ADVICE NEEDED -- GF was potentially a master manipulator

Met a very charming lady at a night club about a year ago.
Well this is where the problem started. Night club, more like "good way to start on the worst foot."
This man who was decades older, and had just lost his wife, took a liking to my girl and was willing to pay for her living expenses. Naturally, I was taken aback. She claimed there was absolutely no sex involved, even though he wanted it. She seemed quite creeped out by him, but liked him as a friend and the money was to good.
This is absolutely unacceptable behavior, and it was unacceptable that you tolerated this. Lots of other people have mirrored this idea, but to state it again, it was completely idiotic to keep going in this situation. That's on you.
Everything was perfect, But in the back of my mind, I knew that I was potentially digging myself a huge hole here.
Never ignore this feeling. Clearly everything wasn't perfect if you thought you were digging yourself a huge hole here. Gut feelings exist for a reason, ignore them at your own peril.

But it's all said and done now. Here's my advice:

YOU CANT SAVE HER. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE SAVED.

SHE'S DEAD TO YOU. MOVE ON.


She may have had a rough past, but you cannot undo that. She clearly isn't willing to move past it and become the person she needs to be.

You don't hate her, but she just will never be a meaningful part of your life anymore. Sure you have memories, but they are just that, memories. There's no way she can be a part of your life anymore, because she is dead to you. So move on, and become the man you need to be.

I'll also mirror Augustus' advice: You need to pursue God first.
 

MRAll134

Kingfisher
Although, a major red flag to it being a false story, is she claims to have had no prior memories of this scenario before meeting her 'therapist'. Recovered memories of that sort seem to be very suspicious.
It is probably best to just push on forward.

However, you can look up False Memory Syndrome. It is pretty common for professionals e.g. therapists to lead a patient into thinking something is real, when it is not. Here is one article:

 

get2choppaaa

Pelican
It is probably best to just push on forward.

However, you can look up False Memory Syndrome. It is pretty common for professionals e.g. therapists to lead a patient into thinking something is real, when it is not. Here is one article:

Usually a better red flag is to avoid women who have a history of therapist use and are continuing to go to one at the time of your relationship.

If she is seeing a Priest/religious figure for counseling, thats one thing... and likely something to be respected unless we are talking about Branch Davidian type cult figures... but if you've read Libido Dominandi you know that all psycho therapy is ((())) in nature and combines elements of Jesuit confession with manipulation for the purpose of finding out one's history/weaknesses and exploiting a need for more therapy centered around sexual deviancy.
 
Maybe she was abused, maybe she wasn't, but you made the mistake of getting emotionally invested in someone who wasn't ready to be dating and looking for a spouse. I've been in a similar relationship like this where I worshipped the girl and she played the victim, and I felt awful about it when I finally couldn't take it anymore. Don't feel awful - dating isn't the vow of marriage. Be kind to her, but move on, because you can't be her Savior; only Christ can. And if you've been emotionally attached to her in a shallow, physical sense, it clouds your ability to deal with her behavior, so it's best if you step away from the picture. If she contacts you, say something to the affect that you wish the best for her and you are praying for her, but that it's not going to work out.
 
Usually a better red flag is to avoid women who have a history of therapist use and are continuing to go to one at the time of your relationship.

If she is seeing a Priest/religious figure for counseling, thats one thing... and likely something to be respected unless we are talking about Branch Davidian type cult figures... but if you've read Libido Dominandi you know that all psycho therapy is ((())) in nature and combines elements of Jesuit confession with manipulation for the purpose of finding out one's history/weaknesses and exploiting a need for more therapy centered around sexual deviancy.
That's dark, but I totally believe it. Haven't read Libido Dominandi yet, but from EMJ's talks it seems like it has great insight. I'm concerned for my sister, who has some moderate anxiety issues and who kind of buys into the secular pyscho-therapy world too much.
 

RKS

Sparrow
The 2 main points I have learned from women with the many relationships I have had over the years are:

1. The first red flag is only the beginning of a succession of many red flags. It is never a one and done. Damaged people need to have relationships with other damaged people, these are the only types of people they can ultimately relate to. Drug addicts like drug addicts, alcoholics like alcoholics, and the sexually abused like sexual abusers.

