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How I got over my fear of going out solo
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Screwston Offline
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Thumbs Up How I got over my fear of going out solo
A few people have requested a data sheet from me on this. It's hard to believe that I would of never, ever considered going out solo before I found this forum. I'm typing from my phone while eating a peanut butter sandwich so ask any questions if you want to know more after reading this. I want to start off by saying if I can go out alone, you can do it. I really had to push myself and let my nuts hang the first few times. Im a short, skinny guy but i've always walked with my head high. Just do the same and you'll be ok. I dont really know how to write a data sheet on it so maybe my experiences will inspire you to get off your ass and make magic happen.

http://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-1552.html
That's where it started. I've been fucking lizards for about 7 years now but never went out alone at night to look for them. If my boy couldn't make it, I'd sit at home and try to get one of my hoes over...or jack off. Going out solo? That thought never even crossed my mind.

I can only shake my head when I think back of the first few times I tried all of this. I drove to the spots and ended up driving back home before I even parked. I would see the crowds of people, all the cars parked outside and get nervous. I'm naturally a very quiet, introverted guy. The thought of going in those places without a buddy to have my back made me feel naucious. Kind of like giving a speech in front of a classroom.

I finally told myself to stop being a pussy and at least walk in somewhere. "You're a good looking guy who's fucked more girls than most guys will in their lifetime. Just relax". I smoked some and took a few shots before I hopped in my car. I wasn't going to come back home until I went inside a bar and at least attempted to talk to some dddgirls.

The first bar I tried was a Latin bar/club that i'd been to twice with someone. It was packed and everyone was in groups. I felt my stomach do flips when I got inside and I contemplated turning around. I got a beer and posted up in a spot with heavy traffic (thanks Roosh and gmanifesto for that tip). I talked to a few girls who came to get drinks but fell off my game when a girl asked if I was alone and gave me a constipated face. I didn't know what to say and mumbled "uhhh" before she looked at me nasty again and walked off. Her face and comment really pissed me off. Some old school guy was standing next to me and laughing. "Dont worry about that bitch man. You gonna let her ruin your night?". I probably would of got wasted and left if it wasn't for that guy. I made myself talk to girls after what he told me. I was getting shut down left and right but it felt good. I didn't need someone with me at night for the first time. I remember driving home and thinking "I can't believe I just did that".

As I started going out solo more, it gradually got easier and felt more natural. The first time was the hardest and it wasnt even hard. It's like when youre a kid and you're scared to take the training wheels off. It's game over when they come off and you're wondering why you didn't do it a long time ago.

That first night inspired me to go to concerts alone, art events, museums, anywhere I could possibly fuck a girl. I felt "player baptized" and like I was seeing the light for the first time. I truly believe if I can do it, anyone can. Hell, think of me not even being able to park my car because I was so scared of what was inside if it makes it easier for you.
(This post was last modified: 01-28-2012 09:38 PM by Screwston.)
01-28-2012 09:32 PM
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Hencredible Casanova Offline
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
(01-28-2012 09:32 PM)houston Wrote:  A few people have requested a data sheet from me on this. It's hard to believe that I would of never, ever considered going out solo before I found this forum. I'm typing from my phone while eating a peanut butter sandwich so ask any questions if you want to know more after reading this. I want to start off by saying if I can go out alone, you can do it. I really had to push myself and let my nuts hang the first few times. Im a short, skinny guy but i've always walked with my head high. Just do the same and you'll be ok. I dont really know how to write a data sheet on it so maybe my experiences will inspire you to get off your ass and make magic happen.

http://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-1552.html
That's where it started. I've been fucking lizards for about 7 years now but never went out alone at night to look for them. If my boy couldn't make it, I'd sit at home and try to get one of my hoes over...or jack off. Going out solo? That thought never even crossed my mind.

I can only shake my head when I think back of the first few times I tried all of this. I drove to the spots and ended up driving back home before I even parked. I would see the crowds of people, all the cars parked outside and get nervous. I'm naturally a very quiet, introverted guy. The thought of going in those places without a buddy to have my back made me feel naucious. Kind of like giving a speech in front of a classroom.

