19 Year Old Son's GF is Pregnant, Not My Problem

FrancisK

Kingfisher
Gold Member
You guys harping on OP need to read this again. He didn't abandon his son, sure maybe he didn't do EVERYTHING he could have but have none of you seen families where the children are out of control? I've seen it multiple times in my own extended family, whether both parents are there or only 1, sometimes the ONLY thing you can do is let the child go fuck their life up and figure it out on their own. It's sad and terrible but just like trying to save a drowning man if you don't let go they'll pull you down with them. Pray OP's son matures and sees the error of his ways, not that OP step up or own his failures.

Comes here for support and gets a beating...shame on you Christians in here berating this disabled man who from what I can tell did the best he knew how, which may not have equated to the best some of you would have given, but it was THE BEST HE COULD GIVE.

1000000% agree

So high and mighty to judge a man who did his best with a good heart as if you’re god, I’m sure all of you are perfect men who have no regrets in life must be so nice to think of yourselves as so perfect.

I’m sure all of you are just as humble as this man with his hat in his hand asking for guidance from his fellow brothers. Or are all of you so perfect that you’ve never made any mistakes? I’m sure all of your children and future children will be angels in the heaven you reign over.

Shame on you, even the old RooshV wouldn’t have been okay with this behavior. What now that we’ve turned to god it means we are holier than thou?
 

bmw633

Woodpecker
Before I answer, please understand, I'm very sorry you are going through this. I know how tough it is to be estranged from one's child.

So you were injured when your boy was 2? But he didn't punch you until he was 16? When did his Mom split up with you? How old was he? And again, why did you settle for seeing him only every other weekend? Trust me, I get that you got a raw shake on the way that his Mom raised him. I'm living that right now and that's tough.

I don't believe you can look at these things in a vacuum. What would I have done if he clocked me? Probably physically grab him and put the fear of God into him, I guess. I'd def respond in some manner, but not by calling the cops. That doesn't mean that you weren't trying to right by him and you...I just wouldn't have handled it that way.
I had herniated discs in my neck, had surgery and the pain became chronic, and was such I could not longer practice as a dentist. The pain meds prescribed impaired to where I could not work in my other profession as a pharmacist, either.

Financially, I managed to sell my dental practice at a fire sale, and got Social Security disability. I also get a private disability payment.

Not sure what could have been done to prevent an undevoted wife from leaving. I had come down with a pretty bad flu bug while on a trip with wife a year or so before my neck surgery. We were at a ski resort on Colorado, and I came down with chills and a fever, but she thought I was faking. She even called the airline looking for an earlier flight, planning to leave me there by myself!!! I begged her to stay, and later took me to an ER. Said I had bronchitis. The day after we returned, I came home from work and she had the same bug I had!! She told me she was sorry about how she treated me on the trip.

We had been going to counseling and a month before my surgery, I expressed my concern she would leave me after my surgery. The next counseling, the matter was brought up. Instead of "Of course I will take care of him and be there for him.", it was more, "I guess I can be there for him." It definitely put me on notice not to expect much from her.

From 2 to 16 years old, I had him every other weekend, a couple of weeks in the summer, and a week over Christmas, which is typical for my state, given we lived almost 2 hours away, and there was only so much I could do about it. If I had gone to court, I would be accused of being a drug addict, despite it being prescribed for a chronic pain condition.

He spent a lot of time with his maternal grandparents, who lived on the same street from the house my ex bought after the divorce, and I hoped their influence was a good one. But, my ex never told them about anything unless it was good, so he never faced consequences with them, either.

I hope my son can get his life turned around. But he will turn 20 this month, so I will call him when I fly back to the US, maybe he will pick up. Not sure the due date of the baby, know nothing about the girl. Not what I wished for him, but maybe something good will com out of it, after all.

One of the reasons I am telling this story is to show how important it is to really get to know a woman and be alert for red flags before getting into a committed relationship.
 
