8 Reasons Men Should Live With Their Parents Until Marriage

RichardCranium

Sparrow
Agnostic
I'll admit, I am mystified at the thought of parents letting their adult sons live at home rent free, while doing their laundry for them, and so forth. My parents happily booted me and each of my siblings out the house as soon as we turned 18, sink or swim style. I'm thankful for it; I had to mature a lot to learn to survive on my own. Were I a woman seeking a husband, I wouldn't be looking for a guy who had never chosen a place to live, supported himself, had his own insurance, etc. The time to become an adult is before getting married, at least for a man.

I suppose with a very specific sort of parents it all might work out well, but I haven't encountered this sort of parent.

The day I turned 18 my mother was at the door with her hand out demanding room and board. Unlike my sister who lived at home rent-free till she was 27 and got all her school paid for.

I stayed with my mom for a while a few years ago after we put my father in a nursing home and I had left my road gig. I can't think of a worse scenario for a grown adult to be in. A lot had to do with my mom's control issues and her nosiness. Fortunately I was able to get back on my own but it was a rough couple of years.
 

Pavel

Robin
Orthodox
Definitely not his 40s. People use to live with parents to save up money to put down on a deposit. Most of them were married in their early twenties.
I think after 30 you need your own space. If you are not married for any reason I think when you hit 30 max you should leave.
 

RoadKill

Sparrow
Our society has facilitated mediocrity, laziness and dependence. Staying at home may, or may not be a sin. It may simply be a disputable matter.

In a perfect world, with the perfect family, living at home until you're married can seem like a benefit, assuming the parents are responsible, spiritual, nurturing, and wise. The son or daughter would also have to be moral, obedient, respectful and responsible, to an extent.

But let's be real. Adult offspring will most likely take advantage of their parents if given the chance. I live in America and other than my brother, I never knew men that would live at home until marriage. My family weren't even C&E (Christmas and Easter) catholics. They were wedding and funeral catholics. My dad owned a mechanic shop and didn't come home until very late at night (intoxicated) and my step-father was an alcoholic who played mind games with me.

I wasn't exactly getting any spiritual guidance in either home. I also didn't have a future in my hometown. Gang violence was, and is, still very high and my friend next door was shot dead (in the head) on my prom night. My neighbor was shot dead across the street from me in broad daylight when I was 14 years old. I was home playing computer games on a Radio Shack computer with my friends (one of them was the one I mentioned that was murdered) when it happened. I literally grew up hearing gunshots when I went to bed every night. It became so normal, it didn't bother me.

My family would lecture me constantly about what I should do after high school. I was fat and had no motivation. I ended up joining the Marines 6 months out of high school and left town. I haven't lived in my hometown since. I lost 60 pounds when I joined and I became completely different in all aspects. Once I was on my own, I sought out GOD and attended an Episcopal church, Catholic mass and eventually was reached out to by non-denominational Christians, who eventually baptized me as an adult. I found GOD on my own.

I never knew what I was capable of until I made the bold move to leave. I would not have grown as a person, had I stayed. I actually like who I've become and I know if I had stayed at home, I would have no self-confidence and I probably would have committed suicide at some point in time.

I became an adventurer and traveled the world with The Marines. My military job was high-tech and I deployed twice on naval aircraft carriers/amphibious ships. I was able to get into the semi-conductor business when I finished my two enlistments. I also became a Christian half-way through my military experience. Between the military and my Christian faith, I was able to endure intense personal hardships that people tell me they could not have endured.

Who I became and how I handled trouble was good enough that my daughter enlisted in The Marines and left home as soon as she graduated high school too. She wanted the strength and resolve I had developed and she knew she could only do that by leaving. She finished her four years, and while in, she married the only boy she ever dated and she was the only girl he ever dated. They were together since high school and remain together today. The only tragedy is that neither are believers, but that's a story for another day. They are 24 and they have already purchased their own home. They both work very hard and I'm proud of both of them.

