A Honeymoon From Hell

What caused my now estranged "Orthodox" wife to act the way she did?

  • Being in immigration jail for half a day (my Father's pick)

    Votes: 1 3.1%
  • It was pre-planned - likely a lover (wife's version)

    Votes: 18 56.3%
  • Something else? please elaborate

    Votes: 15 46.9%

  • Total voters
    32

SingularityOne

Robin
Orthodox
I suppose she left me when she left the hotel and got her own. I did stonewall her when she acted up and demanded her own room, which she argued was me "forcing her to leave."

When I told her "to ask for money whoever she is sleeping with and leave me alone" she acted as if I tried to "hurt her."

She obviously has her own point of view, I think Roosh's article about complaining is very relevant here. Don't think it would have mattered if I got her everything she asked for, as her complaining comes from internal insecurity. She obviously turned out unready for marriage or even a serious relationship. Her comment about wanting "to have fun" for a few years are the best indicator of this, she even told this to my Mother, saying that I am too serious.
The fact that your mother is even involved here brings up a red flag to me. Also, a question, is she someone you think would be a healthy person to marry? Another question, what does her insecurity bring up within you?
 

Philosopher

Kingfisher
Orthodox
The fact that your mother is even involved here brings up a red flag to me. Also, a question, is she someone you think would be a healthy person to marry? Another question, what does her insecurity bring up within you?
Mother was involved since she called her while being detained in Mexico as my phone did not have service. No, she is not a healthy person to marry. I am indifferent to her insecurity, when she got annoying-I just distanced myself.
 

SingularityOne

Robin
Orthodox
Mother was involved since she called her while being detained in Mexico as my phone did not have service. No, she is not a healthy person to marry. I am indifferent to her insecurity, when she got annoying-I just distanced myself.
Okay, I understand. Sometimes distancing is healthy if there is time to recognize your part in the matter and the underlining issues aren’t just swept under the rug. It sounds like you just answered your own question regarding contact with her (if you should reach out or let her reach out to you) considering you said you believe her to not be a healthy person to marry.
 

Philosopher

Kingfisher
Orthodox
Okay, I understand. Sometimes distancing is healthy if there is time to recognize your part in the matter and the underlining issues aren’t just swept under the rug. It sounds like you just answered your own question regarding contact with her (if you should reach out or let her reach out to you) considering you said you believe her to not be a healthy person to marry.
Thanks, yeah nothing good can come. Hopefully annulment won’t take long
 

Philosopher

Kingfisher
Orthodox
The Lord is in control brother. That's a hard spot to be in with an annulment. I thought you were engaged, not married?
No, we have been married since December.

We just haven't had the ceremony/church because of COVID and being in different countries. Would have had the ceremony as soon as she had her visa (this fall was likely)
 

Magnus Stout

Robin
Orthodox
I don't think you were as "Alpha" as you initially describe because her actions indicate that you were placating her, not the other way around. You failed to call out her bad behavior and rationalized it instead. You seem to be either operating from a sunk-cost fallacy or you feel like she is the "catch."

The structure of your poll indicates that you don't understand her or her thinking. This is often because our failure to see a thing is not a failure of sight, but of misguided Will. Put differently, we choose to be deluded; we choose to ignore reality. We do this often to protect our egos. In a nutshell: projecting instead of perceiving.

I would seek annulment and take a break from courting other women for at least 90 days so you can work on those inward issues. Maybe you are being called for something else? Your worth is not in your Daygame skills, but in your walk with Christ. Pray, humble yourself and seek answers to those deeper questions.
 

Philosopher

Kingfisher
Orthodox
Th
I don't think you were as "Alpha" as you initially describe because her actions indicate that you were placating her, not the other way around. You failed to call out her bad behavior and rationalized it instead. You seem to be either operating from a sunk-cost fallacy or you feel like she is the "catch."

The structure of your poll indicates that you don't understand her or her thinking. This is often because our failure to see a thing is not a failure of sight, but of misguided Will. Put differently, we choose to be deluded; we choose to ignore reality. We do this often to protect our egos. In a nutshell: projecting instead of perceiving.

I would seek annulment and take a break from courting other women for at least 90 days so you can work on those inward issues. Maybe you are being called for something else? Your worth is not in your Daygame skills, but in your walk with Christ. Pray, humble yourself and seek answers to those deeper questio
I don't think you were as "Alpha" as you initially describe because her actions indicate that you were placating her, not the other way around. You failed to call out her bad behavior and rationalized it instead. You seem to be either operating from a sunk-cost fallacy or you feel like she is the "catch."

The structure of your poll indicates that you don't understand her or her thinking. This is often because our failure to see a thing is not a failure of sight, but of misguided Will. Put differently, we choose to be deluded; we choose to ignore reality. We do this often to protect our egos. In a nutshell: projecting instead of perceiving.

I would seek annulment and take a break from courting other women for at least 90 days so you can work on those inward issues. Maybe you are being called for something else? Your worth is not in your Daygame skills, but in your walk with Christ. Pray, humble yourself and seek answers to those deeper questions.
Thanks, I did tell her a few tomes that her behavior was unacceptable like when she refused a kiss and when she was sitting in the lobby. Definitely was placating her, her the arrest definitely put me off balance.

doing what you suggested.
 

Magnus Stout

Robin
Orthodox
We all make mistakes. I'm sure you were looking forward to a wonderful trip. It really hurts when your kindness is met with such coolness.

Something else I've learned is to ask more open-ended questions. I think we don't ask those kind of questions because we are afraid of the answers. But, here's a silver lining: facing unpleasant realities is also a way you can demonstrate Alpha qualities. Even though we are not facing down scary animals like our ancient fathers (Sabertooths, Lions, etc...) Men are still required to face unpleasantness, but of a more abstract and emotional variety. Women value that ability and Men respect it.

This kind of unpleasantness is often more difficult than facing down physical challenges. Example: I personally know of a highly decorated soldier who was incredibly brave and successful in Iraq (super Alpha with many kills), but fell into deep despair and alcoholism after he returned home. He ended up divorced and lost custody of his three daughters (his wife was very sweet and never cheated, but couldn't tolerate his drug abuse).

He was brave facing external challenges, but weak on the inside. His alcoholism was a tool to avoid resolving inner conflict. If we do not do this inner work before battles (or conflict), we often suffer afterwards. That is one reason for the PTSD that some of our soldiers suffer: we are good at facing outward conflict, but poor at resolving inward conflict.

This inner mastery is an old concept: your avatar, Socrates, was a super Alpha in exactly that kind of way. People think they are fearless until facing a series of "why" questions, as Socrates did. I believe this is because "why" often pierces the ego. The more we seek to "protect" our ego (an illusion), the weaker and more fearful we become.

Ultimately, each of us should refine our values to what we are personally willing to die for (rather than kill for). Burn away the cruft and build on that solid foundation. That foundation--the real and honest you--is what will attract others to you.
 
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