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Not sure what could have been done to prevent an undevoted wife from leaving. I had come down with a pretty bad flu bug while on a trip with wife a year or so before my neck surgery. We were at a ski resort on Colorado, and I came down with chills and a fever, but she thought I was faking. She even called the airline looking for an earlier flight, planning to leave me there by myself!!! I begged her to stay, and later took me to an ER. Said I had bronchitis. The day after we returned, I came home from work and she had the same bug I had!! She told me she was sorry about how she treated me on the trip.

We had been going to counseling and a month before my surgery, I expressed my concern she would leave me after my surgery. The next counseling, the matter was brought up. Instead of "Of course I will take care of him and be there for him.", it was more, "I guess I can be there for him." It definitely put me on notice not to expect much from her.

Straight up, this is about as scummy as it gets. Kicking your spouse to the curb and up and leaving when they are down like that is horrible. This part is on your ex. Again I'll ask- where were her parents in this? They were good with her leaving and moving next to them? That's pretty bad as well. Were your parents alive during this time? Where were they?
I'm pretty positive that this was traumatic for you, probably to this day. Jesus can help with this. He can carry your burdens, He can take away the pain. Talk to Him about this, He is well able to help you.

But honestly man, this is a terrible thing to go through. Just awful, and I'm sorry your ex did this. HORRIBLE. JUST HORRIBLE.

From 2 to 16 years old, I had him every other weekend, a couple of weeks in the summer, and a week over Christmas, which is typical for my state, given we lived almost 2 hours away, and there was only so much I could do about it. If I had gone to court, I would be accused of being a drug addict, despite it being prescribed for a chronic pain condition.

This is the part that you need to take responsibility for. So what if you would have been accused of being a drug addict? What's that got to do with anything? I'm sorry man, but that's no excuse for not fighting for your son. Do you live in the USA? Anything is possible with the corrupt family court junta, but I can tell you from watching cases for years that she in all likelihood would not have been allowed to move away if you had dug in and fought. You probably would have gotten 50/50 custody as well just based on the fact that you didn't have a job. You could have argued for primary and after a lot of posturing, there would have been a settlement for 50/50. That's how these cases go down. I'd imagine you probably got a lot of bad advice from people close to you and chose to capitulate rather than fight. Did you also choose to give her money without a fight? You need to take responsibility for that as well if that's what happened.

To a degree I can understand your decision as you were most likely reeling at the time, but again- 14 years is a long time to not recover. Many men have chased their exes around the country after making similar mistakes. I've seen stories of men literally buying a house next door to their exes. Others have filed custody mods if their exes wouldn't play ball in increasing their time, still others have worked with their exes to increase time and see their kids more.

Your big mistake was allowing your son to be raised by an immoral scumbag without a fight. This is where you need to try to make things right with your boy.

Our God is a God of reconciliation, mercy, and forgiveness. With His help, I do believe that anything is possible.
 
I had herniated discs in my neck, had surgery and the pain became chronic, and was such I could not longer practice as a dentist. The pain meds prescribed impaired to where I could not work in my other profession as a pharmacist, either.

Financially, I managed to sell my dental practice at a fire sale, and got Social Security disability. I also get a private disability payment.

Not sure what could have been done to prevent an undevoted wife from leaving. I had come down with a pretty bad flu bug while on a trip with wife a year or so before my neck surgery. We were at a ski resort on Colorado, and I came down with chills and a fever, but she thought I was faking. She even called the airline looking for an earlier flight, planning to leave me there by myself!!! I begged her to stay, and later took me to an ER. Said I had bronchitis. The day after we returned, I came home from work and she had the same bug I had!! She told me she was sorry about how she treated me on the trip.

We had been going to counseling and a month before my surgery, I expressed my concern she would leave me after my surgery. The next counseling, the matter was brought up. Instead of "Of course I will take care of him and be there for him.", it was more, "I guess I can be there for him." It definitely put me on notice not to expect much from her.

