3 Women In A Man’s Life

Roosh

Cardinal
Orthodox
Originally posted on RooshV.com

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There are three distinct relationships men must maintain with women to remain spiritually whole. The more damage there is to any of these relationships, the worse off the man will be spiritually.

The first “woman” in a man’s life is the Church, which in Orthodox writings is referred to in the feminine. We are the bride to the Church and Jesus Christ is the bridegroom, united spiritually for eternity and also metaphysically every time we receive the Eucharist. Collectively we form the Body of the Church with our Savior at its head. Disconnected from the Church, we remain distant from God and never develop a salvific faith. The Protestant notion of “I only need my Bible” is a deception from Satan that has cost many souls.

The second woman in a man’s life is his mother. Sadly, I don’t know many men who have a positive relationship with their mother, and this usually translates to resentment, guilt, and holding tight to past grievances, causing deep-seated anger and other psychological disorders. You will not find a man “whole” who has a severed or toxic relationship with his mother, but this can be alleviated somewhat by adopting the Mother of God as your spiritual mother, especially after your earthly mother reposes.

The third woman in a man’s life is his wife. A man departs from his parents and unites in one flesh with a woman to establish a “little church” that becomes the vehicle for the worship of God and ultimately their salvation. If a man marries the wrong woman, or does not have the faith needed to endure a difficult marriage, the result may be infidelity, the breaking of his vows, or murmuring against God. Choosing the Orthodox Church was the most important decision I’ve made in life, and choosing a wife would come right after that. Of course there is no “perfect” woman, as there is no perfect man, and God will grace the marriage union since it is a sacrament, but picking a woman for predominately secular reasons (physical appearance, her potentiality for sexual gratification) will lead to disaster. If a man chooses not to get married, he may marry the church through the vows of tonsure and become a monk.

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When a man has damage to these relationships, he will present as a damaged man and participate in sin. At the peak of my hedonistic period, I had damage to all three relationships. I was not a member of the Church, I chose to be thousands of miles away from my mother, literally running away from her, because I did not want to respond in love to her overbearingness, which many Mediterranean and Middle Eastern mothers have, and instead of seeking a wife, I pursued innumerable harlots for bodily pleasure, ego gratification, and worldwide fame. During a period I thought I was a modern, accomplished man, I was all but dead.

I’ve been spending the last two-and-a-half years repairing relationships with the three women. I’ve now an active member of an Orthodox parish. I live with my mother and am striving to accept her idiosyncrasies with love and patience while leaning more on the intercessions of the Theotokos for spiritual help, and I’ve turned away from fornication and masturbation to prepare for a potential marriage with either a woman or—gulp—a monastery. I am content with the progress that God has allowed me to make in the past couple of years but I know that it will be a continual struggle to not fall away from a Church, bicker with my mother, or backslide into carnal sin.

A man’s attempt to repair one of the three relationships without ever addressing the other two may never allow him to feel complete. If a man tries to enter a Church while in enmity with his birth mother and believing in false notions of “moderation” when it comes to pre-marital sex and masturbation, his faith will lack transformation and be an external show. If a man tries to be close to his mother while remaining far from God and treating other women like sexual amusement parks, he will project the flaws of the harlots onto his mother and have disdain for her, and if a man tries to seek a devoted and honorable woman as his wife but is far from the Church or his mother, he will lack discernment and end up choosing a sensual woman to feed his lust, which is what I did in my relationships before I came back to the Church. I must be actively struggling to improve all three relationships with God’s help if I want any of them to succeed.

I sustained so much damage to myself and the three women in my life that my starting point for healing was quite low. By the time I work it all out to a satisfactory level, I may be in my mid-forties, which is why it’s so important for men not to waste their time gallivanting around the world (or on dating apps) to experiment with sin while neglecting the Church and their family. My dance with Satan under the guise of “enjoy this life” took away eighteen years of my prime, and for that reason, the ship for marriage is ready to leave the dock. Take your faith seriously, have the strongest relationship you can with your mother, and look at a potential wife for satisfying your spiritual needs instead of material.

Read Next: Do You Deserve A Good Woman?
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Shelley

Chicken
Woman
Hi Roosh, I first learned about you from watching a video interview you did with Milo. Have been following you since. Just read this article today and as an older mother of only one child - a boy, I’m wondering if you have any specific thoughts on what moms can do to help keep their relationships with their sons strong. (Not be overbearing is one I’ve gathered.) ;) I love him with my whole heart and tell him all the time but I know as women we don’t always understand boys or where they’re coming from. He’s young, only 9, but I’d love for us to stay close all my life, especially since I only have him. My husband and I are Christians and raising him in a Christian household, but would love any thoughts you can offer to help on the “mom end” of the equation? And yes I’m of Mediterranean descent.
 

