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Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
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TheFinalEpic Offline
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Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
My brother is facing crippling depression, and I have tried numerous times to help him out of it, suggesting the basics and working with him to get him to eat better, drink more water, get out of the house more often, and workout, but now that I don't live at home, he is spiralling back to his old ways of sitting in front of a computer 10+ hours a day playing video games.

He hasn't cultivated relationships with his friends, he has a girlfriend, but that seems to be the only person he really spends any time with.

I'm at a loss for what I can do to pull him out of the funk he is in, and he is clearly going down a dark path.

Have any of you experienced a close family member have suicidal thoughts and depression?

I really need help here on this, and I think that if I can't pull him out of this, he is going to hurt himself or worse. Thanks in advance guys.

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12-09-2019 09:25 PM
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Leonard D Neubache Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
I've had good results just with a decent vitamin supplement. Can't hurt to plant a Holy Cross over ever doorway either, right?

Ham it up and telll him it's for protection against vampires. It's not that far from the truth.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
12-09-2019 09:30 PM
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monsquid Offline
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RE: Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
Ask him to do small things for you, not for him. Can only take it one step at a time. My younger brother had similar problems. Eventually my mom moved to another state to force him to start living on his own. His first year was rough but he was able to get a minimum wage job and rented a couch in somebody's living room. Now he's finishing up school while working as a doorman. Best part is he's not abusing my mom and guilt tripping her to provide for him as much anymore. Can't change him completely but a dose of tough love got him to change enough to self sustain.
12-09-2019 09:34 PM
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D'Kora Koloth Offline
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RE: Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
Proper food and proper exercise for sure. Supplements where needed. Are you friends with the girlfriend? You can solicit her help in getting him up and out of the house to workout.

As odd as it might seem, I ended up reading The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo as it was recommended here. It is truly is life changing and I found that tidying my space, properly tidying, did a lot for my mental well being. I read both books within a week. They're very simple and straight to the point.
12-09-2019 09:54 PM
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Post: #5
RE: Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
How old is he?

Has he actually been diagnosed clinically?

There's a big difference between clinical depression and the "habitual escapism" a lot of younger guys practice today.

The former calls for professional help.

The latter is more easily cured with a big dose of tough love. Removing the enabling conditions is the first step in curing cases of "failure to launch"

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12-09-2019 10:03 PM
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RE: Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
a MD can prescribe him antidepressants. There's also hypnotism but that's a bit harder to come by.
12-09-2019 11:32 PM
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Leonard D Neubache Offline
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RE: Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
Laugh3

Shut the power off when you leave in the morning and lock the fuse box.

God demands of Man responsibility. God demands of Woman vulnerability. These are their curse and blessing alike. Libertianism is to Man as Feminism is to Woman.
12-09-2019 11:33 PM
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No More Mr. Soy Boy Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
To state the obvious, different things works for different people but proper nutrition, sun and exercise is a given. Maybe try to the gym with him.

What helped me through mine back in the day was something as simple as to just lay in bed and listen to Stefan Molyneux's philosophy podcasts. That eventually changed my perspective on many things in life.
(This post was last modified: 12-09-2019 11:41 PM by No More Mr. Soy Boy.)
12-09-2019 11:40 PM
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Laner Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
Not my family member, but I am involved in a similar situation.

My business partner has a very good friend who was going through a depressive time. He had a good job, but was feeling unfulfilled. He had no 'luck' with women. He would just drink all weekend in his trendy neighborhood and dread Monday.

My partner started giving him projects out at our shop - easy things as he had zero experience in working with his hands. It started with his car. Clean it up. Polish the wheels. Change the oil. Replace the headlights. In short order his car looked pretty good again and so he sold it for a decent little bit of money and bought a well used dream truck that he now had the confidence to fix up.

Now he has a tool chest at my work. Shows up on weekends and does odd jobs. Bought some work clothes. Riffs like a roughneck. No more depression.

Now, he is working on his brother, who is even more in a depression than he is. He lost his job in Calgary a couple months ago and is almost out of money. He has to give up his place and move - so might as well be out here. Crash on his bros couch. But, to pay rent, he is gonna work for us for free.

If there is a common theme here, its get off your ass and learn some damn skills. Be around straight talking men. Have a purpose.
12-10-2019 11:42 AM
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flanders Offline
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Post: #10
RE: Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
See if you can get him to go outside and eat more red meat. People with sufficient levels of carnitine in the blood are at 50% lower risk of depression and going out in nature regularly reduces all kinds of ailments.
All the depressed people I know eat like shit and stay indoors. He has to fix these things and all else will follow. A carnivore diet will fix the whole issue within days if he has the moxy to go through with it.
12-10-2019 11:58 AM
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911 Offline
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RE: Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
Yes also more oily fish (salmon, mackerel, sardines), omega 3s are natural antidepressants. Get him into a sport he could enjoy, maybe an indoor recreational coed league.

λ ό γ ο ς
12-11-2019 11:01 AM
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Diocletian Offline
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RE: Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
(12-09-2019 09:25 PM)TheFinalEpic Wrote:  Have any of you experienced a close family member have suicidal thoughts and depression?

