27 Ways to Be a Modern Man [New York Times Article]

Gmac

Peacock
Gold Member
This popped up on my twitter feed today, written by a "man" and posted in the Men's Style, self-help section of the NEW YORK TIMES. Appears in print tomorrow.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/02/fashion/mens-style/27-ways-to-be-a-modern-man.html?_r=0

27 Ways to Be a Modern Man

Being a modern man today is no different than it was a century ago. It’s all about adhering to principle. Sure, fashion, technology and architecture change over time, as do standards of etiquette, not to mention ways of carrying oneself in the public sphere. But the modern man will take the bits from the past that strike him as relevant and blend them with the stuff of today.



1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.

2. The modern man never lets other people know when his confidence has sunk. He acts as if everything is going swimmingly until it is.

3. The modern man is considerate. At the movie theater, he won’t munch down a mouthful of popcorn during a quiet moment. He waits for some ruckus.

4. The modern man doesn’t cut the fatty or charred bits off his fillet. Every bite of steak is a privilege, and it all goes down the hatch.

5. The modern man won’t blow 10 minutes of his life looking for the best parking spot. He finds a reasonable one and puts his car between the lines.

6. Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the night.

7. The modern man buys only regular colas, like Coke or Dr Pepper. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he’ll show you the door.

8. The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he’ll say “helicopter,” not “chopper” like some gauche simpleton.

9. Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.

10. The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.

11. The modern man has never “pinned” a tweet, and he never will.

12. The modern man checks the status of his Irish Spring bar before jumping in for a wash. Too small, it gets swapped out.

13. The modern man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.

14. The modern man still jots down his grocery list on a piece of scratch paper. The market is no place for his face to be buried in the phone.

15. The modern man has hardwood flooring. His children can detect his mood from the stamp of his Kenneth Cole oxfords.

16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.

17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?

18. The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.

19. The modern man buys fresh flowers more to surprise his wife than to say he is sorry.

20. On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon. Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.

21. The modern man doesn’t scold his daughter when she sneezes while eating an apple doughnut, even if the pieces fly everywhere.

22. The modern man still ambles half-naked down his driveway each morning to scoop up a crisp newspaper.

23. The modern man has all of Michael Mann’s films on Blu-ray (or whatever the highest quality thing is at the time).

24. The modern man doesn’t get hung up on his phone’s battery percentage. If it needs to run flat, so be it.

25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.

26. The modern man cries. He cries often.

27. People aren’t sure if the modern man is a good dancer or not. That is, until the D.J. plays his jam and he goes out there and puts on a clinic.

Brian Lombardi lives in DeKalb, Ill., with his wife, Linda, and their three children.
:barf:

The modern man is more like this:


Instead of this:


The modern man jerks off in the corner while his wife gets fucked.
 

Cr33pin

Peacock
Gold Member
I didn't make it past #1
This shit is going to be in the NY Times? Seems more like it should be published on the onion.
 

Ricardo735

Sparrow
25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.
Try telling that to farmers and people who live off the land in northern Canada and Alaska.

26. The modern man cries. He cries often.
I think I would be too if I was this guy!
 
Modern Mangina, more like. Sounds like the author's been reading a little too much "Art of Manliness". Martha Stewart is probably more interesting to hang out with than this creep ("show me your prison tats!")
 

El Chinito loco

Crow
Gold Member
Gmac said:
1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.
I automatically suspect this is being ghost written by a chick. Why the fuck would you mention shoes and buying shoes for women right off the bat?

2. The modern man never lets other people know when his confidence has sunk. He acts as if everything is going swimmingly until it is.
No, the modern man will say what he will.

3. The modern man is considerate. At the movie theater, he won’t munch down a mouthful of popcorn during a quiet moment. He waits for some
ruckus.
Ok, this is reasonable.

4. The modern man doesn’t cut the fatty or charred bits off his fillet. Every bite of steak is a privilege, and it all goes down the hatch.
Depends on the steak.

5. The modern man won’t blow 10 minutes of his life looking for the best parking spot. He finds a reasonable one and puts his car between the lines.
Ok this is reasonable.

6. Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the night.
:laugh:

7. The modern man buys only regular colas, like Coke or Dr Pepper. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he’ll show you the door.
The modern man doesn't feed his kids shit at all.

8. The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he’ll say “helicopter,” not “chopper” like some gauche simpleton.
What about guys who served in the military.

9. Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.
A daughter doesn't add any additional lessons beyond those he learned gaming women already.

