Advice on courting in the workplace

In a situation where I've gone on a couple of dates with a girl from work. She just told me that she was also seeing another guy from work. He asked her out and they started going on dates a couple weeks before I asked. My workplace is male dominated and has hundreds of employees. I know for a fact that she's been asked out by at least a couple dozen guys since she started in December. I met her briefly on her first day, but didn't start working with her until January. I'm generally hesitant about dating at work, and especially hesitant about the specific environment of my workplace. I got her phone number after a bit and we started talking. Hit it off immediately. Ask her on a date a couple weeks later.

She says she didn't tell me about the other guy because he specifically requested that she not tell anyone at work. (Again, the environment where I work has a very toxic sexual culture.) She thought they were officially a couple, but then he made a comment that she could go out with this third guy at work who asked her to get drinks. He said it didn't matter because they were just dating. She wasn't planning on going out with this guy and was confused by the statement. That's about the time that I asked her out. We went out for dinner a couple times and then went skiing. She told the other guy that she was going skiing with a male. Apparently this pushed him over the edge to try and make their relationship official. He was expecting an answer, but she didn't give him one. She told me about him yesterday. She says she's trying to make up her mind.

I have no idea who this guy is. Not even a good guess. She won't say. He apparently knows that I talk to her and he teases her awkwardly about me being interested, but he doesn't know that it was me who went skiing with her. My initial impression is that she's more attracted to him, but likes me as a person more. I'm not 100% sure on that though. I could be completely wrong. She's playing her thoughts pretty close to the vest other than to say that she want's to just quit the job and not talk to either of us again to avoid the situation.
 
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jarlo

Woodpecker
A couple decades ago it was fairly normal to meet people at work - these days I wouldn't date girls I met at work. Given that you are dating a girl from work, here's my thoughts. I'm going to assume you're not a practicing Christian, but nevertheless interested in finding a decent girl.

If this girl is having sex with multiple guys while trying to figure out who she wants to exclusively date, then I'd already consider that a red flag and find some way to stop dating her while minimizing your chances of a false harassment charge from her ego getting bruised. Have some record of pleasant communication in the form of texts/emails.

If she's not having sex with any of the guys she's dating, I wouldn't necessarily exclude her altogether - even in the context of traditional Christian courtship, I don't think it's wrong to be considering multiple men/women with boundaries. However, in this case, I would exclude her from serious consideration, simply because you don't want to be with a girl who just barely made up her mind to be with you over some other guy.

What do you find appealing about this girl besides her physical looks?
 
Definitely ice her. If it "works out" in the future, okay, but right now she's not a woman you want to be entangled with in any meaningful way.

Thirding. Sounds like drama or weirdness. She doesn't know what she wants or is acting like she doesn't. Multiple guys she's talking to? I'd move on.
 

J.E.

Robin
Damn, OP, she sounds like a nutcase to me, the kind of nutcase who cannot get enough attention from guys. Don't be a sucker and next her, and I don't care if she's a 10/10 looks-wise - it's not worth it. Also, to quote Tony Soprano: don't shit where you eat. Since your workplace is male-dominated this rule applies double. She doesn't care about you, it's just your turn to entertain her.

From your novel-long post I can tell you are already too invested and that's a dead giveaway she has the upper hand here. Drop it now.
 

get2choppaaa

Pelican
Get the hell away from it. If she can't be truthful about previous encounters in the same work environment, what makes you think she's a woman of any virtue or worth a single second of your time.

If you're trying to fornicate, well there your decision on wether or not shed worth the emotional investment... But I wouldnt touch her with jeffery dahmer's dick.

She sounds nuts... And having been married to nuts before, it's ill advised.
 

Papaya

Peacock
Gold Member
Start looking for a new job because you or, possibly and the other orbiter set off a timer that you arent even aware of.

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My initial impression is that she's more attracted to him, but likes me as a person more. I'm not 100% sure on that though. I could be completely wrong.
Youre obviously in over your head.

