Read The Forum Rules: We have a clear set of rules to keep the forum running smoothly. Click here to review them.

Post Reply 
When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
Author Message
Lazuli Waves Offline
Sparrow

Posts: 85
Joined: Aug 2019
Reputation: 1
Post: #1
When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
Polite? A push-over? Shy? White knight? Male feminist? A moral person? Agreeable? Not a jerk? Rule-follower? I don't understand because the word "nice" in general is hard to define. It's like the word "good."
(This post was last modified: 10-21-2019 07:20 PM by Lazuli Waves.)
10-21-2019 07:02 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Repo Offline
Hummingbird
*****

Posts: 3,337
Joined: Feb 2015
Reputation: 24
Post: #2
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
It means your personality is so dull and boring that the only good thing people can think to say about you is that your "nice". Not you specifically, but you get the gist.

Think in reverse. If you were talking about a girl and called her a "nice girl", instead of referencing an actual good trait like being good looking, or being funny etc, then it wouldnt really be a compliment. "Nice" is one of the least positive things you can say about a person.
(This post was last modified: 10-21-2019 07:19 PM by Repo.)
10-21-2019 07:16 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 6 users Like Repo's post:
Lazuli Waves, Leonard D Neubache, gework, JiggyLordJr, Laner, John Michael Kane
TigOlBitties Offline
Kingfisher
***

Posts: 535
Joined: Apr 2017
Reputation: 7
Post: #3
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
With women, it means you don't give them tingles. With men, it means you let yourself get taken advantage of.

What you want is someone to say you're a great man instead of a nice guy.
(This post was last modified: 10-21-2019 07:42 PM by TigOlBitties.)
10-21-2019 07:35 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 16 users Like TigOlBitties's post:
Lazuli Waves, questor70, Player_1337, SlowMan, Kungfu, Leonard D Neubache, velkrum, RDF, gework, Dr. Howard, MichaelWitcoff, joost, Feyoder, TheFinalEpic, John Michael Kane, billbudsocket
Kid Twist Offline
Hummingbird
*****

Posts: 2,988
Joined: Jan 2016
Reputation: 34
Post: #4
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
It means both "non threatening" and unattractive. Keep in mind that threatening and unattractive is "creepy." The two other combinations should speak for themselves.

Get your passport ready!
10-21-2019 09:57 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 7 users Like Kid Twist's post:
Kungfu, questor70, gework, jordypip23, MichaelWitcoff, John Michael Kane, N°6
MichaelWitcoff Offline
Kingfisher
***

Posts: 621
Joined: Jan 2019
Reputation: 15
Post: #5
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
^What the above two said

Jewish convert to Orthodox Christianity and best-selling author of "On The Masons And Their Lies."
10-21-2019 10:18 PM
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Beyond Borders Away
Peacock
******
Gold Member

Posts: 7,411
Joined: Aug 2011
Reputation: 251
Post: #6
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
This book oughtta fill you in:

No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004C438CW/ref...TF8&btkr=1

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
(This post was last modified: 10-21-2019 11:24 PM by Beyond Borders.)
10-21-2019 11:22 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 5 users Like Beyond Borders's post:
Winston Wolfe, MichaelWitcoff, Harem Scarem, Cup_Cake, Fen
Leonard D Neubache Offline
Owl
******
Gold Member

Posts: 12,181
Joined: Mar 2016
Reputation: 210
Post: #7
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
Even if you're a good looking "nice" guy then lasting attraction will dry up when a woman finally senses that she cannot commit your good graces to herself primarily.

In biological terms she's not interested in a guy that will "waste" an unreasonable amount of resources on people that aren't her or her kids. Husbands and fathers will have experienced this female drive in even the most characteristically benevolent wife from time to time.

John from down the road helps you out several times but when the time comes to return the favor she starts asking why he can't sort his own problems out.

This is unfortunately a female drive for which there is no simple solution and as women gain more power in society the civilised reciprocal behaviour of men required to keep society running smoothly is increasingly maligned in the relationship market.