10. The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.
A modern man doesn't do dishes at all.

11. The modern man has never “pinne[d” a tweet, and he never will.
ok.

12. The modern man checks the status of his Irish Spring bar before jumping in for a wash. Too small, it gets swapped out.
New York fag.

13. The modern man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.
How does dosing on pop culture help anything.

14. The modern man still jots down his grocery list on a piece of scratch paper. The market is no place for his face to be buried in the phone.
No.

15. The modern man has hardwood flooring. His children can detect his mood from the stamp of his Kenneth Cole oxfords.
Hardwood flooring in a <50sqm new york condo. A great investment i'm sure.

16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.
No.

17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?
Melon balls make up for lack of balls for the NY male population.

18. The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.
Ok.

19. The modern man buys fresh flowers more to surprise his wife than to say he is sorry.
Fuck no.

20. On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon. Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.
Nope

21. The modern man doesn’t scold his daughter when she sneezes while eating an apple doughnut, even if the pieces fly everywhere.
Nope. The modern man asks his daughter not to be a pig.

22. The modern man still ambles half-naked down his driveway each morning to scoop up a crisp newspaper.
The modern man rejects paper media entirely.

23. The modern man has all of Michael Mann’s films on Blu-ray (or whatever the highest quality thing is at the time).
The modern man wastes minimal amounts of money on hollywood limousine liberal bullshit.

24. The modern man doesn’t get hung up on his phone’s battery percentage. If it needs to run flat, so be it.
No, some of us have real jobs we need communication.

25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.
Oh here we go. It becomes brutally transparent now. A modern man should learn basic handgun and rifle skills. If they are in an area that's appropriate then maybe hunting as well.

26. The modern man cries. He cries often.
No.

27. People aren’t sure if the modern man is a good dancer or not. That is, until the D.J. plays his jam and he goes out there and puts on a clinic.
Modern man dances to get laid. Period.
 

Veloce

Crow
Gold Member
I can't tell if it's meant to be satire or not, but I firmly believe garbage like this will help Roosh and neomasculinity.

Here's another important way to be a modern man:

28. Don't read the NY Times
 
16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.

25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.






8. The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he’ll say “helicopter,” not “chopper” like some gauche simpleton.

Oh no you fucking didn't!




14. The modern man still jots down his grocery list on a piece of scratch paper. The market is no place for his face to be buried in the phone.

Save paper/trees/planet?!
Bet this idiot hates pick up trucks.
Can they just make up their fucking mind!

:facepalm:



13. The modern man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.

23. The modern man has all of Michael Mann’s films on Blu-ray (or whatever the highest quality thing is at the time).


Listen and watch whatever the fuck you want!





7. The modern man buys only regular colas, like Coke or Dr Pepper. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he’ll show you the door.

How about stop drinking soda you fat ass!

(But refer to previous point, do whatever the hell you want with your body)




 

Thomas More

Hummingbird
I googled this, because there was a chance that I know this guy. Ran across comments to the article on Free Republic:

“Brian Lombardi lives in DeKalb, Ill., with his wife, Linda, and their three children.”

Obviously, the kids aren’t his.
I can't find anything to confirm I've met him, thank goodness!
 

Kid Strangelove

Kingfisher
Gold Member
I think we all just got successfully click baited and gave them the outrage traffic that every online publication so desperately craves.
 

AFS

Woodpecker
Just sounds like a bunch of random bullshit. A few points certainly go against masculinity, but overall it's just a bunch of gibberish.

I propose RVF members create and vote on their own modern man list. Now that would be New York Times worthy...
 

Easy_C

Crow
This is gonna be fun. For your entertainment only I'm going to comment one each one individually before I read the whole thing.


1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.
That's called knowing your spouse. Just like any other random fact about your spouse it's got all of jack shit to do with manliness
2. The modern man never lets other people know when his confidence has sunk. He acts as if everything is going swimmingly until it is.
That's actually good advice....and probably the only good one here.

3. The modern man is considerate. At the movie theater, he won’t munch down a mouthful of popcorn during a quiet moment. He waits for some ruckus.
Again, it's got all of jack shit to do with manliness. There's both very alpha men who are reserved and polite in their mannerisms(e.g. a lot of high finance types I've met) and those who are boorish and rude.

4. The modern man doesn’t cut the fatty or charred bits off his fillet. Every bite of steak is a privilege, and it all goes down the hatch.
What the fuck does that have to do with being a man?

