A Date "Review" I got today from a 33yo female

andy dufresne

Kingfisher
RVFers,

I went out on a date last Saturday with a 33yo female (I'm 39), we met on Hinge. We met for a casual dinner at a little spanish tapas place. She let me know at the beginning that she was vegetarian, so I helped us identify a veggie plate, a cheese tapa, a potatoes tapa, and just one meat plate that I said is my favorite and she said I could have. We had some funny banter and convo, but I sensed a conceited vibe about her, plus could tell she wasn't really digging me either. She pulled out her card and offered to split the bill, which I agreed to (I think it's a chump move to pay for a woman if you know you guys didn't connect and there's not gonna be a second date. I always pick up the whole tab if it's gone well and I want to see the woman again). We got up and I politely made casual platonic chit-chat about our weekly errands to run while I waited beside her outside until her uber arrived and said goodbye.

Anyways, 4 days later this morning, she sends me a long paragraph text saying that I "lack manners" because I didn't offer her any of the meat plate, and kept the cheese plate on my side after she'd eaten from it and handed over to me mid-way through the meal and "ate the rest of it with no shame". I am almost certain I offered her more of the cheese plate after I'd had some. I think I may have also even offered her some of the meat, and kept that dish close to the middle of the table. She also said it was "very ugly" of me to split the bill.

So, give your honest feedback guys, were my manners inappropriate? AITH? Is she bitter that I didn't validate her by trying to get a second date? Or just mad that she didn't get a free meal out of me?

I'm gonna be a contratrian here.

I think she digs your shit and is shit testing you. Up the ante and play with her. Send her a text telling her she needs to work harder and if she wants to see you again she needs to work on her manners and pay for the next date. Boom. Tell me how it goes.
 

Radoste

Sparrow
I'm gonna be a contratrian here.

I think she digs your shit and is shit testing you. Up the ante and play with her. Send her a text telling her she needs to work harder and if she wants to see you again she needs to work on her manners and pay for the next date. Boom. Tell me how it goes.
This would be an irrational feat of Chadliness. I don't write it off as possibly working since the woman's obviously still interested, but it doesn't seem like it would be worth executing for this person. She's already treating OP like a restaurant on Yelp, and adhering to meme diets is almost always a red flag, indicating deeper psychological issues. If you're going to pull a gambit like this, at least save it for a scenario where you haven't already accumulated enough negative information to suggest that washing your hands of the whole thing is the best option.
 

Elipe

Kingfisher
I think she digs your shit and is shit testing you.
That's what a shit test looks like? Why would any self-respecting man want to live with a woman that "shit tests" her man by acting so obnoxiously petty and self-conceited?

When I dated my wife I didn't have to deal with anything even half as bad as this. Her shit tests were just very minor things, nothing that would be worth writing a story about. On the other hand, she is a very traditional, feminine woman from a very conservative family, so she was probably raised to treat other people with more respect than this.

But that this woman was a vegetarian tells me she's most likely not traditional, feminine, or conservative. OP dodged a self-inflicted bullet to the knee.
 

Speculation

Kingfisher
I agree she is disappointed and wants to let you know how disappointed she is. If she didn't care at all you would hear radio silence.

That said, I also agree that you're straight out incompatible. All my successful relationships never had weird 'who ate the last piece of tapas' over-analysis, same with 'who pays'. If you have a good connection, none of this nonsense will ever come into play.

Some girls just overthink things. If you don't pattern match to their list of 'gentleman' behaviours, they will force themselves to sabotage things, even if they like you. This is particularly common for single women in their 30's.

Then again, maybe its just survivor's bias; the only single women you see in their 30's are the ones still doing childish crap like this rather than just moving on.
 

kosko

Peacock
Gold Member
She made it clear that she was a vegetarian then complained that you didn't offer her any of the meat dish?
She offered to split the bill then complained because you did just that?
She said you lack manners in a text that said your behaviour was 'very ugly' and attempted to cheese-shame(?) you...?

Nutcase. Either ignore or just send a thumbs-up emoji (and nothing else) to further confuse.
Nutcase? This is your, average woman, these days.

For the OP, I agree with others saying she was into you and this is just her doing mental gymnastics to take the edge off the rejection. Move on.