I finally told myself to stop being a pussy and at least walk in somewhere. "You're a good looking guy who's fucked more girls than most guys will in their lifetime. Just relax". I smoked some and took a few shots before I hopped in my car. I wasn't going to come back home until I went inside a bar and at least attempted to talk to some dddgirls.

The first bar I tried was a Latin bar/club that i'd been to twice with someone. It was packed and everyone was in groups. I felt my stomach do flips when I got inside and I contemplated turning around. I got a beer and posted up in a spot with heavy traffic (thanks Roosh and gmanifesto for that tip). I talked to a few girls who came to get drinks but fell off my game when a girl asked if I was alone and gave me a constipated face. I didn't know what to say and mumbled "uhhh" before she looked at me nasty again and walked off. Her face and comment really pissed me off. Some old school guy was standing next to me and laughing. "Dont worry about that bitch man. You gonna let her ruin your night?". I probably would of got wasted and left if it wasn't for that guy. I made myself talk to girls after what he told me. I was getting shut down left and right but it felt good. I didn't need someone with me at night for the first time. I remember driving home and thinking "I can't believe I just did that".

As I started going out solo more, it gradually got easier and felt more natural. The first time was the hardest and it wasnt even hard. It's like when youre a kid and you're scared to take the training wheels off. It's game over when they come off and you're wondering why you didn't do it a long time ago.

That first night inspired me to go to concerts alone, art events, museums, anywhere I could possibly fuck a girl. I felt "player baptized" and like I was seeing the light for the first time. I truly believe if I can do it, anyone can. Hell, think of me not even being able to park my car because I was so scared of what was inside if it makes it easier for you.

Congrats for gaining good experience in another dimension of the game. It takes real determination and persistence to muster the will and energy to get comfortable rolling dolo. The confidence you've acquired will manifest and provide value in other situations as well. +1 man. Keep it up.
01-28-2012 09:52 PM
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mofo Offline
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
Congratulations
(This post was last modified: 02-14-2016 06:51 AM by mofo.)
01-28-2012 09:58 PM
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scorpio Offline
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
Rolling dolo with style sends a powerful message by itself.

Also, you can avoid having to try out bad wingmen who either lack game or cockblock. If you're gaming long enough, you'll know wingmen come and go b/c most will drop out at some point to settle down. Or you move.

This type of style is more natural for guys (like me) who tend to be solo in alot of their normal endeavors. But for the more social young G's out there, I'd say you want to try it out in less pressured situations like the neighborhood bar first before stepping up to a nightclub.
01-28-2012 10:00 PM
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at350zguyy Offline
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
@houston i started doing the same things this past summer and my confidence skyrocketed after the first time getting shutdown. going through this process is a baptism indeed.
01-28-2012 10:23 PM
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drymarro Offline
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
Forgot who said it but "I don't have any friends" (something along those lines) is a good response to a question like that. Pretty much the best thing you can say.. just say it in a confident and serious way.
I'm going to write a report on going out solo to college parties. Expect it within the next 2 weeks.
(This post was last modified: 01-28-2012 10:28 PM by drymarro.)
01-28-2012 10:28 PM
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mofo Offline
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
(01-28-2012 10:28 PM)drymarro Wrote:  Forgot who said it but "I don't have any friends" (something along those lines) is a good response to a question like that. Pretty much the best thing you can say.. just say it in a confident and serious way.
I'm going to write a report on going out solo to college parties. Expect it within the next 2 weeks.

That's very James Bond.
(This post was last modified: 02-14-2016 04:06 AM by mofo.)
01-28-2012 10:43 PM
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misterstir Offline
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
Unless your friend is single and into game, he will only slow you down. 99% of us don't have friends into game, especially when we start out. In fact the most succesful players I know have no male friends unless those men are also players.

In fact I see rolling out with more than 2 male friends is an insta barrier to getting women. No girl is going to approach a guy in a big group. From now on, I never go out with more than 2 people not counting myself and I always try to have it as a guy and a girl. For whatever reason that mix seems to work good. 3 guys = sausage fest, 2 girls = women think your a player, 1 of each they don't know what to think, you can use that girl to make other girls jealous or whatever. But going out with a friend who is not down for gaming will just mean he will follow you around as you try to game because he'll have nothing else to do and that will only scare away pussy for you.
01-28-2012 11:05 PM
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pitt Offline
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
I dont really like the idea of going out solo to nightclubs.

