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Hand holding...
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slimboyfat Offline
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Post: #1
Hand holding...
In Western societies, I seem to notice women tend to hold the upper hand, literally. I especially see this in liberalish cities (first noticed this when I was heading east and was in Toronto for a couple weeks) and almost always when it's a younger couple, you see the girl holding her guys hand, leading him around. As I've been travelling through Eastern European countries, I notice the opposite. with the man having his hand in front, almost always.

I guess this is a subtle cue where you can read who wears the pants in the relationship. Anyone else notice this?
(This post was last modified: 10-22-2019 08:36 PM by slimboyfat.)
10-22-2019 08:33 PM
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antman333 Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Hand holding...
Back of my hand faces forward usually. Guess I never really thought about it
10-22-2019 08:35 PM
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Beyond Borders Away
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Post: #3
RE: Hand holding...
I always intuitively felt the man's hand should be on top with back of hand facing forward. I don't know where I got this exactly but sounds like I'm not the only one so perhaps it's embedded in culture.

But if a girl tries to hold my hand any other way I've always let go and grabbed her hand "the right way," even if I have to reach over with my other hand and grab hers to sort it out and make a point. I usually make a little joke about her trying to be the man, keeping it good-natured but remaining steadfast with it.

If she shows some resistance to this I simply let go of her hand and refuse to hold of it until she does things my way. Maintain a sense of humor about it - most girls probably have never thought about whether there's any significance to this. She probably wants to hold your hand more than you want to hold hers (or should), so just not playing the game usually restores your control.

After a few incidents like this it'll be a non-issue from there on out.

But they need to follow your lead if you feel you're being too submissive by holding hands a different way. To me that's really the important point here. I've never had a girl from any country refuse my direction on this, even if at first they indicate that I'm being a bit silly to overthink hand arrangement like that.

I'm probably not being silly at all - there does seem to be a subconscious dominance play inherent in the placement of the hands, especially when it goes as far as one leading the other.

Also, I overall try not to walk around holding hands too much. I don't mind doing it here and there or in private but too much of it publicly makes you feel like an oversubdued male. I will hold my girl's hand more in an area that she doesn't know and is feeling skittish in, or when crossing the road - a short and deliberately romantic walk or watching a movie or whatever. But otherwise I try not to overdo it and don't want to be walking around town physically attached to each other. lol

I really prefer to lead her to grip my forearm as we walk if she really insists on not letting go of me. Put your hand in your pocket if she's not getting on board.

I had an old thread somewhere about subconscious domination of women through non-verbal gestures like this somewhere that might prove relevant to the conversation. Sometimes the "battle" is won in these tiny little moments and the message they send.

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
(This post was last modified: 10-23-2019 01:29 AM by Beyond Borders.)
10-23-2019 01:09 AM
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Jimmy Wonka Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Hand holding...
Is like this kind of fashionable and pathetic photo which is taken by him (soy boy), holding her hand and while she is leading the way. Like if she said "Hey follow me, I´ll show you some exciting places, because you know nothing Jon Snow".

When we all know that women don´t like men that need to be leaded.
10-23-2019 09:13 AM
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BlastbeatCasanova Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Hand holding...
100%, my first girlfriend ever made me aware of this, even though I put my hand in front by default. It feels really weird and just wrong to hold hands and have the back of your hand facing backwards, and both parties know it (if you’re a masculine man leading and she is a feminine woman following).

I remember I saw some wedding photos on FB a while ago with the bride and groom walking through the crowd to their getaway vehicle, her hand in front leading the way. It’s 100% a beta tell
10-23-2019 12:13 PM
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d'Aversa Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Hand holding...
[Image: gLJC0eU.png]

The amount of vitriol under this twatter post was delicious.
(This post was last modified: 10-23-2019 01:31 PM by d'Aversa.)
10-23-2019 01:30 PM
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antman333 Offline
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Post: #7
RE: Hand holding...
To be fair I spent a month in India and guys walk around holding hands casually. Different countries treat it differently, not sure about europe
(This post was last modified: 10-23-2019 04:02 PM by antman333.)
10-23-2019 04:02 PM
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PapayaTapper Away
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Post: #8
RE: Hand holding...
(10-23-2019 04:02 PM)antman333 Wrote:  To be fair I spent a month in India and guys walk around holding hands casually. Different countries treat it differently, not sure about europe

[Image: giphy.gif]

_______________________________________
- Does She Have The "Happy Gene" ?
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10-23-2019 07:27 PM
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Dr. Howard Away
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Post: #9
RE: Hand holding...
hand holding is fine, escalating to the arm link..where the girl holds on to your inner elbow like she's hanging on for the ride is peak 'man leading'

Why do the heathen rage and the people imagine a vain thing? Psalm 2:1 KJV
10-23-2019 07:35 PM
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MajorStyles Offline
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Post: #10
RE: Hand holding...
This is one of those topics that seems inconsequential. And yet, the devil is in the details. Women respond to small items such as this, viewing them as a shit test: i.e. do you lead her or does she lead you? Whose hand is on top and who is on the bottom?

You can't fuck around with this. You lead her...hand on top. A thousand little details go into making a great painting; the same is true with a relationship.

"Action still preserves for us a hope that we may stand erect." - Thucydides (from History of the Peloponnesian War)
(This post was last modified: 10-25-2019 10:44 AM by MajorStyles.)
10-25-2019 10:41 AM
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the-dream Offline
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Post: #11
RE: Hand holding...
I don't understand what you guys are discussing. Can you post photos of the different types of hand holding?
10-25-2019 12:04 PM
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Beyond Borders Away
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Post: #12
RE: Hand holding...
^ This article here shows some research to back it up and has a couple pics.

https://www.deseret.com/2015/1/23/205570...lationship

Can't vouch for the source but they've linked some studies.

Quote:The study said about 90 percent of men put their hand on top of their spouse’s hand, much in the same way an adult puts their hand on top of a child’s hand, which implies to the public that the man is more dominant in the relationship. A 1999 study from Perpetual and Motor Skills said this is a more traditional way of holding hands.

“The insides of the two hands are pressed together, in mutual embrace as it were, but the outside of the male’s hand typically faces the oncoming world, where as the outside of the female’s hand merely follows in the wake of protections,” sociologist Erving Goffman wrote in his book, “Relations in Public.”

Women, though, will take the overhand spot once they have children and carry more responsibilities, which makes the public see them as the more dominant partner, the study found. Women will often put their hand on top when holding a child’s hand, too, according to the Current Psychology study.

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
10-26-2019 03:36 AM
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Checkmat Offline
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Post: #13
RE: Hand holding...
(10-23-2019 07:35 PM)Dr. Howard Wrote:  hand holding is fine, escalating to the arm link..where the girl holds on to your inner elbow like she's hanging on for the ride is peak 'man leading'

The "arm in arm" move from Bang is clutch. I've had multiple girls comment on how much they liked it and even ask me to do it even more as we walked around the downtown area of a city.

"There's no such thing as different but equal." -Dante Nero
10-26-2019 06:46 PM
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