But that's just my perspective on this subject. If someone wants to stay home until they're married, there's no sin in that, unless there is a sin that they are remaining for (laziness, leeching, etc...) What works for one family may not work for another. This is one of those "disputable matters" and I won't condemn someone who has a differing opinion about it.

RK
 

NoFunInAus

 
Banned
There will be benefits, and there will be negatives. All I know is my parents kicked me out of home at 17 and so I joined the army. The discipline I learned there still serves me today; but I'm definitely not advocating to go into the army these days.

It's a tough job being single and lonely these days. Living with your mum and dad at 40 must be hard, but there's worse things. Like not having any.

My advice would be; if you live with your parents on a big farm or in some huge mansion you sure could have your own life and have the benefits, but if you live in some shitty 2-bedroom apartment in some huge ugly city then you might want to buy a car and find a farm job somewhere. (edit; and there is a chance they let you in their community)
 

GWYW2015

 
Banned
Orthodox
Originally posted on RooshV.com

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Modern culture would have you believe that a man should move out of his parents’ house around 18 to mature and learn how to live on his own, but doing so will actually keep him in an immature state while teaching him how to live with the aid of alcohol, drugs, consumer products, pornography, and other degenerate entertainments. Therefore, it may be better for men, especially those who put their faith in Christ, to move out of the family home only upon marriage or to serve the Lord more intensely.

I fell for the “move out of the house” meme when I was 21 years old. Within a short time, I had sex for the first time and was throwing huge parties where I would get intoxicated and hope that I would have more sex. I was also able to masturbate more frequently since I didn’t have to worry about my mother in the next room. In the meanwhile, I learned how to do the laundry, which is something any 10-year-old can master, but did not learn how to cook for many years since my disposable income was high enough that I could eat out regularly at Chipotle or buy semi-prepared foods that contained all manner of estrogenic ingredients.

The second home I lived in as an adult was closer to the Washington D.C. nightlife, so it would often be the meeting point for my friends before going out for nights on the town. I purchased dozens of various liquors and constructed a full-service bar, and I’d regularly bring girls back for fornication. The cost of these activities would eat up about half of my disposable income, but I considered myself a maturing man who was learning important things about being independent, when in reality the opposite was occurring. I was developing severe vices, cementing habits that offered no aid to my soul, and was becoming dependent on various corporations to feed me and provide me drink. Living on my own was not making me more mature—it was instead providing a more frictionless opportunity for me to sin at the cost of giving up my hard-earned money to various businesses while spending less time with my family.

Once I moved to Europe, and no longer had any roommates, I developed the habit of talking to myself while alone, along with peculiar ways of eating and working. In other words, living alone was making me weird, and any woman I met would have had to accept that weirdness if she wanted a relationship with me.

If you don’t have faith in God, living alone seems great because it maximizes the amount of pleasure you can receive, but if you’re Christian, those pleasures will separate you from God. Even though I’m 41 years old, I currently live with my mother, and I’ve considered living with her indefinitely because it allows me to work on my weirdness for the sake of a family bond. I do not participate in any activities that I need to conceal from her, and as long as she doesn’t make noise while I live stream, she doesn’t bother me much, but alas, her apartment is too small.

Unless your parents are obstructing your faith or insist on infantilizing you (i.e., you have a Mediterranean or Middle Eastern mom), I would be hesitant to move out of the house, even if you’re up there in age. Here are eight reasons why you should potentially live with your parents until getting married…

1. You’ll have less opportunity to sin


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When it comes to fornication, compare the logistics of living with your parents in the suburbs to living in the city within walking distance of the nightlife. The latter situation will give a man the potential to score a ton more sex, all to his personal and spiritual detriment. When living at home, you will drink less, masturbate less, be in more control of your anger, and be less likely to develop the vice of greed thanks to a communal living situation. It’s harder to sin when other people you love are nearby.

