8 Reasons Men Should Live With Their Parents Until Marriage

Lou212

Chicken
Orthodox
Great article. Really made me feel better about my situation (In my 30’s, single and living at home). Going to save this article and have it ready to send to people next time someone calls me out for still living at home!

In my culture, it’s more acceptable to wait until marriage before moving out. But the social pressure to move out has been sky high for the last several years. I have a really good situation at home but I do wonder how long I can keep this going. Every year that goes by, I am more convinced that I will not find a wife who shares my values. So if I stay single, how long can/should I keep this going?
 

Seeker79

Kingfisher
In your view, what is causing this severe unemployment among the young people of Italy?

I personally think it's due to cultural and government driven hyper protective labor policies, and overall economic stagnation. People think Italy is a first world country but they are only looking at a few cities like Rome, Milan etc... Most of Italy is rural and very poor. Industrial output and GDP has stagnated for years due to corrupt government and lack of innovative small to large business growth.

Italy has also experienced significant brain drain. The most capable and educated young people leave the country work in other European countries. This brain drain leaves a lower quartile to compete for limited jobs that are burdened by a culture that favors nepotism and a government that protects keeping their boomers in the jobs, however unproductive, until they retire.
 
Living at home can be a very good thing, but it must be done thoughtfully, and in a disciplined way.
Agreed, I see what you mean about men from different cultures. Some young adult men can use a tight family structure to learn leadership/head of household roles. That's valuable even if they aren't in a situation where good marriage quality women are.
 

wannable alpha

Woodpecker
My rebuttal to Roosh's article -

1. You’ll have less opportunity to sin
If you have no self-control, then you will always need someone else to control you and keep you in line. This means first parents and then wife. Is this how a grown man should behave? What's next? A theocracy.

2. You’ll learn about family life
" You will be able to construct a list of strengths and weaknesses of both your parents and use that for your own version 2.0 family. This is harder to do if you leave the home early before you had time to think of family life. " --> You can learn/realize that your parents are not perfect and their mistakes only when you live separately from them and are able to observe other couples or be in a relationship. Otherwise you are more likely to repeat the same mistakes that they did all their lives.

3. You won’t become excessively selfish
" They have quirks and habits which conflict with yours, and they’ll repeatedly encroach on your privacy, making it hard to conceal secrets " --> You also don't develop independent thinking. No risk taking ability and end up becoming a "don't rock the boat" kind of guy. Multigenerational-cum-extended families don't encourage individuals to branch out. This is not just about sex life and marriage but also career choice and rejecting the deadwood of your culture etc.

4. You won’t waste money on rent
True. You save money but there is more to life than just saving money.

5. You won’t develop weird habits that could turn off a reasonable spouse
You also don't grow as a person if you are just following everything that has been going on in your family for generations.

6. You won’t waste hundreds of hours performing feminine duties
The "feminine" duties that Roosh talks about are basic stuff every man should know. Mama's boys are afraid to venture out and live on their own because they have become lazy and are afraid to do all this stuff. This means they will not pursue career opportunities in a different city or country. When you have Mama or sis doing your everyday chores, living on your own seems like a big hardship.

7. You will participate in church life with your family
Seems like coercion. If someone needs familal and community pressure to force them to go to their place of worship then what does it say about their core spirituality?

8. You will be instantly unattractive to worldly (i.e. bad) women
" A Christian woman knows of the many traps and snares the devil has set up, and would value the man who is closer to his family because she desires a husband who will value the family that they can one day create. " --> I could write so much on this point. Most conservative women don't want to live with their in-laws or want a moma's boy cause they know how much interference the MIL does in day to day life.

AFAIK didn't the pioneers and homesteaders have a nuclear family, just the couple and their kids who would then branch off. Seems like the nuclear family setup worked for them.
 
My rebuttal to Roosh's article -

1. You’ll have less opportunity to sin
If you have no self-control, then you will always need someone else to control you and keep you in line. This means first parents and then wife. Is this how a grown man should behave? What's next? A theocracy.

