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Where to raise children
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La Águila Negra Offline
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Post: #1
Where to raise children
Goodday gentlemen,

To you I come with a problem, an issue so to say.. Something that has been on my mind for a very long time. I feel indecisive about it and its weight is tremendous.

A short introduction: I am a 29 year old male from a North Western European country. I have two children with a Filipina woman (28 years old). The children are currently in the Philippines, with their mother. We are a couple, but unmarried. I live and work in a third country, also in Asia.

The oldest one is fast approaching kindergarten age. It feels as if the urgency of the decision-to-be is increasing.

Where to raise the kids?

Any man from my country, or any other part of the globe would probably tell me this in a heartbeat: take them to your homeland. But I waver, don't know whether that really is the best solution.

Some things to take into account:

+ Lack of support system in my country.

I am from a small family where everyone boils their own soup. A couple of hours per week on Sunday morning is as far as the ties go. My boomer parents have shown a remarkable disinterest in their grandchildren. I myself have been away for such a long time that most of my previous friendships have faltered.

My Filipina girlfriend, on the other hand, has a huge support system. It aint a perfect family, but everyone is there for one another. People go out of their way to help their kin.

+ Housing costs

The real estate bubble continues to grow in my country. For people my age its now straight up impossible to own property. Unless boomer parents help out (yeah right) or two childless university grads pool their incomes. So you'll be renting (a third of my income?) and most likely in a low income/ criminal neighbourhood

In the Philippines we already have enough funds to build our own home. Close to her family and surrounded by nature

+ Dumbass people

People in the Philippines are dumb as f*ck. And strangely proud of it. And they have a horrible mentality too, in many different ways. I don't want my children to be exposed to this.

But then again, we now have a completely imported underclass of good for nothing people as well.

+ Education

The Philippines has an incredibly low educational standard. Even private education is poor. Its better in my country but it's sliding downhill fast. At what point is moving back not worthwhile anymore?

+ Economy

The Philippines is a pisspoor country. The level of poverty you see is abject. But the economy is growing, be it step by step. 10 years ago things were way worse and in 10 years things will be one level up again.

Whereas in my country everybody, at this stage, is negative and gloomy about the future. There is this sense of being in the latter stage of a cycle. From here on things will only get worse. And I am merely talking finances now. And things have been getting much more expensive already

+ Career

Our careers are in Asia. We just make a lot more money here. If we'd go back I'd have to start from scratch (with a by nw worthless degree) and she'd be a housewife (no income) or a cleaning lady.


Hope to find people here who have been through a similar dilemma. Maybe we can share ideas. But even if you haven't but still have valuable information to share: please do.
(This post was last modified: 01-12-2020 09:13 PM by La Águila Negra.)
01-12-2020 09:11 PM
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MajorStyles Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Where to raise children
I have been thinking about this lately as well. I would like to hear some input. I have two small children who will someday be grown, and I fear what will become of them in the United States.

"Action still preserves for us a hope that we may stand erect." - Thucydides (from History of the Peloponnesian War)
01-13-2020 02:47 AM
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the-dream Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Where to raise children
I live in the Philippines and will probably someday have children with a Filipina woman and this is something that crosses my mind too.

I really don't think the Philippines is a good place to raise children.

Here are some reasons...

- Metro Manila is too polluted for children to be healthy. Anywhere outside of Metro Manila is too undeveloped and uncultured.
- Lazy, beggars attitude is seen as normal and acceptable
- The extended family will probably treat your children in a weird way for them being half-foreign even if they don't have any bad intentions (which they probably will), rather than just like normal children, and aunties etc. will encourage their children to treat your children in said weird way.
- Massive classism/racism that will make it impossible for the children to grow up with healthy views of other people
- Overly invasive gay culture

However, I think it is important that they get a taste of the Philippines and know how to speak the language, fit in etc. But I think it's also important that they know the world view there is just one world view and they have a more Western world view as their primary one. The same applies with whatever your home country is. I think it's important that they feel like they fit in there.

I think the ideal solution would be to have a 3rd base that is your home and is generally a healthy place to raise children but with frequent, extended trips to you and their mother's country.

I'm far from having a solution but this is something that I think about.
01-13-2020 03:28 AM
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RawGod Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Where to raise children
You're away from your kids now, correct? Wouldn't the continued absence of their father be worse for them than choosing the "wrong" country?