2. If she does not deeply care about something besides herself, she will not care deeply about you. She wont know how and you wont be able to teach her.
 
Thank you all for the advice!

I respect the feedback concerning where I made crucial errors. It is indeed true, I KNEW better, yet still pursued this girl. The whole Satanic abuse thing, I'm 90% sure is false. I'm half tempted to share the picture of her alleged abusers .. they are about as wholesome looking people as they come. The mom is literally a librarian :squintlol:. With that said, I'm a bit unsure as to if she was brainwashed by her evangelical therapist through the implantation of false memories, or if she WANTED the scenario to be true to justify her resentment. Perhaps a bit of both. I've come to understand it's not always a definitive boundary between the two. Pathological personalities can use pretty much anything for justification. Hopefully I was able to offer some degree of healing in this regard -- soon before breaking up I told her, she and her sisters needed to go to an accredited actual psychologist and evaluate the situation thoroughly. This is not something to sweep under the rug, true or not. She threw a fit and stormed out of the room accusing me of trying to deny the situation -- one of rare times I've ever seen her get blatantly mad. If she KNEW it were true, wouldn't she want more clarity and healing? Why was she so defensive over it? Hmm


I agree with a few of you above that I made a major mistake sticking around when she was pursuing the sugar daddy. This is not only highly pathological for her to take advantage of a grieving man in that demeanor, but also illustrates my own weakness in character for letting it occur. Yes, this man made a conscious decision to give her money, but by me being peripherally involved, I was condoning it. Those with functioning moral compasses wouldn't financially take advantage of someone in that way.. It's one thing to take money for living expenses, it's another to take it for gluttonous reasons ( ie five thousand dollar keyboard that I never saw her use). Judging by the way she would talk about him, I truly don't think they were having sex -- at least in the beginning. His incredibly needy behavior seemed to be very sexually repulsive to her. But even still, me being sexually involved, I was bathing myself in those opportunistic vibrations -- hence making me connected to it.


I cared for this girl because of her story. At this point I would refuse sex from her. I just absolutely hate the idea of hurting someone as vulnerable as she paints herself, yet I rationally know she isn't. In fact she's probably making more money than me at this point with the sugar cash. The last straw was her guilt tripping me -- questioning my integrity, morality and manhood for not buying her painting (that hadn't even been painted yet). It's as if she wanted that last few hundred dollars before dipping... Looking at all this objectively, I realize these are all major signs you are dealing with a definitive opportunistic manipulator. It seems I pulled a Neo and dodged and onslaught of bullets.
 

West_001

Sparrow
Hm... Well, Sex Cults are actually much more common than people think or give credit for, especially here in America, and a lot of them run on a front of Charitable behaviors such as Philanthropic Missions or donating food / clothes to those in need, or people who otherwise may belong to them or get involved for what seems like Brotherly and Sisterly Engagements. A lot of them are also run by people who have Military connections or a Family History of Freemasons.

What denomination of Christianity was she involved in?

But based on what you mentioned, this sounds like an actual Cult she was was a part of rather than anything "Occult".

Abuse is a very difficult subject to address when it comes to analyzing modern women, because there are so many which also use it for attention or even make stories up, but more importantly is to witness how that person managed the Abuse and if they were resilient from it in any way, and to make sure they will not become someone who continues it. It becomes a Maladaptive history of theirs if they continue the family history of abuse by inflicting, for example, abuse on children or other people in their life because of what they might have missed out on in their Childhood, especially if being very sheltered from the outside world.

Even the same situation with whether or not she keeps in touch with her parents. Generally there are rarely good justifications for someone who has had to distance themselves from family or their parents, but the thing is you have to fully realize whether there is something pathological in her behavior about doing it and whether she has problems getting close with Men, or if she has controlling or other pathological tendencies.

As a rule, most women who grow up in these environments do not adapt well from them, unless they were capable of not adhering to mind programming at an early age, even if they were forced to engage in whatever was imposed upon them.

The risks in the outcome is that sometimes they can be prone to creating or living with instability in their life and will usually choose the worst partners, but if they came out of the situation on a better note, they would immediately cling to something / someone of stability. If she always seemed to want "do her own thing" and "have space" outside from you during the duration of time you spent, then this means she did not adapt properly from her situation and is toxic.