When a woman says she wants a nice guy what she means is she wants a guy that will be nice to her but be ready to slit the throat of the guy who cut her off when he merged on to the freeway.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
(This post was last modified: 10-21-2019 11:52 PM by Leonard D Neubache.)
10-21-2019 11:45 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 10 users Like Leonard D Neubache's post:
gework, jordypip23, d'Aversa, Perspicacity, wwtl, PapayaTapper, Tactician, Speculation, Renzy, John Michael Kane
TooFineAPoint Offline
Pelican
****

Posts: 1,558
Joined: Nov 2014
Reputation: 17
Post: #8
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
I'm generally considered a "nice guy" and I found that after removing just one part of that identity I started to see a lot more respect from men and attention from women:

I had been liberally doling out unearned love, attention, and respect.

As soon as I stopped doing that, life got way easier and more fun.
10-22-2019 12:15 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 9 users Like TooFineAPoint's post:
Leonard D Neubache, Eban, MichaelWitcoff, PapayaTapper, Er Miqué, Goldin Boy, Zoso, Laner, sevenster
The Catalyst Offline
Pelican
****

Posts: 1,187
Joined: Sep 2016
Reputation: 5
Post: #9
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
I think they are trying to rationalise why they don't want to be nice. But who knows. Maybe Anglo girls are just that feral.

In my experience I almost always could've done better being nicer and done worse being less nice.

IIRC, Krauser and Steve Jabba both agree being nice is good/effective.
(This post was last modified: 10-22-2019 01:35 AM by The Catalyst.)
10-22-2019 01:32 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Spectrumwalker Offline
Kingfisher
***

Posts: 798
Joined: Dec 2013
Reputation: 50
Post: #10
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
It means the guy tries to get his wants and needs met by being a manipulative little bitch instead of going for it like he actually has a pair. And unless they're dykes a woman doesn't wanna date another woman. So it means the nice guy is actually girl at heart.

Dreams are like horses; they run wild on the earth. Catch one and ride it. Throw a leg over and ride it for all its worth.
Psalm 25:7
https://youtu.be/vHVoMCH10Wk
10-22-2019 01:37 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 2 users Like Spectrumwalker's post:
Brazilianguy, Er Miqué
Vladimir Poontang Offline
Ostrich
****

Posts: 1,775
Joined: Feb 2017
Reputation: 30
Post: #11
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
I think the term nice guy (as a negative) is very misleading. It gives the impression that you shouldn't be a nice or good person.

A nice guy, in the negative sense, is one that makes his niceness his thing, someone who wears their niceness on their sleeve. When interacting with females, it's all about how nice he is. It's good to be a nice person, but when the interaction revolves around your niceness, you become a weird nicey nice guy and it's offputting because niceness is more effective when it's accompanied by other characteristics, including negative ones. If you're always nice it comes off as fake. Not to mention that females like to see negative characteristics from time to time.

When nice guys say "but I'm a nice guy, not like those assholes" they're right. The assholes are assholes, and the nice guy really is nice. The problem is, the nice guy is nothing but nice. It's like 10 sugars in your coffee.

I mean look at my warning level. It's 60%. You think it's the first time I've been in trouble? You think I haven't been suspended for a week more than once? I'm the bad boy of the forum and that's why I get so much of my surname.

That's not how we do things in Russia, comrade.

Inspired Expat - Expat Lifestyle Discussion : https://inspiredexpat.forumotion.com/
Useful Links : http://inspiredentrepreneur.weebly.com/
(This post was last modified: 10-22-2019 04:53 AM by Vladimir Poontang.)
10-22-2019 04:50 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 5 users Like Vladimir Poontang's post:
TooFineAPoint, wwtl, RoastBeefCurtains4Me, Tactician, Zoso
WombRaider Offline
Woodpecker
**

Posts: 278
Joined: Mar 2018
Reputation: 5
Post: #12
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
(10-22-2019 04:50 AM)Vladimir Poontang Wrote:  I mean look at my warning level. It's 60%. You think it's the first time I've been in trouble? You think I haven't been suspended for a week more than once? I'm the bad boy of the forum and that's why I get so much of my surname.