One thing - I personally don't like to do food for these dates, especially first. I want conversation, not a mouth full of food. If the woman is starving, they will always let you know then of course you can grab something light. Most lounges will a menu of some sort. This filters out the types of girls who sniff around for dinner buddies so they can gorge on food and wine - even better if they can milk the guy to pay for it.
 
Just reply with this gif:

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As a 33-year-old single woman I think she should be happy that someone wants to take her out for a date. By the way, I don't think it's a chump move to pay for a woman (even if the date didn't go well) if you invited say a 20-year-old on a date since they're usually studying and don't have as much cash as a 39-year-old stable man, it makes sense. But she was 33 so I don't think it was a big deal.
 

andy dufresne

Kingfisher
That's what a shit test looks like? Why would any self-respecting man want to live with a woman that "shit tests" her man by acting so obnoxiously petty and self-conceited?

When I dated my wife I didn't have to deal with anything even half as bad as this. Her shit tests were just very minor things, nothing that would be worth writing a story about. On the other hand, she is a very traditional, feminine woman from a very conservative family, so she was probably raised to treat other people with more respect than this.

But that this woman was a vegetarian tells me she's most likely not traditional, feminine, or conservative. OP dodged a self-inflicted bullet to the knee.
Sure. She is probably a total cookball. I'm not saying he marry her. I'm just saying a toss a double dose of her own medicine back at her and see how she reacts. You never really know....some people are dying to finally be put in their place.
 

FullThrottleTX

Woodpecker
1. I see a lot of guys in the community, especially who came up dating with PUA advice, not able to get past their egos on dates. These guys are not very successful. Unfortunately, they're going to continue to get frustrated on dates if the whole idea is to one up the woman for their own ego gratification.

2. The notion that there is going to be fantastic chemistry on a first date, I think this is retarded. If anything, if there is too much chemistry on a first date its a red flag. I call that a "flame out", because too many expectations are being built too fast. As in my example with the Puerto Rican chick I dated last year, we had fantastic first date chemistry that lead to bad second date chemistry since it was too built up and she expected too much. Basically getting along and banter should be enough for a second date.

3. A lot of guys in the community have this expectation that feminine women will be easy to deal with, easy to understand, and provide "drama free" interactions. I just have never found this to be the case. A woman that's really easy to deal with and low drama is probably more masculine and less attractive, in my experience. And conservative chicks are among the hardest to date for a lot of reasons. This extends to Latinas in particular, because they are both feminine and crazy by their nature -- you get enhanced craziness.
 

Papaya

Peacock
Gold Member
Men age like wine

Women age like bread

If youre looking to buy bread go to the best bakery you can find.

Stop dumpster diving

Reality is often harsh and this woman has obviously not faced it yet else she' wouldve been sweet as a double sugar pie to you

Edit: My #1 piece of dating / mate search advice still stands


PapayaTapper (08-24-2015 12:14 AM)' Wrote: One quality I think is essential for any girl to have as a LTR candidate is what I call "the happy gene". Is her natural equilibrium an upbeat / happy /laughs easily kind of demeanor ? Or is she prone to states of moroseness/crabbiness or acerbity that needs to be actively entertained/stimulated into being "happy"?

Before I knew better I exhausted a lot of time, money and energy on "sourpussy" because they were hot. I spent 5 years and I dont know how much money on one because she was smoking (tall blond bikini/ lingerie model) before I had enough and pulled the plug

If a girl doesn't have that "happy gene"...she's not long for my world anymore. If there was only piece of advice I could give a guy thinking about wifeing up,,,make sure she has that quality
 
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paninaro

Pelican
Anyways, 4 days later this morning, she sends me a long paragraph text saying that I "lack manners" because I didn't offer her any of the meat plate, and kept the cheese plate on my side after she'd eaten from it and handed over to me mid-way through the meal and "ate the rest of it with no shame". I am almost certain I offered her more of the cheese plate after I'd had some. I think I may have also even offered her some of the meat, and kept that dish close to the middle of the table. She also said it was "very ugly" of me to split the bill.