You cant navigate secular dating without understanding male / female attraction dynamics (aka game) and you cant get that here anymore
 

bmw633

Woodpecker
In a situation where I've gone on a couple of dates with a girl from work. She just told me that she was also seeing another guy from work. He asked her out and they started going on dates a couple weeks before I asked. My workplace is male dominated and has hundreds of employees. I know for a fact that she's been asked out by at least a couple dozen guys since she started in December. I met her briefly on her first day, but didn't start working with her until January. I'm generally hesitant about dating at work, and especially hesitant about the specific environment of my workplace. I got her phone number after a bit and we started talking. Hit it off immediately. Ask her on a date a couple weeks later.

She says she didn't tell me about the other guy because he specifically requested that she not tell anyone at work. (Again, the environment where I work has a very toxic sexual culture.) She thought they were officially a couple, but then he made a comment that she could go out with this third guy at work who asked her to get drinks. He said it didn't matter because they were just dating. She wasn't planning on going out with this guy and was confused by the statement. That's about the time that I asked her out. We went out for dinner a couple times and then went skiing. She told the other guy that she was going skiing with a male. Apparently this pushed him over the edge to try and make their relationship official. He was expecting an answer, but she didn't give him one. She told me about him yesterday. She says she's trying to make up her mind.

I have no idea who this guy is. Not even a good guess. She won't say. He apparently knows that I talk to her and he teases her awkwardly about me being interested, but he doesn't know that it was me who went skiing with her. My initial impression is that she's more attracted to him, but likes me as a person more. I'm not 100% sure on that though. I could be completely wrong. She's playing her thoughts pretty close to the vest other than to say that she want's to just quit the job and not talk to either of us again to avoid the situation.
So, do you want to be an ESKIMO BROTHER to some of your coworkers? There are other fish in the sea. Also, it only takes one false allegation to cause you to lose your job.

But, what advice do you ask?
 

bmw633

Woodpecker
Damn, OP, she sounds like a nutcase to me, the kind of nutcase who cannot get enough attention from guys. Don't be a sucker and next her, and I don't care if she's a 10/10 looks-wise - it's not worth it. Also, to quote Tony Soprano: don't shit where you eat. Since your workplace is male-dominated this rule applies double. She doesn't care about you, it's just your turn to entertain her.

From your novel-long post I can tell you are already too invested and that's a dead giveaway she has the upper hand here. Drop it now.
Women who seek external validation are not likely to be faithful and devoted long term.
 

Pendleton

Pelican
Asked out by "a couple dozen guys" since December? Sounds like a dysfunctional environment that you would want to keep completely separate from your personal life. No need to date in an environment that is like sharks frenzily attacking every scrap of chum. People are rightfully saying the girl raises red flags but your co-workers sound dysfunctional as well and you would be bringing them into your dating life.
 

J.E.

Robin
Women who seek external validation are not likely to be faithful and devoted long term.
That's right man. I mean, it's normal to seek attention for their looks but there is a limit on what a woman does to get it. I met two girls like this, one in college and one at the work place. They had their charms but when I had found out they had a boyfriend I was quite disgusted at them. For making such moves on me despite being taken. Also, playing with the emotions of men like this is cruel, but they get a kick out of it for the thrill.
 

bmw633

Woodpecker
That's right man. I mean, it's normal to seek attention for their looks but there is a limit on what a woman does to get it. I met two girls like this, one in college and one at the work place. They had their charms but when I had found out they had a boyfriend I was quite disgusted at them. For making such moves on me despite being taken. Also, playing with the emotions of men like this is cruel, but they get a kick out of it for the thrill.
It is all about hypergamy and monkey-branching for these modern feminist-indoctrinated women of today. High notch counts are a source of pride, but virginity and virtue are scoffed at.
 

tomzestatlu

Kingfisher
I'm so thankful for working in male environment.
Every attractive girl who works in corporate gets date invitations from literally every male colleague. And guess who usually wins, guy from outside.

Why bother with this difficult situation, when there are many women out there, who are not your colleagues.

On the other hand, I understand it. If I had some attractive woman at my workplace and meet her everyday, I would want to be the one, who gets her. So I repeat again - thanks for working in toxic masculine workplace.
 

paninaro

Pelican
One wrong move and you're getting fired for "sexual harrassment". Remember you don't have to actually do anything. As long as the other party feels "uncomfortable" then you're at fault. It could be she found a bumper sticker on your car offensive.

Years ago I'd flirt and date people at my workplace, but I'd never do that now if I were in the same situation. Way too risky.
 
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