There are still some other details I'd need to have an understanding of though to really get a greater picture of things in how they developed between you both, but I am curious at what age were you both when you first met and talked to each other?

But it does seem to sound more like there is some maladaptive tendency that grew in her because she is much more on the defense in terms of how she responded to you, but it's also hard to tell whether she really means or believe what she told you, or someone influencing her in the background. This person "Allen" did not sound like a good influence whatsoever, he definitely should not have been permitted to be around her whatsoever in your involvement with her. There was definitely something more going on between them both.

I've known girls who grew up in situations as these, one who actually lived homeless many times and took on very manly traits for her survival, and the thing is they always seem to have other Men around bringing them food or doing other favors who they will even claim are just "friends". Thing is you can never trust them. One girl I knew like this was also very politically minded, knew a lot about history, and had a very bad relationship with her father or ever taking orders from a Man. But yet was very open-minded, but open-minded to the degree that "anything goes" in her world.
Move on bro.
 

get2choppaaa

Pelican
Thank you all for the advice!

I respect the feedback concerning where I made crucial errors. It is indeed true, I KNEW better, yet still pursued this girl. The whole Satanic abuse thing, I'm 90% sure is false. I'm half tempted to share the picture of her alleged abusers .. they are about as wholesome looking people as they come. The mom is literally a librarian :squintlol:. With that said, I'm a bit unsure as to if she was brainwashed by her evangelical therapist through the implantation of false memories, or if she WANTED the scenario to be true to justify her resentment. Perhaps a bit of both. I've come to understand it's not always a definitive boundary between the two. Pathological personalities can use pretty much anything for justification. Hopefully I was able to offer some degree of healing in this regard -- soon before breaking up I told her, she and her sisters needed to go to an accredited actual psychologist and evaluate the situation thoroughly. This is not something to sweep under the rug, true or not. She threw a fit and stormed out of the room accusing me of trying to deny the situation -- one of rare times I've ever seen her get blatantly mad. If she KNEW it were true, wouldn't she want more clarity and healing? Why was she so defensive over it? Hmm


I agree with a few of you above that I made a major mistake sticking around when she was pursuing the sugar daddy. This is not only highly pathological for her to take advantage of a grieving man in that demeanor, but also illustrates my own weakness in character for letting it occur. Yes, this man made a conscious decision to give her money, but by me being peripherally involved, I was condoning it. Those with functioning moral compasses wouldn't financially take advantage of someone in that way.. It's one thing to take money for living expenses, it's another to take it for gluttonous reasons ( ie five thousand dollar keyboard that I never saw her use). Judging by the way she would talk about him, I truly don't think they were having sex -- at least in the beginning. His incredibly needy behavior seemed to be very sexually repulsive to her. But even still, me being sexually involved, I was bathing myself in those opportunistic vibrations -- hence making me connected to it.


I cared for this girl because of her story. At this point I would refuse sex from her. I just absolutely hate the idea of hurting someone as vulnerable as she paints herself, yet I rationally know she isn't. In fact she's probably making more money than me at this point with the sugar cash. The last straw was her guilt tripping me -- questioning my integrity, morality and manhood for not buying her painting (that hadn't even been painted yet). It's as if she wanted that last few hundred dollars before dipping... Looking at all this objectively, I realize these are all major signs you are dealing with a definitive opportunistic manipulator. It seems I pulled a Neo and dodged and onslaught of bullets.
When you see people as victims of their circumstances and not agents of their own action, it's east to be sympathetic.

I have been there.

Best practical advice I can give is to recognize it is as what it is... And move on.

You felt for her, she abused you and abused yourself. You're now free to work on yourself and your faith.

If I could offer the following:

Work on your faith and find a woman who is on the same walk. Dont judge her by your past, but use your previous history to screen out broken women who are unrepentant.

God will send you someone who's on the same walk when you're ready.

(Not meant to be read condescendingly, but with hope for the future)
 
I really did not want to write this thread. In fact, it's been years since I've posted on any forum regarding dating etc. But this particular situation is weighing on me so I don't know how else to vent, and I am just perpetually beating myself up over this. I'll try to keep this as short & succinct as possible. I'm hoping it will offer insight into how a potentially manipulative personality operates.