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01-13-2020 06:56 AM
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aeroektar Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Where to raise children
I'd never raise kids in metro manila, and I'd never choose to live there. Cebu also wouldn't be an option but maybe within a couple hours drive of it. Davao possibly because it's clean, orderly, much safer and more conservative then the other big cities. Alabang could be the best option if you need to be near Manila. I wouldn't want to be too far from a major city or airport because the healthcare is notoriously horrible even in places like Dumaguete. I'd try to choose a small city that has something going for it, pick a private community, and put your kids in private school. I personally see this as a better option then raising kids in clownworld. Filipino culture has problems but honestly, stepping back and looking at the whole situation right now, the major cities of the west and the areas within their sphere of influence are no go zones in my opinion for raising a family.

Filipinos will treat a well put together foreigner with a wife and kids with more respect then some washed up sexpat. You'll still be an outsider, but it won't be as bad as some people make it sound. Majority of upper class Filipinos would probably be glad to have you raising your family in their community. Not to mention hapa kids are at a huge advantage and get preferential treatment in the country.
01-13-2020 07:44 AM
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La Águila Negra Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Where to raise children
@RawGod Yes and no. Right now that's indeed the situation but be we both live and work in China. China is not considered a long term option by the two of us for a plethora of reasons.

We are in agreement though about the necessity of a father in the household. On a daily basis that is.

@the-dream. You raise interesting points. The gay culture is something that is indeed repulsive. It would seem difficult to escape: hissing and kissing sounds while walking the street, transgender/ obviously gay talkshow hosts, feminized men that are being elevated as a model of success.. A short anecdote..Couple of months ago I ran into a group of gay-acting streetkids.. I think they were about 9-10 years old.. kept following me for blocks whilst wiggling their bums and shouting profanities. You should imagine that all of this went down with them wearing ripped and dirty clothes and walking barefoot. Bizarre.

The bad news is that you really can't keep gays and gay culture out of your kids' daily lives. Even worse is that your kids, being considered 'beautiful', will be prey for these deviants.

About the classism/ tribalism.. I don't think it's much of a negative to be honest.. Isn't that what is being preached on this forum? Put your own people, your own tribe, your own family first. Not saying that you should shit on those who have it harder or just had less luck in life, but prioritize your own family, people and religion.

Half European/ White half Asian children do indeed get the preferential treatment in the Philippines. To the extent where it makes me feel uncomfortable. My mother-in-law is very open in her favouritism towards her half white grandchildren. It's unhealthy for both the family and the kids. They get an undeserved sense of entitlement and inflated self-worth, whilst trouble might start brewing in the extended family

I must say that their playmates actually treat them like equals. Also keep in mind that half Filipino half foreign children are starting to get normal these days.. In the subdivision where my girlfriend lives there is 1 half black American boy, 3 half Japanese boys (same fam), a half Dutch boy, a half American girl.. On top of that a couple of months ago a South Korean guy moved his 4 year old daughter and his wife to Seoul

Anyway , I appreciate your response. All the best
01-13-2020 09:23 AM
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MajorStyles Offline
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RE: Where to raise children
I am American and married to a Dominican woman (we also have two children). We have bounced between both places and, at this moment, I think it's the best approach. That way she can understand my decision(s) regarding to the pros/cons of each place.

My situation is similar. The US is more developed but sliding. The DR is relaxed, but comes with all the cons of living in a poor country.

I would say it's better to raise children in the wealthier section(s) of a poor country: i.e. send them to private school, keep them in the moneyed crowd.

"Action still preserves for us a hope that we may stand erect." - Thucydides (from History of the Peloponnesian War)
(This post was last modified: 01-13-2020 09:47 AM by MajorStyles.)
01-13-2020 09:47 AM
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Enigma Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Where to raise children
(01-12-2020 09:11 PM)La Águila Negra Wrote:  Our careers are in Asia. We just make a lot more money here. If we'd go back I'd have to start from scratch (with a by nw worthless degree) and she'd be a housewife (no income) or a cleaning lady.

Is this thread about raising your children or maximizing your income? Because your wife staying home would be a tremendous positive for your children.
01-13-2020 10:01 AM
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whitewashedblackguy Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Where to raise children
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01-13-2020 10:49 AM
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JiggyLordJr Offline
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Post: #10
RE: Where to raise children
The only way to make this work 100% is to insulate them from the culture of poverty that runs rampant in backwater countries like Phils, Indo, and so on. And by insulation I mean taking measures to ensure that the pervasive low-Iq culture doesn't rub off on your kids. In more practical terms: International English schools, high-class social circles (generally comes with the schooling), and pleasant surroundings. This will take money (and quite a bit), but much less than it would be to achieve the equivalent in your home land . The prohibitive costs and divorce culture make NW Europe a no go for raising kids. I say raise em in Phils but only if you can afford a high quality of life for them.
01-13-2020 11:32 AM
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FullThrottleTX Offline
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Post: #11
RE: Where to raise children
(01-12-2020 09:11 PM)La Águila Negra Wrote:  I am from a small family where everyone boils their own soup. A couple of hours per week on Sunday morning is as far as the ties go. My boomer parents have shown a remarkable disinterest in their grandchildren. I myself have been away for such a long time that most of my previous friendships have faltered.