2. You’ll learn about family life


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As a child, we subconsciously absorb a template of family, and that can sometimes lead to bad results if our family often experienced strife, but as an adult, you can be more conscious of examining the positive and negative traits of your parents and how they impact the tranquility of family life. Your parents don’t have to be perfect for you to learn from them; if your father has a bad temper and an alcohol problem, you know that that is something you have to watch out for in your own family. If your mother takes care of all the cooking and cleaning, and you notice that it helps your father with his duties, then you can look for that trait in a wife. You will be able to construct a list of strengths and weaknesses of both your parents and use that for your own version 2.0 family. This is harder to do if you leave the home early before you had time to think of family life.

3. You won’t become excessively selfish


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When you move out of the house as an immature adult, the focus is on me, me, me. Everything is done for your own pleasure, gain, and satisfaction. The world revolves around you and the only sacrifice you have to make is for your manager at work to keep your job. In other words, you learn how to master selfishness. You develop the belief that people must perfectly serve you just like how your little apartment serves your needs and genitals. This is impossible to do when living with your parents. They have quirks and habits which conflict with yours, and they’ll repeatedly encroach on your privacy, making it hard to conceal secrets. You must therefore sacrifice and give—in the form of your patience and love—for their sake. In the end, if you can’t figure out how to live with your parents, as flawed as they are, you may falter when living with a spouse.

4. You won’t waste money on rent


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People who pay rent to live on their own are flushing money down the toilet. Nothing is built, preserved, or saved through rent payments to a landlord. If you calculate the money you’ve spent on rent in your lifetime, that would have made a sizable down payment on a family home, but no, you had to pay rent because you wanted to party and get laid.

5. You won’t develop weird habits that could turn off a reasonable spouse


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It’s almost impossible to become weird while living at home unless you lock yourself in your bedroom all day. Any odd habit will be immediately checked by your parents or siblings, but once you live alone for a while, you will become officially weird in no time.

6. You won’t waste hundreds of hours performing feminine duties


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Nothing was added to my being by cleaning the apartment, doing a thousand loads of laundry, or washing the dishes. These duties didn’t make me more independent or masculine, and if they make me seem more attractive to a woman, it’s because that woman doesn’t want to do the house duties ascribed to her sex.

7. You will participate in church life with your family


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No one moves alone to the city to attend church more frequently, but when you live with your family, not only are you more likely to go to church, but you will do so as a family unit.

8. You will be instantly unattractive to worldly (i.e. bad) women


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Women who have made a god out of themselves by living a worldly life hate men who live at home. They’re losers! They’re momma’s boys! They don’t know how to clean like a ‘real’ man! You don’t want these women as wives. A Christian woman knows of the many traps and snares the devil has set up, and would value the man who is closer to his family because she desires a husband who will value the family that they can one day create. The best screening method you can use on potential female prospects is to tell them you’re a devout Christian who lives at home (and voted for Donald Trump). If she’s also a devout Christian, she will understand, because she’s living at home, too. She will not want to sin with you, and knows that such a living situation makes it difficult to accidentally fornicate.

Conclusion

Ultimately, living alone is an unnatural state that is most fit for the holy hermits, for even the monks live within a community. It’s best to either you live with family (parents) or you live with family (wife and children).

What have I really learned by living alone for over fifteen years? I learned how to trim my body hair so I could be more attractive to women, how to have conversations with myself, and how to gently kick women I didn’t love out of my place, all things that were not spiritually beneficial and which I don’t do today.

Satan would love for you to live alone. He will have infinitely more opportunities to tempt you, and unless you are with Christ, you will succumb to those temptations like most people who live in the city. Many businesses and corporations profit when you live alone as you depend more on them than your family, but by living in such a way, ask yourself what profit there will be to your soul.

Read Next: Men Are Wasting Their Time

jkXj7YHXPQw

Permalink
I like your point 8, being unattractive to wordly women. I wonder if some women thought I wasn't worth it to date because of the way I lived, not necessarily that I lived at home, although I did until I was 20. Living a godly life won't be much fun to a wordly woman, and yes, I can see where they would not be interested in someone living at home still, although they should inquire why.

It has been said that you attract who you are or the way you are living.

No doubt, being away from home like I was for 400 miles gives you a lot of opportunity to do things people back home won't know about, but of course, God still sees.
 

