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How much does her past matter?
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lunchmoney Offline
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Post: #1
How much does her past matter?
Visiting some family this weekend, I overheard a convo while the fight was on Saturday night that surprised me. One of my cousins (28, owns his own landscaping biz) is engaged to be married to a beautiful girl he met via social circle about a year ago. He has uncovered through some detective work of his own that his future bride used to strip while she was in college in Atlanta.

She never lived there, which makes the story interesting. Apparently she and her best friend would go there during the summer and work. Of course she likely never thought this would resurface later in her life (she's 26 now), however now he knows.

I asked him is that a non-starter for him, and he seemed torn, as his logical brain is saying yes but his emotional heart is trying to convince himself she's *changed*

If you learned something about girl's past that didnt set well, would you end it no matter how long ago it was?
11-25-2019 08:37 AM
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d'Aversa Offline
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Post: #2
RE: How much does her past matter?
I'd say his logical side is correct. For 28 business owner, the sky is the limit.


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(This post was last modified: 11-25-2019 09:21 AM by d'Aversa.)
11-25-2019 09:18 AM
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Baphomet Offline
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RE: How much does her past matter?
To your cousin's situation, it appears that he "learned" about this from someone other than his future bride. This means she's hiding her past which is an instant deal killer. (More so than merely stripping.) Had she been forthright about her past from the start, there may be room for some discussion.

He should end their relationship due to the dishonesty of her hiding that part of her life.

A lot of things may not "sit well". All people, men and women, make stupid decisions and mistakes. A person who has owned up to their mistakes, and made positive changes in their lives to atone for those mistakes, deserves more consideration than those who merely hide the mistakes.
(This post was last modified: 11-25-2019 09:36 AM by Baphomet.)
11-25-2019 09:23 AM
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Leonard D Neubache Offline
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Post: #4
RE: How much does her past matter?
^
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God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
11-25-2019 09:26 AM
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mr-ed209 Offline
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Post: #5
RE: How much does her past matter?
Even without the dishonesty; it's got to be pretty difficult to get over the thought that the future mother of your children used to grind on drunk strange men for money.
11-25-2019 09:28 AM
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lunchmoney Offline
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RE: How much does her past matter?
To clarify from the initial post, she did let him know while dating that she danced, he however was unaware of how long she did. He owned up to the point he didnt ask mainly because he met her through his social circle and the friends in their group all knew, and told him it wasn't a big deal because she was young and on her own.

My eyebrows raised immediately, because like mr-ed mentioned, the thought of my future wife dancing or grinding on some stranger for money is a dealbreaker for me.
11-25-2019 10:07 AM
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Augustus_Principe Offline
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RE: How much does her past matter?
(11-25-2019 10:07 AM)lunchmoney Wrote:  To clarify from the initial post, she did let him know while dating that she danced, he however was unaware of how long she did. He owned up to the point he didnt ask mainly because he met her through his social circle and the friends in their group all knew, and told him it wasn't a big deal because she was young and on her own.

My eyebrows raised immediately, because like mr-ed mentioned, the thought of my future wife dancing or grinding on some stranger for money is a dealbreaker for me.

Any woman who stripped, even for one single weekend, is a deal breaker. A woman who is willing to strip naked in front of a bunch of men for cash is damaged goods. it reveals a lot about her character and what she is willing to do when faced with certain situations. Not to mention that stripping is not the only thing that goes on in those degenerate clubs. Excessive alcohol use, drug use and SEX for additional money is the norm. Any stripper/former stripping telling you otherwise is a liar. Just because our degenerate society thinks "its ok buddy, stripping is no big deal, its the past" does not mean we should also lower our own moral compass to their level.

If your cousin would listen to his intellect, he would make the right decision and call off the engagement, as hurtful as it may be. Sure, time and money was wasted, but better to make the rational decision to call things off with someone of questionable character/virtue, than to find out 5 years into the marriage and go through divorce.

No woman is perfect, but a fault such as stripping/prostituting for cash should be a definite NO for any dignified man.
(This post was last modified: 11-25-2019 11:28 AM by Augustus_Principe.)
11-25-2019 11:26 AM
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WombRaider Offline
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RE: How much does her past matter?
Complete dealbreaker. People can change, but they usually don't. I'm not going to gamble my future on a situation like that.