Is there a hamster emoji? It would be totally appropriate here. That woman is nuts. She was probably used to men fawning over her when she was in her 20s. Now she's aging and her biological clock is ticking, but she's acting like she's still in her 20s.

You didn't offer a vegetarian your meat plate and she's mad about that? She's wacko. Move on.
 
When it comes to women like this, I tell them to put the "koo koo back in the clock". It baffles me how some women and men behave in public and how they behave over text messages when they can hide behind a screen, mask their emotions and behave as cowards.

She said she was a vegetarian and yet wanted something off your meat plate? This is a damned if you do and damned if you don't scenario. Offer her meat, and she will get offended and call you a bad listener, don't offer and be considerate and you are seen as selfish. That's like me saying I don't drink and go home and text the person who had the party that I'm mad because they did not offer me a drink, right. . .

I would next her, if this is the behaviour in which she is displaying now, just imagine when you get deeper into it and make an actual commitment. One thing I did in my past relationship was walk on egg shells and it drove me mad, NEVER again. Don't be a slave to anxiety and self doubt, once it they have you in their shackles escape becomes nearly impossible.

Take a deep breath, have a laugh at the text, thank yourself for splitting the bill and delete the message. If you want to respond do so, but here is my saying "Do you know what the most loudest, beautiful, complex yet simple language is? It's silence. It says more that words ever could".
 
This doesn't make sense, she said she was vegetarian but then said YOU were the rude one. Dating should be a fun filled romantic opportunity, unless you're really just there to practice techniques you should not pursue such a woman. Regardless, she was the one who acted extremely rude.
 

andy dufresne

Kingfisher
I'll backpedal a bit on first response. Did you even like her? Was their anything special or interesting about her? If not then why did you even waste time asking the question to begin with? Does she have a nice smile? Is she demure?
 

Deepdiver

Crow
Gold Member
1. You met a 33 yo wallbanger off of hinge irl...

2. She said she was a veggienutt.

3. You actually asked her permission if you could order your fave meat plate???

4. Like a psycho she severely disrespected you during and after the torture session...

And we all are spending brain cells analyzing why it did not go the way you hoped.

We all need to invent a new 12 step program White Knights Anonymous. Just saying.
 
RVFers,

I went out on a date last Saturday with a 33yo female (I'm 39), we met on Hinge. We met for a casual dinner at a little spanish tapas place. She let me know at the beginning that she was vegetarian, so I helped us identify a veggie plate, a cheese tapa, a potatoes tapa, and just one meat plate that I said is my favorite and she said I could have. We had some funny banter and convo, but I sensed a conceited vibe about her, plus could tell she wasn't really digging me either. She pulled out her card and offered to split the bill, which I agreed to (I think it's a chump move to pay for a woman if you know you guys didn't connect and there's not gonna be a second date. I always pick up the whole tab if it's gone well and I want to see the woman again). We got up and I politely made casual platonic chit-chat about our weekly errands to run while I waited beside her outside until her uber arrived and said goodbye.

Anyways, 4 days later this morning, she sends me a long paragraph text saying that I "lack manners" because I didn't offer her any of the meat plate, and kept the cheese plate on my side after she'd eaten from it and handed over to me mid-way through the meal and "ate the rest of it with no shame". I am almost certain I offered her more of the cheese plate after I'd had some. I think I may have also even offered her some of the meat, and kept that dish close to the middle of the table. She also said it was "very ugly" of me to split the bill.

So, give your honest feedback guys, were my manners inappropriate? AITH? Is she bitter that I didn't validate her by trying to get a second date? Or just mad that she didn't get a free meal out of me?
Copacetic!
 

blacknwhitespade

Kingfisher
1. You met a 33 yo wallbanger off of hinge irl...

2. She said she was a veggienutt.

3. You actually asked her permission if you could order your fave meat plate???

4. Like a psycho she severely disrespected you during and after the torture session...

And we all are spending brain cells analyzing why it did not go the way you hoped.

We all need to invent a new 12 step program White Knights Anonymous. Just saying.
You misinterpreted my comment. I didn't ask her permission, I said to her something like "you're vegetarian? Okay, no prob, let's find some good veggie dishes and I also want to get my favorite meatballs." And she said to that, "that's fine, I won't be having any".
 
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