Met a very charming lady at a night club about a year ago. We spent the evening dancing and exchanged numbers. We spent the following few months casually dating. She seemed very wholesome. Even dare I say it, traditional... Anyways, after a few months of dating, I was informed she was 'ritually abused' as a child, by her occult parents & family. Naturally this was very alarming to me. I had intense feeling for this girl. The idea of her being essentially a sex slave to a devil worshipping cult made me literally sick to my stomach. I contemplated this issue for many weeks. Our relationship remained relatively the same... We never argued, and always had great moments together. She agreed with me even with politics, and barely even used social media. Over time, I tried to probe into the situation, give her space to process what had happened. This is when I started to become very skeptical of the story, and who exactly I was dealing with. The story as far as I'm aware was basically that this girl and her sisters, moved from a small country town, to the big city. As children, they were homeschooled and had no access to a normal childhood social arrangement. Her parents, she claimed, had zero interest in 'the occult' by day. In fact, they were intensely Christian, but by night they were abusive Satanists. Obviously a red flag. The occult is a lifestyle, you don't just turn this off & on. My conclusion was that she was brainwashed by her radical Christian therapist when she moved to the City to go to school as a music minister. Supposedly this is a thing. They call it SRA and it's a whole domain of 'therapy' to recover lost memories of abuse -- totally warped stuff. I did a little detective work, and after discovering her parents on social media, was shocked to see how wholesome and loving they seemed. Almost like the archetypal midwestern apple pie eating family. Definitely did not look like deranged occultists that would rape their daughters! Regardless, and despite the advise to do otherwise, I stayed with her. I felt as if she was mixed up, and thought her other qualities were worth me sticking around and trying to help her.

It was sad to witness this girl girl not keeping in touch with her parents. She would often tell me how hard it was not having support from them -- both financially and emotionally. It was around this time another man entered the picture. We will call him Allen. This man who was decades older, and had just lost his wife, took a liking to my girl and was willing to pay for her living expenses. Naturally, I was taken aback. She claimed there was absolutely no sex involved, even though he wanted it. She seemed quite creeped out by him, but liked him as a friend and the money was to good. Major red flag #2. In hindsight, I stupidly agreed to let her continue seeing him. I felt bad for his story of losing his wife, and judging by my gfs body language demeanor, It truly didn't seems like they were having sex. My thought process was, that if she ever suggested becoming sexually involved, I was out. Non negotiable.

Our relationship continued. Again, we never argued, and shared many great moments together. Everything was perfect, But in the back of my mind, I knew that I was potentially digging myself a huge hole here. Her sparse social media use, and conservative political perspective during the 2020 summer debacle made me feel like she was a catch in a sea of degenerate liberals in my city. Overtime, she seemed to be having quite a bit of grief with Allen. Often arguing and stressed out over his constant wanting to be sexually involved. This man had paid for her entire years rent, and even bought her a new 5k keyboard. I was starting to see the writing on the wall and realize this was going to blow up in all our faces at some point.

It was about a month ago when she alerted me that that she thought we should go our separate ways. Her reasoning was, she wanted a child and to settle down. If this were a normal situation I would have jumped at the opportunity, but given the circumstances, I knew better so agreed with what she said. She also informed me that Allen wanted to see her another day, and that she simply wouldn't have the time for me anymore. Ok... We decided we would remain friends and part ways slowly. Everything was smooth until her SJW sister had removed me off social media. I found this slightly strange & irritating. It was proof to me that I was officially out of the picture.

The spark that had set off the fuse was I had previously agreed to purchase a custom painting from her, for a few hundred dollars about a month ago. The painting had not been even started yet, and given the circumstances, I decided to tell her I no longer wanted it, considering it seemed I was totally not in the mix anymore. She reacted very harshly, claiming I was 'Denying her the opportunity of financial independence' and 'my inability to care for her the way she needs cared for by a man' -- despite already dumping me for her sugar daddy LOL. I told her she 'needed to drop the victim narrative she was telling herself, and that it came off manipulative to guilt trip someone for not doing as you wished'. This struck a major nerve -- and she told me I had irreparably crossed the line & and was a cruel person for "weaponizing her intimacy".