Roosh

Cardinal
Orthodox
Hi Roosh, I first learned about you from watching a video interview you did with Milo. Have been following you since. Just read this article today and as an older mother of only one child - a boy, I’m wondering if you have any specific thoughts on what moms can do to help keep their relationships with their sons strong. (Not be overbearing is one I’ve gathered.) ;) I love him with my whole heart and tell him all the time but I know as women we don’t always understand boys or where they’re coming from. He’s young, only 9, but I’d love for us to stay close all my life, especially since I only have him. My husband and I are Christians and raising him in a Christian household, but would love any thoughts you can offer to help on the “mom end” of the equation? And yes I’m of Mediterranean descent.
I don't have expertise in this area, but my instinct is to tell you to be close to a church with families and seek the wisdom of parents of children older than yours.
 

Godward

Robin
@ Roosh: The most important relationships that men of the Faith have with women are indeed those with the Church (of which we are a part), the Blessed Mother and indeed our own mothers. These are ‘universal’, applicable to all faithful men.

Then there are three other important relationships that are ‘optional’, depending on whether God has blessed us with them: indeed wives, but also sisters (inclusing those in the Faith) and daughters (including goddaughters)!

So I would extend the list to six important relationships.
 

thetruewhitenorth

Sparrow
Orthodox
I dont know if any of you had a similar experience when it comes to the relationship with your mother.

The more I was becoming aware of not only my passions, but of those behavioral traits that I find highly repulsive in myself, the more I started resenting my mother as I started seeing her (and my dad) as the source of my worst qualities.

Especially after becoming a father, I started analyzing how I was brought up, what I was told growing up. And, unfortunately, I found my parents child rearing methods to be rather toxic.

Now, since I started seeking Christ, I understand that we are to accept and forgive our parents. But, it is so, so not easy.

More often than not, when I talk to me mom, I get triggered. That is a giant pointer that I am just a spiritual baby full of wounds.
 
Hi Roosh, I first learned about you from watching a video interview you did with Milo. Have been following you since. Just read this article today and as an older mother of only one child - a boy, I’m wondering if you have any specific thoughts on what moms can do to help keep their relationships with their sons strong. (Not be overbearing is one I’ve gathered.) ;) I love him with my whole heart and tell him all the time but I know as women we don’t always understand boys or where they’re coming from. He’s young, only 9, but I’d love for us to stay close all my life, especially since I only have him. My husband and I are Christians and raising him in a Christian household, but would love any thoughts you can offer to help on the “mom end” of the equation? And yes I’m of Mediterranean descent.
Be careful that you don't pamper him too much.. I would recommend you have another child...give him someone to keep him company. Do this and he will always thank you for this.
This is the only advice I have for now.
 

Liviu

Sparrow
Orthodox
Is it common for monasteries to have an age limit to begin the process of becoming a monk?
There is no age limit for becoming a monk. The voivode (prince) Alexandru Lăpușneanu (1499 - 1568) of Moldavia became monk knowing that he will die soon. He had about 69 years old...
 
Again a very deep article, words of wisdom!

I am very happy to have a deep spiritual connection with my mother, .... I can talk with her about everything regarding the faith and its serios. She is also the only one (besides her sister) out of her BIG family who will not take the vaccine. Although I can see sometimes "typical women behavior" in her, which makes me angry, but we can correct each other also. Also including deeper theology.

Regarding churches its also hard to find a good one. Many look upright, but are dissapointing. Just yesterday I visited a mess (in public) which made good points and prayers, but also had woman pastors preaching.... If I would come up and try to rebuke them, they would harshly attack me, I know.

Despite that I dont see much hope in the world, most people are way tooo pride and have lack of spiritualy (the spirit from GOD). Man, just look at the "fatties" how puffed up they are.... and I dont want to judge. How it works with the PAGANs, where you see such "happy" people and couples is hard to explain, but I guess it works through the flesh.... either Satan made it possible or GOD blessed them to enjoy this life on earth, while they can. There was also a Prophet in the OT who observed the Pagans and wondered how it can be possible that they enjoy life so much, so easily, how even their very shoes don't rip appart,... Later he excused himself to his family to making such statements and admitted how much of a fool he was. Also for us it would be a true shame, being caught complaining, when the LORD bringts TRUE satisfaction to his people (maybe even in this life).
We shouldn't comlain, much is given to us by the LORD.... just the fact that we have true FAITH and can read such articles and can endure hardship on soul level- like living lonely. Who knows how everything will turn out?!

I found this video to be fitting:
The Saint Must Walk Alone - A. W. Tozer / Classic Christian Audio Books

I truly sometimes wondered if Im just a "retard" because of the reaction of worldy people, especially from women. But with true FAITH I can say IF Im a retard that would be even better to show GODS power.... and if not, I hope that his people will get the power to uplift retards (into the kingdom of heaven), which is happening allready in many churches!

The GIANTS will awake!
 
