would do it all again if given a chance, however their have definitely been some downsides.

1. It has significantly reduced my personal options for travel, career, lifestyle choices etc
2. It has significantly and negatively effected my sex life with my wife (perhaps made worse by my wife currently being 8 months pregnant)
3. I am now not the most important person in my life (something which as time goes on I am seeing more as a positive but it was definitely a shock to me to begin with)
4. It has made me very cautious and responsible. I have stopped or significantly reduced the amount of personal and professional risks I have historically taken. I don’t currently have a motorbike.
5. It has made me acutely aware of my environment and how much I am going to struggle to bring my children up with the traditional English upbringing that my wife and I both enjoyed and benefited from. I am quite angry about this and don’t know what to do about it.

I would be interested in hearing how fatherhood has affected others on this forum both positively and negatively as well as any ways to avoid any potholes.

I will not elaborate on my personal case , the points you have raised are 80% similar to yours and it would not bring anything to the debate.

But one thing I don't understand is your negative point number 3 (highlighted in bold)
I think this is a blessing , and it is one of the reasons why I am so happy to have many kids.
Not being the most important person in your life means that you can fully focus on making the world greater around you and in priority in your immediate vecinity (kids , wife etc) . As long as you find the balance between your personal time and your time for family ( I maybe have 2 hours for myself per week + half an hour here and there per day) you should not see the time spent caring about your kids or wife as lost time. This is time you invest in the future , and somehow , without being arrogant , to humanity.

You dedicate your time to build the future by partially building it through the development of the next generation.

Shaping a moral frame for the future to the ones who will care about you when you get older is much more noble than having unlimited time for yourself and satisfy your little egotistic lifestyle .

Just keep one hobby , something which will be keeping you "alert" for all life , and this is enough.

Living for others is definitely a great thing. I kindly ask you to look at it this way.
(This post was last modified: 10-06-2019 09:18 AM by Polniy_Sostav.)
10-06-2019 09:13 AM
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RE: Fatherhood Thread
(10-06-2019 05:18 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  Threads like these are difficult because people without kids really just don't get it. I didn't until I made the conscious decision to become a father and despite all the hardships my wife and I have endured I would never for a second choose the bachelor life over bringing my kids into this world.

For anyone asking "why kids", ask why birds don't simply piss off after mating and leave their eggs to freeze in the nest or ignore the hungry chicks when they hatch while keeping all their spoils for themselves.

It cannot be rationalized with a shallowly transactional mind.

Very true. In my opinion the key item in OP's list is "I am now not the most important person in my life." When I was a young single guy meandering through Latin America and Eastern Europe I'd have imagined such a thing with horror. Even when I got lucky and met a good, much younger girl when I was already middle aged and decided to get married and have kids, I was mostly doing it out of fear of dying alone and figured I was making this big sacrifice and that it would be very hard to have children, because that's what the world tells you. Turns out that now that I have children and they are the most important thing in my life, my life is not only more meaningful, but also much more enjoyable than it would be if I were still on my own.

Feminism in ten words: "Stop objectifying women! Can't you see I've hit the wall?" -Leonard D Neubache
10-06-2019 09:36 AM
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RE: Fatherhood Thread
(10-06-2019 09:13 AM)Polniy_Sostav Wrote:  Just keep one hobby , something which will be keeping you "alert" for all life , and this is enough.

Living for others is definitely a great thing. I kindly ask you to look at it this way.

I wake up hours before my wife and kids and lift weights or do yoga. Once a week I practice my Russian online with a tutor in Ukraine. I'd love to have a lot of time to read or watch movies like I did when I was single, but I find that those two hours or so of sipping my preworkout and reading through this forum and other dissident right websites, then working out are all the time to myself I need. Maintaining my Russian is enough as far as intellectual development goes.

Like you say, I find that it's great having kids and having their well-being be more important than your own, as much I'd have never imagined that when I was single. I certainly wouldn't trade what I have now for more time to myself.

Feminism in ten words: "Stop objectifying women! Can't you see I've hit the wall?" -Leonard D Neubache
10-06-2019 11:12 AM
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RE: Fatherhood Thread
(10-06-2019 06:41 AM)dAversa Wrote:  
(10-06-2019 05:18 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  Threads like these are difficult because people without kids really just don't get it. I didn't until I made the conscious decision to become a father and despite all the hardships my wife and I have endured I would never for a second choose the bachelor life over bringing my kids into this world.