2. You’ll learn about family life
" You will be able to construct a list of strengths and weaknesses of both your parents and use that for your own version 2.0 family. This is harder to do if you leave the home early before you had time to think of family life. " --> You can learn/realize that your parents are not perfect and their mistakes only when you live separately from them and are able to observe other couples or be in a relationship. Otherwise you are more likely to repeat the same mistakes that they did all their lives.

3. You won’t become excessively selfish
" They have quirks and habits which conflict with yours, and they’ll repeatedly encroach on your privacy, making it hard to conceal secrets " --> You also don't develop independent thinking. No risk taking ability and end up becoming a "don't rock the boat" kind of guy. Multigenerational-cum-extended families don't encourage individuals to branch out. This is not just about sex life and marriage but also career choice and rejecting the deadwood of your culture etc.

4. You won’t waste money on rent
True. You save money but there is more to life than just saving money.

5. You won’t develop weird habits that could turn off a reasonable spouse
You also don't grow as a person if you are just following everything that has been going on in your family for generations.

6. You won’t waste hundreds of hours performing feminine duties
The "feminine" duties that Roosh talks about are basic stuff every man should know. Mama's boys are afraid to venture out and live on their own because they have become lazy and are afraid to do all this stuff. This means they will not pursue career opportunities in a different city or country. When you have Mama or sis doing your everyday chores, living on your own seems like a big hardship.

7. You will participate in church life with your family
Seems like coercion. If someone needs familal and community pressure to force them to go to their place of worship then what does it say about their core spirituality?

8. You will be instantly unattractive to worldly (i.e. bad) women
" A Christian woman knows of the many traps and snares the devil has set up, and would value the man who is closer to his family because she desires a husband who will value the family that they can one day create. " --> I could write so much on this point. Most conservative women don't want to live with their in-laws or want a moma's boy cause they know how much interference the MIL does in day to day life.

AFAIK didn't the pioneers and homesteaders have a nuclear family, just the couple and their kids who would then branch off. Seems like the nuclear family setup worked for them.

What's the deal with guys living rent free at home? And what about helping around the house? Lol

The bottom line is, every situation is different for when you finally leave home or if you find yourself coming back.
 
So if I stay single, how long can/should I keep this going?
Are you growing as a person while living at home? IE, are you increasing your savings, educating yourself on valuable life skills, experiencing career growth, and are finding it easy to develop 5 year plans for your life?

Those are the questions I would start evaluating. You notice many men on this forum are looking to move to more remote/less progressive areas...living at home gives you the advantage to do a search like that where you truly want to live someday. You may be able to invest in a nice piece of land or a lot in an area you really like as opposed to settling for a starter house.

Of course if you follow God, all major life milestones (like marriage and establishing a home discussed in this thread) should be done with prayer and Biblical understanding. If you are starting to grow restless you can go to a spiritual leader to get a non-family opinion about your situation.
 

ball dont lie

Kingfisher
Gold Member
It depends on the family. If the family you are from has a lot of issues, the longer you stay there the more time to be influenced by them, good or bad.

In my family when I spend long periods of time around them I get lazy because they are lazy. I clean less because they dont clean up anything, so it means Im running around all day picking them ups, vacuuming because no one takes off their shoes going inside, doing laundry for dish towels, shaking out mats. Its a choice between me busting my ass or cleaning my room and not doing anything else, living in a messy dump with them. They stay up late and get up, super tired and cranky. Which keeps me up at night if I am there a long time.

So if your parents are doing everything right, staying with them is a good idea. Its the opposite if your parents have a lot of bad habits.

If I had to choose between living with my parents or grandparents long term, I would choose my grandparents. If would be doing a lot for them, but they seem to have a better overall lifestyle.
 

bmw633

Woodpecker
What's the deal with guys living rent free at home? And what about helping around the house? Lol

The bottom line is, every situation is different for when you finally leave home or if you find yourself coming back.
My experience, especially with sons living with single moms, is that many mother's bubble wrap the kids, so they never have to face real life, mother's coddling them, providing every want the son has, so the sons, in turn, lack any motivation to do anything with their life. Chores? My ex-wife used a lawn service, rather than bother our son to actually have to mow the grass himself.

