Age gap

Tmart901

Pigeon
I’m a 28 year old veteran who just started undergrad at Columbia university. I’ve had multiple chances to date women as young as 18 but people either tell me to go for it or adhere by the half your age + 7 rule. What do you guys think? I don’t want to damage anyone but I’m also apart of this young community now. Of course I could go bar hopping in New York, go to church, parks, etc to meet someone but I’ve been a mess since the Afghanistan pullout and acted like a degenerate all summer so I started working at a college bar as a bouncer to take some time away from the pursuit. Of course, working at a college bar hasn’t helped ease the temptations but I’ve been able to control myself still. But I’ve met some incredible women who I would love to take out. They’re just so much younger than me. Im aware that the younger they are the less likely the relationship will last but is college not about finding out what works/experimenting? I’ve never had the college experience before and I don’t want to put it to waste.
 

Pointy Elbows

Woodpecker
Orthodox
I’m a 28 year old veteran who just started undergrad at Columbia university. I’ve had multiple chances to date women as young as 18 but people either tell me to go for it or adhere by the half your age + 7 rule. What do you guys think? I don’t want to damage anyone but I’m also apart of this young community now. Of course I could go bar hopping in New York, go to church, parks, etc to meet someone but I’ve been a mess since the Afghanistan pullout and acted like a degenerate all summer so I started working at a college bar as a bouncer to take some time away from the pursuit. Of course, working at a college bar hasn’t helped ease the temptations but I’ve been able to control myself still. But I’ve met some incredible women who I would love to take out. They’re just so much younger than me. Im aware that the younger they are the less likely the relationship will last but is college not about finding out what works/experimenting? I’ve never had the college experience before and I don’t want to put it to waste.
Tmart901, I wonder if you are familiar with RVF1.0, which was more PUA stuff. If so, things have changed a bit. It sounds like you've been a busy man.

Given your station in life and experiences, temptation is entirely understandable. Either way, you are at a unique place and time. You will have many temptations beyond just young beauties. Among those will be many opportunities to comply with the countless modern perversions that are nurtured in such places. As little as I know of it, you are in the "belly of the beast." You will have many chances to lose yourself there.

Please take active measures to protect your soul, as I doubt there is a more hostile place in the US. You may eventually face a hard reality: comply with their ridiculous and evil precepts, or realize you will be somehow eliminated if you stand firm against them. You have likely already seen such examples. Your soul, and your principles, are more valuable than any Ivy League degree. Don't let them take that. They will certainly try.

I wish you luck there and hope to hear more from you. God bless you, brother.
 

PolishCalifornian

Robin
Catholic
The modern “college experience” is inherently a waste for most people, “experimenting”, especially with relationships is a very bad idea. One of the best things you could do is find a girl to marry and get out of NYC, its one of the worst places in America after San Francisco, unfortunately its not a great place to find traditional, marriage-and-family-oriented women. You allude to issues though from your service and at 28 you seem to still not have matured to where you should be. There’s nothing wrong with going for a walk or coffee with a woman you are interested in, but it sounds like you’re on the cusp of a male version of the Sex in the City lifestyle, which could be ruinous for you. Focus on your studies, try to find a church to start going to, clarify your goals for the near term and stay away from temptations to sin, which almost certainly means quitting your bar job. I was in a similar position when I moved to Eastern Europe at 30, I had to “make up for lost time”, but all I did was cause myself and others emotional harm by being selfish, and ultimately wasted a lot of precious time.
 
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renotime

Ostrich
Catholic
Gold Member
The college experience is largely a waste of time. It's just a way to dive into alcoholism and debt and come out with some crappy degree like communications or marketing.

And why are you messed up about the Afghan pullout? Shouldn't you be happy about soldiers no longer getting killed while protecting poppy fields?
 

BraveWarrior

Pigeon
Catholic
This.

There is nothing wrong with seeking a wife who is young, provided she is of legal age and a devout Christian.

The "half your age +7" rule comes from the secular feminist culture. Ignore it.
do romeo and juliet laws also come from feminism? obviously you cant ignore those, (since they are laws and not social rules), but are they feminist in nature? they seem to have the same basic principle behind them ("muh age gap is evil, but close in age is fine")
 

Eusebius Erasmus

Pelican
Orthodox
do romeo and juliet laws also come from feminism? obviously you cant ignore those, (since they are laws and not social rules), but are they feminist in nature? they seem to have the same basic principle behind them ("muh age gap is evil, but close in age is fine")

I don’t understand. Where in Romeo and Juliet does it say that the age gap is bad?
 

presidentcarter

Ostrich
Protestant
Gold Member
The college experience is largely a waste of time. It's just a way to dive into alcoholism and debt and come out with some crappy degree like communications or marketing.

And why are you messed up about the Afghan pullout? Shouldn't you be happy about soldiers no longer getting killed while protecting poppy fields?
That sounds like the first semester of the first year for some people, not the entire experience.

