Advice On What One Should Do If They Are Not "Equally Yoked" with Their S/O

Kona

Crow
Gold Member
No will to change, better himself or put his trust in God.

Enough about him. It's time to talk about you, sister.

You have expressed your trust in God, now change and better yourself.

I think you know that when you break it off this little weasel is going to whine and cry and say he'll change and all that. You're scared to hurt him. That's why you're dragging your feets.

End it. Do it for you. This pill popper is holding you back. Don't waste another day.

Aloha!
 

Shedlight11

Pigeon
Woman
Enough about him. It's time to talk about you, sister.

You have expressed your trust in God, now change and better yourself.

I think you know that when you break it off this little weasel is going to whine and cry and say he'll change and all that. You're scared to hurt him. That's why you're dragging your feets.

End it. Do it for you. This pill popper is holding you back. Don't waste another day.

Aloha!
You are right!!!

Exactly that.

God bless.

Hope all is well.
 
I'm just a guy, so take what I say with a grain of salt...


Hello Ladies,

Hope everyone is doing well. I am in need of some advice. I have been in a relationship for two years. I am 24 years old.

Everything was good in the beginning, but once the pandemic came,I realized the truth of the world and was led to God's light. I realized how different we were as couple. Something is lacking on a deep level.

He is a kind man with a good heart, but he is extremely secular. All he cares about is sports, TV and social media. He does not care about the issues of the world or the corruption. He lacks faith. Religion to him is reading a bible verse a night and going to bed. He is not aware of Christ and the depth of being a Christian (not shaming him because everyone is on different paths in their faith)

He complies with the mask mandates and doesn't value freedom. He often puts work before anything else and I feel would martyr to his corporate job. I work in a school and am on the verge of quitting due to forced masks, testing and indoctrinating the children. Our passions are just not the same. It is hard to submit to a man who is extremely submissive himself.

I am also 99% sure his sister is into witchcraft. She is dark and has pentagrams hanging in her home and even dresses her child in pentagrams as well. She has also defended witches saying "they are good people". This doesn't have much to do with our relationship, but it bothers me. I don't pass judgment on her, but I do not agree with her ways and try to shed wisdom any way I can.

I am unsure of what to do. He is a good man, but I fear that when things get tough in the future, he will not be willing to give up his comforts. I do not exactly "feel safe" in the climate of the world with him.

He does not take care of himself mind, body and soul. He eats fast food all of the time and does not appreciate when I cook or clean. He doesn't value those sorts of things.

There is also slight depression and anxiety in the mix as well. He is on medication and I am HIGHLY against pharma and believe in a more holistic way of life.

I have expressed my concerns and he simply doesn't get it. He gets very upset, sometimes even crying which makes it super hard for me to leave with a clear head. I do not want to be responsible for hurting someone.

What is the best way to go about this? I pray on this issue all of the time. Is this an issue with me? Am I being selfish?I do not want to be harsh and I am trying not to sound like a typical female blowing off a good man.

Trying my best to walk in Christ everyday.

God bless you all and thank you.

-C ;)
Just because someone is secular, doesn't necessarily mean one is "wicked" or "evil." They can be a tree planted in the ground, and they can get watered or not, or get sunlight or not depending on the ways of the world.

Becoming a Christian, one is "transplanted". They are now "like a tree planted by the rivers of water..." (Psalm 1:3)

Or they are like: "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5).

When someone writes "They are a good man/woman, but..." The first part of that sentences doesn't count. The ellipse ( that's what "..." is called) is usually the more important part.

Depression/anxiety, might not be a complete deal-breaker, if one is going for SOME therapy for it. Does he have a plan for getting off his meds (you wrote no in another post...)? He should be working towards improving himself via exercising, and healthy eating. Medications to me, isn't "that bad" in small, and reasonable doses for reasonable time. If one just got out of major surgery, still in the hospital, then taking some major pain meds isn't really bad. If it is six months after that surgery and you're still taking those major pain meds, something is wrong, and it needs to be addressed.

A certain degree of "selfishness" isn't bad. (Unless you're planning for Sainthood tomorrow, and going to step in and take the place of someone about to be massacred...)

His sister being into witchcraft is the only thing that I would be VERY concerned about. I've listened to talks given by actual Exorcists, and being into witchcraft is something that'll get you to the "front of the line." Witchcraft is tied with hearing the words "Ouija Board" and those are second to hearing about the "weird" stuff that doesn't even makes it into Exorcist-movies. Once heard of someone being referred to an Exorcist by an optometrist (A referral by a doctor is another thing that gets you to the front of the line). "There's something wrong with my eye," they told the eye-doctor. The optometrist looked in the patient's eye. "No, it's the other eye." they clarified. The optometrist humored the patient, and looked in the eye. And he saw a face looking back at him.
 