When i was under 18, i used to go to lots of under18s parties in London solo. Most of my friends were always broke and stayed around the hood, but because i used to love chicks whining on me so much, i used to go out solo and usually had a great time and never got into any trouble.

However the types of places that i usually like to party, tends to bring lots of tough people or wannabe thugs. So if you get into a fight in one of these places, you're in serious trouble.

I like to day game solo but night time, i like to run with a bunch of good-bad boys type of friends.

But congratulations on rolling solo man, it takes some balls and strong emotional skills.
01-29-2012 02:01 AM
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speakeasy Offline
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
I never imagined Houston as the quiet, introverted type for some reason. That's another thing I might want to chat with you about some time, game tailored for more introverted dudes who aren't yappy like those RSD guys. Anyway, I've gone out a couple times by myself. I had those same butterflies in the stomach feeling like you mentioned. Feeling like I was about to give a speech or something. The main problem for me though was that not having a buddy there to chat with and laugh about shit makes me withdraw into my head. Having that conversation and laughs on the way in gets your social energy up. When you're feeling fun and sociable it's so much easier to open conversations. That's my main gripe about solo game, along with feeling insecure about having no social proof. A few months back I went to a bar where a friend was supposed to meet me but was running way late. So I was hanging there for about an hour by myself. I was talking to a set of 3 girls and one asked me where were my friends. I just told them the truth. I said, "My buddy is on his way here." They didn't look at me strange or anything. I guess I could use that in the future.

How comfortable you feel though depends a lot on the setup of the venue. It has to have a setup that encourages mingling. If there's a lot of booths and tables and few seats at the bar, then not the ideal place to be. I'd prefer to be somewhere more on the crowded side. Otherwise girls might be more likely to notice that you are that guy standing there for the last hour alone. That's all it takes to be labeled a "creeper". When there aren't a lot of targets around, I sometimes just don't know what to do with myself. So I start fiddling with my phone or something. I don't want to just stare into space or be looking around too much. If there's a TV with a game on I can at least pretend to be watching it until some targets are nearby.
01-29-2012 04:50 AM
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
I'm impressed you went out solo without getting completely trashed.

I go out solo every once in a while, but usually to bars where I've worked with the tenders and then I post up and let the rum flow. I will score, but the variance in quality tells me I need to work on my lower-bounds.

A good way to get into going out solo in a fun way is to memorize some "games" where you're wagering drinks by heart - I really don't use routines, but I like to have a few funny crowd-pleasers up my sleeve. I'll hustle a girl for a drink or beer, it gets her laughing and you can use it on several girls in the same night. After you're "approved", you can bounce from group to group without pressure or worrying about getting bored.

This is one hustle that's kinda stupid, but it's won me many pints:

Wager for a beer/drink, and the wager is you bet she can't repeat the same moves you're about to make. Remind her it's important to follow you closely. Has to be done with a glass, bottles won't do. Save it until 15-20 minutes into the interaction when already thinks you're cool and you guys are having a decent convo.

Do everything slowly so she has a chance to follow.

I place my hands on the table/bar, one on each side of my glass, so does she. I move one hand forward, then back, then the other forward, then back. She's going to think it's a "mirroring" challenge. I take a sip from my drink, so does she. I DON'T SWALLOW, I just keep the sip in my mouth without saying anything. Naturally, she swallows.

Then I repeat the hand movement as before. So does she, wondering why I am so retarded. Then I take my glass, raise it to my mouth as if to toast (she HAS to look you in the eyes while doing this). She does the same.

Then I spit the sip out back into my glass, and she cracks up.

I know some guys are going to think it's retarded, and it is, but the girl always laugh at how silly it is, because of course, she swallowed her sip so she can't spit the beer out. Drink is won, she's invested, she thinks you're cheeky, so now it's up to you if you take it to the next level of attraction.