10-22-2019 09:45 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 4 users Like WombRaider's post:
Perspicacity, Vladimir Poontang, RoastBeefCurtains4Me, Hypno
jordypip23 Offline
Pelican
****
Gold Member

Posts: 1,320
Joined: Sep 2011
Reputation: 8
Post: #13
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
(10-21-2019 11:45 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  Even if you're a good looking "nice" guy then lasting attraction will dry up when a woman finally senses that she cannot commit your good graces to herself primarily.

In biological terms she's not interested in a guy that will "waste" an unreasonable amount of resources on people that aren't her or her kids. Husbands and fathers will have experienced this female drive in even the most characteristically benevolent wife from time to time.

John from down the road helps you out several times but when the time comes to return the favor she starts asking why he can't sort his own problems out.

This is unfortunately a female drive for which there is no simple solution and as women gain more power in society the civilised reciprocal behaviour of men required to keep society running smoothly is increasingly maligned in the relationship market.

When a woman says she wants a nice guy what she means is she wants a guy that will be nice to her but be ready to slit the throat of the guy who cut her off when he merged on to the freeway.

This is a very sharp post. I agree with this.
10-22-2019 12:35 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
d'Aversa Offline
Robin
*

Posts: 229
Joined: Oct 2019
Reputation: 5
Post: #14
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
(10-22-2019 12:15 AM)TooFineAPoint Wrote:  I had been liberally doling out unearned love, attention, and respect.

This is a very brief summary of one of the most popular mistakes men commit, myself included.
10-22-2019 01:36 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Eban Offline
Sparrow

Posts: 68
Joined: Mar 2019
Reputation: 0
Post: #15
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
I remember one night, a while ago, when I was out and pulled a stunner from the club and, instead of taking her home to "u no wat", I took her to a 24/7 cafe to build "comfort" because this is what I read in the Mystery Method. I remember her getting bored with our "date" and deciding to get into a taxi and bounce. As I was walking her to the cab I remember her patting me on the back telling how NICE I was... Learned a few things that night.
10-22-2019 02:16 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 4 users Like Eban's post:
questor70, RoastBeefCurtains4Me, Checkmat, jordypip23
Batman_ Offline
Woodpecker
**

Posts: 330
Joined: Jul 2017
Reputation: 2
Post: #16
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
(10-21-2019 07:16 PM)Repo Wrote:  It means your personality is so dull and boring that the only good thing people can think to say about you is that your "nice". Not you specifically, but you get the gist.

Think in reverse. If you were talking about a girl and called her a "nice girl", instead of referencing an actual good trait like being good looking, or being funny etc, then it wouldnt really be a compliment. "Nice" is one of the least positive things you can say about a person.

Alternatively, it can also mean you are a pushover/doormat and "psuedo" nice, only pretending to be caring; self-sacrificing with an ulterior motive - hoping that you can exchange favors for intimacy.

Either one of these definitions is equally bad imo. Now there is such a thing is a "genuine" nice guy, someone who is empathetic and very thoughtful of others - if he can do this while also being a leader and putting his foot down when necessary, this is an attractive quality.

I don't think most normal women want to be tyranized...they want to be led. There's nothing wrong with being nice, but being nice is just one trait among many, and if your entire ego is attached to being a "nice guy" it simply means you have nothing else to offer with your personality.

Think about it this way...if you met 5 women, and they all thought you were "nice", but made no impression on any of them whatsoever, then you are essentially a nonentity to them. Wouldn't it be far better if 4 of them thought you were an asshole, and 1 of them thought you were the shit?

"I drink only the finest breast milks."
"That's 100% Cambodian."
(This post was last modified: 10-24-2019 04:50 PM by Batman_.)
10-24-2019 04:44 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 2 users Like Batman_'s post:
Kid Twist, jordypip23
zamfir112 Offline
Woodpecker
**

Posts: 274
Joined: Sep 2018
Reputation: 2
Post: #17
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
Depends on what type of nice.