From 2 to 16 years old, I had him every other weekend, a couple of weeks in the summer, and a week over Christmas, which is typical for my state, given we lived almost 2 hours away, and there was only so much I could do about it. If I had gone to court, I would be accused of being a drug addict, despite it being prescribed for a chronic pain condition.

He spent a lot of time with his maternal grandparents, who lived on the same street from the house my ex bought after the divorce, and I hoped their influence was a good one. But, my ex never told them about anything unless it was good, so he never faced consequences with them, either.

I hope my son can get his life turned around. But he will turn 20 this month, so I will call him when I fly back to the US, maybe he will pick up. Not sure the due date of the baby, know nothing about the girl. Not what I wished for him, but maybe something good will com out of it, after all.

One of the reasons I am telling this story is to show how important it is to really get to know a woman and be alert for red flags before getting into a committed relationship.
Theres only so much one can do re custody etc. Im in a very similar position, i get my kids only weekends and perhaps 2 weeks over the school holidays. Had to fight like a madman in court for this, yes, was accused of all sorts of made up stories, but i dug my heels in.

Legal fees crippled me, and im not disabled like you, so i can only imagine how tough it was for you to handle the financial load. Never mind the mental anguish.Dont beat yrself up about it, hell, kids with perfect families/ homes often also turn out to be nut cases. He has made his own bed, let him sleep in it, all you can do is be there when he crashes and burns, then try to put out the fire,and get his life back together. My son has turned out ok, my daughter though, well thats another story.One thing no one mentions, is that yr sons behaviour must be like a knife to yr heart.
 

NoFunInAus

Kingfisher
Theres only so much one can do re custody etc. Im in a very similar position, i get my kids only weekends and perhaps 2 weeks over the school holidays. Had to fight like a madman in court for this, yes, was accused of all sorts of made up stories, but i dug my heels in.

Legal fees crippled me, and im not disabled like you, so i can only imagine how tough it was for you to handle the financial load. Never mind the mental anguish.Dont beat yrself up about it, hell, kids with perfect families/ homes often also turn out to be nut cases. He has made his own bed, let him sleep in it, all you can do is be there when he crashes and burns, then try to put out the fire,and get his life back together. My son has turned out ok, my daughter though, well thats another story.One thing no one mentions, is that yr sons behaviour must be like a knife to yr heart.

I disagree and I hope you and the OP repent on this statement. Your children are the product of your own doings. Worst of all; sins can be transferred intergenerationally. This is something my family is dealing with now. OP has a grandchild on the way, that should be his main focus even though he has a disability. No excuse is hidden under the sun.

The resentment I receive from my boomer parents is paramount, even though I'm by far the most grounded (faithful) one in all of my family (including extended) but I will still get chastised by them for not doing some bizarre act that they would consider "righteous" (for a boomer). BUT I am still communicating with them... and praying for them too. This is our duty.

You should forgive your son and do everything you can to make him see the Light. He might even forgive you. Sure, you've not had the easiest of lives but you're not dead either and God has blessed you with a grandchild, man.
 
O
I disagree and I hope you and the OP repent on this statement. Your children are the product of your own doings. Worst of all; sins can be transferred intergenerationally. This is something my family is dealing with now. OP has a grandchild on the way, that should be his main focus even though he has a disability. No excuse is hidden under the sun.

The resentment I receive from my boomer parents is paramount, even though I'm by far the most grounded (faithful) one in all of my family (including extended) but I will still get chastised by them for not doing some bizarre act that they would consider "righteous" (for a boomer). BUT I am still communicating with them... and praying for them too. This is our duty.

You should forgive your son and do everything you can to make him see the Light. He might even forgive you. Sure, you've not had the easiest of lives but you're not dead either and God has blessed you with a grandchild, man.
I love my children unconditionally, whats more is that i make sure they know it, every day. You say that children are the product of their parents doings, oh yes, i do agree.