Naturally, if you can pull off the right ironic tone, you can say: "Glad to see you're a girl who doesn't spit, but swallows," for which you can tease her afterwards... I'd just make sure I knew the girl had an ironic sense of humor and how seriously she takes herself.

A year from now you'll wish you started today
(This post was last modified: 01-29-2012 08:16 AM by ElJefe.)
01-29-2012 08:07 AM
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
El Jefe, your avatar is hilarious.
01-29-2012 08:53 AM
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ElJefe Offline
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
Procrastination can be glorious.

A year from now you'll wish you started today
01-29-2012 10:48 AM
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the_conductor Offline
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
Going solo for me is the only way I can get practice on my game regularly. If I always have to wait for my buddies to feel like it to go out, I'll never get consistent.

Good thing for me is it's a major money saver. The nightclubs where I'm at are all bottle service oriented, so when I go out in groups, we usually each pitch in for bottles of whiskey at the club. When I go out alone, it's at most one beer per venue. Most of the time, I don't buy any drinks at all, so I only have to pay for my cab fare for the entire night. When I approach a group, if they're receptive and see I don't have a drink they'll always get me a glass and pour me one from their bottle. I'll be gaming at that group, mixed with walking around to game others at the club on "trips to the bathroom".
01-29-2012 11:08 AM
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
I go out solo about 90% of the time. As Houstons post illustrates it does take determination and persistence to be able to do it comfortably and successfully-you have to want to succeed very badly. Of course, this is true of any important endeavor in life- effort and passion are requisites.
Inner Game is critical-you have to be solid and confident. Women are amazingly perceptive in sniffing out weakness in men-if you are tired, distracted, questioning your worth or just not feeling it on a particular night they somehow pick up on this and you're going to have rough sledding.
One technique i have found invaluable is to have a mental model of the type of persona you want to exhibit and to refer to it frequently. My particular model is Daniel Craig as James Bond.His portrayal of Bond's personality is very close to my natural persona- smirky, assholish, teasing, introspective,sophisticated, somewhat cold, not very talkative, tough when necessary- so it works for me. A girl said to me recently, " You're not very approachable-you walk around looking like you want to kick somebody in the balls." (heh)
Some girls are very attracted to this type of guy,others not. So be it-you can't appeal to every girl.
My choice of model persona certainly is not for most -use one appropriate for your personality and aspirations. It's just a technique to help you stay "in state" as the pua's say- when you are solo its very easy to get trapped in your own head and start generating negative scenarios.
In nightclubs and "party" type bars it's important to not spend a long time just standing around-this will start to give off the creeper vibe. Spend ten minutes getting a drink and assessing the situation and the try to approach. Even talk to guys if you have to. This is less critical at upscale lounges and events, though, and at large clubs where you can move form room to room. If you feel like you're getting to the point where you've been standing around alone too long, just leave. You can always come later when the crowd has turned over and try again.
Here's my response to "Where are your friends"
Me:" I don't have any friends" while smirking and bertstaring her into submission.(Got this from Roissy) Works great. This question doesn't get asked as much as you might imagine however.

"If anything's gonna happen, it's gonna happen out there!- Captain Ron
01-29-2012 02:29 PM
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hunter7 Offline
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
don´t drink and drive!
01-29-2012 03:16 PM
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Screwston Offline
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
Speakeasy - get at me if you have questions about being introverted. You would be shocked if you could see me at 18. Completely different person. I talk but don't ramble to much. I'll always be a naturally quiet guy, but I also know that close mouths don't get fed...or get their dicks sucked Wink

If anyone has any questions, ask them in here so everyone can get the information.
01-29-2012 03:59 PM
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
Damn Houston, I remember months ago when you first started posting on the forum, you have really come a long way in a short time. Now you're GIVING the advice. That was definitely an inspiring story. I was out solo last night, I went to 3 different places and had a great time. Granted I knew some of the background people when I showed up but, that's how it starts.

ElJefe, I like that gimmick. I'm doing it. I can totally pull off the spit/swallow comment
01-29-2012 04:03 PM
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
What are some good ways to approach groups at college parties? Does the same rules apply? For example if I were to go to a small private college party by sneaking in with some people I don't know.. (I'd be by myself).