GWYW2015

 
Banned
Orthodox
I like the idea of this, but in staying home long term (as a grown man) will likely do more harm than good. Even if you have a fantastic family and everything is hunky dory, you still risk stagnation and missed opportunities while staying at home. There’s a reason we have the term “leaving the nest”. It’s only possible to fly once you’re on your own.

In the times I’ve lived alone, I’ve experienced a lot of the problems you laid out in your article. However, I viewed these as challenges and opportunities for growth, and tackled them head on. I’ll give you some examples:

—-
Lonely living alone? -> Completely normal - men are social creatures as well. Make friends who are willing to live with you / Find a woman willing to live with you. Alternatively, embrace the solitude and further your relationship with Christ.

Hate doing laundry/chores? -> Washing your linen / Cleaning your place is are essential life skills. If you’re convinced that housekeeping is purely for the feminine, outsource it or ^Find a woman willing to do it for you.

Can’t resist the fap / *other sin*? -> Ask God for the strength to resist or develop a strong discipline. Expecting others to prevent your sin will eventually lead to dopamine seeking behavior once you’re on your own. Better to figure this out sooner than later.

Becoming weird? -> This generally comes from too much time spent in solitude behind a screen. It’s a mixed bag: I know weird people who live with their parents, and very sociable folk who have been living alone for years. If you think you’re getting weird, it’s probably time to start investing more in your social life.

Unattractive to Christian Women? -> This is an SMV issue, housing is just one factor. A Filipino woman, say, who grew up in a multigenerational household, would be more permitting of you living with parents. But a Western Christian girl may value independence higher, given the culture here, and expect you to own your own place. Attracting women is something you excelled at, I’m sure that housing is but one thing quality women look for.
—-

Many reasons to stay home, but also many reasons to leave the nest. I think the best solution is to own property close to your family and keep in regular contact with them. Better yet if you have a yard or some land and can have them over for family functions, BBQs, etc. The idea here is to establish independence while remaining close to family roots.

Bit trickier for those with families who live in big cities and are looking to achieve this objective. Buying an apartment nearby is a waste of money if it doesn’t have proper hosting capabilities (like a backyard). In that case, it might be better to stay with family and stack the cash you would’ve spent.

YMMV
I married a Filipina, and she wanted my 87 year old mother to live with us, and I agreed. Culturally, for her that is the right thing to do. I agree that it is quite possible she wouldn't see living at home as a bad thing, but she would want to know the reasons why, but would not be judgemental necessarily.
 

GWYW2015

 
Banned
Orthodox
I think this is a good, thought provoking article. Biblically, I think we should live at home, with our parents, until we get married, and yes there are certainly benefits as were pointed out. The thing is, ideally that wouldn't be for very long, and I guess that is just my opinion. Get married young, and move out and start your own lives together.

The more grounded a man can become while living at home, the more likely he is to make good choices when on his own, so hopefully he has good parenting.
 

DenizenJane

Woodpecker
Non-Christian
Originally posted on RooshV.com



4. You won’t waste money on rent


People who pay rent to live on their own are flushing money down the toilet. Nothing is built, preserved, or saved through rent payments to a landlord. If you calculate the money you’ve spent on rent in your lifetime, that would have made a sizable down payment on a family home, but no, you had to pay rent because you wanted to party and get laid.

This is mostly true, but the real reason rent is a waste is because its going to strangers. I'm one of these hanger-on Peter Pan losers who still lives at home, but I pay a modest rent. Its almost like turning the family into a corporation, and overtime it makes everybody richer whom is in the loop.

This arrangement is so effective that its illegal for corporations and businesses to have the same setup.
 

grenade001

Woodpecker
Catholic
I am in my late 20s and still live with my family at the family home. My Parents have been mortgage free since 2000. Both my parents support my brother and I living in the family home, and my brother, and I, split the household expenses between the two of us. It works out to be the same as living outside of home, minus the rent/mortgage expense. After I graduated and obtained full time employment, my Father became ill, and it was more practical for us all to live in the same house.

