5 Reasons Why You Should Never Experiment With Casual Sex

MartyMcFly

Kingfisher
Other Christian
1. The state has to deal with the contract implications of a pair of married individuals doing business as a single unit with other entities. Because the state deals with contracts between all sorts of entities.
2. The state has to deal with the fallout of failed marriages.
3. The state gets to deal with the fallout of the death of one of the couple (wills, etc.).

This doesn't mean the state has reduced marriage to a contract, although a ZOG probably would just because.

You can still get married and not get a license--is the state going to stop you? **--but good luck with that when it comes to things the state is involved with (see above). And if your cheatin' wife leaves you and takes the children, you're going to form a church posse to get them back amirite.

** do you realize there are polygamous Mormon sects still doing their thang?
1. The state could treat married and unmarried people the same.
2. Why does the state need to care about failed marriages? If a husband and wife spilt up, it really doesn't concern the government.
3. You don't need to be married to create a will. Also, wills are quite easy to create unless you have a lot of various assets or want to add unusual provisions. If you get married and the government is not involved, it would be a good idea to create a will.

Yes, I know some people have several spouses. I just think that getting the govt. out of marriage will actually make marriage more sacred and simplify things. People should be getting married to form a strong relationship bond, not for the purpose of having the chance to win the lottery in the future if one decides to divorce the other one. Right now, the govt. has made a mockery of marriage and just scared a lot of men away from it due to unfair divorce laws.
 

BraveWarrior

Pigeon
Catholic
@Roosh

when you gave your speech in 2015, you said that men should have experience with women, in order to know they will be able to maintain a relationship with one

you said "I may have bee with a lot of girls, you don't need to be with as many as me, but at least five, you have to spread your wild oats"

I am guessing this is not true in your opinion?

A man with zero experience with women, is more likely to succeed in marriage than a man with moderate experience?
 

Roosh

Cardinal
Orthodox
@Roosh

when you gave your speech in 2015, you said that men should have experience with women, in order to know they will be able to maintain a relationship with one

you said "I may have bee with a lot of girls, you don't need to be with as many as me, but at least five, you have to spread your wild oats"

I am guessing this is not true in your opinion?

A man with zero experience with women, is more likely to succeed in marriage than a man with moderate experience?
I was wrong, in a state of complete delusion. That advice, if followed, will lead to a life lived away from God and eternal judgment. If "experience" is sin, which most secular dating experience is, it is immoral and evil.
 

Blade Runner

Ostrich
Orthodox
I think one of the difficulties in understanding all of this is how complex and personal it all is. The ideal of course is for no pre-marital sex. The reality here is that there are spectrums from people still virgins all the way to major PUA types who went through a lot of people. In the middle you have various types, both religious and unbelieving, doing degrees of dating and more, and trying to figure it out.

We like to give advice on these forums, and generally the advice is good, but I'm a careful critic of the conclusions some people come to regarding relationships and what will work regarding marriage. At this point in the culture, all of it is really quite sad, to be honest. I think the only thing we can say is that things are changing, and will more rapidly change probably sooner than later, for better or worse - but there will be a separation of those willing to suffer for what is good and true and right, and there will be the rest. We see a glimpse of this already.
 

JustSomeGuy

Chicken
Trad Catholic
I have sex with a woman whom I've been in a relationship with for a very long time, over a decade.
I can't bring myself to marry her because she had an affair some years ago which she whole heartedly apologized for and it took years to forgive her.
I am having a really hard time committing these mortal sins. I can't bring myself to discontinuing sex because I think it'll damage the relationship. I fear that I won't find anyone better. Does anyone have advice? She's like my best friend. Without her I would endure immense suffering. I also fear that without a sexual outlet I will revert back to masturbation. I'm so lost.
 

Mercury

Pigeon
Catholic
I have sex with a woman whom I've been in a relationship with for a very long time, over a decade.
I can't bring myself to marry her because she had an affair some years ago which she whole heartedly apologized for and it took years to forgive her.
I am having a really hard time committing these mortal sins. I can't bring myself to discontinuing sex because I think it'll damage the relationship. I fear that I won't find anyone better. Does anyone have advice? She's like my best friend. Without her I would endure immense suffering. I also fear that without a sexual outlet I will revert back to masturbation. I'm so lost.

