30 Days of Group Praying for Tradwife and Nofap

Lawrence87

Woodpecker
Orthodox
One thing I've been trying to do is build the foundational skills/virtues/activities that would make me more joyful and content whether in marriage or single.

Having a strong faith and prayer life, being an active member of the community (church and local communities), being sharp mentally, being strong and fit physically, being emotionally balanced, being sober or at least moderate, improving at my career, learning new things that are useful, fasting, eating healthy food, developing a good work ethic, etc.

There are moments I fantasize or desire to be married, and that is a challenge in my spiritual life. Of course the antidote is not saying "I will never get married," but leaving it up to God and focus on the foundational virtues and skills, I feel a lot more grateful and satisfied than focusing on what I want or feel like I am lacking. Easier said than done, I know, I still struggle but lately it has been better than earlier in the pandemic, when I was really wishing for this.
Agreed.

I have benefitted a lot from focusing on becoming a man worthy of God. I don't know what that will mean for me in terms of marriage or whatever, but it does mean not eating junk, not being lazy, taking care of ones surroundings and appearance, getting enough sleep and exercise etc.

The other thing is how can you expect God to bring you a wife if you cannot stop masturbating to pornography? Is your wife really going to want that?

You immediately give yourself an advantage over 99% other young men if you don't watch porn. No woman worthy of a marriage is going to be happy with a husband who can't stop masturbating to porn. The other benefit is that you gain time to then focus on other things that will give you an advantage such as exercise.

One thing that really helps me a lot is focusing on how porn is an attack on men. It ruins our brains. It's addictive. It makes us miserable and robs us of our vitality. It's clearly an instrument of Satan. If you can get to the point where the thought of porn literally makes you angry at Satan and sad for all the people hopelessly addicted to it then you've made good strides to eliminating it from your life. It's not just a personal battle you are fighting.
 

Lawrence87

Woodpecker
Orthodox
I've been praying a lot to St. Seraphim of Sarov for spiritual guidance (I intend to read the Akathist to him every day for 40 days). He has very clearly answered my prayers and much of it pertains to this subject.

I think the praying for a wife part is all well and good. However I think this is the kind of prayer that is a bit like asking for job. God is going to look at whether you are qualified.

Basically if you waste your masculine creative potential in masturbation, that is basically like telling your prospective employer that you just got out of prison for stealing from your previous employer and have a severe drinking problem. Just as you aren't going to impress a prospective employer by saying this, you aren't going to be husband material if you can't stop jerking off.

I don't even think of the situation in terms of making myself worthy of being a husband because that isn't what it's about. I want to stop masturbating because I want to be worthy of God. Whatever His plan for me is, I want to be worthy of it. Every time you masturbate its like Samson cutting off his hair. You sap your potential. When I think of this metaphor I have found it easy to fight urges.

I found that listlessly drifting through life has been a major cause for falling into this sin. It's like a comfort blanket, but in reality it saps your energy. I have found making a simple aim: to make myself a worthy man of God has improved things drastically. Men need an aim, something to measure success by. If you struggle with that, then try adopting this as your aim. Step one in that aim is to quit masturbation
 

Jive Turkey

Woodpecker
Other Christian
Hello brothers, I took a break from the internet for mental health reasons. I feel much less that the world is falling down around me now that I have stayed, for the most part, out of the virtual world.

At any rate, I have done more introspection, and I realized what a hypocrite I am. I get drunk with my friends every weekend. I have been doing this for years. I am trying to stop drinking. I made a pact with one of my best friends that we would stop drinking for several months, because we are both coming to acknowledge that we have a drinking problem.

Fortunately my problem hasn't devolved into abject alcoholism, yet. I want to stop before it gets there.

I wish I could have been here making daily posts for No Nut November, but I am happy to report that I haven't PMO'd for the entire month. And I think I have been porn free for two plus months. Not sure exactly how long because I don't keep close track of the days. But at any rate, if I can make it to New Year's without looking at porn that will be the longest I have ever gone, and I will have completed the 90-day reboot. However, I know that at that point I will have to be vigilant more than ever, because it is always when I feel that I can rest on my laurels that temptation overwhelms me.

Earlier in the thread someone asked me if I had composed a prayer and at the time I had not, but now I have.

The Coomer's Prayer

Lord Jesus Christ, master of all creation
I come before you as a humble sinner.