But thats why i left my wife. I dont share my wife, and it certainly is not ok for my daughter to have any idea that such a lifestyle is ok. Would you not think that sometimes staying in a toxic relationship is perhaps more damaging to children?
 

Steiner

Sparrow
OP, I see that you have flown 172's. So let me put it this way. I think you need to look at this seemingly failed relationship like flight.
For everyone else here who may not know, when a plane crashes it does not just float into the ether.
It is thoroughly examined, and an AAR (Aviation Accident Report) is created.
I don't mean to sound cold OP and I am sorry for what you are going through, I have seen it in my own family.
But it may help you find peace if you analyze the situation from a birds eye view. Take both sides, what went wrong, what led to this result from the very beginning. It will hurt but the learning that can be had here can help the next generation of your family. Don't give up the fight.

I may be paraphrasing but based on your previous responses, you were a worldly man who had it all - wife, kids, business, toys. This was all stripped from you through your ailment, but the pain keeps coming through strained relationships and life has been hard. I wouldn't wish that on any man and I won't say your anger is unjustified. It is easy to judge from the outside, especially when posting on an anonymous forum. You have seen what the world can offer, and had more than many men ever will. Maybe the only answer for you is beyond this world itself. The only thing I can recommend is prayer, and I will keep you in mine.
 

Augustus_Principe

Woodpecker
What a tragedy. The one thing that does bother me, as many have pointed out, is that OP makes his problems public, but expects 0 criticism, because "we're all Christian". What did OP expect making your problems public? Now, there is a huge difference between pointing out the obvious (you failing your son, which you did. its a fact. but it is never too late to remedy this) vs kicking you while you're down. As Christian's, are we not able to point out your failures (which you have rationalized as the Mom's failings) when you are seeking help? If I were to post my issues, I would expect criticism and accept the reality. Yes, it hurts the ego, I know this, as most men who are truthful to themselves know. For example, If i lived a live of fornication, and now that I do not, I cannot find a suitable wife in my 30s, the fault is mine, not women for being "sluts".

The only fault the mother has here is Divorcing you. That is it. A woman cannot raise a Son. Blaming her for anything other than divorcing you is denial on your part. I find this to be very common (blaming moms for weak sons) among the blue-pilled crowd of Boomers/GenXrs. How ignorant does one have to be to believe a woman can raise a man? Of course back in the early 2000s you did not know this, but I hope now, you realize that a woman cannot raise a Son alone. You can even add a daughter to that. A single mom raising a Son will either result in a rebellious son, a soyboy, or a sodomite. Again, I'm only mentioning this so that it is a surprise to no one that a Mom raised a degenerate Son.

Second, The title of your thread is troubling, especially the "Not my problem" part. It IS your problem, he is your son.

But I digress. I wont go into it further because again, people here have already voiced their opinions which I agree with. At the very least, this is a prime example of the horrors of a secular marriage and the consequences of having a worldly upbringing. I appreciate OP for bringing his issues to light. it is not an easy thing to do. I pray that there will be a resolution in his family life.
 
Despite your best efforts, it's obvious like so many parents that you have decided to rely on cops and the system to raise your son. I find it silly you didn't try to negotiate with him during that last straw when he didn't want to get out of bed. I don't mean to preach but I would've simply asked him when he plans to get up and do the chores, I would try to negotiate, I wouldn't just attack his phone privileges right off the bat, that just creates resentment, although it's a good tool to use when shit really hits the fan, which was not the case here, refusing to get out of bed isn't evil in out of itself, though it is a lack of good. Kids respect their parents if the parents act in a respectable manner, and you saying it's not your problem any longer shows you've given up on him, maybe you've had enough but that's just weak. You have a grandchild. You're gonna wanna be a part of that some years from now. Do some research on parenting and negotiating, research assertiveness, and perhaps try to reintegrate your son in your life at some point, when you acquire the strenght to do so, just make sure to maintain healthy boundaries. Knowledge and its application will save you and it might save your family too so get your shit together because your work isn't done long as you breathe. I'll be praying for you.
 