Is she wife material? Meaning does she attend church and is making continuous moral improvement to atone for her past? Wife her up then.

Otherwise cut her loose. Time is something you never get back, and you could possibly be missing out on the opportunity to meet your future partner in life.

Once you commit to hard decisions in life you gain strength and blessings from that. Weakness begets weakness.
 

Kadikoy

 
Banned
Orthodox
I have sex with a woman whom I've been in a relationship with for a very long time, over a decade.
I can't bring myself to marry her because she had an affair some years ago which she whole heartedly apologized for and it took years to forgive her.
I am having a really hard time committing these mortal sins. I can't bring myself to discontinuing sex because I think it'll damage the relationship. I fear that I won't find anyone better. Does anyone have advice? She's like my best friend. Without her I would endure immense suffering. I also fear that without a sexual outlet I will revert back to masturbation. I'm so lost.
Get married. You have already been playing 'marriage' with her, except without the adult commitment. Your emotional and spiritual attachment to her is not entirely healthy but it is not entirely unhealthy or unnatural as well. You've already bonded with her and been in union with her as within a real marriage. Formalize that and have some peace knowing you can continue your relationship with her but without engaging in a mortal sin.

In the meantime, you should understand that she should not be your 'best friend.' Your intellectual needs an social needs, as a man, can only be satisfied by fraternité with other men. No woman can fill that need. You must have male friends and one or two of them must be your best friends, otherwise something is terribly unhealthy in you. You need to make God and godly men your best friends. She doesn't need you as her 'bestie,' she needs a husband who will lead her unto godliness and salvation. Listen, she will keep you a child, a little boy, if you allow her. Yet, deep down she doesn't want you to capitulate and she desperately needs a grown man in her life.

Godspeed.
 

Kadikoy

 
Banned
Orthodox
Is she wife material? Meaning does she attend church and is making continuous moral improvement to atone for her past? Wife her up then.

Otherwise cut her loose.
Sorry but I must wholly disagree.

Is she wife material? Well, this gentleman should ask himself if he is husband material. The answer is clear: he is not.

He's already made his choice to spend years in sexual union with her. He has chosen marriage with her already. He has chosen to attach his entire emotional and spiritual health to her, which is something no real man would do and no husband would do either. Were he to dump her for not being 'wife material' it would be the height of hypocrisy, because it was his duty to be helping her become 'wife material' all these years. And yet, he is clearly not husband material or would not be in this predicament.

Get married. Neither of you are special and God hates what you are doing.
 

Good_Shepherd

Robin
Other Christian
Originally posted on RooshV.com

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Some people state that it has been easy for me to turn away from sex because I had my fill or got bored with it, not understanding the nature of addiction and that there is no bottom to sexual desire. You can spend your whole lifetime pursuing new forms of sexual gratification and never feel satisfied. The real reason I was able to stop fornicating was because I repented before God, and was given strength by Him to break the cycle of sin, not because—as if often claimed—I ran out of sex partners or because my testosterone was depleted. Pre-marital sex is simply not compatible with a life in Christ, and so I made my choice. To add to that fact, I offer five practical reasons why you should preserve your purity until marriage.

1. Once you start, you may never be able to stop​


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You open a bag of potato chips and think you can have just a couple, or you open a pint of ice cream and say you’ll only have a few spoons, but next thing you know, half of the bag is empty, the entire pint is gone. Sex is more pleasurable than bagged snacks and ice cream. The physical ecstasy, dopamine rush, and personal validation from even loveless, drunken sex is such that you can get attached to it immediately, as I did.

Many men argue with me that they want just a little bit of experience with sex to make them “confident” or “experienced,” but these lame excuses were put into their minds by the evil one. The only confidence and experience it gives you is with fornication and other sins, not love or marriage. And since you were weak enough to listen to Satan to fall for such a trifling excuse, to dance in intimate embrace with him without thinking that you would get burned, it will be effortless for him to convince you to sleep around with even more easy women for “valuable experience” while “waiting for the one,” which will never come because your mind has been turned into mush from being in a state of continual lust and sexual passion. For every one man who returns to chastity, a dozen more are still cruising dating apps, haggling with “Sugar Babies” over a soy-laden meal in Applebee’s, or planning trips to Southeast Asia or South America to sleep with prostitutes. Once you start lusting after women, your fallen flesh is on auto-pilot to seek it more and more.