Yes, both--that was me for many years. Here are some things to consider from my own experience. I don't claim to have the ultimate answer, and these points are really only food-for-thought, but may be helpful.

Lifting weights is a big help because it gives you accomplishments--you set a goal for X number of reps at X amount of weight, and sticking with it means you can meet and then beat that goal and then set/meet ever-increasing goals. Then there's the supposed benefit of endorphins, but I'm sure others will be able to provide better information on that than I can. For most men, seeing your body become more fit and muscular will increase confidence. Try to switch him over to a keto diet if possible. If he might be interested in supplements, St. John's Wort has been helpful for me for both mood and sleep.

I never got into video games so I have nothing specific to say on that, but in general excessive media consumption isn't healthy.

Does he smoke weed or do any other drugs? Quitting drugs was a lifesaver for me; if you know you are an addict then you know you are a slave to negative and self-destructive habits, and successfully quitting those helps your attitude because it increases your confidence and "inner strength." You become your own man.

Quote:Thus, a good man, though a slave, is free; but a wicked man, though a king, is a slave. For he serves, not one man alone, but what is worse, as many masters as he has vices.

--St. Augustine of Hippo

Is he religious? Knowing and believing that the Ultimate Force In The Universe--i.e. the Holy Trinity--is on your side, and will support you, give you strength, give you emotional succor, give you forgiveness, will stand with you through dark times, and will be with you at your last day and beyond is a comfort that can overcome the worst mental anguish. He is a real presence that you can actually experience in objective reality. The point is not the threat of damnation--forget that entirely--but is rather the joy you feel upon walking away from the darkness and knowing that He will be there to walk with you--an imperfect being--into the Light and towards the resurrection of the spirit in this life and the life to come.

Quote:I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.

What kind of music does he listen to? For a long time I was a huge fan of black and death metal; I started listening to it in the early/mid 90s when it was pretty new. I gradually left that and switched over to mostly baroque which gave me a sense of a "well-ordered universe," and if God is Logos/Order then it makes sense. For me depression and mental illness was an outgrowth of disorder, and introducing order helped reverse that.

Does he have a job? All honest legal work is worthwhile no matter if you're flipping burgers, milking cows, trading securities, or designing apps. A legitimate paycheck is a recognition by society that you provided something of value and are not useless.

Finally, what are your parents and his girlfriend doing to support him? Since you're not living at home any more, she and your parents will need to be his main supports in this. Unfortunately there's a limit to what other people can do for him. Ultimately if he is going to walk away from this darkness then the choice and effort will have to be his. Sure this may sound cliche or trite, but that is really what it comes down to.

God bless you and your brother. I'll pray for him.
12-15-2019 12:09 AM
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Latan Offline
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RE: Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
(12-09-2019 09:25 PM)TheFinalEpic Wrote:  My brother is facing crippling depression [...] he is spiralling back to his old ways of sitting in front of a computer 10+ hours a day playing video games.

Everybody is different, so take what I'm about to say with a grain of salt.

When I was younger, I got depression for a couple of years.
The symptom which really stuck was my total inability to focus : after a few minutes trying to read something, trying to think about a subject, trying to talk, I'd be almost exhausted and needed to sleep.
I was then an avid gamer; but with my focus lost, I wasn't able at all to play video games : they just required too much attention, my brain couldn't provide it.

What I'm trying to say is : maybe your brother doesn't have "depression", just a lack of goal in his life, a sense of non purpose.
These are very different things and must be treated differently.
(This post was last modified: 12-15-2019 12:00 PM by Latan.)
12-15-2019 11:59 AM
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Iconoclast007 Offline
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RE: Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
Give him 5 grams of drued psylocibe cubensis mushrooms. Tell him to take alone. In silent darkness.
12-15-2019 01:02 PM
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Parlay44 Offline
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Post: #15
RE: Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
Guy Goes To Mexico To Kill Himself, Spends Week Doing Coke And Banging Hookers, Decides To Keep Living

https://totalfratmove.com/guy-goes-to-me...ep-living/

Team Nachos
12-15-2019 01:09 PM
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Er Miqué Offline
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RE: Helping my Brother through Deep Depression
I'd say there's no better cure to depression than those good military regimes: those good military regimes where treat you like shit without any remorse making you build character and mental strength to endure anything and not cry like a little bitch. So much commodity makes people heck o' weak nowadays, getting rid of such commodities and reflect on it sometimes makes one realize how beautiful one's life really is; going to poor and dangerous places and see literal human misery sometimes helps one realize how beautiful one's life is and how one really has a lot of opportunities like that saying once I heard: "once a kid only has shit to eat, he gets to appreciate the veggies".

Knowing why the depression is is very helpful too; it's not the same a depression made by porn, weed and internet abuse than a depression due to severe events like the death of someone loved or some really severe situation. Knowing why it happens can help you to figure out how to help him properly.

¡Oi!
12-15-2019 02:41 PM
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