Eddy

Chicken
Well, thanks, I needed that.......

Tell me more about what you see as my failure. I had spinal surgery, became disabled, and wife split after my surgery.

Aren't we as Christians supposed to encourage and edify each other?
Yes we are but on the other hand we are supposed to speak the truth in correction. Most likely this is related to genetics. Im guessing that it is easy to tell if he got it from your family or hers. By not teaching NATURE not nurture we delude ourselves into thinking that we can breed w any undomesticated rat and then raise rocket scientist saints and that's simply not true.
Just like dogs and horses, good genetics is step 1... and then NOT SPARING THE ROD.
I am likely not in prison because my mom was ruthless and took zero excuses and made zero excuses for me, and would knock me out of a chair in public. Was she always right ? No. But a certain respect is developed for the golden rule when it is enforced with instant violence for its dismissal.
I was out of control and she showed zero mercy for my consequences.
I called for bail money once that I had myself and was on my dresser at home and asked her to bring it to the police station and she said, "you and your friends got you into jail, you and your friends can get you out of jail." And then she hung up the phone. She always blamed me first, not my friends(and rightly).
It causes one to grow up and take responsibility when there is no easy escape route or get out of jail free card.
You chose your wife and bred w her and then obviously didn't discipline your kid near enough and neither did she.
We reap what we sow and that's not to be too hard on you because you likely got misdirected on child rearing etc, but do you still have a TV? If so then you are not learning. If you pay for cable amd netflicks then you are still way too far gone and by having any of them you are funding the next dads failure in the up and coming generation. God is outside time and space and can punish you for what you will do in the future to harm other fathers and their sons, so keep that in mind. See realjewnews.com and dailystormer.name .
 
I want to kind of reverse course a little bit. I have spoken to OP via PM and have learned that he had a valid reason for not going to the mat with his Ex wife. I'm not going to share it here, as it's private, but imo it's very legitimate....so much so that I had to apologize to him for some of my comments.

I think we should give him a break, he has been through a lot.
 

Trudatness

Chicken
A little background: son's mom and I split up back in 2003, but saw him every other weekend, holidays, and a couple of weeks in the Summer.

His mom was a helicopter parent who made sure there were no obstacles that he needed to learn to overcome himself. Never any consequences for his behavior.

When he became a teen, he fell in with a bad crowd, and mom started finding bongs and drug paraphernalia around the house. His mom would send me photos of the stuff, along with holes he punched through sheetrock in the house. She once even begged me to stay at her house to babysit him when he was 16, he was so out of control. Son said I could not stay there, and he wound up punching me in the face, so I called the police, and they charged him with assaulting me. Mom was mad that I called. Said it would ruin his life, my reply was letting it slide would ruin his life.

About 5 months later, despite living 90 miles away, she dropped him off at my house on a school night. I enrolled him in the local school, and tried to do my version of parenting. In the 8 months he stayed with me, the police was called 3 times. Shoved me once, another time threw his phone at me , and another time spat in my face, all while saying some pretty bad things at me. I have been disabled since 2003, so I wasn't about to get physical with him. The whole time he was with me, she had been messaging him several times a day telling him she wanted him back with her, which basically undermined my efforts to rein him in.

When the school term ended, he started saying he wanted to go back to live with his mom, and mom so happily agreed to take him back, that he promised to behave. "He is exactly the same kid you dropped off in November," I replied. So he left, and they returned to Mom's house, and the next week spent a week at the beach.

Friday of the next week, I got a dozen letters addressed to my son offering legal services, so I called his mom. She told me that he had been arrested Tuesday for possession of marijuana and trespassing while on vacation!!! She did not promptly inform me because she was embarrassed to admit I was right!! Got arrested in only 4 days with her!!!