2. It taints you for a pure mate​


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If you destroy your sexual purity and later repent, that’s enough for God, but will it be enough for a virgin partner to accept you as a spouse? Look at me as an example. What percentage of female Orthodox virgins with a proper upbringing would select me as a husband? Would their fathers allow me to marry their daughters? If I had a pure daughter, and she brings home a middle-aged man who went on a decades-long sex bender around the world, I would chain her up in the basement until she changed her mind, because while that man is a Christian now, I do not want to be anxious that he will simply go back to his old ways and harm my lovely daughter.

Staying away from sex keeps you in the running for women who are doing the same, because I tell you that faithful young women have their pick of Christian men to choose from. If you’ve fallen hard in the world then you should be paired with someone who also fell hard. The excuse “There are no good women” should not be uttered by depraved masturbators and fornicators like myself who were anything but good for most of their adult lives.

3. It permanently damages you​


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God may heal your soul from sexual sin but your body and mind remain damaged for the remainder of your life. Your memory remains tainted and you have flashbacks of your sin at the moments you least desire. Your emotions become disordered due to uniting in one flesh with a multitude of harlots who played games with your heart for their amusement. Your mind becomes more perverted and attached to carnal and profane ways of behavior. You develop relationship habits that are suitable for secular pairings but damaging for a Christian marriage. Your discernment disappears as you find it difficult to evaluate potential partners without objectifying them sexually or focusing on skin-deep traits.

Another severe form of damage is wasted time. All those years I spent perfecting my “game” could have been spent building my faith and becoming part of a parish where I could’ve found a wife and already had children. Where is my game now to help me when it’s the last thing I need to find and land a wife? What use is my “cold approach” skills to chat up random girls, of which I no longer do? And if you disagree with those statements, thinking that game is needed, then your faith is not where it should be to believe that you need a modality designed solely to satisfy your passions to help you within the Christian institution of marriage. You need to be a man, and know what that means, but you don’t need game.

4. It haunts you later​


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You will continually feel a multitude of negative emotions stemming from your sexual experiences: shame, foolishness, mourning, guilt. Through your behavior, Satan paved an asphalt highway to your heart that he will use to tempt you in the future at will, in a way he simply couldn’t if you had remained pure. He will fill your mind daily—and sometimes hourly—with sexual ideas you experienced firsthand and give you the filthiest of dreams that won’t be unfamiliar to you. The amount of sexual sewage that Satan sends in my dreams is reason alone to wish I never took on the “sexually liberated” path. Do you think all these downsides will have a positive effect on a future relationship? I have to work much harder than men who struggled to maintain their purity just to keep foul images and temptation at bay.

5. It distances you from God​


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This should be reason alone to avoid pre-marital sex but we are weaker than Christians of the past and may need worldly encouragement. If you have sex outside of marriage, a mortal sin, and fail to repent, God turns away from you. He can not stand to see His creatures participating in behaviors He did not intend. You are no longer working with God when committing such behaviors so He will not work with you. He still loves you, and will forgive your sins if you seek Him out and confess, but you need to claw your way back to His grace through a tearful process of repentance which will still leave you with permanent damage.

Conclusion

It’s extremely difficult to turn away from sex after a period of even short involvement, because the demons you empowered through your behavior do not want to let you go, thinking that they were so close to dragging you to hell. I am now able to control the sexual urges that I have fed for so long with God’s help, but I know I’m only a couple of prideful steps away from falling backward into the same behavior, or even worse behavior, and thus must spend an inordinate amount of energy and prayer at keeping my passions at bay. In other words, I must be admitted as a lifelong patient in the spiritual hospital, whereas other men who remained a virgin can live as an outpatient, visiting the doctor and speaking to him less frequently. It would have been far better if I did not start this behavior at all. There is no amount of casual sex that is healthy, moderate, or safe. Stay away from it completely, and may you be blessed by God with a suitable spouse if that is His will for you.