I have allowed lust to overtake my life and I pray in humility that you will free me from the bonds of this sin.
I pray that you forgive me for my repeated and willing trespasses against your holy and righteous law.

Please forgive me for the duplicitousness of my heart,
For though I desire to please and serve you, I also desire to cling to this sin which leads into death

Lord I pray that in your mercy you confound my efforts to seek pornography and fornication.
I pray that you restore the distortions which have grown in my heart, arising from this sin.

I pray that you will forgive me for all the times I used people while under the spell of lust.
I pray that I may be reconciled to them, for they are Your children, and my brothers and sisters.*

I pray for all the men and women in the adult film industry, that You may restore them from the brokenness that led them pursue money through perverted means.
I pray they may all find honorable work which is suitable for your kingdom.

I pray that the victims of sex trafficking and prostitution be reunited with their families and their hearts restored by Your love and Your glory.
I pray that those who engage in sex trafficking and sexual coercion are convicted of their sins and come to repentance.

I pray that the consumers of pornography may turn from their perverted ways

I pray that the members of the intelligence agencies and courts of law which have introduced, proliferated and sheltered this vice in our societies may be convicted of their sins, and turn from wrongdoing to repentance, that they may use their talents and authority for good.

I pray for all the strugglers who wish to be free of this vice. Lord let them despise this sin, and receive Your love in its stead
I pray for all the men and women participating in No Nut November, may their righteous struggle serve as inspiration for all who surround them and all who come after them.

I pray for all the families, partners and spouses who have been affected by someone else's pornography or sex addiction. May they be healed and restored by Your love.

I thank you Lord, for everyone who is brought low by this affliction, that through your merciful chastisement we may turn away from sin and return to You in humble obedience

Lord, let us not judge the evildoers, but show us how we may love them and serve them as You have called us to do.

Forever and ever do we praise Your mighty name in the Kingdom Without End.

Amen.

*I included men and women in this line, because I wanted this prayer to be for all men and women who struggle with lust and pornography, and also because we "use" men in our efforts to fornicate, because we encourage their own habits of drinking and fornication, rather than encouraging them to work toward their salvation
 

Jive Turkey

Woodpecker
Other Christian
Also, I hate to double post, but this in on-topic for finding a wife. I think that we should not concern ourselves about dating girls who haven't first hand experienced the sweetness of Christ's love. And we should hope and pray to experience it for ourselves, because without a glimpse of this love as our standard, how can we possibly hope to treat each other properly?
 

Jive Turkey

Woodpecker
Other Christian
Another depressing Saturday night spent alone. I wish I was married so I never have to be single again.
You don't have to spend it alone, even if you don't have friends to hang out with. Sometimes it is nice to just be around other people. Maybe go for a walk with some headphones in downtown, or go bowling or some other activity where people will be nearby. Also, I know most Orthodox churches offer Saturday evening services.

I hope your social life improves soon brother. It is not good to be alone. Another tip I may offer, if you suffer from loneliness, would be to join a jiu jitsu, boxing or muay thai gym. Lots of guys join those and they are usually very good guys you can easily make friends with. Don't be intimidated, they are always welcoming to newcomers as long as you are not arrogant, because they were newcomers once as well.

If there is any way we can support you please let us know, we are here for you brother!
 

Maddox

Woodpecker
Protestant
You don't have to spend it alone, even if you don't have friends to hang out with. Sometimes it is nice to just be around other people. Maybe go for a walk with some headphones in downtown, or go bowling or some other activity where people will be nearby. Also, I know most Orthodox churches offer Saturday evening services.

I hope your social life improves soon brother. It is not good to be alone. Another tip I may offer, if you suffer from loneliness, would be to join a jiu jitsu, boxing or muay thai gym. Lots of guys join those and they are usually very good guys you can easily make friends with. Don't be intimidated, they are always welcoming to newcomers as long as you are not arrogant, because they were newcomers once as well.

If there is any way we can support you please let us know, we are here for you brother!

Thanks. The bowling idea is an interesting one. Never tried that one by myself.

I've also signed up for a men's study group at a church in my area to help get me through the holidays.
 

Aboulia

Woodpecker
Orthodox
Another depressing Saturday night spent alone. I wish I was married so I never have to be single again.