Since I still had legal custody, I took a stand that he return immediately to my house, and after going easy for a couple of days, cooked some breakfast for him and asked him to do some chores. After an hour, I went to his room and he was still under the covers, almost 11am. He cussed at me, so I asked for his phone, so he cussed at me more. I went to his car to disconnect the battery to ground him when he ran out, shoved me, and punched me in the eye. The cop saw my swollen eye and charged him himself.

About two weeks after the assault, I heard a car in the driveway. Turned out it was my son's car, with a police car, as well. He came to get his things, did not call, message, or email me he was coming. Just slipping in the house and going upstairs to get his things. I visited with the same cop who arrested him for assaulting me, and after he loaded his car, then walked up to say he is sorry, like it was an afterthought. I decline to accept his apology, because if he had been sincere, he would have told me he was coming and apologized FIRST. Guess he wanted to snow over the cop and impress him.

The last time I saw him was in Juvenile court 2 years ago when he was still 17, and the judge ordered mandatory drug testing, counseling, and community service. Told him she would sentence him to a year in jail if he assaulted anyone during his probation.

Two years later, not a word from him, nor his mom. My oldest daughter keeps up with him, and she told my 91 year old mother that his GF is knocked up!!!!

If either of my daughters got pregnant in their teens, I would be more upset, but with my son, it feels more like kharma. Bet his mom is already trying to put a positive spin on things, probably getting a nursery ready.

Glad it is not my problem any longer. He made his bed, time to lie in it. I know there are other Roosh V members who have gone through the divorce machine and have had to deal with parental alienation, and there are some things you can do nothing about, so don't beat yourself up about it.
OP, I was a total fuck up - put my parents through hell. They spent 1000s trying to keep me out of jail, etc... Arrests, failed marriage with small children the whole nine. I was a mess.

Then one day I finally admitted that I was screwed up - I went to an A.A. meeting and raised my hand and say "I have no idea what I am doing, my has life unraveled beyond my control"

The universal response was "You've come to the right place."

I was asked if I was humble enough to do what was necessary and I said yes I was. I was told I had the gift of desperation.

I did what they asked. I read the Dr's Opinion in the Big Book everyday and took We Agnostics to heart. I learned to put trust in God and follow the path he was putting me on. 15 years later and I haven't touched a drink or drug since. Not just that, but I have reached personal levels of success nobody thought were remotely possible. I have surpassed my parents in earnings and wealth and have great relationships with friends and family.

Your son has been drinking and doing drugs since adolescence - just like I did - a telltale sign for people who have this issue. Some people respond to wake up calls (and having a kid is definitely that) and others don't. For those that don't the more difficult path is chosen. They stay on that path until they reach the point of desperation where humility is the only option, if they are lucky. If they are unlucky it leads them to their catastrophic ends. In your son's case, he also has issues of rage and violence and that will put him in prison sooner or later.

As far as the ex-wife is concerned, for you - that is the past. Having a wife, mother of your children leave you and take your kids away from your daily life is a heartbreak most of these guys on this forum don't understand. Its hard not to relive that betrayal - especially if the effects of it continue to linger on. You try to love and do the right thing and get repetitively burned for it over and over and over and over again - until finally once and for all you are done and you write them all off. But even then - its still a total shit existence - an alienated parent living separately from the family he once loved and cherished - burned, scorned, discarded. Its a difficult burden to carry. Its time to set that burden down.

These are the trials and tests of life, but you don't have to face them alone.

I can say that I have been both where your son is (sans the violent tendencies) and where you are. I was led out of the darkness and into the light - and all it took was a beginning - a willingness to believe. Fill your empty broken heart with faith and God's love. Focus on The Spirit and let it transform you and put you on the path God intends for you. You will find strength, courage and fulfillment. You'll find its not about zealotry or boastful evangelism, but about a spiritual existence. Knowing in your hearts of hearts you are where you need to be and are following the correct path cures many ills and frees you to become the man you always envisioned yourself being. Free yourself from the resentments, the frustrations of not being able to control or manage the uncontrollable, the unmanageable.