Hi Roosh, I first learned about you from watching a video interview you did with Milo. Have been following you since. Just read this article today and as an older mother of only one child - a boy, I’m wondering if you have any specific thoughts on what moms can do to help keep their relationships with their sons strong. (Not be overbearing is one I’ve gathered.) ;) I love him with my whole heart and tell him all the time but I know as women we don’t always understand boys or where they’re coming from. He’s young, only 9, but I’d love for us to stay close all my life, especially since I only have him. My husband and I are Christians and raising him in a Christian household, but would love any thoughts you can offer to help on the “mom end” of the equation? And yes I’m of Mediterranean descent.

Im sure you, and of course your husbands, love and labor will not be in vain. I think boys in his generation will have a tough time and have to face lots of trials and tribulations in the world, more then before. Many "great man of GOD" in this age where threated like "social outcasts" in their childhood/ juvenille days, like Steven Anderson. When/ if he finally comes out of the "desert", the planted seed will grow and be fully unfold. You mums have a lot of influence and are very important, see Proverbs 3:1 for example. Also in tough times a good mother can be a very helpfull example of how a godly woman should be and motivate. We are different and set-apart.

I hope this Video is not too much "off topic". But it again shows that "bending over to the world", even to satisfy needs, when somebody is lonely or lacks in of the areas of companionship described, can be very hindering in somebodys "walk".

Love not the world! - Reverend Romesh Prakashpalan


I found it interesting how GOD provides just the right messages, when needed,... and I stumbled over these sermons just when I felt lonely, lacking companionship and at the same time worldly people "having it all". It motivates to keep growing in FAITH and building up the abilities to create (and lead others who also need companionship) a "family" like Roosh describes, as big as possible :)! I also see a main problem that many christians in this generation are / or want to be with one foot in the world.... but this is very destructive. We have to face the challenge and create a pure environment. Of course still reaching out to the sheep "lead astray", as well as to the lost.

Be strong brothers and sisters.... and thanks fot the great support!
 

Solitarius

Sparrow
You're right to join a monastery if you can't get a wife. There is no dignity or support in the lay single life.
I don't think that's necessarily the case. There have been a great many notable men who lived their entire lives in the lay single state, going in chronological order I can name Heraclitus, Democritus, Plato, Epictetus, Petrarch, Michelangelo, Gottfried Leibniz, Alexander Pope, Sir Joshua Reynolds, Beethoven, Anton Bruckner, Schopenhauer, General Gordon of Khartoum, Lord Kitchener, Cecil Rhodes, Sir Leander Starr Jameson, The Wright Brothers & Nikola Tesla. This list is by no means exhaustive. No one can deny that they possessed dignity. The Wright brothers & Tesla even ascribed their success to their being unmarried. Monasteries ought certainly to be supported, but not every man who doesn't marry is suited to living in common. It seems that there ought be more consideration given to those who have an instinctive aversion to communal life & might well do better becoming hermits following the example of such Saints as S. Simeon Stylites, S. Anthony of Egypt & S. Charbel Makhlouf.
 

Liviu

Sparrow
Orthodox
I don't think that's necessarily the case. There have been a great many notable men who lived their entire lives in the lay single state, going in chronological order I can name Heraclitus, Democritus, Plato, Epictetus, Petrarch, Michelangelo, Gottfried Leibniz, Alexander Pope, Sir Joshua Reynolds, Beethoven, Anton Bruckner, Schopenhauer, General Gordon of Khartoum, Lord Kitchener, Cecil Rhodes, Sir Leander Starr Jameson, The Wright Brothers & Nikola Tesla. This list is by no means exhaustive. No one can deny that they possessed dignity. The Wright brothers & Tesla even ascribed their success to their being unmarried. Monasteries ought certainly to be supported, but not every man who doesn't marry is suited to living in common. It seems that there ought be more consideration given to those who have an instinctive aversion to communal life & might well do better becoming hermits following the example of such Saints as S. Simeon Stylites, S. Anthony of Egypt & S. Charbel Makhlouf.
The life of some recognized personalities seems a good argument to be a monk in the middle of the people. But not all these people, despite their achievements, had a moral life similar at least with the Christian moral life.Yes, maybe for some, at least ,their dedication to their work made theme like monks in the world. What you said about life in monasteries is 100% correct. Even Lord Christ said it

Mathew, Chapter 19

10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.

11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.

Related to `instinctive aversion to communal life` I sustain you are wrong. First, family is superior to live single without responsabilities. Communal monastic life is superior to family in results, not in essence. Hermitic life is a prolonging of communal monastic life and is superior to it, in results , not in essence. In monastic tradition, you can`t be a monk before ten years in a monastery. Those who didn`t were exeptions and whose who tried it without blessing were in many cases deceived by devils and suffered a lot until realizing everyone has to take it gradually, including in spiritual life.
 
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