In my case I spent much of the last two years at least crunching numbers for finance and econ courses and not much else. I took some of the graduate level courses as an undergrad so it wasn't a walk in the park. I played video games, hung out with my girlfriend, or went to visit family nearby on the weekends. I also read a lot. The usual young folk stuff Atlas Shrugged and whatnot. Don't regret any of that time either.

I learned a lot about my courses of study and life in general in those long hours on the quiet floor in the library so it's a bit sad to hear people discount their entire college experience to drinking, hook ups, and debt. It's definitely the norm for a lot of people though.

Regarding the age gap, if there's a larger one be prepared to put in a lot of 'instruction' especially if the girl lacked in the paternal upbringing experience. It can be trying at times because you actually do take the place of a parent. As long as you have patience and can tolerate watching someone fail at things you've long mastered, you'll be ok. You'll also need to be prepared for more youthful reactions good and bad. Rolling eyes in an argument, for example. Just small things but nothing warranting society's shame for age disparity between a couple.
 
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BraveWarrior

Pigeon
Catholic
I don’t understand. Where in Romeo and Juliet does it say that the age gap is bad?
no, you misunderstood, i was talking romeo and juliet laws


Definition of Romeo and Juliet Law​

Romeo and Juliet law is a type of regulation that exists in some US states to protect young couples below the age of consent from being charged with sexual assault violations, as long as their difference in age is minor and falls into the state-specified guidelines. In other words, couples that are young and could be charged with statutory rape for simply engaging in mutually consensual sexual activities according to state laws, are protected by Romeo and Juliet laws as long as they live in a state that has them and have a small age difference.
 

Eusebius Erasmus

Pelican
Orthodox

BraveWarrior

Pigeon
Catholic
These laws have to do with the age of consent — not with two adults of different ages having a relationship or getting married.
true, but doesn't that have some connection to feminism, since feminists raised the age of consent early in the movement?

although i suppose age of marriage and age of consent are different as well.
 

MartyMcFly

Kingfisher
Other Christian
If he
The college experience is largely a waste of time. It's just a way to dive into alcoholism and debt and come out with some crappy degree like communications or marketing.

And why are you messed up about the Afghan pullout? Shouldn't you be happy about soldiers no longer getting killed while protecting poppy fields?
He is a veteran with a decent discharge, his education will be paid for and the new GI Bill (which I just missed) now covers 100% tuition at many private universities (some private universities will now pay for the portion not covered by the US govt., I am unsure if Columbia is one of them). Since he is covered for tuition, going to a big name school like Columbia is a good idea even if their quality is overrated because many employers will assume those from big name universities are smarter.

To avoid being brainwashed, he can join forums like this, find a good church or bible study group and serious and mature friends and just suffer through idiotic professors (if he is unfortunate and has some) to get the piece of paper. Even liberal universities have Young America Foundation groups that seem to have a lot of level-headed students and he could join such a group.

It is easy to avoid alcoholism if he focuses on studies and has healthy hobbies. I went to university and hardly drank. The temptation to drink is higher in the army than out of the army and by age 28, you should be more mature to be able to handle peer pressure.

The whole Afghanistan situation is frustrating. Perhaps he is upset that it turned out to be a waste of lives and time. Afghanistan lacks freedom of religion and is not a free nation with a strong Bill of Rights like the USA has. We failed to civilize it (it was a ridiculous idea but many believed we could). I still am angry about Iraq even though nobody in my unit was attacked because I know it was wrong to even go there and the fact we were put in danger for no legitimate reason was immoral just as Afghanistan was.

The age gap the OP mentioned is a point of concern, but not at age 28. The maturity gap is what matters more. 28 and 18 is fine but avoid going younger than 18 due to legal issues. Also, not all women are the same. Some at 18 are level-headed and some at 63 (like Madonna) are still finding themselves.' Definitely focus on finding a quality woman with good values. The good ones tend to get taken early. Of course, make she she has good values and make sure to discuss serious issues early in the relationship. If she is good, she will be happy you are being serious. It is better to marry and start a family young, don't wait until you are wealthy to start a family. Most kids will be happy living in a shack with secondhand clothes and old toys as long as they have loving parents who care about them.
 

NoMoreTO

Hummingbird
Catholic
The age gap the OP mentioned is a point of concern, but not at age 28. The maturity gap is what matters more. 28 and 18 is fine but avoid going younger than 18 due to legal issues. Also, not all women are the same. Some at 18 are level-headed and some at 63 (like Madonna) are still finding themselves.' Definitely focus on finding a quality woman with good values. The good ones tend to get taken early. Of course, make she she has good values and make sure to discuss serious issues early in the relationship. If she is good, she will be happy you are being serious. It is better to marry and start a family young, don't wait until you are wealthy to start a family. Most kids will be happy living in a shack with secondhand clothes and old toys as long as they have loving parents who care about them.

Agree totally. I worked at a university in my late 20's. At first I thought I would likely meet someone, but what I found was that those in the university system were in a totally different frame of mind. They were generally speaking living the student life, which at that point in my life I realized I was totally beyond.