You'll find that being lifted is a wonderful thing.
 
Disappointed to see that of all the comments here very, very few focused on the child coming into this world. That child is completely innocent and will be a sponge soaking up its parental environment - the good and the bad.

OP - cannot tell you what to do because I do not have that knowledge or frame of reference. Best advice I saw on here was to seek help from clergy or family counselors who do.

That said, if you seek that help with the primary goal being protecting that child (who is, after all, part of your heritage) with a secondary goal of resuscitating your relationship with your son and turning him into the man he should be, then you will know when the experts provide you with sage guidance that meet those objectives.
 

bmw633

Woodpecker
Parents are the gatekeepers to access to grandkids, so until my son decides to communicate with me, not much can be done.
Disappointed to see that of all the comments here very, very few focused on the child coming into this world. That child is completely innocent and will be a sponge soaking up its parental environment - the good and the bad.

OP - cannot tell you what to do because I do not have that knowledge or frame of reference. Best advice I saw on here was to seek help from clergy or family counselors who do.

That said, if you seek that help with the primary goal being protecting that child (who is, after all, part of your heritage) with a secondary goal of resuscitating your relationship with your son and turning him into the man he should be, then you will know when the experts provide you with sage guidance that meet those objectives.
 

PhatEarf

Sparrow
Malachi 4

1“For behold, the day is coming, burning like a furnace, and all the arrogant (proud, self-righteous, haughty), and every evildoer shall be stubble; and the day that is coming shall set them on fire,” says the LORD of hosts, “so that it will leave them neither root nor branch. 2But for you who fear My name [with awe-filled reverence] the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go forward and leap [joyfully] like calves [released] from the stall. 3You will trample the wicked, for they will be ashes under the soles of your feet on the day that I do this,” says the LORD of hosts.

4“Remember [with thoughtful concern] the Law of Moses My servant, the statutes and the ordinances which I commanded him on [Mount] Horeb [to give] to all Israel.

5“Behold, I am going to send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and terrible day of the LORD. 6He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers [a reconciliation produced by repentance], so that I will not come and strike the land with a curse [of complete destruction].”

It is the Will of the Lord Jesus Christ that you be reconciled to your son. It is not your problem that your son's girlfriend is pregnant, but people in this thread are rightly identifying the reconciliation between you and your son as being the true issue here. I went through divorce. My daughters are young, my youngest was 2 at the time of the divorce just like your son. Yes, I get the standard parenting time of a weekend every two weeks and a couple weeks during the Summer and holidays every other year. This is what the State will enforce if two parents don't agree on a different schedule. You can guess how many times the woman agrees to give more time to the father as every overnight will reduce her child support payment. So for everyone saying he should have fought harder, grow up. This is the fight men are already in and the deck is stacked against us. I'm still going to fight, but this is post-Men's rights activism. I have more hope of a sympathetic judge after the disaster of single mother homes turning out degenerate law breakers for decades. I'm also in a conservative court district, which is why I initiated the divorce even though I'm a Christian, as she fled with the children to a liberal court district. This is almost 20 years later from when OP went through it, so it's in the past at this point. His son is an adult now. This is where we must start when it comes to devising solutions. OP, you have channels of communication. You should consider putting it out there you want to reconcile. You need to let your son know you forgive him. He cannot avoid his consequences, but you can personally forgive him. You should also ask for his forgiveness. He obviously holds a grudge against you for a great many things, and you should acknowledge that. I pray that the two of you will be healed, spiritually and physically, in the Name of Jesus. You may still carry a burden in your flesh, as your son may also, but I pray you are healed. Healed to the point where you may see beyond the physical grind of day to day life, and whose problems belong to whom, to the spiritual problems that must be dealt with and healed.
 
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