I get it, this society is constantly provoking anxiety over what isn't perfect in each persons life, to sell them things they don't need, but what they really need, is to learn to be grateful for what they have, for what God has given each person. You're single right now, be thankful for the free time you have, that you're not in a miserable relationship, or be thankful that you're wife isn't dragging you to divorce court, be thankful that you don't have children with a warped SJW parent who's subjecting your kids to this gender nonsense.

People take family for granted, until they're gone. People take health for granted, until they're sick. People take having social life for granted, until (((covid))) was used to atomize society. People take having food/shelter for granted, until they're homeless.

You are not content with yourself (and this cannot be fixed externally), if you don't fix it, even if you find a woman, she will sense your neediness and won't stick around long.

At a minimum, take a few minutes in the morning to thank God that he has given you another day to live. Everyone can do that, and if you can find the strength to do that, the weight of being alone will become a lot lighter.
 

scarfaceantonio

Sparrow
Other Christian
That was a very nice and well written post.
But I think many of us (Christians) have a way to passive attitude. Check out some (spiritual material) about PMS (passive male syndrome). GOD brought us out of bondage and he wants us to CONQUER (the promised land). Our GOD is a GOD OF "WAR".... he can only give us his "promises" if we are willing to fight for them.
Unfortunetely we know too much, which causes problems that the "normies" dont have. There is no way back. And "resting" and waiting in a cage wont help either (for too long). There is a time and season to rest of course, but ultimetly we have to go to the "front lines". .... and let the deamons tremble. From my newest observations I can tell that many women are under a spell.... they are more submissive then ever, but guys like here are a huge threat to their "comfort buble". Our job is to make them submit to the GOD given authority and Im curios about the updates coming soon....
 
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Jive Turkey

Woodpecker
Other Christian
Hey guys, just wanted to let you all know I am still alive and thinking of you. I rarely come to the forum any more. In fact I try to stay off the internet as much as possible. It has done wonders for my mental health.

Also got my testosterone levels checked after completing NNN. I was astonished. Doubled my T levels. (low to borderline low all the way up to medium-high). I was also supplementing 50,000 IU Vitamin D and ZMA daily. Supposedly 50,000 is too high, but that is what I do and my body feels great. Check with a physician, or a tarot card reader, since they have the same qualifications these days, if you think it is a bad idea.

Also, just want to let you guys know I am doing well in life in general. Glory to God, He works to bless and preserve me, even when I repeatedly stumble and repeatedly break His laws in full knowledge of my sin. He truly is a good and merciful God.

If the government knew of each one of our transgressions the way God knows about all of our transgressions we would all be serving life in prison. God, unlike the state, chooses to forgive us of so many of sins and let us off scott-free, long before we ever choose to accept His mercy, and contrariwise goes so far as to bless us.

At any rate I said a tentative prayer to St. Joseph, I am still not a catechized Orthodox, and coming from a protestant background, I am hesitant to pray to the saints. I said something along the lines of "Jesus, please forgive me if this is a sin, but I humbly ask that if Joseph is listening he intercede in helping me find a wife."

A day or two later "almost out of thin air" I met a woman, in unusual circumstances, as another forum member said we would when God was ready to bless us. She is now my girlfriend, we are waiting until marriage and if everything continues to go well I plan to propose in a few months.

I am not a fan of counting chickens before they hatch, God willing I will not regret saying this, but it looks like our little experiment is beginning to shape up into a success.

Above all I attribute finding my wonderful girlfriend to God. He made her and prepared her to be the wonderful woman she is, and likewise he softened my heart so that I would be ready to lead a Godly woman in marriage without hurting or defiling her, like I have done shamefully in all my past relationships.

He is merciful. Based on past actions I do not deserve her, at all. But God loves all of us more than our own parents could even conceive of loving us.


The biggest difference was made, I think, by examining my own attitudes toward women, dating, marriage, etc. For a long time, I must shamefully admit, I imagined the ideal wife as a "bangmaid" as the Reddit feminists describe a tradwife. In a sense they are correct in their criticism. I am now beginning to understand, though I have a long way to go, that a woman is someone whose feelings I must always consider, someone to protect, nurture, cherish, adore and above all someone I must sacrifice for and lead on a Godly path.

Where does our authority come from as husbands? It comes from our ability to administer justice, and we can only know justice through God's guidance and mercy, for we are blind in our sins. Think about this, if you are lead by your sexual instinct, or other passion, how can you expect a woman to follow you? It isn't YOU who is in the lead. If you are lead by your genital, and your woman follows you, she is de facto being lead by a genital. No sensible woman will do this.