Luna Novem

Woodpecker
Woman
I'm saying this from the perspective of someone who made a terrible choice in my first marriage.

If you are seeing red flags; if you are having these concerns and issues to the point that you're considering breaking up....

Break up. Do it now. (Not literally "now", of course, unless you want to. But you know what I mean... prepare your heart and whatever tangible stuff you need to do.) But then do it. Don't marry him, or you'll regret it. You will look back and ask "Why did I go ahead with this relationship when I knew there were all these problems?"
 

Atlas Shrugged

Pigeon
Woman
Just by reading the thread title my answer is leave. Then I read it and my answer is still leave. Not married and you can’t change a person. God can. How long do you want to wait for him while not dating him to hope he believes and accepts his savior? I’m sure it will hurt like you never imagined but don’t make the pain worse or last longer. God will give you the strength. Sad to say you have to walk away.
 

Leeloo

Woodpecker
Woman
From a paragraph on an Internet forum, I don’t see the two of you being very compatible.

Everyone has shortcomings, but it seems like his don’t fit into what you want and need in a man. He’s fine with remaining the same with no improvement, but you want to grow and become stronger in your goals and spirituality, and he will hold you back. I hate to say it, but theres someone out there for you and for him, and maybe you’re just not right together. You already have doubts, so let God guide you.

You seem very self aware about your relationship, so please continue to follow your intuition and think about what you really need in your life. You’re young, and fortunately not married yet.
I might be biased, married to someone significantly older than myself, but don’t out rule the possibility of an older man, stronger in character who can help guide you and help you build on the faith you’re so clearly flourishing with. I guarantee you will no longer be dealing with someone who wastes time on sports, but rather pursuits of bettering themselves and the life of their family. That is the type of person that will lead you with strength to find your full potential.

I’m sure your boyfriend is a good person, I’d like to think most people are. He’s just not maybe quite right for you. I think you yearn for more and right now you’re being held back.
 

Leeloo

Woodpecker
Woman
You hit the nail on the head with the guilt. That's where I struggle with the faith and being selfless and not selfish. Thank you
To add, I understand your guilt. It is part of our duty to help lead others deeper into faith, and that might be what you would like to do with him. His Bible verse a day is great, but it sounds like it’s his limit of religiousness in his life, and it’s not your job to ‘fix’ a potential life mate in that way.

Many women want to fix men, but your marriage choice of partner is arguably the most important decision of your life and there’s not enough time in life to spend waiting for someone to live up to your ideals.

What do your parents/family think of him? Are you close with them? Is your family/upbringing faith-based?
 

dragonfire00

Sparrow
Woman
Hi Shedlight!

Everyone has great advice here. At first I thought you meant unequally yoked religion wise, but it seems like he's a Christian that doesn't practice very much and kinda liberal/emotional in his worldview. You're 24 years old, I know this forum is very into young marriage and kids but I will say that you are still young and you do have time, don't operate under the sunken-cost fallacy. This Covid scam is actually a bit of a dating blessing in my opinion as you can weed people out rather easily these days. If holistic medicine and not taking vaccines/wearing masks is important to you, and trust me, we are at the beginning and not the end of this, you will easily be able to find people that you're NOT compatible with. It's important to have a similar world view as your spouse, he will be teaching your children. So unless you want to submit to his teachings that you don't believe you need to find someone who is a leader and in good/decent shape physically and mentally.

I also would not let my kids/future children around someone who practices witchcraft for obvious reasons so that is also another good reason. It sounds like by writing this you know what to do you're just wanting help convincing yourself :) Don't waste anymore time!
 

Vigilant

Kingfisher
Woman
Why did you believe you deserved this potential husband? We usually marry the one we deserve.
 

Shedlight11

Pigeon
Woman
I'm just a guy, so take what I say with a grain of salt...



Just because someone is secular, doesn't necessarily mean one is "wicked" or "evil." They can be a tree planted in the ground, and they can get watered or not, or get sunlight or not depending on the ways of the world.

Becoming a Christian, one is "transplanted". They are now "like a tree planted by the rivers of water..." (Psalm 1:3)

Or they are like: "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5).

When someone writes "They are a good man/woman, but..." The first part of that sentences doesn't count. The ellipse ( that's what "..." is called) is usually the more important part.

Depression/anxiety, might not be a complete deal-breaker, if one is going for SOME therapy for it. Does he have a plan for getting off his meds (you wrote no in another post...)? He should be working towards improving himself via exercising, and healthy eating. Medications to me, isn't "that bad" in small, and reasonable doses for reasonable time. If one just got out of major surgery, still in the hospital, then taking some major pain meds isn't really bad. If it is six months after that surgery and you're still taking those major pain meds, something is wrong, and it needs to be addressed.

A certain degree of "selfishness" isn't bad. (Unless you're planning for Sainthood tomorrow, and going to step in and take the place of someone about to be massacred...)