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You are 100% correct and pre-marital sex can also lead you to marry the wrong wife or husband the sex blinds you and binds you, if you doing it before marriage and once you have children then its like petrol added to the fire. My wife and I didnt start off the right way either and we have been married over a decade now and with a bunch of kids, we have received healing in this area it wasnt always easy and we did suffer it affects the marriage. Not to be rude or vulgar as this is a private intimate matter but I think its important to mention here but for our marriage the sex became much better after marriage and after the healing it even became better and keeps getting better, marriage and children also grow you in ways you never thought possible. All the past sins and hurts when I think of them now are so insignificant to me currently after all these years. Its the best advice you can get today is not to have sex before marriage its not like any other sin you sin against yourself too your body
 

Feyoder

Pelican
I think one of the difficulties in understanding all of this is how complex and personal it all is. The ideal of course is for no pre-marital sex. The reality here is that there are spectrums from people still virgins all the way to major PUA types who went through a lot of people. In the middle you have various types, both religious and unbelieving, doing degrees of dating and more, and trying to figure it out.

We like to give advice on these forums, and generally the advice is good, but I'm a careful critic of the conclusions some people come to regarding relationships and what will work regarding marriage. At this point in the culture, all of it is really quite sad, to be honest. I think the only thing we can say is that things are changing, and will more rapidly change probably sooner than later, for better or worse - but there will be a separation of those willing to suffer for what is good and true and right, and there will be the rest. We see a glimpse of this already.

These pragmatism arguments are always wrong.
 

Good_Shepherd

Robin
Other Christian
I have sex with a woman whom I've been in a relationship with for a very long time, over a decade.
I can't bring myself to marry her because she had an affair some years ago which she whole heartedly apologized for and it took years to forgive her.
I am having a really hard time committing these mortal sins. I can't bring myself to discontinuing sex because I think it'll damage the relationship. I fear that I won't find anyone better. Does anyone have advice? She's like my best friend. Without her I would endure immense suffering. I also fear that without a sexual outlet I will revert back to masturbation. I'm so lost.
I too was in a similar situation to yours many years ago before I was married, I had those same feelings. I dont know exactly what to say but there is going to be great suffering either way and probably even more after marriage, at the moment she is your God and your drug you are not able to see things clearly while having sex with her before marriage, you know its wrong and that its a sin but you cant stop almost like you are enslaved. The easiest and least painful in my opinion would probably be to stop having sex with her and break it off and spend some time alone without a girlfriend and get weaned off sex and seek God and do the right thing, to you this will seem the hardest and most painful thing to do, the other option which will probably be harder and more painful and more suffering for you long term is to stop having sex with her and just date without doing that stuff and see how you guys do without the sex and then decide if you guys get married but let me warn you that after marriage the real sufferings will start because at the moment you blind so after marriage you will start to see things you never saw, Im not saying God cant heal the marriage my marriage was healed but there was suffering and almost divorce and as satan tempted your girlfriend you turn will come after marriage and the temptation will be greater because he will use the excuse that you girlfriend already did it and he will tempt you at your weakest so if you ever experience this remember these words and run away from the situation and even quit your job or move towns if you must, these are hard things to endure so you cant throw in the towel you have to endure and go through it also its easier to break things off now than later with a family and kids also keep that in mind if it ever gets to that point I dont know i hope not I pray you will find strength from God to do the right thing, you probably already know what the right thing is to do
 

Anomaly

Sparrow
Non-Christian
I have sex with a woman whom I've been in a relationship with for a very long time, over a decade.
I can't bring myself to marry her because she had an affair some years ago which she whole heartedly apologized for and it took years to forgive her.
I am having a really hard time committing these mortal sins. I can't bring myself to discontinuing sex because I think it'll damage the relationship. I fear that I won't find anyone better. Does anyone have advice? She's like my best friend. Without her I would endure immense suffering. I also fear that without a sexual outlet I will revert back to masturbation. I'm so lost.
What is your end goal with this woman? I’m really not being sarcastic for asking, do you simply want to be eternal boyfriend and girlfriend?
 

02Hero

 
Banned
Other Christian
I have sex with a woman whom I've been in a relationship with for a very long time, over a decade.
I can't bring myself to marry her because she had an affair some years ago which she whole heartedly apologized for and it took years to forgive her.
I am having a really hard time committing these mortal sins. I can't bring myself to discontinuing sex because I think it'll damage the relationship. I fear that I won't find anyone better. Does anyone have advice? She's like my best friend. Without her I would endure immense suffering. I also fear that without a sexual outlet I will revert back to masturbation. I'm so lost.

Become your own man. Your post reeks of weakness LOL. How old are you? This sounds like a 14 year old kid. If you are not willing to walk away you will die miserably anyways. I can guarantee you the woman you are with does not respect you and is probably secretly repulsed by you.