^^I've done this a couple of times but trying different methods - not having a lot of success.(Haven't read Bang though so idk)
01-29-2012 04:13 PM
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Amour Fou Offline
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
(01-29-2012 08:53 AM)Hencredible Casanova Wrote:  El Jefe, your avatar is hilarious.

I'm hypnotized.

Anyhow...

@ houston

Congrats man. I'm still working on my solo game, but I guess I'm ok with it nowadays, but there are days that I fall back into my old patterns and fear takes over. But there are days I can do it without any problems... I guess it is part of the process.

I have to say that I only started going out alone (on some few occasions) while away from my home turf. Boy, was that an testicle-enhancing experience!

What are your taken on venue selection while going solo? My guess is that bars and lounges are harder than clubs, where you can roam around more. What you say?

You see, all I know is ball, and good, and...
01-29-2012 08:20 PM
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Parlay44 Offline
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
(01-28-2012 11:05 PM)misterstir Wrote:  Unless your friend is single and into game, he will only slow you down. 99% of us don't have friends into game, especially when we start out. In fact the most succesful players I know have no male friends unless those men are also players.

In fact I see rolling out with more than 2 male friends is an insta barrier to getting women. No girl is going to approach a guy in a big group. From now on, I never go out with more than 2 people not counting myself and I always try to have it as a guy and a girl. For whatever reason that mix seems to work good. 3 guys = sausage fest, 2 girls = women think your a player, 1 of each they don't know what to think, you can use that girl to make other girls jealous or whatever. But going out with a friend who is not down for gaming will just mean he will follow you around as you try to game because he'll have nothing else to do and that will only scare away pussy for you.

That's how I feel these days. Great comment.

Team Nachos
01-29-2012 09:04 PM
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el mechanico Offline
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
(01-29-2012 09:04 PM)Parlay44 Wrote:  
(01-28-2012 11:05 PM)misterstir Wrote:  Unless your friend is single and into game, he will only slow you down. 99% of us don't have friends into game, especially when we start out. In fact the most succesful players I know have no male friends unless those men are also players.

In fact I see rolling out with more than 2 male friends is an insta barrier to getting women. No girl is going to approach a guy in a big group. From now on, I never go out with more than 2 people not counting myself and I always try to have it as a guy and a girl. For whatever reason that mix seems to work good. 3 guys = sausage fest, 2 girls = women think your a player, 1 of each they don't know what to think, you can use that girl to make other girls jealous or whatever. But going out with a friend who is not down for gaming will just mean he will follow you around as you try to game because he'll have nothing else to do and that will only scare away pussy for you.

That's how I feel these days. Great comment.
So true. Go out with your boys to drink beer and watch football. If you want to pull go solo.

Most of my friends are stage10 cockblocks and white knights. They have no clue what they're doing and I believe that sometimes they actually go out of the way to ruin easy pussy for themselves.
01-29-2012 09:11 PM
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
I'm on the same boat as you guys. I'm still working on the solo thing.

I believe it will get more natural with time.

Inspiring post Houston.

Chicks need to be on rotation like a Netflix queue
01-29-2012 09:56 PM
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
Here's an easy way to work up to going out solo:

Go out to the bar on a night/evening you're not intending to pull. Go after work or school and just have a drink and watch the game, sitting by yourself. You'll lose your nervousness because there's nothing weird about sitting at the bar and watching TV.

Then, when you roll solo on the weekend, get there early enough to stake out a high-traffic spot to hang out. It'll be exactly the same, except you just open the people around you. That's what I've done the last week to get back into rolling solo.
(This post was last modified: 01-29-2012 10:07 PM by RandalGraves.)
01-29-2012 10:07 PM
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RE: How I got over my fear of going out solo
^I understand you guys completely. I have about 70 or so guys friends, mostly from high school and university who I could call up to hang out with. But of all of them, only 1 or 2 would I club with. In fact my best friend I wouldn't club with because I am certain he'd cock block me without even knowing it. Only those 2 could possibly help me, and even at that I'm most succesful when I help them get their girl and then go find my own
01-29-2012 10:08 PM
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