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Leaving your girlfriend to chase the girl of your dreams - Chasing unicorns
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LoveBug Offline
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Post: #26
RE: Leaving your girlfriend to chase the girl of your dreams - Chasing unicorns
The reason I believe in “soul mates”, is because IMO my parents were, and that was the model inculcated in my brain coming up. I don’t know the households y’all grew up in, but my parents from my vantage were pretty much made for each other. No abuse or drama. Always minimal chance of divorce. My dad was the only serious relationship my mom ever had, and even as he died when she was 60 would never contemplate dating another guy. My dad was a bit of a player, and had a lot going for him as a big time lawyer, but when he met my mom when he was in his mid 20s, it was over for him with dating again.

For me, the concept of marriage isn’t out of convenience, but it’s out of honor. My wife, is like a reflection of how I view myself, and I have a high intrinsic ego. I take relationships dead serious. And again, as a loner with no need for kids, my leverage isn’t close to the same as the typical guys, or the OPs. I’m not trying to advise the OP, I thought it was a bit of an open question. But maybe I have the format of the forum wrong.
10-08-2019 10:42 PM
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TheRealAssanova Offline
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Post: #27
RE: Leaving your girlfriend to chase the girl of your dreams - Chasing unicorns
Stick with it. Lost the girl of my dreams once. Not worth it. It's boring sticking with one girl, but still worth it if she is the girl of your dreams.
10-14-2019 11:44 PM
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bucky Offline
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Post: #28
RE: Leaving your girlfriend to chase the girl of your dreams - Chasing unicorns
(10-06-2019 05:20 PM)BlastbeatCasanova Wrote:  I misread the title - I thought it said "leaving your girlfriend to chase your dreams" - would've liked to hear some older guys' takes on that.

I did that. Had a good, Christian girl who was marriage material when I was in my twenties. Wasted years of her time being indecisive about settling down and finally left her to go out and see the world. I did the right thing in not marrying her but I regret wasting her time and creating an alpha widow. Often when I'd feel unhappy about the way women treated me when I was single, I'd remember her and that I probably deserved it.

Feminism in ten words: "Stop objectifying women! Can't you see I've hit the wall?" -Leonard D Neubache
10-15-2019 12:07 AM
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questor70 Offline
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Post: #29
RE: Leaving your girlfriend to chase the girl of your dreams - Chasing unicorns
(10-06-2019 01:08 PM)wwtl Wrote:  You meet someone compatible, who is fertile, you vet each other and engage. You love her, she respects you and you create babies. She cares for them, you provide for them and you both love them until they grew up and the cycle starts again.
That's the story, everything else is icing on the cake. *

* Like the inevitable divorce-rape after she feels you've outlived your usefulness? If you really do rush forward in life with this naive attitude you're in for a rude awakening.

(10-08-2019 10:42 PM)LoveBug Wrote:  I don’t know the households y’all grew up in

My parents are still married and retired in Florida. Sounds great, huh? Well, one of the last times I was on the phone with them my mom called my dad an asshole for not rushing to help her with leg cramps. That sort of thing will black-pill anybody.
(This post was last modified: 10-16-2019 11:22 PM by questor70.)
10-16-2019 11:20 PM
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BlastbeatCasanova Offline
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Post: #30
RE: Leaving your girlfriend to chase the girl of your dreams - Chasing unicorns
(10-08-2019 11:59 AM)wwtl Wrote:  As this is a Christian forum, I can tell you that there is simply no point in dating non-believers.

I looked everywhere but for the life of me I couldn't find where it said that RVF is a "Christian forum."

(10-15-2019 12:07 AM)bucky Wrote:  
(10-06-2019 05:20 PM)BlastbeatCasanova Wrote:  I misread the title - I thought it said "leaving your girlfriend to chase your dreams" - would've liked to hear some older guys' takes on that.

I did that. Had a good, Christian girl who was marriage material when I was in my twenties. Wasted years of her time being indecisive about settling down and finally left her to go out and see the world. I did the right thing in not marrying her but I regret wasting her time and creating an alpha widow. Often when I'd feel unhappy about the way women treated me when I was single, I'd remember her and that I probably deserved it.

Interesting, sent you a PM.
10-17-2019 10:06 AM
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antman333 Offline
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Post: #31
RE: Leaving your girlfriend to chase the girl of your dreams - Chasing unicorns
(10-17-2019 10:06 AM)BlastbeatCasanova Wrote:  
(10-08-2019 11:59 AM)wwtl Wrote:  As this is a Christian forum, I can tell you that there is simply no point in dating non-believers.

I looked everywhere but for the life of me I couldn't find where it said that RVF is a "Christian forum."

+1

Roosh himself has encouraged people to discuss their own beliefs on the forum. The forum falls within the parameters of christianity, but there's no reason to expect everyone to live within those parameters.
10-18-2019 02:40 PM
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66Scorpio Offline
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Post: #32
RE: Leaving your girlfriend to chase the girl of your dreams - Chasing unicorns
This sort of questions leads to various time travel movies.

The only thing that surprises me is that our protagonist says he is early 30s. I encountered the same issue in my early 20s and decided that my personal freedom to explore the world was more important than a particular woman.