I would feel absolute depression and misery if I was in your situation. You are better off alone. Who knows, maybe you will find someone maybe not. Suffering is good for a man.
 

Kadikoy

 
Banned
Orthodox
I actually think the modern boyfriend-girlfriend construct should be abolished.
It is a total joke. It is completely unserious. It is quite literally one of the major sources of our social degeneration. It helps to infuse our entire society with puerility and fatuousness. The very fact that so many Boomers (virtually every single one of them, to a tee) have yet to question modern dating norms and the boyfriend-girlfriend construct, is evidence of how deeply jejune and immature Boomers really are. That modern conservatives, even the Christian ones, have also failed to malign and attack this silly institution and to begin practicing semi-arranged marriages with strict courtship rituals, shows how unserious modern conservatives are as well.

A society must have arranged or semi-arranged marriages, with well-established rules and customs respected by all. Otherwise you quite literally don't have a society.
 

Anomaly

Sparrow
Non-Christian
Excel
It is a total joke. It is completely unserious. It is quite literally one of the major sources of our social degeneration. It helps to infuse our entire society with puerility and fatuousness. The very fact that so many Boomers (virtually every single one of them, to a tee) have yet to question modern dating norms and the boyfriend-girlfriend construct, is evidence of how deeply jejune and immature Boomers really are. That modern conservatives, even the Christian ones, have also failed to malign and attack this silly institution and to begin practicing semi-arranged marriages with strict courtship rituals, shows how unserious modern conservatives are as well.

A society must have arranged or semi-arranged marriages, with well-established rules and customs respected by all. Otherwise you quite literally don't have a society.
That’s an excellent post, and you expressed my sentiment to a T! It is a joke!

Hopefully I can comment more later today or during the week.

Sexual and romantic dynamics and the institutions of marriage and family have been for the most part DESTROYED from this stupid construct!

This might sound bad and overly judgmental (after all, I didn’t make the best choices before marriage in this joke of a system we have) but when I see a grown man, say older than 22 years old being a perennial “boyfriend” I feel like chuckling or get disgusted.
 

OrthoMexicano

Robin
Orthodox Inquirer
It is a total joke. It is completely unserious. It is quite literally one of the major sources of our social degeneration. It helps to infuse our entire society with puerility and fatuousness. The very fact that so many Boomers (virtually every single one of them, to a tee) have yet to question modern dating norms and the boyfriend-girlfriend construct, is evidence of how deeply jejune and immature Boomers really are. That modern conservatives, even the Christian ones, have also failed to malign and attack this silly institution and to begin practicing semi-arranged marriages with strict courtship rituals, shows how unserious modern conservatives are as well.

A society must have arranged or semi-arranged marriages, with well-established rules and customs respected by all. Otherwise you quite literally don't have a society.

Agree my friend. How can we push dynamic into church community? Speak with priest?
 

Kadikoy

 
Banned
Orthodox
from this stupid construct!
It is Candy Land stupid and juvenile. No, really, we're talking 'sugar faery queen' juvenile and saccharine.

Really, anyone saying "my girlfriend" or "my boyfriend" should be reimagined as saying "my sugar faery queen" or "my gingerbread knight man" and laughed at publicly, as if they have just admitted they dress up in medieval outfits for their everyday lives and think it's real life. It is that unserious. Sadly, what no one seems to realize is that, these days, they are merely just announcing who they are currently having sexual intercourse with, without any commitments other than babyish notions of 'love'.

Any man who submits himself to this loses his dignity immediately because he is submitting himself to babyish, female notions of love and the female notions of playing 'tea party,' in this case literally wanting to 'play house,' with all the benefits (sex, cuddling, posturing as 'mature adults' in a sexual relationship, posturing as homeowners, etc.) without any of the real commitments, either to self, their partner, or their society at large.
 

Kadikoy

 
Banned
Orthodox
Speak with priest?
Yes. That's pretty much the only course of action currently in modern society. My own priest recently asked me if I wanted to be part of a social gathering trying to setup Orthodox singles in the area. Every priest should be very happy to help you find a few good options. If not in the area, they can get on the phone.

Hey, if you're ready to be married and know it's the correct next step for you, it should not be much different than looking for a job. you go out and ask the right people.
 
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