5. The modern man won’t blow 10 minutes of his life looking for the best parking spot. He finds a reasonable one and puts his car between the lines.
A real man parks wherever the fuck he wants to.


6. Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the night.
They can do that shit themselves. A real man knows that doing everything for them will turn the kids into giant pussies.

7. The modern man buys only regular colas, like Coke or Dr Pepper. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he’ll show you the door.
The real man again, will drink whatever the fuck he wants and dare you to say something about it.

8. The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he’ll say “helicopter,” not “chopper” like some gauche simpleton.
The real man says whatever the hell works, and doesn't care as long as his meaning is clear....which it will be if he's a real man.

9. Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.
Complete? Bullshit. It probably will change your perspective quite a bit or so my peers with kids tell me. He gets a half point (so 1.5/9....still big fat fucking F).

10. The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.
The real man does his dishes however the fuck he wants if he lives alone, or if he doesn't his wife will do it for him because she is lovingly submissive (as any real man's LTR will be) and will make her best effort to make him happy.

11. The modern man has never “pinned” a tweet, and he never will.
The real man doesn't use fucking Twitter. I'd give a half point but he quite clearly takes Twitter seriously.

12. The modern man checks the status of his Irish Spring bar before jumping in for a wash. Too small, it gets swapped out.
The real man doesn't check the status of his soap bar because he's not a fucking Metro.

13. The modern man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.
No, YOU listen to Wu-Tang at least once a week. Quite trying to smugly justify your own annoying habits. They don't make you unique or interesting.

14. The modern man still jots down his grocery list on a piece of scratch paper. The market is no place for his face to be buried in the phone.
Right on phone usage in general, but productivity is excepted. Misses the entire point because the real man will have outsourced the grocery shopping to his girl.

15. The modern man has hardwood flooring. His children can detect his mood from the stamp of his Kenneth Cole oxfords.
Can't argue with hardwood flooring, but again...why the fuck does it always have to be exact brands of things you like? Despite your massive ego you are NOT the definition of a "man"

16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.
|

White knighting, and based on hear. Also if someone is breaking in I'm not going to "try" to fight them off. They either leave or face the consequences of castle doctrine.

17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?
I've yet to encounter any alpha male who would "serve cantaloupe, watermelon, and honeydew". They've got someone else to do that for them whether it be a pledge/prospect, hired help, or their gal.

18. The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.
If he's "seriously thought about it", then he clearly doesn't have a job where the bar for the quality of formal fashion is high.

19. The modern man buys fresh flowers more to surprise his wife than to say he is sorry.
ALMOST. It is correct that you can get away with a lot of "Beta" behaviors if you engage in them from a mindset of power.....but I'm giving this guy a zero for what is obviously a symp mindset. Personally if I buy flowers it's because I damn well please to and not because I need a reaction in return.

20. On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon. Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.


21. The modern man doesn’t scold his daughter when she sneezes while eating an apple doughnut, even if the pieces fly everywhere.
The guy's scared to correct his daughter and he DARES call himself a man?

22. The modern man still ambles half-naked down his driveway each morning to scoop up a crisp newspaper.
.....

23. The modern man has all of Michael Mann’s films on Blu-ray (or whatever the highest quality thing is at the time).
LOOK AT HOW AWESOME I AM!!!!!

24. The modern man doesn’t get hung up on his phone’s battery percentage. If it needs to run flat, so be it.
Missing the point. If you need it then that's shitty planning on your part.

25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.
How much you wanna bet that opinion will change if he ever gets mugged or his house broken into. It's not about "needing" the gun, but because you want to always have a leg up over any threat.

26. The modern man cries. He cries often.
No, he does not. The modern man would however, love to bitch slap the shit out of this dude.

27. People aren’t sure if the modern man is a good dancer or not. That is, until the D.J. plays his jam and he goes out there and puts on a clinic.
Substitute "hipster" for man and he'd be right.





So now that I've read them all.

Another smug, narcissistic hipster who thinks he's smart just because someone pays him to vomit his thoughts up on paper. He'd last all of five minutes around the men that I actually consider "men".
 

Speculation

Kingfisher
posted in the Men's Style, self-help section of the NEW YORK TIMES.
I want to thank the NYT for reducing the competition in New York.

Progressives will remove themselves from the gene pool following this garbage.
 
Gmac said:
25. The modern man has no use for a gun.
PL: Unless number 16.

16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.
Just saying.
 
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