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Thoughts on being "lovingly detached" vs in love
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quaker13 Offline
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Thoughts on being "lovingly detached" vs in love
I think the healthier option for 99% of men is to be lovingly detached, even if it's the mother of your 10 kids. What is being in love anyway other than an obsessive and temporary emotional state based on conditional elements. All the men I know both players and AFCs all got dogged by falling in love. I know it doesn't sound particularly healthy or non-sociopathic but being lovingly detached and having the ability to walk away is inherently better for a man than surrendering all common sense and emotions
11-18-2019 11:07 PM
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Leonard D Neubache Offline
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RE: Thoughts on being "lovingly detached" vs in love
I love my wife. She loves me.

Try not to overthink it. And don't premise any marriage on keeping one foot out of the door. It's a poisonous mentality.

This is unfortunately just one more example of the degradation of hookup culture. People train themselves to presume relationship failure rather than relationship success and it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
(This post was last modified: 11-19-2019 01:40 AM by Leonard D Neubache.)
11-19-2019 01:38 AM
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Donfitz007 Offline
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RE: Thoughts on being "lovingly detached" vs in love
Many bad decisions are made when “in love” where as being lovingly detached causes you to not worry as much, not care as much, abd make better decisions.

I get this is a Christian forum but I think it is wise to help men learn to be lovingly detached Atleast until marriage or after kids. It’ll help us men make more rational decisions
11-20-2019 06:03 PM
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AntoniusofEfa Offline
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RE: Thoughts on being "lovingly detached" vs in love
Odds of a women walking away drops with her own attractiveness and the numbers of kids she will have to raise on her own.

At least this is what I could gather based on my own anecdotal evidence. The highest divorce rate I have heard of is if young women without children. This makes sense, since a typical 8 in her 20s needs that constant entertainment.

Having the option to walk away is the thing that every men should have. It defines the very essence of being a men.
11-21-2019 10:46 AM
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Easy_C Offline
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RE: Thoughts on being "lovingly detached" vs in love
I actually don't disagree with that.

My own wife is one who well....she never inspired those kinds of emotional highs I've gotten from women who were wrong from me. Instead it's more of a warm, "this is just right" feeling that I can best describe by saying it's less the feeling of a rollercoaster ride and more like being curled up with a cup of hot cider in front of a cozy fireplace on a cold saturday morning.

Being in that space is invaluable because it allows you to approach interactions with a much more pragmatic mindset.
11-21-2019 11:15 AM
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Trumps Intern Offline
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RE: Thoughts on being "lovingly detached" vs in love
(11-18-2019 11:07 PM)quaker13 Wrote:  I think the healthier option for 99% of men is to be lovingly detached, even if it's the mother of your 10 kids. What is being in love anyway other than an obsessive and temporary emotional state based on conditional elements. All the men I know both players and AFCs all got dogged by falling in love. I know it doesn't sound particularly healthy or non-sociopathic but being lovingly detached and having the ability to walk away is inherently better for a man than surrendering all common sense and emotions

I think there needs to be some separation of spheres of life. Like in the West we are kind of programmed to get a wife and have her be everything, but to me that is actually unhealthy.

Man should have his own passions and should serve God before his wife and family. His wife and family will follow him in suit. Ofc, your job as father is primarily to provide for the family economically and to guide spiritually by worshipping God yourself. It is simple. In many countries wives and husbands maintain a kind of detachment of spheres which overlaps with understanding and love.
11-22-2019 10:46 AM
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RE: Thoughts on being "lovingly detached" vs in love
(11-21-2019 11:15 AM)Easy_C Wrote:  I actually don't disagree with that.

My own wife is one who well....she never inspired those kinds of emotional highs I've gotten from women who were wrong from me. Instead it's more of a warm, "this is just right" feeling that I can best describe by saying it's less the feeling of a rollercoaster ride and more like being curled up with a cup of hot cider in front of a cozy fireplace on a cold saturday morning.

I definitely relate to that. A few crazy girls from my past inspired some intense emotional highs, as well as some crazy emotional roller coaster riding...These flings never lasted too long. They were hot but nuts, and my younger self didn't have the frame or experience to handle it. Probably for the best. I guess I've gotten older and more reluctant to deal with girls' bullshit. My LTR is awesome but a few of those girls from back in the day definitely made a mark on my psyche.
11-23-2019 05:55 PM
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Alpone Offline
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RE: Thoughts on being "lovingly detached" vs in love
I think it's far better for the woman to be more in love with the man than vice versa. The times I've been head over heals for a girl made me blind to her faults and led me to project qualities onto her that didn't exist.

That's not to say you should wife up a girl you're not attracted to. I think it's more a matter of learning to temper and harvest strong feelings for a girl so they're used in a positive way - like for achieving your life's mission.

Even when you're married, you should consider your girl your co-pilot and not your mission in life.
11-23-2019 11:09 PM
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hkhathaj Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Thoughts on being "lovingly detached" vs in love
(11-21-2019 11:15 AM)Easy_C Wrote:  My own wife is one who well....she never inspired those kinds of emotional highs I've gotten from women who were wrong from me. Instead it's more of a warm, "this is just right" feeling that I can best describe by saying it's less the feeling of a rollercoaster ride and more like being curled up with a cup of hot cider in front of a cozy fireplace on a cold saturday morning.

That is literally poetry! Very well said!
11-24-2019 06:57 AM
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