What would "change" mean in that scenario, anyway? Change in the sense that she won't be a stripper anymore? She probably wasn't planning to anyway. Change the fact that she already was a stripper? Maybe if they invent a time machine.
(This post was last modified: 11-25-2019 12:13 PM by WombRaider.)
11-25-2019 12:09 PM
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lunchmoney Offline
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RE: How much does her past matter?
I agree with all here, and it was funny when I objected to the notion of her past, I was "the bad guy" for not understanding people can "change".

I hate to see anyone with a promising future potentially derail it with one bad decision. It is more bothersome when it is family.
11-25-2019 12:16 PM
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d'Aversa Offline
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Post: #10
RE: How much does her past matter?
You can change your negative personality traits for the better, but not your past.
11-25-2019 12:22 PM
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Graft Offline
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Post: #11
RE: How much does her past matter?
Does her past matter? Definitely, for a red pill guy.

Probably not for a blue pill guy.

I don't think she's dangerous just because she used to strip. She probably will never want to go back to that life again.

We all know that stripping would be an instant dealbreaker for every one on this forum. However, sometimes it's foolhardy to push our values on the rest of the world. If he doesn't care that much, it probably doesn't matter that much. It's hard to see from his POV because her past is such a big deal to guys like us.

I would just make a remark that "I'd never be able to look past it" and leave it be. You can't make the entire world think like the RVF.

I built this empire and I did it by myself. Nobody did it for me. Not Ivana, not Marla. Nobody! ~Donald Trump
11-25-2019 12:39 PM
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AntoniusofEfa Offline
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RE: How much does her past matter?
If this guy would be a brother, or a friend that is as close as a brother, I would sit down and have a conversation with him. Otherwise, live and let live. It is not your life or the life of your children that is at stake here.
11-25-2019 04:29 PM
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Eban Offline
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Post: #13
RE: How much does her past matter?
A stripper can probably make up to $1000 per night in a busy strip club on a weekend. Maybe she is just a business minded individual who was using her assets to gain financial freedom and cover her college tuition or at least giving it a try. In our society many women would not see anything wrong with rubbing their ass against strangers' boners. Some would be enticed if there is money in it. She is likely one of the many who see sex as nothing special and possibly a way to manipulate men and gain from them.

If your cousin met her through social circle where people knew about her past, maybe he should hang out with people where a girl would be seriously judged for this type of behavior. Or maybe he is stuck in a mindset where he thinks he can't find another chick as good/hot as this one. If he had an abundance of female attention, or some game to get it, along with standards, he would just drop this one and find a better one. So either that, or the stripping is not really a problem for him. -- My $0.02
(This post was last modified: 11-25-2019 06:17 PM by Eban.)
11-25-2019 06:17 PM
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Spectrumwalker Offline
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RE: How much does her past matter?
First thing that pops into my skull is that lotta strippers double as hookers. So there's a good chance you're cousin is actually gonna marry an ex hooker. If she wasn't upfront about stripping you can be damn sure she ain't gonna fess up to whoring for cash either as a side hustle to her summer side hustle. You never know. Either way, hell yeah I'd bail. But that's just me. You're cousins his own man. Maybe they're a good match and he really can turn a ho into a housewife. But personally a woman like that, that's trashy and terribly undignified for any self respecting man. Who knows how many miles of dick she's taken and you get to be the caboose. What could possibly go wrong.

Dreams are like horses; they run wild on the earth. Catch one and ride it. Throw a leg over and ride it for all its worth.
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11-25-2019 07:45 PM
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WombRaider Offline
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RE: How much does her past matter?
(11-25-2019 07:45 PM)Spectrumwalker Wrote:  Who knows how many miles of dick she's taken and you get to be the caboose.

It's certainly fair to assume a high notch count.