A gap like 28 to 21 is really a good age gap, which would be about half age + 7. I actually think it's from ancient china, and not feminist at all. Feminism preaches against age gaps. The issue is maturity and state in life. I do wonder if younger women are becoming more or less mature through what is happening in the broader society with restrictions. Certainly not as much "fun" to be had.
 

get2choppaaa

Ostrich
Orthodox
I’m a 28 year old veteran who just started undergrad at Columbia university. I’ve had multiple chances to date women as young as 18 but people either tell me to go for it or adhere by the half your age + 7 rule. What do you guys think? I don’t want to damage anyone but I’m also apart of this young community now. Of course I could go bar hopping in New York, go to church, parks, etc to meet someone but I’ve been a mess since the Afghanistan pullout and acted like a degenerate all summer so I started working at a college bar as a bouncer to take some time away from the pursuit. Of course, working at a college bar hasn’t helped ease the temptations but I’ve been able to control myself still. But I’ve met some incredible women who I would love to take out. They’re just so much younger than me. Im aware that the younger they are the less likely the relationship will last but is college not about finding out what works/experimenting? I’ve never had the college experience before and I don’t want to put it to waste.
I'll try and be helpful here as a fellow vet.

I went through a divorce post return from an overseas deployment at 28 y/o. I spent about 1 year getting myself together, dealing with personal issues/struggles ect... then spent 1 year living 1 block from a college campus at a mid size college next to the sorority houses. I was pretty degenerate and while I had no issues getting dates/going out/fornicating ect... I can say that the gap of 8-10 years is pretty significant most of the time and meeting women in bars is just not the way to go about it. There are quality women out there that are younger than you, and as a vet you have a leg up even though your older. I would suggest you avoid picking up chicks in bars, and ask out women from class/organizations you know are less overtly hook up culture oriented.

Regardless:
My advise is to not waste time with the idiots. The age rule thing is retarded. Judge a woman by what she says and what she demonstrates her values to be. You have to know what you are looking for, and don't settle for low character women just because you want to see them naked. That "experience" will potentially lead you to the path I experienced of trauma.

Experience keeps an expensive school, but a fool will learn no other way. Once you have enough "experience" you start to get a really really jaded view of dating and women in general. It took me a couple years to undue some of that negative "experience" but you can look up my posts explaining that and the positivity that ultimately came out of my situation.

Hang in there, don't think you need to rush into bedding a bunch of women just because you never got to do all that in the typical "college" story most 21 year olds went though... better to focus on finding a quality woman who suits your vision and goals for your life (hopefully that all includes God and a family)

Thats my best semi-secular advice.

My suggestion in general is to focus on getting your Christian beliefs and relationship with God right and he will avail a woman to you that is suitable.
 

Hypno

Crow
The "half your age +7" rule comes from the secular feminist culture. Ignore it.

Actually it was popularized by Malcolm X and most feminists reject it.

Frankly, its pretty good advice, especially from a Christian - marriage point of view even though not much thought is given to age gaps in most churches. After all, Joseph was substantially older than Mary.

Its good advice because I think its likely to make your marriage more successful. Women mature faster than men. You will be more aligned if you have a gap in your ages. For example, an older man is probably more ready mentally and financially to have kids, and women want kids generally at an earlier age in their lives than men.

Of course, everyone is different and I would use it as a very general rule of thumb. Being 28, I would have no qualms about dating anyone 18-28, realizing that on average someone who is just 18 is going to be lacking in maturity and experiences. But that can be a good thing because not all experiences are positive.
 

BraveWarrior

Pigeon
Catholic
I would have no qualms about dating anyone 18-28, realizing that on average someone who is just 18 is going to be lacking in maturity and experiences. But that can be a good thing because not all experiences are positive.
a lot of those experiences are sexual. i dont think sexual experiences are good for a woman (for a man they are bad too if outside of marriage, but not as bad as for a woman)

the more virginal a woman, the more likely marriage will last. So in general the younger the better

1: Timothy 5:14 KJV
14 So I advise the younger women to marry, have children, and manage their households, denying the adversary occasion for slander.
 

Spro23

Pigeon
Catholic
I don't think the age gap really matters until old age. You basically have to descend together and grow ugly at a similar rate. If you start to look like a grandpa I don't see how a younger woman would stay attracted to you.

Look at Jeff bezos, he lifts weights and wears the best clothes but he still looks like an old grandpa. They want a young looking guy. I think once you cross the age gap of over 10 years this becomes a problem.

I'm 35 and per weird chance I met and clicked with a 20 yr old. We have a real chemistry but I'm starting to get gray hairs and she's so young I'm not dumb enough to think she wouldn't eventually go back to some fun kid her age.
Like her mom is 55 and I remarked how weird it'd be if her mom had an elderly 70yr old husband...because it'd be that way with us so I'm not optimistic.

I think men can look good 35-45 and be capable of pulling young women but once you get into those grandpa years it becomes a big problem. Don't kid yourself that your "masculinity" and money will compensate for looking like an old guy. I see rich guys in their 50s hit on young women and it's pathetic.
 
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