You can be a gentleman and still fun and exciting.
You can also be boring and a "yes" guy and thats what women hate.
10-26-2019 05:53 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 1 user Likes zamfir112's post:
D'Kora Koloth
Checkmat Offline
Pelican
****

Posts: 1,166
Joined: Oct 2012
Reputation: 28
Post: #18
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
I was out with a girl once (whom I had already had very rough, degrading pre-marital relations with on the first date) and we were sipping drinks in a swanky lounge, bullshitting and she mentioned (I forget what preceded this), "you are like the perfect balance between asshole and nice guy."

And the entire time I thought I was being an asshole with her (refusing her requests, doing my own thing, owning her in bed) and it STILL was just right in the middle of the spectrum to her.

"There's no such thing as different but equal." -Dante Nero
(This post was last modified: 10-26-2019 06:29 PM by Checkmat.)
10-26-2019 06:29 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 3 users Like Checkmat's post:
jordypip23, Basil II, Benoit
AneroidOcean Offline
Hummingbird
*****
Gold Member

Posts: 3,332
Joined: Feb 2013
Reputation: 80
Post: #19
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
(10-22-2019 01:32 AM)The Catalyst Wrote:  I think they are trying to rationalise why they don't want to be nice. But who knows. Maybe Anglo girls are just that feral.

In my experience I almost always could've done better being nicer and done worse being less nice.

IIRC, Krauser and Steve Jabba both agree being nice is good/effective.

Krauser advocates for being nice? Are you kidding me? That's not at all what he advocates.

(10-24-2019 04:44 PM)Batman_ Wrote:  
(10-21-2019 07:16 PM)Repo Wrote:  It means your personality is so dull and boring that the only good thing people can think to say about you is that your "nice". Not you specifically, but you get the gist.

Think in reverse. If you were talking about a girl and called her a "nice girl", instead of referencing an actual good trait like being good looking, or being funny etc, then it wouldnt really be a compliment. "Nice" is one of the least positive things you can say about a person.

Alternatively, it can also mean you are a pushover/doormat and "psuedo" nice, only pretending to be caring; self-sacrificing with an ulterior motive - hoping that you can exchange favors for intimacy.

Both of the above are true.

When women say they want a nice guy, they mean that they want a guy who is:

* Bold/determined
* Charismatic/Outgoing
* Teasing/Fun
* Strong/Fit
* Driven towards his own goals, he doesn't put others before him, sometimes this comes off as asshole-ish
* Successful or on his way to being successful.
* Willing to say no, effortlessly.
* ETC...

And then after all of those things, if he can treat her nicely every once in a while or do something sweet out of the blue. THEN that's the nice part she wants. She doesn't want you to be a complete brute, but she does not want anything CLOSE to a doormat/supplicating guy.

Even the most mild-mannered/goody two shoes girl doesn't want a guy that she can describe mainly as "nice."

Read My Old Blog - Subscribe To My Old Blog
Top Posts - Fake Rape? - Sex With A Tranny? - Rich MILF - What is a 9?

"Failure is just practice for success"
11-01-2019 02:02 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 9 users Like AneroidOcean's post:
doc holliday, Repo, D'Kora Koloth, Wutang, Leonard D Neubache, Tactician, gework, ffs, Benoit
victorm1 Offline
Pigeon

Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2019
Reputation: 0
Post: #20
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
I think it was T.V. that said that both hate and love are strong emotions which are therefore related. On the other hand, liking and indifference are closely related. Therefore, it is far easier to go from hate to love than it is to go from being liked to being loved. Therefore, a "nice guy" is someone who does not act in such a way to excite others, because they present no challenges to the frame of other people - both men and women. Our social nature means that in order for someone to be attractive, they need to be a challenger to the status quo and to be a threat to the business-as-usual.