For anyone asking "why kids", ask why birds don't simply piss off after mating and leave their eggs to freeze in the nest or ignore the hungry chicks when they hatch while keeping all their spoils for themselves.

It cannot be rationalized with a shallowly transactional mind.

In a different thread, I wrote:
https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-74193.html
dAversa Wrote:Whenever I think about it, I shudder. Not just about the responsibilities, the burden and the perspective - just the times we live in. I just cannot think of a way to shape the child into someone I wish I was made, back when I was a kid, and someone I'm trying my best to become. I just can't do it, being only one person against the entirety of the world, the media, the society in big and small scope.

The woman that is idolized here (and rightfully so) is extremely rare. I don't doubt that many men have either found one or made one by the sheer force of their will, dominance and skill, but it's hard to doubt that the virtues we all want to see in mothers are vanishing from the world. And, risking being seen as a coward or a weak man, it looks pretty overwhelming. By trying to be the domineering force in your household you go against your woman's friends, the overwhelmingly feminized society, the government and social workers (who go far and beyond to ensure the "women's rights), and the internet with its temptations and corruption. Taking away her phone, cutting her off the internet and separating her from friends, even if the effects are satisfying, could be seen as criminal offenses in many parts of the world and be considered taking away someone's freedom - even if the cause is exactly opposite. Not even saying that never being able to rest, even at your own home, never showing weaknesses, always being in control, thinking of every possibility - a task worthy of Sisyphus. All of that only to maintain an island of stability amidst the sea of insanity.

But let's assume that the ideal foundations are laid, and then the child comes to play. Dismissing all the issues connected to finances, housing, health etc. we're facing plethora of issues again. The kid is reaching school age, and for 8-10 hours a day its naive mind faces the world where the odds are stacked against it. From the early age it will face constant indoctrination. Not every country's education system is terrible (or at least as bad as the US), but most share the same traits, like the feminized staff. All the teachers I could remember from school, for merit, charisma or talent, were male. Another issue is internet, computers and phones. Ideally a young child would be shielded from those - kids I see are constantly glued to their phones, heads bent down so they can't even see their surroundings. They play retarded video games and talk about nothing else. And yes, there are non-retarded games, but I struggle to recall a popular brand that would classify. But try to take them away from a kid, or never give them one. They'll get ostracized at school for "being poor" or "being a weirdo", will hate their parents because "why can't I have what other kids have?", and ultimately rebel - and there goes your teaching and bonding. Well, there's homeschooling, and it's a valid alternative, no matter what dumb soccer moms are saying on facebook. Though, it puts another strain on the already overworked parent, or his budget by hiring private tutors. And regardless of the efforts, it all might be in vain; a clever kid might need a college degree, and the Marxists are hard at work to pollute the fertile ground of young minds.

t's all a gamble, and one you wouldn't ever take at a casino, where every possible odds are stacked against you. You either toe the line, let your kid be and let it be shaped by the schools, peers and constantly degenerating society, struggling for every moment together and fighting to pass at least some principles - or you create an outcast, willingly or not, someone who will be ridiculed no matter the spiritual and mental superiority, no matter how better education you might be able to provide in safer, more familial environment. Or, at worst, you fail ultimately and you create a rebel, who feels better outside.

How did you deal with these issues?

First I pity my still non-existing kids for having to raise their kids in that next gen clown world chaos 20-40 years from now, while I still enjoyed some kind of working logistics and peace.

There is a recipe: Spam them with as many children as possible. Indoctrination and uprooting works best on children without siblings with both parents in the workfarce.
10-06-2019 02:50 PM
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KingCorfu Offline
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Post: #12
RE: Fatherhood Thread
I wrote that not being the most important person in my life was a downside to begin with and took a lot/is taking a lot for me to overcome.

I am not a saint and knowing something is true/ the right thing to do/ is good for me doesn’t always result in the correct course of action. My faith helps me with this but I am not going to virtue signal by saying all the correct things you are meant to say about being a father (something very prevalent amongst my local peers).

Putting my own family (wife and children) ahead of myself is the main driver of my personal development. This forum and my other readings have saved me from disappearing completely down the beta bux provider rabbit hole which I can now see is a very cunning trap.

I am struggling to find the balance between giving to my family (time, resource, energy etc.) and giving to myself as an investment to give more to my family in the future.

For example gym time takes away some mornings with my family but will keep my wife attracted to me, keep me fit to play with my children and also help me protect my home.

Two years in I think finding the time to be selfish and the time to be selfless is the dividing line between being a dad and being a father.

I want to be a father.
10-07-2019 09:15 AM
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