Mama birds quit feeding baby birds when they are able to do it themselves, and will push them out of the nest for their own good. That lesson is lost on many people today.
 

Roosh

Cardinal
Orthodox
This post got a stronger reaction than I expected. It simply makes the assumption that the average man is more likely to engage in damaging behaviors while alone than with family. Many men in the blog comments took the article personally. It's great if you can live alone and not participate in more sin. I think I could do that today, but definitely not a couple years ago.
 

Aizen

Kingfisher
Orthodox
I like the idea of this, but in staying home long term (as a grown man) will likely do more harm than good. Even if you have a fantastic family and everything is hunky dory, you still risk stagnation and missed opportunities while staying at home. There’s a reason we have the term “leaving the nest”. It’s only possible to fly once you’re on your own.

In the times I’ve lived alone, I’ve experienced a lot of the problems you laid out in your article. However, I viewed these as challenges and opportunities for growth, and tackled them head on. I’ll give you some examples:

—-
Lonely living alone? -> Completely normal - men are social creatures as well. Make friends who are willing to live with you / Find a woman willing to live with you. Alternatively, embrace the solitude and further your relationship with Christ.

Hate doing laundry/chores? -> Washing your linen / Cleaning your place is are essential life skills. If you’re convinced that housekeeping is purely for the feminine, outsource it or ^Find a woman willing to do it for you.

Can’t resist the fap / *other sin*? -> Ask God for the strength to resist or develop a strong discipline. Expecting others to prevent your sin will eventually lead to dopamine seeking behavior once you’re on your own. Better to figure this out sooner than later.

Becoming weird? -> This generally comes from too much time spent in solitude behind a screen. It’s a mixed bag: I know weird people who live with their parents, and very sociable folk who have been living alone for years. If you think you’re getting weird, it’s probably time to start investing more in your social life.

Unattractive to Christian Women? -> This is an SMV issue, housing is just one factor. A Filipino woman, say, who grew up in a multigenerational household, would be more permitting of you living with parents. But a Western Christian girl may value independence higher, given the culture here, and expect you to own your own place. Attracting women is something you excelled at, I’m sure that housing is but one thing quality women look for.
—-

Many reasons to stay home, but also many reasons to leave the nest. I think the best solution is to own property close to your family and keep in regular contact with them. Better yet if you have a yard or some land and can have them over for family functions, BBQs, etc. The idea here is to establish independence while remaining close to family roots.

Bit trickier for those with families who live in big cities and are looking to achieve this objective. Buying an apartment nearby is a waste of money if it doesn’t have proper hosting capabilities (like a backyard). In that case, it might be better to stay with family and stack the cash you would’ve spent.

YMMV
 

MRAll134

Pelican
This: "there’s a reason we have the term 'leaving the nest,'" or staying in the womb (mom's apartment), or failure to launch. I don't think a man's position in life should be holding onto mom's apron's strings. You (men in general) need to get out into the world and sink or swim. And, I think Roosh might be just treading water, right now.
 

Pendleton

Pelican
This may be a good idea in a society with an intact, traditional culture. In 2020 America where the option is probably living with one of two divorced and dysfunctional parents, it may not be advisable. The ideal would be for a man to not go to college, live at home from 16 to early 20s as he gets established in a trade and saves money, and then buy and set up a small home that will be ready for a wife and children in the next 2-3 years. Of course, the modern US has set up obstacles to every step of that process.
 

Thomas More

Hummingbird
I think that a man ought to move out from his parents' home when he has grown up, in order to become a man. He might go off to war, or to college, or to sea, or to the next town where there are factory jobs. A man has to be able to develop the ability to stand on his own two feet, to support himself, and to develop a strong frame as an adult.

When I was 21, I moved home for a couple months, then moved out again. In the time I was living at home, I got along with my parents, and I respected them and didn't give them any trouble. In turn, they let me come and go as an adult. However, I still felt like I was back in the role of an older child. I was sleeping in my childhood bedroom, instead of being in my own home.