His sister being into witchcraft is the only thing that I would be VERY concerned about. I've listened to talks given by actual Exorcists, and being into witchcraft is something that'll get you to the "front of the line." Witchcraft is tied with hearing the words "Ouija Board" and those are second to hearing about the "weird" stuff that doesn't even makes it into Exorcist-movies. Once heard of someone being referred to an Exorcist by an optometrist (A referral by a doctor is another thing that gets you to the front of the line). "There's something wrong with my eye," they told the eye-doctor. The optometrist looked in the patient's eye. "No, it's the other eye." they clarified. The optometrist humored the patient, and looked in the eye. And he saw a face looking back at him.


Yep that is for sure freaky. And things like that DO cross my mind.
From a paragraph on an Internet forum, I don’t see the two of you being very compatible.

Everyone has shortcomings, but it seems like his don’t fit into what you want and need in a man. He’s fine with remaining the same with no improvement, but you want to grow and become stronger in your goals and spirituality, and he will hold you back. I hate to say it, but theres someone out there for you and for him, and maybe you’re just not right together. You already have doubts, so let God guide you.

You seem very self aware about your relationship, so please continue to follow your intuition and think about what you really need in your life. You’re young, and fortunately not married yet.
I might be biased, married to someone significantly older than myself, but don’t out rule the possibility of an older man, stronger in character who can help guide you and help you build on the faith you’re so clearly flourishing with. I guarantee you will no longer be dealing with someone who wastes time on sports, but rather pursuits of bettering themselves and the life of their family. That is the type of person that will lead you with strength to find your full potential.

I’m sure your boyfriend is a good person, I’d like to think most people are. He’s just not maybe quite right for you. I think you yearn for more and right now you’re being held back.
Yes. Agreed. No one is perfect, but we are SO different. I would love to grow on a spiritual level with someone (God willing) and I do feel held back.

I have been praying and am faithful that God will take the lead and do what's best for me.

I do feel that someone older and more aware in their faith would be much more suitable for me (God willing again)

If God wants for me to be with someone thats great, if not thats also great. His will be done.

He is a good person. Just not right for me.
 

Shedlight11

Pigeon
Woman
Why did you believe you deserved this potential husband? We usually marry the one we deserve.
I have to say when I met him I was not fully in tune with my faith. I had my sacraments, but thats as far as it went. The whole "pandemic" truly showed me the truth of this wicked world. As I expressed my concerns about the state of the world and turned to christ, he just sort of considered me to be "wacky".

I am not perfect either, but I do have faith!

Before the "pandemic", I was in La la land. I was working and in school full time. Being home made me realize all of the corruption and insane things going on, which I am grateful for.
 

Shedlight11

Pigeon
Woman
Hi Shedlight!

Everyone has great advice here. At first I thought you meant unequally yoked religion wise, but it seems like he's a Christian that doesn't practice very much and kinda liberal/emotional in his worldview. You're 24 years old, I know this forum is very into young marriage and kids but I will say that you are still young and you do have time, don't operate under the sunken-cost fallacy. This Covid scam is actually a bit of a dating blessing in my opinion as you can weed people out rather easily these days. If holistic medicine and not taking vaccines/wearing masks is important to you, and trust me, we are at the beginning and not the end of this, you will easily be able to find people that you're NOT compatible with. It's important to have a similar world view as your spouse, he will be teaching your children. So unless you want to submit to his teachings that you don't believe you need to find someone who is a leader and in good/decent shape physically and mentally.

I also would not let my kids/future children around someone who practices witchcraft for obvious reasons so that is also another good reason. It sounds like by writing this you know what to do you're just wanting help convincing yourself :) Don't waste anymore time!
Hi!

I would say its religion wise and view wise. He was raised catholic (so was I) and it ended at his sacraments. I try to plant seeds but inviting him to church, bible study, listening to christian music and reading the word in front of him, but all he seems to care about is social media and sports. I know everyone grows in their faith at different levels, so I am trying to be patient. I don't want to be forceful. I try to lead by example, but at the same time as a woman, I want to be led naturally. There is no initiative.

I agree. Easy to rule out for sure. I feel as though my heart is set on Christ and I do not even want anyone, especially someone who is not in tune with the faith. Sometimes I speak about Jesus or God's love and I just receive a blank stare.

You are right about him being a teacher to my potential children. I do feel that he would be a great teacher, especially because his faith is a bible verse a night.

YES. The witchcraft thing does freak me out. I always say a prayer before I walk in their house, but at the same time I wouldn't even want my kids exposed to that.

Thank you for your honesty.

God bless you!
 

Vigilant

Kingfisher
Woman
Consider this for your future marrying:

"Those who marry against the will and law of God are not bound together by God. They are bound together by man and since man bound them together man must draw them asunder in order to get right with God."
 
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