I'm with you on this, I think having a support system is probably the most important factor for the both of you.
Maybe try to have a better attitude about your wife's culture, it seems overly negative and it's going to show in the presence of inlaws. If you can't respect your wife's culture, that's bound to create conflict honestly...

You can always find an international school to send your kid to, they have those everywhere.
(This post was last modified: 01-13-2020 10:51 PM by FullThrottleTX.)
01-13-2020 10:48 PM
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La Águila Negra Offline
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RE: Where to raise children
@ MajorStyles Does that mean your children are enrolled in a private school in the DR? Seems like a costly hassle, maintaining two houses in two different countries, buying plane tickets (x4) every other month etc. I personally am more inclined to having one base, wherever that is, and regarding the other country as a (special) holiday destination.

Anyway, the only thing that I want to suggest is to make sure they grow up around something more than a set of ideas. The world is still a very tribal place, and it will always be like that. That's human nature. Shape their identity in a certain manner. I don't want my kids to grow up like some of the 'bi-cultural' upper class American kids. They aren't White, they aren't Asian (or Dominican), they don't have a firm religious identity, nor a sense of classism. Just floating around directionless in a globalist world with their humanist parents constantly telling them that 'we are all the same'. And then they wonder why so many of them end completely messed up.

@Enigma Yes of course. Theoretically it would be the best scenario. However I am sure that you are well aware that raising a family on one average income these days is borderline impossible

@FullThrottleTX Thank you for your positive feedback sir. You are right about my attitude. I like to call a spade a spade and always speak my mind even when it's better not to. I am from a place where people value honesty, hard work, discipline, intellectual achievements and moral standards. If those are your principles to live by then the Philippines are going to be tough. Fortunately my girlfriend understands and mostly agrees. So these days when there is something bothersome I blow off steam to her, and she then kindly relays the message. Problem solved
01-15-2020 10:42 PM
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FullThrottleTX Offline
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Post: #13
RE: Where to raise children
(01-15-2020 10:42 PM)La Águila Negra Wrote:  @FullThrottleTX Thank you for your positive feedback sir. You are right about my attitude. I like to call a spade a spade and always speak my mind even when it's better not to. I am from a place where people value honesty, hard work, discipline, intellectual achievements and moral standards. If those are your principles to live by then the Philippines are going to be tough. Fortunately my girlfriend understands and mostly agrees. So these days when there is something bothersome I blow off steam to her, and she then kindly relays the message. Problem solved

Where in Europe do they value any of those things?
01-15-2020 11:06 PM
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the-dream Offline
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Post: #14
RE: Where to raise children
(01-15-2020 10:42 PM)La Águila Negra Wrote:  Anyway, the only thing that I want to suggest is to make sure they grow up around something more than a set of ideas. The world is still a very tribal place, and it will always be like that. That's human nature. Shape their identity in a certain manner. I don't want my kids to grow up like some of the 'bi-cultural' upper class American kids. They aren't White, they aren't Asian (or Dominican), they don't have a firm religious identity, nor a sense of classism. Just floating around directionless in a globalist world with their humanist parents constantly telling them that 'we are all the same'. And then they wonder why so many of them end completely messed up.

Yeah that's the downside of raising them in a 3rd country. Even in the Philippines, you need to be careful about it. I've met so many Filipinos that can barely speak Tagalog and only speak English in a weird accent, saying they're always about to go join their "tita" in "the States" (but never do). I wouldn't want to raise them in the slums around the leech mentality but if they only go to their top private school then there's a danger that they will only socialise with those types and become a cultural outcast in their own country. A balance needs to be struck.
01-16-2020 01:49 AM
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La Águila Negra Offline
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Post: #15
RE: Where to raise children
@FullThrottleTX

Areas with strong Calvinist/ Protestant roots I'd say. Northern Germany, the German speaking parts of Switzerland, Scotland, the Scandinavian countries and the historically Protestant parts of the Netherlands come to mind. This is just from personal experience and mingling with both young and old people from these countries mind you.

Not talking about the pozzed cities but about the rural/ small city backbone of society
01-16-2020 02:45 AM
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PixelFree Offline
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Post: #16
RE: Where to raise children
Is there a high end International / Private school you can send them to in the Phillipines? e.g. the one that the politicians kids go to?

Alternatively, why not a nearby 1st world country like Singapore or Japan?
01-19-2020 02:18 AM
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