For a man to win a wife, he has to give her the sense that he is able to provide a home for her, in which she will be secure, and in which she can have children and raise them. A boy living in his parent's home can't go straight into that role. He has to come to see himself as a self-reliant man, who can lead a family of his own.
 
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bmw633

Woodpecker
This post got a stronger reaction than I expected. It simply makes the assumption that the average man is more likely to engage in damaging behaviors while alone than with family. Many men in the blog comments took the article personally. It's great if you can live alone and not participate in more sin. I think I could do that today, but definitely not a couple years ago.

Had a 23 year old step son ten years ago who still lived at home. He worked maybe 20 hours a week at Office Max, took a Community College class or two, did no chores, played video games all hours of the night yelling and screaming 2-3am, waking me up on the opposite end of the house, mom made sure he had everything he wanted, paid no rent, and he was an arrogant bastard who thought he really had his life together!!! He was socially inept, had no motivation, and, as far as I know, probably is still there today at 33 years old.

He never flew the coop, he failed to thrive, which is unnatural. Single mothers do this to use them for a surrogate companion in lieu of cats or dogs.
 
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Max Roscoe

Pelican
Orthodox Inquirer
My understanding is that in nations like Italy, a young man living at home for many years is quite common. But despite this, many of these men become well educated during this time, and get good jobs. But when they do marry and finally move out, the wives complain of them being mama's boys who constantly compare them to mom back home.
What is bad about men holding up modern women to the standards of the last generation? Are the current Brave, Bad, Strong Independent women unable to maintain a healthy BMI, fry an egg, and develop a musical or literary talent the way women before them were?

Feminists also go nuts about about men seeking submissive, attractive, feminine women abroad for the same reasons. Maybe the problem is in the women, not in everyone else they blame?
 

mubs100

 
Banned
This one is somewhat simple.

As a man, or as an Alpha Male, whichever way you want to look at masculinity, it is important to maintain power and independance from other parties.

If you go out to live on your own, you will need to pay rent regularly, which means you are required to maintain a certain level of income. Know that this will be an on-going situation, so once you are paying rent you will be somewhat 'trapped' in that situation. Congratulations, you have now become a slave, pleb etc. Good luck having anything other than a struggle for a life.

Now, you're parents kick you out, so what happens to that spare bedroom which exists in that community. One less person, one less consumer, one less worker in the community. Now there is empty living space going unused in some community somewhere.

The nuclear family set-up is like this. One or two living rooms, one kitchen, one bathroom, 2-3 bedrooms. Not the most efficient use of space. This wont be the model being used by those who become socially successful in the future.

Did any King ever live in a nuclear family set-up? Ofcourse not.

Notice that the elites (Kings) always lived in communal, multigenerational, flexible homes with multiple kitchens, bathrooms, entrances, courtyards etc while the plebs always lived in nuclear families. Also, when was the last time a King kicked out his son and told him to make it his own way. Ofcourse that never happened.

If you go round the world and look at different types of properties you will understand that the current nuclear family norm is probably not a positive thing, due to being simple, inefficient and inflexible.
 
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mubs100

 
Banned
The real problem is that the previous generation were so ingratiated in the mainstream culture (work, money, status) that they didnt really develop the social skills necessary. Therefore, we as a society don't really know how to live and get along with people close to us, which causes issues between people that causes people to have to 'become independant'. In the future this wont happen as much as most issues are between father and son and in the future the fathers would be more 'chilled out' because they just wont be those guys that from a young age were slaves to the system who sacrificed their happiness for money/education/status and have a chip on their shoulder because of it.

I get this alot from my father: "I worked really hard blah blah". Tbh I dont really care as he's a boomer and now has 2 rental properties in London where the tenants are essentially paying the mortgage and he mostly worked in the Postal company doing basic jobs. He tells me "You are 35 and still living at home and not paying rent" and I just tell him what I posted above.

Proving yourself is for people that need to prove things. Better a leech than a slave imo.
 
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