Essentially, being a man is a lot like being a start-up. You need to be a disrupter if you want to get anywhere. If you're not disrupting, you're irrelevant and uninteresting.
11-01-2019 02:51 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 2 users Like victorm1's post:
Tactician, Kid Twist
LoveBug Offline
Kingfisher
***

Posts: 542
Joined: Sep 2012
Reputation: 1
Post: #21
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
I think it means just being an unauthentic people pleaser

Otherwise, a woman doesn’t like a genial guy with integrity and needs to be abused in some way, the problem is her. She’s got issues.

I consider myself a nice guy, and a listener/caretaker in a relationship. That doesn’t mean that I take any disrespect or don’t have ultra high standards. The women who are attracted to outright A-holes are women I don’t want to be around. I consider them wrong
11-01-2019 05:26 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[-] The following 1 user Likes LoveBug's post:
Tactician
RV_p Offline
Pigeon

Posts: 9
Joined: Dec 2016
Reputation: 0
Post: #22
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
'Nice guy' is a meta word. It is like 'creep'. Nobody knows what it means, but at the same time everyone does and uses it all the time.

Basically, it is a meme.
11-08-2019 05:30 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
cmm Offline
Banned

Posts: 7
Joined: Aug 2019
Post: #23
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
nice guy is a highly contextual term like asshole, bad boy, creep - meaning can differ wildly and is not always used negatively. that being said, u asked what it means when someone specifically says being a nice guy is a bad thing, so that narrows the context down to undesirable traits they equate "nice guy" with and that they see in the person

for example, there are some personality traits that are almost universally undesired, boringness and/or unattractiveness (as perceived by the user of the term) being examples, among other traits. any combination of these traits might or might not be what theyre referring to
(This post was last modified: 11-12-2019 03:34 AM by cmm.)
11-12-2019 03:31 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Hypno Offline
Hummingbird
*****

Posts: 3,504
Joined: Dec 2016
Reputation: 33
Post: #24
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?
(10-21-2019 11:45 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  Even if you're a good looking "nice" guy then lasting attraction will dry up when a woman finally senses that she cannot commit your good graces to herself primarily.

In biological terms she's not interested in a guy that will "waste" an unreasonable amount of resources on people that aren't her or her kids. Husbands and fathers will have experienced this female drive in even the most characteristically benevolent wife from time to time.

John from down the road helps you out several times but when the time comes to return the favor she starts asking why he can't sort his own problems out.

This is unfortunately a female drive for which there is no simple solution and as women gain more power in society the civilised reciprocal behaviour of men required to keep society running smoothly is increasingly maligned in the relationship market.

When a woman says she wants a nice guy what she means is she wants a guy that will be nice to her but be ready to slit the throat of the guy who cut her off when he merged on to the freeway.

This is a good post as far as it goes, but it doesn't go far enough.

Even once you've selected a particular woman - she has beat out the competition - you will get farther by making her earn things and not being nice. In fact, being a bit unkind will stoke desire more than kindness. Its part of what makes them female.

Also, part of what makes someone a nice guy is that he puts other people first. But from an evolutionary perspective, women want a mate who puts himself and his family first. The irony is if you put yourself first before her, it only makes her want you more. So the opposite of being a nice guy is not being a bad guy, but simply being forceful enough to put your own interests first and demand that they are satisfied. This attitude can be manifest in a 1,000 different ways. Do you ask her where she wants to eat, or tell her that you are going to eat at X and you expect her to join you. When the host seats you, do you accept the table or do you say no, we want that table over there. When she texts at dinner, do you wait for her to finish or do you call her out for her rude behaviour. Thrown in some dominance to take it to another level - if you don't put that phone away, I'm going to have to bend you over my knee and give you some spankings right here in the restaurant.

None of those things require you to lose your moral compass, although they can border on narcissism. But that is what women find attractive.
11-12-2019 07:09 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
d'Aversa Offline
Robin
*

Posts: 229
Joined: Oct 2019
Reputation: 5
Post: #25
RE: When people say being a nice guy is bad, what do they mean?


11-12-2019 07:26 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply 


Forum Jump:


User(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

Contact Us | RooshV.com | Return to Top | Return to Content | Mobile Version | RSS Syndication