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Message: <blockquote data-quote="MovingForward2050" data-source="post: 1524768" data-attributes="member: 18126">I still think of myself as being a "red pilled" man. I think the philosophy of red pill brings up many excellent points about the nature of women, that modern men definitely need to know. I enjoy watching red pill themed videos on YT, and there are actually some with people who do it from a Christian perspective. And as I read the Bible, I am amazed at how "red pilled" it is about women, and how men need to be vigilant and strong to not be brought down by them. In the ancient world, women potentially could be just as dangerous, or even more so, than now. And the Bible tells of many examples. Back in the late nineties was my "heyday" for dating and going to clubs. I was not aware of pua back then. I'm over six feet tall, but only average looking, and was in college at the time. I did not do so well with the ladies, except for one night, when a wealthy friend of mine let me borrow one of his super expensive Brooks Brothers suits (we were the exact same size). I went to a club and suddenly the most beautiful women wanted to dance with me! Lol Well, that was an eye opening experience... I didn't take anyone home, but then I didn't know game and was way too much of a nice guy.The internet, a new thing, was what helped me. I would meet women in chatrooms and then start dating them. I was looking for long term girlfriends and not one night stands. I actually met some good women this way, that lead to real relationships. I probably should have married one of them, who was a solid person and thought I was the one.I was fascinated with the pua movement as it began to form. I kind of wish I had known game back when I went to clubs, because I struck out every single time. What's ironic is that my biological father was an "alpha chad" who did so well at them. And even into his sixties, he would bring women back to his apartment for one night stands. I would sometimes hear their voices in the background of a phone conversation. I have not seen him since I was two, in part because my "alpha widow" mother got fed up and left the state. I always played with the idea of visiting him, but never actually did, for multiple reasons. I would generally call him once a month for around twenty minutes. The guy was very personable and charming, but without a sense of responsibility. I'm his only child, at least as far as he knows.My father was sort of a legend in his era. At one time he lived in a large apartment building, directly across from an international modeling agency. He would see the many beautiful women going in and out of their doors each day, and keep an eye on them. When he noticed one who definitely noticed him, he would shout for them to stop just looking and instead cross the street and get to know him! Lol This actually worked for him quite well, and he was sad to see the agency eventually move away.When he was in the army, serving in Korea during the war, he looked older than he was. On an R & R, he bought a quality suit and pretended to be a journalist, while visiting the bars and clubs. He ended up picking up a lovely young female captain and spending the night with her. But the next morning, she managed to figure out that he was enlisted, and not a journalist! She was horrified and swore him to secrecy, for the sake of her military career! He is now at a VA nursing home, and not in the best shape. I have not talked to him on the phone in a long time. I did send him a Philippines postcard when I moved here, but I received no reply. I should have visited him years ago, when he was in much better shape and lived in his apartment. But I did not want to "crimp his style," and interrupt his Don Juan lifestyle. He had three brothers who were dedicated family men, and I suppose when they die, they will be surrounded by loved ones.I have been with more women than the "national male average," but a part of me is not satisfied with that. I think about how if I had known game, I could have done vastly better. And yet I could also have a bad case of herpes right now, along with a higher scorecard. I realize the pua lifestyle is ultimately a dead-end, but I suppose it bothers me that others had their crazy fun, and yet I did not, despite the father I had (who left the picture when I was only two, and he never paid child support).And yes, I feel guilt before God about feeling this way. I should just be grateful for the blessings in my life, and the Filipina by my side. An event that churned these matters up in my mind was moving to the Philippines. I see so many young and attractive women here, who at times actually show definite interest in me. I realize it is more for financial security, but still. And I will say that for my age, that I look good. I am tall and relatively fit. Being a middle aged guy, I suppose this is the stuff of a mid-life crisis! LolI suspect because I did not have to my mind "sufficient fun" as a young man, that a part of me wants to get my fill now, in middle age, in this to me, exotic country. And because my relationship with a college educated single mom of four is troubled (she is very bad with money, bipolar, sexually abused as a child, uses sex deprivation as a tool, her four kids hate me, the biological father is a deadbeat who pays for nothing and will not help with their future college expenses, she has a mountain of debt, her father manipulate things from the shadows, I have all the responsibility, none of the authority, etc.), I don't feel the strong bond that I should. She works as a bookkeeper for a medium sized corporation, but is not paid very much, which is common here. We now have a large house together that I can barely afford, rather than the child/children that we had both wanted. But she was in her late thirties when we got started trying, and two miscarriages resulted. At this point I am not sure if we will ever have children together. But a friend back in America gave me some good tips about nutrition during pregnancy to prevent miscarriage, which I sorely wish I had known about earlier. I feel like my Filipina partner should have googled, "nutritional tips to avoid miscarriage," rather than watching countless mindless Tik Tok videos. But then I should have thought about doing that same google search, after the first miscarriage. I just didn't realize nutrition could potentially solve such a problem.I need to redouble my efforts at daily prayer, regular fasting and daily scripture study. I do go to Mass with my partner, almost every week.Well, this thread sure brought up many issues in my life! Lol Any insights on what I wrote would be appreciated. Thank you.</blockquote>

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