I actually feel bad considering her alleged history of abuse. My question is should I? Part of me feels like a huge sucker for even going along with this girl as long as I did -- even a bit scared to retrieve my stuff from her. Is she that pathological? My other half feels like I may have emotionally hurt someone I cared for. I may have been slightly abrasive with my wording, but what I said wasn't THAT BAD. Even if the ritual abuse was true -- one still needs to drop the victim card at some point, right?


You met her in a night club and she pitched you a sob story where she was a tremendous victim to satanic ritual abuse. Two massive red flags. I have never actually been in a night club and I would not try to find a wife in one.

I also wouldn't hang around if somebody claimed they were an occult sex slave who was brainwashed by satanic abusive parents because it sounds like psycho-bitch delusional drivel and attention-seeking nonsense.

Don't feel bad for her history of alleged abuse because it was just that, alleged. It was just science fiction.

I've seen plenty of people cry in front of a judge about their bad life, how it wasn't their fault they let a pimp have a go on their 12 year old daughter in exchange for a hit of heroin or how it wasn't their fault they stole from an elderly 89 year old woman living on a pension. "I've had a rough life..."

I consider those prepackaged sob stories to be a dime a dozen.

Block her, flush her from your mind, and move on.

She sounds possibly borderline personality with elements or narcissism and histrionic thrown into the mix.
 

Papaya

Peacock
Gold Member
Taking this up to the macro view: Only someone with insufficient self esteem would tolerate this level of dysfunction. The girl's emotional red flags are one thing. But the level of rationalization required for a man to allow his woman to spend time with another man in exchange for money is far and away the most telling element in the story.

OP. Do something significant. Set a lofty goal and achieve it. Do something, anything that will make you proud of yourself. Earn your way to knowing you deserve better.

Only then will you respect yourself enough to not allow a woman to turn you into an emotional tampon and cuckold.
 

Kona

Crow
Gold Member
You met her in a night club and she pitched you a sob story where she was a tremendous victim to satanic ritual abuse. Two massive red flags.

I am imagining an initial interaction that went something like this:

Man: "You come here often?"
Woman: "Ever since I was ritually abused by satanists, yep"
Man: "Oh, maybe we should go for coffee sometime?"

Aloha!
 

hervens

Sparrow
Stay far away from this girl.
Her parents were satanist and sexually abused her as a child, that's all you need to know. There's no fixing this, the same lineage will flow through her. If you slept with this girl, you might be in danger yourself, and I would consult with your priest or pastor.
 
Stay far away from this girl.
Her parents were satanist and sexually abused her as a child, that's all you need to know. There's no fixing this, the same lineage will flow through her. If you slept with this girl, you might be in danger yourself, and I would consult with your priest or pastor.

Yeah. Either scenario, whether it happened or not, this girl has some serious issues to address. Interestingly, she was very sweet and angelic on the surface, to the point where she was excessively nice. But as time went on I started seeing the cracks in her personae -- case in point taking advantage of a grieving widower. She has some peculiar health issues to that were reminiscent of those with demonic type possession -- strange body rashes etc. I probably should do some serious cleansing after relating with her.


As the old adage goes; those who are hurt, hurt others. Most of those who take part in abuse, were themselves abused to some degree. It's indeed a lineage you must be conscious of when dealing these sorts of people -- true or not. The guilt tripping and her tantrum when I told her NO on purchasing the painting was a tell tale sign of a manipulative narcisstic personality, never mind all the other red flags. Strangest of all IMO, she approached ME at the club. Pathological types are usually very keen at sizing up potential prey. Its intrinsic to predators.
 

Cr33pin

Peacock
Gold Member
My rent is due..... can you PM me Allens number?

360_F_290014394_tgu61VG7HSCex3uo2dY4nSEw65tWoi0Y.jpg
 

StSeb

Chicken
Usually a better red flag is to avoid women who have a history of therapist use and are continuing to go to one at the time of your relationship.

If she is seeing a Priest/religious figure for counseling, thats one thing... and likely something to be respected unless we are talking about Branch Davidian type cult figures... but if you've read Libido Dominandi you know that all psycho therapy is ((())) in nature and combines elements of Jesuit confession with manipulation for the purpose of finding out one's history/weaknesses and exploiting a need for more therapy centered around sexual deviancy.
Hi, do you know any sites where I can buy Libido Dominandi for a reasonable price? Fidelity press has the book at $30 + $30 shipping to my country and I can't afford to spend $60 on one book.
 
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