My Parents home is large enough that there is ample space for there to be dedicated family zones, as well as dedicated private retreats. I earn a decent income, which would allow me to live in my own owner-occupier residence. I have no issue in contributing to the household expenses. Plus it also allows the family to maintain a good strong relationship. I also do all my own cleaning, laundry, and cooking (apart from dinner).

I find it quite strange how multi-generational households are seen as bizarre in the West, as well as how readily elderly are left on their own. They are vulnerable to scammers, and dodgy tradespeople. I couldn't bear the thought of any of my relatives being in that position. In my neighbourhood, there are a number of elderly who live on their own, in decent houses, who struggle with the upkeep. Some of those houses rarely see any sort of activity, or anybody coming or going for weeks at a time. It is quite sad.
 

GWYW2015

 
Banned
Orthodox
I am in my late 20s and still live with my family at the family home. My Parents have been mortgage free since 2000. Both my parents support my brother and I living in the family home, and my brother, and I, split the household expenses between the two of us. It works out to be the same as living outside of home, minus the rent/mortgage expense. After I graduated and obtained full time employment, my Father became ill, and it was more practical for us all to live in the same house.

My Parents home is large enough that there is ample space for there to be dedicated family zones, as well as dedicated private retreats. I earn a decent income, which would allow me to live in my own owner-occupier residence. I have no issue in contributing to the household expenses. Plus it also allows the family to maintain a good strong relationship. I also do all my own cleaning, laundry, and cooking (apart from dinner).

I find it quite strange how multi-generational households are seen as bizarre in the West, as well as how readily elderly are left on their own. They are vulnerable to scammers, and dodgy tradespeople. I couldn't bear the thought of any of my relatives being in that position. In my neighbourhood, there are a number of elderly who live on their own, in decent houses, who struggle with the upkeep. Some of those houses rarely see any sort of activity, or anybody coming or going for weeks at a time. It is quite sad.

Agree. Having to hassle with scam mail, hassle with insurance companies and make appointments and get to those appointments and organize and take their meds can be a real problem. My grandmother lived with us growing up and my mother now lives with us.
 

KiwiInBudapest

Robin
Protestant
Wow, what an article!

I accidentally stumbled on this old article and it hit me hard since I moved out already at 15 to move abroad and become a youth-pro in a sport and I'm 32 now.

I don't know but for some reason I have always proud myself for being more "independent" and mature than my older brother who moved out much later than I did and because he didn't know how to use washer. But how meaningless, if you think about it! It's a feminine duty anyway.
And he was also able to save much more cash than I did.

I do think I've been very helped from having to face difficult situations being alone abroad and having to deal with it on my own, without the help of my parents but overall I think I would have been better off in so many other areas if I continued to live at home for at least 5-7 years more than I did. Roosh is actually spot on in his analysis here.

I will think about this article one day when I raise my own sons. I think the trick is just to make sure they don't become momma's boys. That's the only danger, I think. This works perfect as long as there is a strong father in the household who can discipline his sons but it can turn out horrible if the dad doesn't keep his sons in check.
 
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presidentcarter

Ostrich
Protestant
Gold Member
A lot of varying opinion here and many proponents of single-living who cite benefits such as independent thinking, handyman skills, or ability to buy insurance. A bit bizarre but OK I think I get where they're coming from to a degree.

That's all fine but keep in mind all of those arguments are placing you in the category of 'child'.

I think this is more about giving back to your family and loved ones and less about what you need to take from life for yourself.

You're still a child so you need to learn how to get insurance. You're still a child so you need your own apartment so learn about real life.

Let's instead assume God has led your life in a way that gives you experience and wisdom (which can be done under any circumstance or living arrangement). Approach this topic from this point of view vs. the needs of the self. Don't apply what you may view as worldly knowledge (how to buy insurance) to the spiritual health of family bonds.

Eventually in life you will realize that you're now the adult, and that your aging parents in many ways become the children. It's not all about you all the time. People need to be cared for, they need loved ones around, and if you're a strong upstanding Christian man, you should do your best to be the shepherd of your flock. Or do you need a homeowner's policy in your name before you're able to do that?
 
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