It took me another 30 years to find a woman even approaching her quality.

I figure it all worked out and now I have a beautiful wife who is 18 years younger and a beautiful daughter who is just past one month old.

I stumbled upon my ex's Facebook page a few years ago: she has stuck it out for 20+ years of marriage and has two beautiful daughters (who, apparently, get their looks only from their mother) with some midwest banker type. That was what she wanted but that was not what I was at that time.

I could have had that: a stable almost Norman Rockwell life but I said no. The next few years draws from a Simpsons Episode: I'm going to law school.

I could have been with an R9.5 woman but instead I travelled the world, spent time in the military, started by own game design business and then went to law school, and now teach overseas.

It is just a thought experiment. And I don't want to engage in debates about whether my choices were the "best". Not marrying my ex and marrying my current wife was best for me: to say otherwise would be to talk to a different person in a different timeline.

This is totally anecdotal rather than my fact-and-form sort of post but that is because the decision to stick with your present GF or to keep searching is a totally one-off consideration.
10-18-2019 03:51 PM
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MaceTyrell Offline
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Post: #33
RE: Leaving your girlfriend to chase the girl of your dreams - Chasing unicorns
(10-18-2019 03:51 PM)66Scorpio Wrote:  This sort of questions leads to various time travel movies.

The only thing that surprises me is that our protagonist says he is early 30s. I encountered the same issue in my early 20s and decided that my personal freedom to explore the world was more important than a particular woman.

It took me another 30 years to find a woman even approaching her quality.

I figure it all worked out and now I have a beautiful wife who is 18 years younger and a beautiful daughter who is just past one month old.

I stumbled upon my ex's Facebook page a few years ago: she has stuck it out for 20+ years of marriage and has two beautiful daughters (who, apparently, get their looks only from their mother) with some midwest banker type. That was what she wanted but that was not what I was at that time.

I could have had that: a stable almost Norman Rockwell life but I said no. The next few years draws from a Simpsons Episode: I'm going to law school.

I could have been with an R9.5 woman but instead I travelled the world, spent time in the military, started by own game design business and then went to law school, and now teach overseas.

It is just a thought experiment. And I don't want to engage in debates about whether my choices were the "best". Not marrying my ex and marrying my current wife was best for me: to say otherwise would be to talk to a different person in a different timeline.

This is totally anecdotal rather than my fact-and-form sort of post but that is because the decision to stick with your present GF or to keep searching is a totally one-off consideration.

Bolded spoke to me.
10-18-2019 06:07 PM
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66Scorpio Offline
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Post: #34
RE: Leaving your girlfriend to chase the girl of your dreams - Chasing unicorns
(10-18-2019 06:07 PM)MaceTyrell Wrote:  
(10-18-2019 03:51 PM)66Scorpio Wrote:  It took me another 30 years to find a woman even approaching her quality.

Bolded spoke to me.

That is the fuck of it: in your early 20s you don't know shit. Again, it all worked out for me and I take nothing back and have no regrets.

But I think "girl of your dreams" rhetoric is a bit much. If you really see some flaw in your GF then dump her and move on.

That was not my case. But in terms of finding a lifemate, I had a number of smoking hot crazy GFs until I found my wife. That extra 30 years really allowed me to clarify what "girl of my dreams" was, in a practical and personal sense.

My wife approached me online, we chatted for two months and after the first night we spent together I asked her to marry me.
10-19-2019 01:35 AM
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bucky Offline
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Post: #35
RE: Leaving your girlfriend to chase the girl of your dreams - Chasing unicorns
(10-19-2019 01:35 AM)66Scorpio Wrote:  
(10-18-2019 06:07 PM)MaceTyrell Wrote:  
(10-18-2019 03:51 PM)66Scorpio Wrote:  It took me another 30 years to find a woman even approaching her quality.

Bolded spoke to me.

That is the fuck of it: in your early 20s you don't know shit. Again, it all worked out for me and I take nothing back and have no regrets.

But I think "girl of your dreams" rhetoric is a bit much. If you really see some flaw in your GF then dump her and move on.

That was not my case. But in terms of finding a lifemate, I had a number of smoking hot crazy GFs until I found my wife. That extra 30 years really allowed me to clarify what "girl of my dreams" was, in a practical and personal sense.

My wife approached me online, we chatted for two months and after the first night we spent together I asked her to marry me.

Can I ask how long you've been married and if you have children? I'm always amazed when marriages between people who barely know each other work out. I knew my wife for years before we got married and I still agonized over the decision because as great as she is I wasn't sure I wanted to be married again.

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10-19-2019 08:31 AM
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Zenta Offline
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Post: #36
RE: Leaving your girlfriend to chase the girl of your dreams - Chasing unicorns
(10-19-2019 08:31 AM)bucky Wrote:  
(10-19-2019 01:35 AM)66Scorpio Wrote:  
(10-18-2019 06:07 PM)MaceTyrell Wrote:  
(10-18-2019 03:51 PM)66Scorpio Wrote:  It took me another 30 years to find a woman even approaching her quality.