I am not saying this to condemn any members here, I am just expositing what God has revealed to me about my own blindness, narcissism and entitlement. So long as a king is Godly and just his subjects will rejoice in following him (if they themselves are just persons), but if a king is corrupt and sinful, he is no longer even worthy of the title of king, and the classical scholars condemn him as a tyrant, and we sympathize with their desire to rebel. Authority comes from goodness, but we cannot even know goodness without humble prayers to God, who is the only one who can lift the scales from our eyes.

I hope these words serve as some encouragement to my brothers here. God wants to bless each one of us, because we are His sons, but we also have to remember the women are his daughters, and no father will entrust his daughter and encourage her to submit to an unworthy man. So pray, pray, pray. I will continue to pray. I have learned my lesson that without prayer I am nothing. I am less than human. I am a selfish coomer. I will never be free of pornography addiction because that addiction is what keeps me reliant on God through prayer. So even this affliction is evidence of God's mercy. As long as I pray I can resist the urge. But one or two days without prayer, or even days with weak prayer, that is habitual and not heartfelt and the lust begins to creep in. Three days and I am as good as done for. A metaphorical junkie shooting up in the alley. Pray every day morning and night, and say small prayers in between. If someone comes across your mind, say a quick prayer for them too. Pray for God to make you a more fervent and frequent prayer. Do not let Satan trick you into saying "I will pray for them tonight all at once when I pray". That is a lie, you will forget. God has blessed you with an opportunity for communion, so take it. If we do not take the opportunities He gives us as they arise why should we complain that He doesn't gives us more in the future. Prayer, it all comes down to prayer, reflection and repentance. I prayed over and over for God to make me a good husband. I cannot say whether I am a good husband or not yet, but the changes He has produced in my heart are not at all the ones I would have thought in my arrogance made a good husband. I will have to continually pray to be a good and faithful husband. My deficiencies will not be yours, but God can amend all. I do not wish to speak with spiritual authority as I have none. I am simply sharing what I did in my own life to get to the point I am at now. If anything I have said contradicts what a priest or a happily married elder man of the faith has said, feel free to ignore it, or even point out where I may be wrong so others may learn.

Take heart brothers, I truly love you all!
 

scarfaceantonio

Sparrow
Other Christian
Thank you very much for your update! Thats fantastic news, Im sooo glad to hear that you found a mate, that you love and can create a family with and make her / your family happy! This truly sounds like a miracle- Halleluja!
I hope you will get married soon, as expected, and that everything will work out fine.... and that GOD will bless you with great children, that fear the LORD!
I am sure you know this allready, but still better to mention: be prepared against "spiritual attacks" from the enemy. This kind of success is a thorn in the eye of Satan! You allready know how to use the armor of GOD to shield you and your beloved ones- HALLELUJA!
 

henrypemberton

Chicken
Orthodox Catechumen
I will never be free of pornography addiction
Thank you for the very uplifting post! You mentioned you have not officially become a catechumen in the Orthodox church. I am willing to bet that once you join a parish and start to immerse yourself more in parish life, the pornography loses its hold. The relationships and sense of responsibility that come from being a member of a church are powerful. That's what happened with me, and I can say fairly certainly I don't see myself backsliding. Instead, I have started to detect all the other sins that I was not aware of before. Keep it up brother and wishing you the best for the future!
 

Knight.of.Logos

Woodpecker
Orthodox
Take heart brothers, I truly love you all!
A very inspiring post, thank you!

I've made a lot of progress this fast, and leading up to it, but have had some setbacks recently. It was encouraging to see Providence working in your life to get in the relationship and overcome temptations. Glory to God.

p.s. Taking that much Vitamin D might be good for now but you don't want the levels to get too high. I know they say the healthy range is 30-100 (I forget the units), but a lot of natural health doctors recommend more in the 60-80 range if I remember correctly. Too much might not be a good thing, so just be careful.
 

newcomer

Sparrow
Orthodox Inquirer
Hello everyone, long time no see.
Just wanted to drop you a few links that helped me greatly with fighting the lustful thoughts.




I realize I already posted the first link, it may be even in this very thread, but it is good to read it again and again and really get it into your head. I had to read it about five times before making the final decision to quit porn. I believe you guys would benefit greatly by going through the links.

Happy for you, Jive, hope everything is going well.
 
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