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11-25-2019 08:06 PM
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Kid Twist Offline
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Post: #16
RE: How much does her past matter?
(11-25-2019 07:45 PM)Spectrumwalker Wrote:  But personally a woman like that, that's trashy and terribly undignified for any self respecting man. Who knows how many miles of dick she's taken and you get to be the caboose. What could possibly go wrong.

Wink

Preach brotha, preach

The social circle knows you're marrying a former stripper? That sound like a recipe for ...

Blink

Get your passport ready!
11-25-2019 08:11 PM
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RE: How much does her past matter?
Depends...


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11-25-2019 08:41 PM
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Lance Blastoff Offline
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RE: How much does her past matter?
The key issue is that she lied. This means she will lie about other things too. Given the nature of the lie, they are likely to be sexual things.

Run, don't walk.
11-25-2019 10:45 PM
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MajorStyles Offline
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RE: How much does her past matter?
Years ago, I aksed an ex of mine about her past. Predictably, she had been gangbanged repeatedly. One time it particular there were five men involved. At that point, she was dead to me.

I understood on an intellectual level that the past is the past, etc....but you cannot negotiate human desire. And once a woman has soiled herself in your eyes, it's done. That's why it's better to choose as wisely as possible and, if you ever think of inquiring about sordid details, to push the idea far out of your mind ASAP.

"Action still preserves for us a hope that we may stand erect." - Thucydides (from History of the Peloponnesian War)
(This post was last modified: 11-26-2019 05:10 PM by MajorStyles.)
11-26-2019 05:09 PM
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Spectrumwalker Offline
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RE: How much does her past matter?



Dreams are like horses; they run wild on the earth. Catch one and ride it. Throw a leg over and ride it for all its worth.
Psalm 25:7
https://youtu.be/vHVoMCH10Wk
11-26-2019 05:53 PM
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Bluto Offline
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RE: How much does her past matter?
That depends on if he is trying to turn a ho into a housewife. If he does not care, than the past is the past, and we all now believe in redemption on this forum, right? If he wants a doting Stepford wife, then he should move along.
11-26-2019 06:13 PM
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LoveBug Offline
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Post: #22
RE: How much does her past matter?
As Graft said, the men who congregate here seem to be a different specimen of manosphere than the average dude on the street

To us, she can’t be normal. She had to have had issues getting into stripping in the first place, and then seeing what she has, she’s going to have flashbacks the rest of her life. Not to mention the indignity of marrying a high notch girl

For the everyday cat on the street, if their content with the girl it doesn’t matter

Because the cousin wants to believe the girl is changed, and therefore doesn’t seem as hung up, I’d just think he should take a lot more time before marrying the girl, and knowing her long term nature
11-26-2019 07:35 PM
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Dr. Howard Away
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Post: #23
RE: How much does her past matter?
(11-25-2019 10:45 PM)Lance Blastoff Wrote:  The key issue is that she lied. This means she will lie about other things too. Given the nature of the lie, they are likely to be sexual things.

Run, don't walk.

I agree, if she brought up the subject with something like "back in college, I needed extra money so I would strip in the summer. It was a rough business, but a good way to make fast money. I had a couple of close calls that woke me up and I stopped. I wouldn't be caught dead doing it again" it would be different.

In that case, she would be upfront about it, own it and likely have developed some street smarts in the process. If she hides it, to me it means that she would be keeping that type of option open in case she needed it again.

Being open about a crappy past goes a long way to building trust. I would tell girls early on about how I cheated on my wife and we divorced. It would grate them for probably 10 whole seconds before they would start to spill their own horrible stories.

This chick hid/lied about being a stripper, it means she still has issues with it, would still do it or did a whole lot more worse things than just 'stripping'

Why do the heathen rage and the people imagine a vain thing? Psalm 2:1 KJV
11-26-2019 08:55 PM
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Kid Twist Offline
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Post: #24
RE: How much does her past matter?
Comparing a man's past to a woman's past, and how either sex theoretically or hypothetically feels about it, is another huge biological difference. And the importance of it (the woman's past) is orders of magnitude greater, for the obvious reasons that you all already know.

Get your passport ready!
(This post was last modified: 11-26-2019 11:12 PM by Kid Twist.)
11-26-2019 11:11 PM
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