I really did not want to write this thread. In fact, it's been years since I've posted on any forum regarding dating etc. But this particular situation is weighing on me so I don't know how else to vent, and I am just perpetually beating myself up over this. I'll try to keep this as short & succinct as possible. I'm hoping it will offer insight into how a potentially manipulative personality operates.
Met a very charming lady at a night club about a year ago. We spent the evening dancing and exchanged numbers. We spent the following few months casually dating. She seemed very wholesome. Even dare I say it, traditional... Anyways, after a few months of dating, I was informed she was 'ritually abused' as a child, by her occult parents & family. Naturally this was very alarming to me. I had intense feeling for this girl. The idea of her being essentially a sex slave to a devil worshipping cult made me literally sick to my stomach. I contemplated this issue for many weeks. Our relationship remained relatively the same... We never argued, and always had great moments together. She agreed with me even with politics, and barely even used social media. Over time, I tried to probe into the situation, give her space to process what had happened. This is when I started to become very skeptical of the story, and who exactly I was dealing with. The story as far as I'm aware was basically that this girl and her sisters, moved from a small country town, to the big city. As children, they were homeschooled and had no access to a normal childhood social arrangement. Her parents, she claimed, had zero interest in 'the occult' by day. In fact, they were intensely Christian, but by night they were abusive Satanists. Obviously a red flag. The occult is a lifestyle, you don't just turn this off & on. My conclusion was that she was brainwashed by her radical Christian therapist when she moved to the City to go to school as a music minister. Supposedly this is a thing. They call it SRA and it's a whole domain of 'therapy' to recover lost memories of abuse -- totally warped stuff. I did a little detective work, and after discovering her parents on social media, was shocked to see how wholesome and loving they seemed. Almost like the archetypal midwestern apple pie eating family. Definitely did not look like deranged occultists that would rape their daughters! Regardless, and despite the advise to do otherwise, I stayed with her. I felt as if she was mixed up, and thought her other qualities were worth me sticking around and trying to help her.
It was sad to witness this girl girl not keeping in touch with her parents. She would often tell me how hard it was not having support from them -- both financially and emotionally. It was around this time another man entered the picture. We will call him Allen. This man who was decades older, and had just lost his wife, took a liking to my girl and was willing to pay for her living expenses. Naturally, I was taken aback. She claimed there was absolutely no sex involved, even though he wanted it. She seemed quite creeped out by him, but liked him as a friend and the money was to good. Major red flag #2. In hindsight, I stupidly agreed to let her continue seeing him. I felt bad for his story of losing his wife, and judging by my gfs body language demeanor, It truly didn't seems like they were having sex. My thought process was, that if she ever suggested becoming sexually involved, I was out. Non negotiable.
Our relationship continued. Again, we never argued, and shared many great moments together. Everything was perfect, But in the back of my mind, I knew that I was potentially digging myself a huge hole here. Her sparse social media use, and conservative political perspective during the 2020 summer debacle made me feel like she was a catch in a sea of degenerate liberals in my city. Overtime, she seemed to be having quite a bit of grief with Allen. Often arguing and stressed out over his constant wanting to be sexually involved. This man had paid for her entire years rent, and even bought her a new 5k keyboard. I was starting to see the writing on the wall and realize this was going to blow up in all our faces at some point.
It was about a month ago when she alerted me that that she thought we should go our separate ways. Her reasoning was, she wanted a child and to settle down. If this were a normal situation I would have jumped at the opportunity, but given the circumstances, I knew better so agreed with what she said. She also informed me that Allen wanted to see her another day, and that she simply wouldn't have the time for me anymore. Ok... We decided we would remain friends and part ways slowly. Everything was smooth until her SJW sister had removed me off social media. I found this slightly strange & irritating. It was proof to me that I was officially out of the picture.
The spark that had set off the fuse was I had previously agreed to purchase a custom painting from her, for a few hundred dollars about a month ago. The painting had not been even started yet, and given the circumstances, I decided to tell her I no longer wanted it, considering it seemed I was totally not in the mix anymore. She reacted very harshly, claiming I was 'Denying her the opportunity of financial independence' and 'my inability to care for her the way she needs cared for by a man' -- despite already dumping me for her sugar daddy LOL. I told her she 'needed to drop the victim narrative she was telling herself, and that it came off manipulative to guilt trip someone for not doing as you wished'. This struck a major nerve -- and she told me I had irreparably crossed the line & and was a cruel person for "weaponizing her intimacy".
I actually feel bad considering her alleged history of abuse. My question is should I? Part of me feels like a huge sucker for even going along with this girl as long as I did -- even a bit scared to retrieve my stuff from her. Is she that pathological? My other half feels like I may have emotionally hurt someone I cared for. I may have been slightly abrasive with my wording, but what I said wasn't THAT BAD. Even if the ritual abuse was true -- one still needs to drop the victim card at some point, right?
. With that said, I'm a bit unsure as to if she was brainwashed by her evangelical therapist through the implantation of false memories, or if she WANTED the scenario to be true to justify her resentment. Perhaps a bit of both. I've come to understand it's not always a definitive boundary between the two. Pathological personalities can use pretty much anything for justification. Hopefully I was able to offer some degree of healing in this regard -- soon before breaking up I told her, she and her sisters needed to go to an accredited actual psychologist and evaluate the situation thoroughly. This is not something to sweep under the rug, true or not. She threw a fit and stormed out of the room accusing me of trying to deny the situation -- one of rare times I've ever seen her get blatantly mad. If she KNEW it were true, wouldn't she want more clarity and healing? Why was she so defensive over it? Hmm