Bolded spoke to me.

That is the fuck of it: in your early 20s you don't know shit. Again, it all worked out for me and I take nothing back and have no regrets.

But I think "girl of your dreams" rhetoric is a bit much. If you really see some flaw in your GF then dump her and move on.

That was not my case. But in terms of finding a lifemate, I had a number of smoking hot crazy GFs until I found my wife. That extra 30 years really allowed me to clarify what "girl of my dreams" was, in a practical and personal sense.

My wife approached me online, we chatted for two months and after the first night we spent together I asked her to marry me.

Can I ask how long you've been married and if you have children? I'm always amazed when marriages between people who barely know each other work out. I knew my wife for years before we got married and I still agonized over the decision because as great as she is I wasn't sure I wanted to be married again.

Thats kinda my thing too. I had an 8 year relationship before, it takes a while to get to know someone. A lot of people on here parrot the if you don't marry her in one year and put a baby in her then you're not serious and shes going to branch swing etc. If I did that to any of my relationships after I'd be in a world of hurt as a single parent with different kids to different moms.

Now thats not always the case but none of these scenarios have firm answers like that. Maybe with the right person you can marry them in under a year and baby them up sure, but for a large majority thats just going to end bad.
10-19-2019 01:13 PM
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zatara Offline
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Post: #37
RE: Leaving your girlfriend to chase the girl of your dreams - Chasing unicorns
(10-19-2019 01:13 PM)Zenta Wrote:  Thats kinda my thing too. I had an 8 year relationship before, it takes a while to get to know someone. A lot of people on here parrot the if you don't marry her in one year and put a baby in her then you're not serious and shes going to branch swing etc. If I did that to any of my relationships after I'd be in a world of hurt as a single parent with different kids to different moms.

Now thats not always the case but none of these scenarios have firm answers like that. Maybe with the right person you can marry them in under a year and baby them up sure, but for a large majority thats just going to end bad.

Dating a girl for a year, and then living with them for a year, are the absolute minimum you need to truly know someone and assess what they'll be like as a long term partner.

Even if a girl seems great to be around when you're dating them, its only when you live with them that you see their real self. How they deal with life when they're sick, when work is stressful, on a cold wintery Tuesday in February. Its far easier for anyone (male or female) to present their best self when they're only doing prearranged dates a few times a week, when it suits them emotionally/logistically.

Nobody buys a car without a test drive, committing to a 50 year marriage without one is even stupider.
10-20-2019 07:05 AM
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Polniy_Sostav Offline
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Post: #38
RE: Leaving your girlfriend to chase the girl of your dreams - Chasing unicorns
If it can help , I wrote to my wife around 2 years before to physically meet her. I had time to discuss with her about every single topic I could possibly bring.
Of course she was young and not from West Europe , but in general I am a bit surprised at how many men (and women ) choose their partners.

How can you be with someone for so many years and think that "she is not what you want" ?

It does not make any sense. Yes people change over the time , but you should be able to see it. Also at your age you must have a kid and be married otherwise these relations are meaningless ( unless one of you is fertile).

I second wwtl when he says that meeting non-believers is a waste of time.

My wife and me have never part of a church when we met but we both had a clear view of what 's right to do according to christianity (Catholic and Orthodox in my case , it might be harder if protestant).

No abortion and no contraception in a relationship is the key. If you live with someone and use a condom or she uses the pill then there is no real love going on , but simply an extension of common interests , to satisfy the ego.
OP , you are mentioning in your first post that your girlfriend is "nice looking and stable". I am wondering what this means.
(This post was last modified: 10-20-2019 07:30 AM by Polniy_Sostav.)
10-20-2019 07:28 AM
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Zenta Offline
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Post: #39
RE: Leaving your girlfriend to chase the girl of your dreams - Chasing unicorns
(10-20-2019 07:28 AM)Polniy_Sostav Wrote:  How can you be with someone for so many years and think that "she is not what you want" ?

It does not make any sense. Yes people change over the time , but you should be able to see it. Also at your age you must have a kid and be married otherwise these relations are meaningless ( unless one of you is fertile).

I second wwtl when he says that meeting non-believers is a waste of time.

My wife and me have never part of a church when we met but we both had a clear view of what 's right to do according to christianity (Catholic and Orthodox in my case , it might be harder if protestant).

No abortion and no contraception in a relationship is the key. If you live with someone and use a condom or she uses the pill then there is no real love going on , but simply an extension of common interests , to satisfy the ego.
OP , you are mentioning in your first post that your girlfriend is "nice looking and stable". I am wondering what this means.

Not an insult but its hard to take your post seriously here when you have a thread about how you've cheated on your wife for years.

Re: people changing over time, when you are blind in a relationship that can, well, blindside you. That depends on your level of awareness to be able to see that change, not everyone is experienced enough to notice. Sometimes people just randomly completely flip a switch as well, its always going to be a gamble.

I'll use a condom/contraception/pull out etc until im comfortable to have a baby. Even if I met a unicorn tomorrow it would not be a good time in my life to make her pregnant right now, in a few years when things settle down would be much better.
10-20-2019 10:50 PM
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